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matt91486 reviews Paper Mario
Paper Mario is the second Mario-themed Role-Playing Game to be made. The first one was Super Mario RPG by Square Soft, and I could understand if someone preferred it to Paper Mario, but...uh...

Who the hell is Calista Flockhart? And what does she have to do with Mario?

In case those of you reading this review do not live in the United States, or have never seen Ally Mc Beal, Calista Flockhart plays the title character. She ways about forty-seven pounds, and looks like she is a combination of anorexia, bulemia, and any other eating disorder known to man. Kind of like Mario in this game. He’s paper thin, and probably wears a size negative 6. Nintendo should not give Calista any ideas.

Making fun of someone with an eating disorder is not a good idea for a video game review. Also, you spelled "weighs" wrong.

This is as close as you can get to a true role-playing game on the Nintendo 64. That is not a good sign at all. Paper Mario is more of a typical Nintendo creative-take on the genre, and it is by no means a true role-playing game. This disappointed me.

There's nothing that pisses me off more than an attempt to claim that a game isn't a TRUE game, like this isn't a TRUE RPG, it's just Nintendo making a mockery of the genre again like they did with everything else they made. See how unintelligent that sounds? And are you SURE there are no other RP Gs on the system? Quest64 disagrees with you there.

I really was hoping for a true-RPG, which Super Mario RPG pretty much was, and instead I got a two-member party, that has battles from an action game, and that can switch characters on the fly. Creativity is not always good when you are looking for solid, old school, role-playing fare.

Because of course, all RP Gs should follow the same boring Dragon Quest mold, never innovating or introducing any new ideas. That'd just be silly! Any self-respecting TRUE RPG would force players to level grind more often than they actually play the game.

Paper Mario is a very action-oriented role-playing game. All of the attacks can be enhanced by holding buttons down, moving things in certain directions, pressing ‘A’ at the correct time, or doing something of the like. While in Super Mario RPG there were options on some attacks to enhance them a bit, they were far easier to carry out, and the timing was fairly easy to get a hold of. In Paper Mario the timing for these attacks seem to change every time, and the window of opportunity is less than a nanosecond. No longer is the system forgiving.

I know, right? Like it's so hard to hold left until the star lights up! That takes actual effort! Which should never be in a TRUE RPG.

Paper Mario’s graphical style gets in the way of the game. It makes controlling your character a chore, and actions need to be lined up directly on target.

Unlike a TRUE RPG which has boring, flat overworlds, Paper Mario gives us some puzzles on the maps which require a brain to figure out.

The control in Paper Mario is among the worst that I have ever seen in a role-playing game. First of all, the side-scrolling perspective makes lining-up jumps, and keeping on your even path next to impossible.

...Have you ever played a platformer in your life?

Many times, when trying to strike a tree with a hammer to see if any coins drop down (Hint, hint) it will take me fifteen or twenty times to even graze the plant.

Because this...this...this is... heheheAHAHAHAHAHAHHACANTEVENHITAFUCKINGTREEWITHTHEFUCKINGHAMMERHAHAHAHAWHATAFUCKINGLOSERAAAAHAHAHAH Ha. Eheh. Ooh.

The menus in battle are also poorly designed and are a pain to find the attack or special ability that you wish to use. How hard can it possibly be to think up a workable menu system for a role-playing game! You just need logical headings and things organized!

Anyways I AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HE CAN'T EVEN NAVIGATE A FUCKING MENU THAT HAS LIKE FIVE COMMANDS ON IT IN TOTAL Oh. Oh my. Oh...sweet mother of Elstar he must be trolling. Welp, successful troll is successful! HAHAHA HARDY HAR HAR!!!

The horrible control is also a detriment to the fun, or lack there of, in Paper Mario. There is really nothing else in the game to get, to play, and nothing more worthwhile to do in Paper Mario than follow the boring quest down its path. A poor, poor job by Nintendo.

