Mine! All Mine!
Be glad this isn't a video LP you're watching right here. The video component to this installment (which I used to record my screenshots) ended up being uncommonly long, because of—well, you'll see in a little bit.
In our last installment, we took a slight detour from our "intended" destination to cross a pool of water and nab the first of our "Secret Weapons": a blue/green star that allows Bop-Louie to Use His Head
in quite possibly the most surreal fashion ever. Now let's go on to where we're actually supposed
to, by going to that cliffside area just beyond the ice cave.
But first off, as per usual: What will we find if we actually attempt to to up
Continuing fail, for one. Damn waddlers!
Chopped-in-half psychotic clowns and unmakeable jumps for another. No matter how much speed you build up or how close to the edge you get, Louie and Freeon simply can't make that jump. As much as I hate to encourage that arrow's narcissitistic shrieking, fellas, looks like we're goin' down.
A cave; surprise surprise. But if that drooler is any indication, it's a cave with something very tasty
Frog legs, anyone? These frog statues are our first Mook Maker
enemies. They continuously spawn those smaller frogs.
They're also the first regular mooks we encounter that require more than one of our characteristic bops to defeat.
Thankfully, their offspring are not so hardy.
There's a pretty obvious exit to the next room here, so we should go thataway...
TREASURE 4: NOT DIRECTED BY THE SAME GUY! And a mouse with a sweet propeller beanie cap. Due to his placement in this room, he is exceedinly difficult to kill... but also exceedingly difficult to get hit by. Still! TREASURE!
Yay! A membership card to the Super Mario Bros. fanclub!
Or a map to a strange, M-shaped world! Whatever works for you!
Awww, it's not M-shaped. The overworld sprite lied to me!
In all seriousness now, this map is pretty awesome to have around. It may not look like much now, but this map is a lot more helpful than you'd think for being composed of flat black squares.
So in that case, it's time to make more LEAPS OF FAAAAITH!
This game enjoys its very, very, very
Along the way, we (and our traveling companion, the floating head-ball) have time to catch a glimpse of a mysterious-looking pipe...
...As well as several more helimice (long fall is looooooong)...
...Before we make ground. There's a springy-pad for getting back up, and two branches. Let's go right! Hands up if you've already figured out my method and know this isn't the correct way!
This particular passageway has a bit of a slime buildup. Some Liquid Plumr might do you a little good here.
As well as a... um... this problem.
It doesn't move. It has no attacks. It's completely sessile and completely harmless unless you try
to stab yourself on it. It just stands there, inert, smiling cheerfully at the world. You even have to try
to kill it—it takes three hits to destroy, but you'll bounce over its head in two. How heavy is your bloodthirst?
Maybe it was meant to be a sentinel of warning, telling us that (surprise surprise) this way is kind of a bust. These bricks are cracked, implying breakability, but head-balls just ricochet off, and Louie's strangely ephermeral head just passes through
them. Unless I'm supposed to hook his neck-chain around a post somewhere beyond them and drag his head through... Well, actually, that's a leap of dreamland logic I wouldn't put past this game, but there's no such pole.
Back toward the other side, then.
This path has far fewer sanitary issues; thank goodness. And it leads us straight into...
The mines are one of the larger single areas in the game, and as a result, they are damn confusing. In fact, I will say right out that, despite playing this game before, I got as lost as I ever did roaming around these parts—not assisted by something that happened later. (You'll see that, too.) As a result, what should've been another, quick little video ended up being unusually long as I flailed about for direction in these stony hallways.
How can you tell it's a mine? Because there are mine carts! Do I even have
to tell you what to do here?
Choo-choooo! Choo-choo ch'boogie—uh-oh. Looks like we got one of them newfangled "no safety standards" mines.
And as a result, we go careening out of control down a mine shaft, clattering our way down to ground level—while passing an obvious jump point there seems to be no obvious way to get to.
Yeah. About those. These mine carts? Not just about getting around faster. At our current point in time, the only way to actually get
to that point—and several others strewn across the world—is by jumping from those carts while they're in mid-air.
This section isn't for the uncoordinated.
Unfortunately, I bungled my jump and ended up on the lowest floor. Ah well.
Whereupon we meet this guy. He would buy us a drink to comiserate us in our jumping problems, but unfortunately, he can't. He's a miner.
He's also the keeper of a very obvious (and very ungettable, for the time) treasure chest sunk deep underwater.
Also, wall spikes. Presumably, added by the middle school dance's planning committee, really
fed up with the boys and girls segregating themselves as soon as the music starts.
There's also a mine cart way at the end of this low passage, but that goes nowhere but straight into the spikes. Up the rope it is, then.
Another airborne entrance—thankfully, the rope makes jumping to this one easy.
