So here we are, foresaking our sanity and entering the Merchandise-Driven
world of Bratz
, keep your sanity in your bag at all times. Get seated, buckle those belts, and let's begin
The movie begins with a close up of a house, a look inside (Or more precisely, behind it) reveals Cymbeline, Brianna and their father, Mr. Dublin (I think
.) I’m serious, I’ve watched this movie over four times and I’ve come up with Devlin, Daylen and Dublin, Dublin sounds the kind of fitting, so we’ll use that. Cymbeline acts like a Jerk Ass
towards her father for some reason, Brianna gets really really sad. First of all, character analysis time!
Cymbeline: We don’t really get to know Cymbeline, because she spends almost the entire movie Brainwashed and Crazy
, so there’s not much to really say. She’s quite the Deadpan Snarker
with a degree in Sarcasm Mode
Brianna: Brianna is the Bratz Sixth Ranger
for this movie, instead of being punkish and Perky Goth
-ish like Roxxi
, or annoying and seeming-like-the-Bratz-are-just-using-her-ey like Katia, or being kind of nerdy then Character Develop
-ing (For a bratz movie anyway) like Sharidan, Brianna is just a full out Mary Sue
Mr. Dublin: The dad. He’s the king of the pixiez
, in love with the mom
. That’s it. Don’t expect much from a parent in a Bratz movie.
Cymbeline then leaves, maybe annoyed by the fact that her little sister is being such a Mary Sue
Oh yeah, I forgot that the only reason Cymbeline is the bad guy, is that her dad made an Incredibly Lame Pun
, she made a sarcastic remark
, she wants wings for her birthday
, she gets a little ansty after her little sister comes over and asks for help with her own problems (Gosh Bria, maybe if you considered your sisters feelings and talked to her about her issues, she wouldn’t be so quick to join the dark side). She then continues to go on about it, “You’re my sister, you have to help me…” she says (The little hypocrite), when Cymbeline doesn’t help her, she goes “GOSH! You don’t have to be so mean.” Wow, as if you’re totally considering the fact that she just got re-shot down by her dad, she then talks about how her mom would agree with her!
She then goes on about how Cymbeline is acting ‘weird’. Maybe it’s because her dad didn’t want to give her wings. How selfish can you get Brianna?
She then mentions her mother, because Cymbeline is totally over that and it’s not opening a fresh wound.
I ask you, with a sister like Brianna, would you be able to not turn evil? Then some weird thing happens with Brianna’s bracelet, it loses a charm, somehow.
Cymbeline then goes into the house because of her evil sister. She then sneaks out at night, and Brianna follows. It’s… it’s kind of jarring, because it looks like Cymbeline just jumped off the cliff while her sister stands there (At least that’s how it felt to me). Even with the music and red light. And even with that, what the heck happened? We’ll find out soon enough.
In the meantime, let’s enjoy an OP! Can be viewed here
. It’s an Ear Worm
, a super strong one at that. Please, please just get it out.
The OP apparently explores some Pixie mythology
, with a crow at the end with a woman within it. Its… its somewhat disturbing.
The bird lady is revealed to be an illustration in Yasmin’s book.
Oh! Cymbeline’s alive! She’s in class with Cloe, Yasmin and Dylan! Chemistry class that is! The teacher is explaining the periodic table (Though if you actually listen to him instead of the girls, he’s just repeating the same sentence about Boron
and Zinc over and over again.), oh, and look! Sharidan’s father
lost his southern accent and teaches Chemistry at Stiles High now! Everybody is clearly bored out of their minds, Dylan is texting, Yasmin is reading fairy stories, Cymbeline is sleeping, great lesson for the kids MGA!
Chemistry is boring, not even Yasmin
After getting over that, Dylan sees a bird that looks remarkably like the one in Yasmin’s book.
SHORT NOTE: The Bratz are animated… okay I guess, but the hair, the hair is Very Very Uncanny Valley
, it’s so well animated. It’s probably better animated than my hair (which isn’t animated by the way)
. But seriously. Yasmin has strands in a bunch before her ponytails, you can tell each hair apart from the other. It’s like they got Square Enix
to work on it! And just the hair. It’s creepy.
Cloe notices Cymbeline asleep, they discuss it and Dylan says he was daydreaming about her, he mixes two chemicals together, which instantly creates a green powder that somehow explodes all over Dylan’s face
. Yasmin says she wouldn’t like Dylan unless she was into leprechauns.
Dylan asks if she is, because he has a little green suit at home.