Oh aside from side battles like Anti-Guy, collecting badges, collecting star pieces...Gotta Catch 'Em All!

The only time I ever had problems progressing through Paper Mario, is when the horrible layout of the dungeons got me trapped in areas that there was absolutely no way in hell I could get back out of. In the Bombette dungeon, I completed some tasks out of order, and I could not backtrack. The game would not let me. Ultimately, I had to restart from the beginning.

Woah woah woah. An Unwinnable scenario? In Paper Mario? Lemme check the page...hm...NOPE. I see no Unwinnable situations in this game...oh my god. WAAAHAHA he doesn't know how to USE BOMBETTE to blow up CRACKED WALLS AHAHAHA

This was the most extreme example of the bad layouts, but many times I would get lost in an area for hours on end before I figured out where I was supposed to go. (The Toy Box-like area, with the train, is the devil incarnate.)

Players, do you recall getting LOST in ANY area in this game?

Because your health is unbelievably low (It does not get over one hundred, folks! Yet another problem I have with this game!) your enemy’s health levels are way, way too low by comparison, and you should have even the bosses defeated without any real effort.

Of course, if this were a TRUE RPG, you'd have to grind until your Power Levels are OVER NINE THOUSAND to survive.

There is absolutely no reason to play through Paper Mario again after beating the game. None at all. You should definitely rent Paper Mario and not buy it, because, unlike most role-playing games on the market, you beat it and that is truly it. It is highly unlikely that you will feel any desire to ever play Paper Mario again anyway after beating it. I played through Final Fantasy VII numerous times, and on Suikoden, I am in the midst of my fifteenth, but I will never, ever touch Paper Mario again.

Is there ANY reason to touch upon an RPG a second time? Well...oh, I guess if it's a TRUE RPG then grinding long hours will be more fun the SECOND time down.

Nintendo was money hungry, and they were not respecting Nintendo 64 gamers with Paper Mario. This is one of the most disappointing first-party releases on the console.

First of all that's a horrible thing to say. They put effort into each and every area of the game. Second, Paper Mario was made by Intelligent Systems, genius. It's only on the back of the box and on the title screen!

So there you have it. Paper Mario fails because it's not a TRUE RPG!
20th Apr '11 11:49:16 PM flag for mods
comments
good god this dude was an idiot
Envyus 21st Apr 11
It's this kind of thinking that really turned me away from any sort of RPG for a while. Sure, genre conventions and tropes is one thing, but when any attempt at originality and flair, as the Mario RPGs tend to do is deemed too much of a deviation, well, then your genre probably has a problem. This liveblog is looking to become interesting, partially because I find blatant Fan Dumb hilarious.
slowzombie 21st Apr 11
I like the Paper Mario series and I can still enjoy Final Fantasy 6, partially because my tastes are varied and partially because the reason why the Mario RP Gs are so good in my opinion is that they add variety and flair, and can even get people who don't like RP Gs to play them.

This guy (the reviewer, not the liveblogger) is one of those gamers who doesn't like variety. I really don't understand people who will say a game sucks because it does something different (unless said difference is completely unrecognizable as the genre / series, which Paper Mario doesn't do, it's recognizable as a Mario RPG, unless you're blind).

As for your liveblog, it's great. I really don't get how this guy can't hit a tree with the hammer, either. Especially since most trees are in corners. I could hit flying enemies with the hammer when I was eight (it takes timing). The only area in the game I remember getting lost in was the maze to get to the castle, but that's because I forgot things easily as a kid, but at least I was able to navigate the battle menu as a wee one. For a guy who only plays TRUE RPGS he's surprisingly bad with menu systems.
AwesomeZombie22 21st Apr 11
I liked this one, mostly because I hate people who say that anything that deviates from the normal formula is NOT A TRUE GAME. The other stupidity was just icing on the cake.
gentlemanorcus 21st Apr 11
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