Looking back, our party now includes Hulk Hogan, Father Mc Gruder, a chick named Aloser (who I imagine would have a very A Boy Named Sue-like position), Brüno, and this guy.◊
Heh, and I was about to start addressing Endark directly, as I thought he would be the only one watching my LB. Hope you'll stay around, Ronka. Then again, I'm lucky to have one person commenting regularly.
Zapan Illydus- 45 years old: A hired mercenary of the Walsta Liberation Army. Walstanian. A professional mercenary who will provide his services for the right price. If the pay is good, he'll do just about anything. The rumor is that he wouldn't hesitate to sell his mother if the price was right.'He'd slit his mama's throat for a nickel!'
Updated Warren Report character list, subtracting ones we've already seen: Orcus, Kachua, Lans Hamilton, Warren, Mildain, Guildus, Lans Tartare, Balzepho, Bishop Branta, Cardinal Barbatos, Duke Ronway, King Dolgare, Leonard, Nybbas, Presance, Sisteena, Ganb, Aloser, and Forcas.
Let's haul ass to Kadoriga.◊
Our position.◊ Freesia is at 1, Bruno is at 2, Area is at 3, Canopus is at 4, Leon is at 5, Orcus is at 6, Aloser is 7, Belgger is at 8, Presance is at 9, and Hogan is at 10.
We are confronted by a bunch of enemies.◊ Note the wizard in the upper right hand corner. Their leader, a random berzerker, says we're fools and that we have no chance against him.◊
"Byan, are you Okay? We will rescue you!" shouts Forcas.
I so want to strangle the translator right now. Well, at least it isn't on the level of "you die will." or "Aloser."
Byan, the wizard in the upper right corner,◊ says we should have left him behind.
"Ugh, kill the old man too," says the boss, Dasa. "I don't care. But don't kill the girl. We can sell her for a high price."
I'm getting really tired of bosses talking about selling my fucking sister into slavery or making her their personal sex slave.
A new battle theme is introduced, and the fight begins.
The hardest thing about this battle is keeping Byan alive. He has a bad tendency to stay in place and cast magic at the enemy instead of retreating to us. Considering he's a Squishy Wizard, this is obviously not a good thing. Archers also have a disadvantage in this map.
Just to prove how difficult keeping him alive is, before I can even move my fourth character, he attacks the boss and is killed. Byan is a pretty good wizard who will join our squad, so we don't want him to die.
God damn it! I try again, and he dies again! The kicker is, this battle wouldn't be very hard if we didn't want to save Byan!
Okay. Placement adjustment. I changed Freesia from number 1 to number 2, Bruno from number 2 to number one, Hogan to number nine, Canopus to number 8, and Presance to number 4. Our new position.◊ Hopefully, this will allow us to heal Byan when he goes to stupidly face down the boss.
I tried it again. Turns out Freesia was one square away from healing Byan. So he dies. AGAIN.
I go back to before the battle and remove all of Freesia's armor. Presance already had little armor. Hopefully this will help.
This means I have to place my units... again.
Okay, things seem to be going better. Because of her increased AGI, Freesia moves much earlier; still not enough to heal Byan, but I hope I can move her to a place I can heal him before he's attacked again.
Oh, no, of course not, he's dead.
Okay, I'm trying the same battle again, hoping the number generator is a little more lucky to Byan and has him avoid more attacks.
NO. OF COURSE NOT.
Okay, another try.