Really, this is still a Bratz movie.
2 Follows: Cloe says you can’t read mythology of any kind because “For Shame”
. Great advice!
Then, a new student arrives in their classroom. It’s AZULA
! No, it’s just Lina. And apparently Cloe’s dad
gained a Jersey Accent is actually Stiles High principle. Dylan proclaims that he’ll be all hers by sixth period
. Cloe’s quick to shoot him down.
Then something weird happens between Lina and Cymb, they transform into each other while smiling
(Actually it’s more like they smile at each other suggestively
Oh, and Dylan has a Little Black Book, where he records the phone numbers of all his honeys.
Cloe takes it away, stating that he hasn’t dated any of the girls in there. Note to MGA, once Dylan says something suggestive, Cloe can’t undo it by saying he hasn’t, it’s still been said.
Cloe asks if everybody did their equations, Cymbeline hasn’t. Wonder why? Dylan tries to hit on Lina, it’s kind of the leprechaun thing again.
We’re now outside class. Also, I’d like to clarify that all the background music is one quarter fairytale-ey and the other three quarters is dance-ey. It causes some serious Soundtrack Dissonance
We finally meet who Brianna is crushing on! It’s Dylan! Two issues here:
- Dylan is one of the Bratz guys, Brianna is forcing herself into Bratz canon by falling in love with a canon character.
- Dylan? Really? The guy with all the honey’s in the LBB? Why not break out Cameron or something? Dylan?
She tries to talk to him, but he hasn’t even noticed her. How horrible is he? I mean it’s not like he wasn’t trying to talk to her in the first place or anything right? Or that she’s a freshman and he’s a junior? Hey, and remember when I said tries to talk? I mean she steps in his way and causes him to fall over.
Dylan then says Her radar is picking up my looove waves
about Lina. With visual effects and everything!
Just to get this out, Cymbeline, Brianna and Lina are all pallete swaps of each other, but with different hairstyles and skirts. Just making that clear.
And then class re-lets out. Yes, Dylan and some other people got out earlier. And then Cloe, Yasmin and Cymb get out afterward, how can you keep canon between movies if you can’t even build canon in one movie. I mean what the heck?
This time Cymbeline takes it easy, saying that they still finished, Cloe is still uneasy though. Cymbeline tries to leave, but Yasmin stops her, and gives us Family-Unfriendly Aesop
3: You don’t have to listen to teachers all the time! Just make sure you don’t fail, even if you get Ds, at least they’re not Fs right?
We haven’t even hit the ten minute mark yet.
They discuss how Cymb has changed, she acts like a Jerk Ass
, she’s also taken up saying “Gotta Fly”, keep that in mind. She then goes straight to Lina and they talk like they’ve known each other forever. Dylan asks if they know each other. Somebody slap him. Of course they know each other, they’re even dressed somewhat similarly
Finally, the five man band is complete as they do that thing from the trailer!
So, just to clear it up, as far as I can see:
Cloe gives Dylan dating advice (“Focus on one girl, and maybe one will like you.”) Dylan says it’s cold, because everybody deserves some Dyl-man. We’ve established that Dylan is a Leisure Suit Larry
by now. So now I’ll just say Dylan says/does something LSL-ish. One of the girls shoots him down.
Oh, and while I was clearing that up, the bird from earlier steals Dylan’s bag. The girls laugh. What great friends!
Dylan gets on his motorbike and three minutes of padding
follows. He then crashes his bike in the creepiest woods I’ve ever seen outside a Californian city, throws his helmet into the bush and hears a laugh. I think this was supposed to be scary, but the laugh is so libbyish
that it’s most definetly not scary.
And then the dialogue restarts
. Dylan wants Lina to let him go because he’s late for cooking class, Lina wants to show him something (Not that
Okay it does sound like she wants to show him that.
Lina: You’re not nervous are you.
Dylan: Nn…no! I… I follow strange girls into the forest all the time.
Lina: *While touching him* Hmm…mmm. That’s what I thought… So follow me because I have something way way more fun than cooking.
But then music starts to play, and Dylan starts to dance, Lina smiles. She promises to show him where it’s coming from, and they go off in search for “Just Let Go Now ~Karaoke~” by the Bratz.
Bratz Nerd Note: Cloe, Yasmin and Dylan are in a separate homeroom from Jade and Sasha, for all the fanficcers out there (Including me).
Well, I can only stand this much Bratz before I freak out and die on you, and I assume you want to read the rest of the liveblog. So see you guys next time for part 2! Insert Witty Pun or something here