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New Recruits Tend To Drown A Lot
Ranger Six

[table of contents]
Combat Report - August 29, 2040
Personnel deployed to combat zone:

Yana: All right, people, let's make this short and sweet. Terminate Echo with extreme prejudice, avoid civilian casualties if possible, and bring whatever you can back home with you.

Kwas: You heard the man! Move out, people!

(CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK)

Kwas: Echo sighted! Whistler, second floor of the hotel!

Princeps: Taking the shot.

(THUPP-WHUMPH)

Echo: . . .

(CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH)

Arilou: Whistler, two rooms over. Lining him up.

(PSSHOW-CRACKLE)

(PSSHOW-CRACKLE)

dmboogie: No you don't either, Echo.

(PSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Echo: WHISTLE.

(WHIRR WHIRR WHIRR)

(FZZZ FZZZ)

Griffiths: Is . . . is that what I think it is?

Kwas: If you think that that's a miniature flying saucer controlled by a brain in a jar, you're absolutely right. Disgusting thing.

(THUPP-CRACKLE THUPP-CRACKLE)

Kwas: No effect. Griffiths?

(THUPP-WHUMPH)

Bio-Drone: . . .

Griffiths: It's down.

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Princeps: Echo by the grassy knoll!

(THUPP-WHUMPH)

Princeps: No effect. Myst?

Myst: On it.

(THUPP-CRACKLE THUPP-CRACKLE)

Myst: No dice.

dmboogie: Let me get a shot at it.

(KSSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Echo: WHISTLE.

dmboogie: Echo is down.

(CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH)

Aldred: I see another one of those brain-saucers on the roof.

(WHIRR WHIRR WHIRR WHIRR)

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Kwas: Got a brain-saucer shooting at me!

(CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH)

dmboogie: Give me a target, Commander!

Kwas: Southwest, past the dead whistler!

dmboogie: Got'cha covered.

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

dmboogie: No dice. Arilou!

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Arilou: Direct hit . . . no effect.

Griffiths: Let me send a shock bomb downrange.

(THUPP-CRUMP)

Griffiths: Ah, it went into that tunnel over there.

Kwas: Well, at least we shouldn't have to worry about them popping out behind us . . .

(WHIRR WHIRR WHIRR)

Kwas: And it just floated into that house over there.

(VWOINK-BZBZBZ)

Arilou: Uh, Commander? Are you all right?

Kwas: *incomprehensible muttering*

Arilou: If you say so.

(WHIRR WHIRR WHIRR)

Myst: I just saw another brain-saucer go floating past that window!

(VWOINK-BZBZBZ)

(WHIRR WHIRR WHIRR)

Cousteau: Brain-saucer!

(THUPP-CRACKLE THUPP-CRACKLE)

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

(WHIRR WHIRR WHIRR)

Kwas: Um, I seem to have been shot in the back.

dmboogie: Don't worry, sir. I'll have you patched up in no time.

(CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH)

(PSSSHT)

dmboogie: There, that should take care of the bleeding. Best get back to the Triton, sir - we wouldn't want to lose you.

Kwas: Indeed not.

Cousteau: I shall endeavour to make certain we can see ze brain-saucers. What is it you say? Ah, yes - "Fire in ze 'ole!"

Aldred: I'll do the same.

(WHSS-THUD WHSS-THUD)

(WHABOOM WHABOOM)

Echo: WHISTLE.

Aldred: Well, we may not be able to see 'em, but we sure as hell killed another Eek.

Princeps: I think you might have killed my stunned whistler, Aldred.

Aldred: Er, sorry about that, chief.

(WHIRR WHIRR WHIRR)

Griffiths: Saucer in the hallway, third floor!

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

(THUPP-CRUMP)

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Griffiths: Bloody thing got my leg! MEDIC!

(CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH)

Myst: Right behind you, Griffiths.

(PSSHT PSSHT)

Myst: There we go.

(WHIRR WHIRR WHIRR)

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Griffiths: GYAAAH!

Myst: . . . MOTHERFUCKER! I'M GONNA TEAR YOU APART WITH MY BARE HANDS IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!

(WHSS-THUD)

(WHABOOM)

Princeps: Two saucers! Taking the shot!

(THUPP-CRUMP)

Bio-Drone: . . .

Myst: One of those fucking saucers is still floating!

Princeps: I see that. ARILOU!

Arilou: On it, Lieutenant!

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Bio-Drone: WHABOOM-SPROING-CRACKLE-FZZZ.

Aldred: Jesus Christ, that thing went up like a Cyberdisc. Man, the resort owner is gonna be pissed about this . . .

(CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH)

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Cousteau: Ah, you theenk to keel ze mighty Cousteau, eh? Well, you shall see I do not fall so easily to ze alien menace! 'Ere, 'ave a grenade!

(WHSS-THUD)

Cousteau: And now, I bid you adieu!

(CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH)

dmboogie: Oi, Cousteau, you missed one. Whistler, behind the palm tree.

Cousteau: 'E is all yours, zhen.

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Echo: . . .

dmboogie: Nighty-night, Echo.

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

(THUPP-CRACKLE THUPP-CRACKLE)

(WHIRR WHIRR WHIRR)

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Cousteau: . . . Sacre bleu, did zhat saucer just scratch zhe paint on my armour?!

dmboogie: Doesn't matter, Cousteau. It's going down.

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Bio-Drone: WHABOOM-SPROING-CRACKLE-FZZZ.

(CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH)

Cousteau: Eef anyone 'as a grenade, zhere is a saucer lurking in zhis building.

(CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH)

Cousteau: And, ahem, zhere is a 'whistler' just around zhe corner 'ere.

(THUPP-CRACKLE THUPP-CRACKLE)

Cousteau: Eheh, no 'ard feelings?

(CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH)

dmboogie: Got something lurking in the shadows. Taking the shot.

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Echo: WHISTLE.

dmboogie: Echo down.

Cousteau: What is with zis alien? 'E is just standing here.

dmboogie: Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, Cousteau. Kill him.

(THUPP-CRACKLE THUPP-CRACKLE)

Echo: . . .

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Cousteau: OW! Why zhat little floating piece de merde . . . !

dmboogie: x2wolf, take my medkit and go patch Cousteau up. I'll deal with the saucer.

x2wolf: On it.

(CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH)

(PSSHT)

Cousteau: Merci.

x2wolf: Think nothing of it.

(CRUNCH CRUNCH)

dmboogie: Okay, Echo is lined up. Taking the shot.

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Bio-Drone: WHABOOM-SPROING-CRACKLE-FZZ.

(CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH)

x2wolf: Oh, crap. Saucer up the stairwell!

(WHIRR WHIRR WHIRR)

dmboogie: I see it. Taking the shot!

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Bio-Drone: WHABOOM-SPROING-CRACKLE-FZZ.

(CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH)

Arilou: Found a whistler hiding in this closet.

(KSSHOW-CRACKLE KSSHOW-CRACKLE)

Echo: WHISTLE.

(CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH)

Talbot: Found another whistler in this cave!

(THUPP-CRACKLE THUPP-CRACKLE THUPP-CRACKLE)

Echo: *incomprehensible scream of rage*

(THUPP-CRUMP)

Talbot: . . .

Echo: . . .

Kwas: Aldred, you're closest. Go find out what happened.

(CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH)

Aldred: Looks like Echo got caught in the blast from the thermal shock bomb it fired. Both Talbot and the Eek are down.

Kwas: Okay, people. Police the bodies, secure any stunned Eeks, and let's book.
3rd Jan '11 1:09:53 PM flag for mods
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