NOTake 7Okay, this is really starting to piss me right the fuck off.FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKTake 8
Holy god, I hate this fucking fight.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Holy fucking shit, all I wanted was to save fucking Byan and kill some fucking enemies for some fucking exp and yet you fuckler keep messing this gfucking shit up i mean god damn it fucking hell i hate this fuckig batyle so fukcing mch fuck fuckf cukfcufcu fuckf fuckf ufc fuckf uc fckcfuckfuckffuckffuckfuck fuckfucvkfuckf fuck fuckf cuf cufk fuck fuck fuckf cukf fuck fuck fuck fuckf cufkj fuckf fuck fcukf cufjfc fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckf cufk ckcufk cuck fuck ffuck cfuu guck ugic fjfbasdasvasdvf fuxck f ufkc fuck fuck fuck fcujn fuck fuck fuckf ufkcu fucfk fuck fuck fuck fuck fukfcufkcfuckffuckffcukdufc ufmcufjnjvfhfjhnvfuckfuckfucfcfuckfuckfcufkcufkcufkcufkcufcfuffaweguinozxniob nsdnbgio;dfbnsznxdbvadlabasdlbuvgzsdhvbjzbv szbdo;vzhlbvbhcdvzbsdbvo;zovabsdf;.zsobvgfzsdlbhvf.lozsbd.ovlknbgtrsughnhrlgx.el.hsdfaweh,rgsyugfukagywerigfdfg
HA! HA! FUCKING HA! 47 TRIES, AND I FINALLY BEAT THIS FUCKING LEVEL! HA HA HA HA HA HA! IT TOOK SO MANY SAVE STATE RELOADS, DON'T GET ME STARTED ON ALL THE SAVE STATE RELOADS, BUT I FUCKING DID IT! HA HA HA! SEHGBSLDHVSNHDGBNBDFJLGZSHDSBNFIG,NGBZSDHLFGLND;GBDLGBDHBVZDHFUGDFHG.ZSDHFGLHZSDFLGZSDHGFIHZDFULGD,VGZDBGFILZSBDGUILHXDFLGHIVGIGF
Okay. I put the happy gibberish in spoilers so you don't have to read it. But still, I can't even begin on how happy I am right now. The RNG smiled on me this day. I also got an undead ring. I'm not going to say what it does right now, but suffice to say it's very good.
Sorry, I didn't take any pictures. 47 tries, I gave up taking pictures.
So anyway. The screen fades in on a boat. Forcas says that now that has the boat, they can move on.◊
"I will take you to the city of Rime, as I promised. Please, come aboard."
"Wait a minute, Forcas," Byan says. "Sisteena is still being held captive."
"What!? I thought she escaped!"
"Sorry." You should be apologizing for the shit you caused me saving your fossilized ass, old man! "She was taken to their hideout. I think we should rescue Sisteena before we return to Fort Bodo..."
I'd make a joke about Bodo's Bagels, but I think that chain is only in Virginia. Such a great joke opportunity missed.
"I'm aware of that," Forcas says, wistfully looking out at sea. "But taking these guys to Rime comes first."
"Are you abandoning Sisteena!?" Byan shouts.
"They kept their word. Now I must keep mine..."
"But we're talking about Sisteena here!"
"I'll be a knight before I become a man. I will not break a promise which I made as a knight."
"You are so stubborn! Fine. I shall ask them myself. Well, you heard the story. One of our comrades is still being held captive by the pirates. I know this has nothing to do with you, but I'm asking for your help."
"You have your own comrades," Kachua says. "Why don't you ask them for help?"
"We don't have much time."
"Nor do we. The Liberation Army is after us. Look, we've done our part. And just like your friend mentioned, this is the time for you to keep your promise."
"Once we are on the sea, the Liberation Army can't come after you." Have you ever heard of boats, moron?
God, I hate Byan so much, all because he caused me to fight that battle 47 times. "Even if we drop by the pirate's hideout, you'll only be held back around three days."
"Byan, that's enough. What she said is right."
"Orcus, what do you think? You're their leader..."
The game gives us a dialogue choice.◊ I pick 1, partially because it's more in character with Orcus, and partially because it nets us some cool NP Cs and rewards.
"I will help you out. We may have different ideals, but I know how it feels like to lose a friend in battle."
"Orcus!" Kachua shouts.
"Look, I'm in charge here, Kachua! I'm sure that everyone will understand."
"I appreciate your generosity," Forcas says.
"I know where their hideout is," Byan mutters. "Fort Damsa is on Dicniga island."
... Stupid NPC Names is now Stupid Names in General.
Stupid Name Count: 8
"Then we shall go there!" Orcus shouts. "To Damsa!"
We are brought to the map screen.◊
Next time: we save Sisteena!