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The Great Nitpicky Live Blog of El Goonish Shive
Cakman's Writings: The Great Nitpicky Shiveblog
Something keeps drawing me back to this series. Don't misunderstand- it's nothing positive. It's a bizzare, morbid curiosity to see how far into the depths of self-pleasure Shive will fall.
- Wait, so now he's playing Nethack? Or Rouge? Or Dwarf Fortress? I'm confused! And if he IS playing one, how the hell are the emotes visable? What? Do they show up in ASCII art?
- This entire arc could have been greatly improved if he just MADE IT FRIGGIN CLEAR what kind of program he was playing. So it IS an RPG, but it has ASCII graphics? And it has emotes? Not to mention the map looks like something out of DOS Prompt. I know this was a few years ago, but c'mon.
- Apart from that, there is nothing of interest here.
- OH LOOK! ONE ALMOST BACKGROUNDED PANEL! AWESOME!
- And Good Lord, Dan. Look at that fucking Sidemouth. How could you live with that? You'd be hideously disfigured.
- Apart from that, though, I... Don't really get the comic. What does he want to do with the hammer? Am I missing the joke?
- Or, wait, is it how he wants to kill the gnomes with it? Okay, wait, that makes more sense. So... They're retrieving the Gnome Thwacker- a weapon that specifically says in its title that it specializes in killing Gnomes, but they're using it to destroy an anti-gnome weapon? What IS an anti-gnome weapon? Isn't this fantasy? That brings a more Scifi twinge to it.
- Besides, it's not like they make you give back the spoils after you beat a quest, so he can do whatever he wants with it after they complete the quest.
- And besides THAT, why does he have a grudge against the gnomes to begin with? HE ATTACKED ONE HIMSELF THAT WAS MINDING ITS OWN BUSINESS.
- Dan Shive is an asshole.
- Well, then... Where to begin with this strip?
- Okay first of all, Dan, I understand the REASON you skipped ahead. You're on a time budget here. You have to maintain both this strip as well as the main one. But here's where we run into a problem: I would not blame you if you put the minimum amount of effort into these NP strips. But you don't even do that. You throw some waist-up pictures of your characters over a background which you achieved by using the spraypaint feature. So you can joke all you want about skipping over the "action-packed" segments of the story, but the problem is that there is NOTHING ELSE.
- The strip lacks a punchline. ALL THE STRIPS LACK PUNCHLINES. There are no jokes. What we get are those awful fucking "cute situations" that newspaper comics try to hinge on so much, and it isn't entertaining. It's just dull. Just because you skip over a portion of your story that MIGHT be interesting for comedic effect doesn't excuse you for the rest of the comic NOT BEING INTERESTING OR COMEDIC.
- I understand that this could all be rendered moot by someone saying "Well I found it interesting." but you have to understand where I'm coming from. Even the NORMAL El Goonish Shive strips have JOKES in them. Not good ones, but they EXIST. All we get here is a lame explanation of a GAG that COULD HAVE HAPPENED had he put in a little bit of effort and drawn some new friggin character poses.
- Of course, setting that aside... The gag would not have been particularly good. I still find Dan Shive's view on nudity fascinating, because we seem to get an explanation from him every other month saying "Guys, I'm not going to be putting nudity inside my comic. Seriously. Stop asking me." But he is obsessed with nudity in his comic. Tu-LOVE-Ru isn't this god damn fanservice-filled!
- In fact, the entire point of the El Goonish Shive: NP strips seem to have revolved around accidental nudity, genital transformations, or harassing women. HE THINKS OF NOTHING ELSE. THAT'S what fascinates me about him. He's like an evangelical Christian who collects gay pornography so he can "understand the evil that he fights." And the worst part is that I'm not even sure he realizes how fucked up he is.
- Also, why does he not have the "gnome thwacker" now? Did we lose continuity along with backgrounds?
- I'm still perplexed by the whole "Yeah, let me make one background... And that's it." thing that seems to be a reoccurring theme throughout the strips.
- Okay, wait, so I was confused. The Gnome Thwacker IS the anti-gnome weapon. My bad.
- In that case, though, doesn't that mean that they just destroyed someone else's property? Without reason? Why were the guys bandits? If it was THEIR weapon, then they didn't steal it.
- Once again- the dignity line- DAN CAN'T GET NUDITY OUT OF HIS HEAD.
- Dan, you completed one quest. The first one you were given. They aren't going to bow at your feet now. People have probably reached the level cap at this point and saved the Gnomes many more times than you.
- Okay, seriously, does anyone else NOT think that Dan is being an asshole to the Gnomes? The first fucking thing he did in the game was try to kill one, and when it kicked his ass, he's held a grudge against them ever since.
- Next, he does one measly, low-leveled quest for them, and he expects them to bow at his feet. When they don't, and do the logical thing- shrug and say "Yeah, okay?" He decides to attempt once again to kill them.
- Dan Shive is an asshole.
- I will be generous and count the abomination in the third panel as a background.
- Not much to this strip, but I will say this: There is nothing that screams "Fantasy RPG" more than "Dual Police Batons."
- That God damn raccoon changes proportions in every panel he appears in.
- Ah. So the leader is an asshole too. Dan should fit right in with him.
- Eh. The joke isn't bad here. I'll give it that. But apart from that, the lack of backgrounds, and the absence of anything important, I am left with nothing to comment on.
- Hmm, I wonder if this next strip will be a continuation of the RPG thing. Is he going to revisi-
- FUCK YOU. NO. NO. WE ARE NOT FUCKING DOING THIS AGAIN.
- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON A CRUTCH. IS THERE NO GOD DAMN END TO THIS.
- Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I have not yet read any of the comics. Allow me to guess how this one will go. It will either end with:
- A: The Doctor being hilariously perverted xD.
- B: Amanda's clothes falling off.
- Oh yeah. I was right. Pervert Doctor joke. I was correct. And yet, I feel no happiness. Only shame and detached anger.
- Oh, Jesus Christ that was a close one. I thought we were going to have to deal with a full other arc of "Haha pervert" jokes. Thank God. And look! Backgrounds! Awesome! I mean, it's slightly odd that everyone has the same backpack, but that's cool! I can handle that!
- Hoo boy. I can't wait for the wacky comiccon strips.
- Let me guess the topics: Crazy costumes, Shive fans, and Oh! Susan's there! So I bet there will be a joke about sexism! That'll be awesome!
I can't wait for the next group of them! Comic Conventions are always awesome, so I'm sure this one will be no different! Huzzah!
Did you really misspell 'Rogue'? Really? Ugh.
20th Jul 11
"Something keeps drawing me back to this series. Don't misunderstand- it's nothing positive. It's a bizzare, morbid curiosity to see how far into the depths of self-pleasure Shive will fall." This is really why I continue to read this live blog, except instead of Shive, it's you. Congratulations.
21st Jul 11
22nd Jul 11
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22nd Jul 11
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