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Let's Analyze and Graph Fetishes
Usht

[table of contents]
Jumping into the Abyss
DISCLAIMER: Anything mentioned in this liveblog is for humor's sake only (even if my sense of humor isn't exactly witty). Just ask me via private message and I'll remove any offensive content and keep it out in future entries.

So, welcome to this liveblog. First off, some math:

There 127,393 posts in the Fetishes topic as of me starting this post. Assuming I do a hundred posts per day and the topic suddenly just freezes, I'd be done in 1274 days. Uh huh, that's a bit too long of time. Two hundred and fifty posts a day and I'll be done in 510 days. That's still longer than a year. 500 posts a day and I'll be done in 255 days. But that's a lot of posts.

So yeah, and this isn't counting the fact that the topic continually grows to no end. Therefore, I have no expectations of finishing this project. In fact, the goal was never to finish all of the fetishes topic. No, we're here to collect data. That includes:

And probably more as I think of them. So, with that, my sense of humor (or lack there of), and some data recording programs, let's get started.


April 16th, 2009

Okay, so some history, this topic was originally made in the It Just Bugs Me forum, something I never got to see but hear about to no end. That being said, it fits that it opens with Madeof Meat talking about how people are too quick to be squicked out by others' fetishes and then ends the post with "I have no kinks/fetishes". Uh huh.

One cookie for Matrix for pointing out that Madeof Meat probably does have a fetish. Anyway might as well get this out of the way, a fetish is having an obsession over something, usually an object or concept. A sexual fetish is getting off to said object.

So basically you can have a fetish for shoes, get off solely to shoes, or you can actually have a fetish for girls wearing shoes. The latter is defined as a kink. Basically a kink is a supplement to what you already get off to. Thus why most fetishes that people have are also kinks. And knowing is half the battle.

Anyway, tropers being a group of young radicals, it so far seems to be a general agreement that people should be allowed to have their fetishes without discrimination. And then I hit this post. Matrix apparently felt a need to edit and remove whatever the original message was and didn't do this until over 12 months later. Zephid mentions...

Man, assembling Matrix's favorite fantasy would be....a daunting task, to say the least.

How the hell would the mechanics work?!

Hmm... yeah. New item to count: How many posts have been edited afterward to remove information. Count: 1.

No, most of it's compatible. It's difficult to reconcile eyeglasses, corsets, or schoolgirl outfits with cavemen, but I don't think I can rule it out entirely.

Wait, what? Was that a list of fetishes? Erm... okay then.

Do lesbians even count as a fetish? I mean seriously, it's like straight sex, but instead of a man, there's another hot naked woman.

So then, that's a fetish. A fetish involving two women. It's also a kink because it's one woman plus something else. Yay! Maybe my definition is too broad here... oh well.

I don't have anything against fetishes per se, but the fetish scene bugs me. A lot of people seem to think there's something wrong with you if your first sexual experience wasn't being anally fisted by a transsexual lesbian dwarf clad entirely in rubber and/or latex in a fetish club in front of an audience of people whose outer appearance has more piercings than skin at the age of 14.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't /d/ a lot like that? Except you know, probably not quite that extreme.

Westermarck Effect: Imprinting is the term used in psychology and ethology to describe any kind of phase-sensitive learning (learning occurring at a particular age or a particular life stage) that is rapid and apparently independent of the consequences of behaviour. It was first used to describe situations in which an animal or person learns the characteristics of some stimulus, which is therefore said to be "imprinted" onto the subject.

And, Lull likes sibling on sibling action. It won't be the weirdest thing we'll see in this topic by far. On the other hand, monarchies... no, weirdest so far is mentioning Chess as a fetish, courtesy of Madeof Meat. Probably not sexual, but- looking at that rook piece probably does make someone hot and bothered.

And while the posters are busy talking about what a fetish is exactly, our good old foxy mod comes in and defines what a fetish is only to be followed by a mention by Furiko Maru wondering how long it'll take before this topic derails. Nothing severe enough yet to be called a derail but...

Do threads about sex derail into non-sex talk?

Tropers be horny.

And second page, I take that back, we're derailed on the topic of "Not sex".

Starts here and is combo broken here. Damn tropers needing to be so tongue in cheek. So that's an 18 post derail about Diablo, Juice, and John Waters. Meanwhile, Matrix has another edited post.

Also, Bobby G mentions how apple juice looks like pee. Hilarious in Hindsight, that's a gag from the same webcomic as his current avatar is from, not made until later. Zephid calls out the tropers on having one giant double entendre. I don't know about that, can't see how Diablo 2 was an entendre.

So Recon is a kill joy and starts talking about fetishes again, calling it something outside of the norm for sex and is used to get a sex related response. And now we have car fetishes.

And day 1 is over. Let's look at the stats...

Maybe another day in the topic later today, but for now I've got to go.
20th Mar '11 2:04:40 PM flag for mods
comments
hmm, a caveman wearing a schoolgirl outfit, corset (inside or outside the schoolgirl outfit?) and glasses. Not a highly sought fetish, I'm thinking.
SKJAM 19th Mar 11
Huh, that was really weird. Although the person who posted about lesbian sex fails sex ed forever. I mean, seriously. There is no physically possible way lesbian sex can work like straight sex.
cheeseypoofs 19th Mar 11
Last time I measured the thread's rate of growth it was 585 or so posts a day, or nearly a page every hour.
HersheleOstropoler 19th Mar 11
This is gonna be awesome.
MrAHR 20th Mar 11
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