You're only reading this because I rated the game 3/10! Let's read horrible GameFAQs reviews!
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SuperSonic612 reviews Mario Golf (GBC)
Intro: Mario, Mario, Mario. When will you end? When was the last time Nintendo shoved another game out there that you weren't in?According to this, The New Tetris.
Well, this is, yet another, Mario spin-off. Or rather; tee-off, and I tell you, it deserves it, if you know what I mean.I don't quite get it, what does the game deserve? A tee-off? Is that a penis joke? Worst penis joke ever. I don't even get it.
Sound/Music: 5/10 This one's split for me. The music is awesome, but the sound effects are the complete opposite. So, the sounds get a 1, and the music gets a 7, so I'll just go somewhere in between.I'll just go somewhere in between, I don't have time to do the math. Hey, I can even save time by lumping two categories together! I'm so smart!
Gameplay: 2/10 I can't believe this. Oh my stars....Did this game need to be invented? OK, here we go. The game sucks.Great, insightful criticism right there.
You get this little swing meter. A problem arises right here. You get a fairly good shot in, while, guess what! The computers get a "Nice shot!" every time they need it. Amazing, huh?!Yes, it's amazing you can't get a "Nice Shot!" yourself. I'm losing to freakin' Luigi and Putts? The Computer Is a Cheating Bastard!
Then you get started off with an unforgettable 10 minute lecture, and it's all about boring crap too! It isn't even like it's a "How to Play" type of thing. Then you go out of that room, and, since there is no tutorial, you go on a quest of how to play yourself!I have to ask, do people throw away their game manuals or use them as furnace fuel or something? This is a GBC game; in-game tutorials weren't mainstream yet. Otherwise the manual would be a waste of paper.
Once you finally figure out the one room out of the 100 you can go into to actually play, you start to play a "game." Let's see. First off, it's impossible to get a Hole-in-One in any course.Wrong. This isn't even one of those Par 5 holes-in-ones on YouTube, either.
Second, you get to pick from about...maybe 10 clubs to "bat" with.Wrong sport, there, champ.
OK, not satisfied? Well then, let's talk phsics. They suck too. Right when you think you got that golden shot, it hits the hole and bounces out. Then, because of the horrible way they got you to swing, it takes another 5 shots to finally get it in the hole. Do you see a pattern here?Why, yes, I do: Shitty gamer only gets shittier while good gamer laughs in his face. Come on, it's like a 3-year-old wrote this! I was kicking butt at the age of TEN.
Allright, now let's look at "Multi-player." While I've never had the chance to try this myself, I'm sure it would suck just like every other part in this game.I've never played it, it must be bad!
Replayability: 1/10 Unbelievable....this....from Mario? This is coming from the people who gave us Super Mario Sunshine? This is coming from the people who made Advance Wars 2? I can't believe this...The computers are impossible to beat, and overall, the game is just annoying.Um, Mario Sunshine sucked, and Advance Wars 2 was made by Intelligent Systems, not Camelot. And claiming that it's impossible to beat is the single most common complaint ever, I swear. So there you have it. Mario Golf, everybody! The game that sucks because you're no good at it! But hey, Super Sonic 612, don't fret - at least we share a common opinion of Street Fighter 2! But that review isn't nearly as horrible, so let's leave it alone.
I'm tempted to insult his character/lifestyle/mother and justify it with a 'never had a chance to meet him myself', but sinking to their level is about the worst thing I could do. Examining the article in-depth and making logical points of observation, like you're doing? That's a much better way to communicate a message. Excellent job so far, keep it up, insert other optimistic comments here.
"Allright, now let's look at "Multi-player." While I've never had the chance to try this myself, I'm sure it would suck just like every other part in this game." I think that has to be one of the stupidest things I've ever read in a review. "I didn't try it, but it probably sucks." Also, I love how everyone posting reviews at Game FA Qs feels the need to have a lame pun for the title. Anyway, looking forward to reading more of this!
Ephraim225, I think you are on to something great. :)
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