Cakman's Writings: Revenge of... Screw this. Never mind.
am getting tired of my title gag. It's been done plenty of times before, and doesn't make a whole lot of sense in relation to what I'm reviewing. Sorry for my absence the past week. I had a spring vacation. I'm gonna do fifteen strips this time around to make up for lost time.
Apparently, after taking my argument to the forum in relation to the last reviewed strip◊
being quite blatantly sexist, I was met with calls of "bullshit" due the word "double standard" being used. I disagree with this on the grounds of it not mattering, but eh.
- You know, I think one of the major problems to the NP series is the fact that Shive is intentionally trying to use "newspaper comic" humor. Aside from a few specific examples, I can not think of any newspaper comics that are significantly and frequently funny. It's usually the very basest of punchlines, predictable from the first panel onward. This humor, combined with the normal humor of El Goonish Shive, does not make for a very appetizing combination.
- And it just grows tiring. This man CONSTANTLY puts the females in the most revealing of clothing, with the guys in the normal, everyday attire. It's not humor. He's not doing it in parody, satire, or jest. It's not even pastiche! It's just fucking sexism. Nothing more.
- The game tried to upset Sarah? MUWA-HA-HA! I'LL GIVE YOU FUR! THE THING THAT EVERYONE IN THIS COMIC HAS HAD AT SOME POINT OR ANOTHER!
- What a stupid board game. Why wouldn't it actually... Bad?
- Make her fat.
- Give her gills.
- Give her acne.
- If you can only do gender-related stuff, make her breasts bigger than her body can carry.
- Make her bald. You can obviously do that. We saw it with the gender swap.
- But of course not. That doesn't get that wormy, pock-marked, clotpole's dick hard, does it?
- And reading the next two panels, it makes even less sense. So it can give her limbs? How about covering her in labias? How about taking away her arms and legs? Her mouth!? ANYTHING NOT ALREADY DONE IN THE FRIGGIN COMIC.
- There's nothing of interest on this strip, but it does make me wonder something:
- What process does Shive go through in selecting what the background is going to be? When does he use the gradients, and when does he use the white circle? What prompts him? Does he do it randomly? I would hope he doesn't there's probably some selection process to it... I'm just wondering what it is...
- Using a photoshop filter on a picture of fire doesn't count as a background.
- And they aren't a "weird group." They're just Shive's fantasy team.
- Besides, the ending of this mini-arc is totally out of character for Sarah. She would never settle on just being Tedd.
- And did Elliot/Grace do ANYTHING AT ALL in this mini-arc? S/he just sat there saying nothing.
- First panel. Haven't read the text yet. Well, in case I was worried about it becoming non-sexist, my fears are rested. Amanda is always an awesome crutch for Shive's douchebaggish masturbation fantasies.
- Dedicated female scientists always act as assistants to the real male scientists.
- They also always wear pigtail. The truly dedicated ones do, at least.
- The second panel whisperer has no side to his head. It's just a flat surface.
- And hey, look! Honesty! Maybe this mini-arc will actually involve Amanda becoming respectable!
- Nope. No, it doesn't seem like she is going to.
- So basically, she is a dedicated scientist who remains in work only because her boss enjoys sexually harassing her. She clearly isn't a good scientist if she drops fucking test tubes.
- And she dresses in the scientist equivalent of a stripper showing up to a Bachelor party dressed as a cop.
- On that same not, prostitutes are frequently uneducated and get paid for it. Do they deserve respect?
- Amanda should not "be respected" only because she has a job. She should be respected because she is a competent scientist who actually excells at her job. You know how her boss is always inventing new potions? Maybe she should invent one! Maybe she should do anything that doesn't involve taking her God damn clothes off.
- And I'm not sure why Dr. Germahnn's niece is allowed to dress like a slut to work. I'm just not sure.
- LOLOLOLOLOLOL STUPID AMANDA!
- That's right, Amanda! You aren't respected. You aren't respected, and your boss uses you for his own sexual enjoyment. Now drink the soda so we can fucking laugh at you.
- That is all this strip says. It says that the Doctor does not respect her, and that she is oblivious to that fact.
- And we are meant to laugh at the punchline, which is nothing more than "he is using her again."
- If this were parody, it would be fine.
- IT. IS. NOT. A. FUCKING. PARODY.