That takes us topside of this water pool. We may not be able to see thet treasure chest from this angle, but we know
it's there. Here's to hoping Freeon's Secret Weapon is a holy scuba tank that fires gingerbread men or something.
More spikes! This time, in an actually menacing position! Except not, because you have to be seriously not paying attention to blunder into those.
I spy with my little eye something that begins with TREASURE!
I think I know what this is!
Funny-colored textboxes: Not just for ancients anymore!
Initially, the map is a kind of "batteries not included" dealy, but once you find its two pieces, it becomes much
more helpful. Even if it is fairly abstract, knowing where you are relative to the other parts of the world is a massive
Weeeo! Weeeoo! We've got KOOL-AID SIGN above, cap'n! Yep. As you might've noticed from that thin red line above our heads, there are a couple of completely disintiguous-from-anything-else lava pits, hovering above and somehow not melting through the floor. Lava is nasty stuff in this game. Freeon can swim through it (somehow
), but it saps your health faster than anything else in the game. Maybe when I'm feeling suicidal, I'll show you sometime.
But first, since game designers can't get enough of ~*thematic opposites*~, we have to swim through water to get there.
Now, for a red-hot ride.
Add "balance" to the list of seemingly everyday skills lacked by Bop-Louie and co., because you cannot actually walk on those mine cart tracks—you'll fall into the cherry-flavored "drink."
A group of waddlers enjoy the extreme sauna package.
Little do they know we'll probably be using their heads as stepping stones some point in the near future.
The cart takes a sharp dive before plunging off another edge, and we see yet another place we can't get to without the airborne cart's assistance.
But unfortunately, I flubbed the jump and ended up heading down again. I'd like to say I did this intentionally, but it was late and I'd had a rather long day when I recorded this. So the truth of the matter is, I was just tired.
This path leads us to yet another
lengthy plunge, albeit one that teases us with a fairly obvious entrance. In fact, you'd probably be lead to believe that, given the difficulty of getting there, that's certainly
where you're supposed to go...
...But you'd be wrong. Although a well-time cart jump will get you here, you'll find yourself faced with a ledge that's just slightly
too high to jump up on. Nice try, wiseguy, but this ain't the place yet.
And if you're wondering why my heatlh went down so dramatically between screenshots?
Well, in my previous attempt to get up there...
I got spiked. Bad.
Since we don't yet have easy access to another Medicine and I didn't feel like dying or popping in a password just to get the one in the temple to respawn, I spent the next several minutes just running around the mines in an attempt to grind some health. Unfortunately, my mental state was rapidly deteriorating due to fatigue*
, so fails like this one were common. (See how I actually had a head-shot charged up? Oh, me.) I eventually just said "screw it" and decided to press forward regardless. Where we're going, we don't need
Jumping! Successfully, this time!
This looks like a fairly serene climb.
This jump can be kind of tricky, though. Freeon can't do it; you need Louie, and you need to get a running start. Thankfully, I managed to avoid further impalement.
Between the ropes and the likely pickaxe-swinging, every single miner who works here must be a Top-Heavy Guy
Now where have I seen a suspiciously-placed pit like this before?
Your sprite has the same dimensions as mine, so I'm guessing I know you.
"Shades?" How very... 90's
. And is that Timmy Turner's hat?
But, surprise surprise—the ghost turns hostile! But that's not a big deal for us. Who ya gonna call? BOP-LOUIE!
Shades is a more difficult miniboss than Freeon-Leeon before him, because he moves in a very light, floaty manner and can pretty much cross the room in a single jump. He's in the air a lot, making him difficult to catch up with and hit. Man's got dodging skills.
And just in case anyone's curious: No, Louie's head cannot damage him. Just goes to show you, never bring a Secret Weapon to a head-ball chucking fight.
Unfortunately, the ultimate victor in the fight was sleep deprevation.
Luckily for us, for a Criminal Amnesiac
, Shades is very obliging. Rather than kicking us back to a Game Over screen, he simply boots us back outside the room to try again. And let it never be said that when Freezair gets kicked down, she doesn't get back up again! Try again we shall!
Now that's more like it!
Gotta love Louie's unique brand of pragmatism. "Forget your parents, your childhood, your favorites, or anything else; I'm going to shake you back to consciousness with exactly those skills you possess that are immediately necessary to remedying our situation and nothing more."
Luckily, Shades also knows the way of the video game, and he can spot a final boss lair as well as we can.
With Shades added to our arsenal, this seems like a good place to stop for a while. We can now use his floaty, ectoplasmic jumps to explore more of the world.
Next time, on Let's Play Ufouria: We leaf this place behind, make an omelette, and see Shades get hammered! See you then, guys!