Close shut the jaws of insanity... or don't. Let's Play TESIV: Oblivion!
Lots of different (totally murderous) choices
Sleep: 6 hours
Well, that's definitely an interesting way to start your day, I guess. I guess I'll just be quiet and listen to this guy while he goes on about whatever he wants to sell me.◊
Uh huh.◊ Go on.◊ Keep talking, you've got my interest.◊ Woah, yeah. Totally on board.◊ Why do you have to show up when I sleep? That's fuckin' creepy.◊ Ooh shiny.◊
Okay, so... am I forgetting something?
The Emperor's son.
Oh yeah, that. Thanks for reminding me
, odd grayish text.
I should probably do that, like, sometime in the next week or so. I mean, there's only so long that guy can hold out in a city filled with daedra.
On the other hand, fuck Kvatch and everything it stands for.
Aw, fuck it. Let's get this over with.
Well, damn. This place's shit is fucked up.◊
Some (reluctant) fast travel later
Glad I wasn't here when all this went down. Oh well, let's go find the Emperor's son so I never have to see this place again. Ever. Because I hate this place. A lot.
Less people from Kvatch means less HORRIBLE RACISTS in the world.◊ So I am all for their extermination. Line 'em up so that I can get rid of the last of them.
Well, okay, I can't do that, because I don't know which one's the new Emperor Dudeguy. Oh, here he is.◊
Okay, everyone else line up over— wait, what?
I just helped
drive back the daedra invasion? Nononononononono. You've heard wrong. I did EVERYTHING. The other guys killed a couple of imps, maybe. I killed the flaming red vagina they were spawning from. I did it. Not them. I did.
Goddammit, let's just go.
Some fast traveling (and a lot of complaining) later
Oh hey, Weynon Priory is under attack.
Who would've thought that the place where I took the Amulet of Kings would've come under fire from the group of people who hate the Emperor and his kin?
Okay, everyone did. I am not going to even mince words here. Giving me the amulet was probably the most fuck-stupid idea in the history of fuck-stupid ideas. You should've given it to the group of people with katanas and been all like "GET THIS SHIT DONE" and it would've FIXED EVERYTHING
. I'm serious.
But of course, I'm the only person in all of Tamriel with a brain, so I must.
And now here we are.
I would've pointed out the very angry armored guy behind the elf, but you know how I feel about elves.
Man, whatever, let's go find Jauffre. He's a Blade, he's probably kicking so much ass right now it isn't even real.
And I'm right.◊
He is kicking so much ass it isn't even real.
I wasn't able to catch it in a screenshot, but Jauffre actually hit someone so hard that it caused them to get sucked into the wall so far that I couldn't loot them. Love you, Gamebryo.
They got the amulet, big surprise there.
So we need to take Martin somewhere that isn't here so that he'll be safe while the world ends. I'm not going to honey it up. They don't really need to kill Martin, probably. They'll probably just need to keep the amulet away long enough so that the whatsits back in the Imperial City never get lit and they can usher forth the fiery, spiky apocalypse.
Man, whatever, I get to visit Cloud Ruler Temple.◊
This is gonna rock.
Some pants-wetting excitement later
Man, you'd think the Blades would have a cooler looking hideout. This place kinda...
Well okay then, let's just let Martin do whatever it his he's gonna do. Probably some rousing...
Wow, listening to this guy speak is making me
timid. Akatosh be, dude. Grow some balls
Well, whatever, I've got a katana.◊
And it's scientifically proven that katanas offer a 55000% increase in murderability
, a field in which I am an expert. So therefore, me plus katana equals everything dies forever. Time to kill an old guy.
A bunch of pent up anger later
Okay, so the innkeeper says that this guy, Rufio, is down in the basement. Let's consult him about the bed he's sleeping in.
Oh, he's actually sleeping in it.
Well, I'll have to do something about that.
And y'know what? I'm feeling particularly ballsy. I'mma sleep in his bed.◊
Sleep: 6 hours
How do you know he's dead? He's right here
. I slept in his bed immediately after I killed him.
He is literally still bleeding all over the place.
Fuckin' A, guy. It's not rocket science to observe a dead guy. I would know. I've been doing a lot of it recently.
Well anyway, Mr. Sunshine here says I should go to Cheydinhal and talk to some door. Let me get this straight: You want me to go to an abandoned house in Cheydinal, of all places, and tell a door to let me in in some cryptic manner so that I can meet up with a bunch of other killers...
Great, I can get behind that. I bet they're all nice, welcoming people that I'll inevitably have to slaughter because they bug me.
Whatever, I'll do it later.