- NOTHING THAT DAN SHIVE DOES OR SAYS WILL EVER MAKE THIS FUCKING MOMENT OKAY. I REALLY WISH AHR WERE ONLINE RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE I AM ANGRY AT FICTIONAL CHARACTERS.
- We are reenforcing the previous statement. Amanda is being used. And it's funny! Because she's being used for a masturbational cumhole!
- And this is female empowerment! A female shouting "I'M A LADY AND BECAUSE I AM A LADY I DON'T NEED ANY HELP FROM MEN."
- Actually, no. this is just pitiful. She's not a scientist. What intelligent female would honestly act like this?
- And, of course, she still needs her boss's approval to do it. Because she's a woman.
- I would say "she's acting like a five year old," due to the whole age-regression thing, but this is how she always acts.
- Babysat. She needs to be babysat.
- WHY DOES SHE HAVE A FUCKING LOLLIPOP. DID SHE FORGET THE THING SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT IN THE LAST FUCKING STRIP?!
- Fuck you, Shive. You suck at creating female characters.
- And I love how he just had to mention the whole "rapidly increasing in size" thing. THAT is what this mini-arc is about. Not about Amanda. Not about feminism. It's about Dan imagining a pair of breasts filling up a bra and then bursting. And his acne-ridden, hairy face twisting sideways in orgasm. That's all this is.
- Heh. I actually think this is an EGS first. Starting at the first comic, we go Circle, Nothing, Action Lines, and then Background. At least he's mixing it up.
- Shive could only bother to make one background, but he seems to be an expert at breast physics. Look at Amanda's three positions, especially in the third panel. Notice how he made sure to carefully show that the breasts were moving around, both in two slightly different positions.
- And as for your question, Amanda? Because your creator is a fucking asshole. Now go back to taking your clothes off.
- Okay! Coach time!
- I'm going to ignore the sexism this time around. Instead, I'll just focus on the problem with the joke here.
- First of all, who, besides a sexually inexperienced and unknowlegable teenage boy thinks that the first thing a lesbian wants to do is "pillow fight"? Pillow fights are just tiring.
- Second of all, the joke is way too wordy. Who the hell would phrase sleeping in the same bed as "share the same bed for sleeping"?
- Third of all, there would be no joke if it weren't for the sleeping part. And what's the big deal anyways? They're just sleeping in the same bed. Would the lesbian really get that much of a thrill?
- Fourth of all, the joke here is literally that Amanda's roommate frequently takes advantage of her. She frequently tricks her into sexual situations, where she molests her. What the fuck, dude.
- But you see, guys, it's okay that the roommate is molesting Amanda, the retarded scientist. She helps her out with her personal problems at the same time!
- There is no reason for only one button to be buttoned. If you want nudity, then have nudity, damnit. Stop trying to hide it.
- Dan Shive honestly thinks he's showing a "human" side to Amanda through this. He thinks he's making her a better character. In reality, all it is doing is showing us that she is... Bothersomely stupid. Like, she shouldn't be a scientist if she can't figure this shit out.
- Besides, we have never seen her do anything science-related. If she didn't wear a lab coat 90% of the time, we would have no idea who she was supposed to be.
- Molestation is hilarious.
- I will once again clarify that I am not saying that you can't make molestation jokes. I don't care if your story portrays a child rapist as a hero. If you do it correctly, then you raise brilliant questions with the audience, or entertain the audience with the conflict. But here? He's not acting like there's anything wrong. It's not even treated as dark humor it's just "Bahahahaha! She's secretly a lesbian, and she's molesting Amanda! Ahahahaha!"
- Yeah, Amanda! That's it!
- Female empowerment!
- Female empowerment!
- The surefire way to win a man's heart is to scream at him angrily after he makes cat-calls at you.
- By the way, Amanda? Maybe the reason people laugh at you is because you're making a fool out of yourself by having pigtails when you're a grown woman.
- You want to do that? Groovy. Awesome. Don't expect the world to not take notice, though.
Blurgh. I know how AC Drawings feels whenever he talks to me. I feel stressed out, angry, and taken advantage of. Why the hell do I review these strips? Honestly. It's not even a bit right now. I'm being serious (honestly). I am angry, annoyed, and apprehensive at this atrocity. here is our graph.◊
As we can see, the "Nothing" space now fully occupies half of the God damn chart. Stay classy, Dan Shive. Stay fucking classy.