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[table of contents]
Teach Me How to Dougie
Disclaimer: Teach Me How to Dougie, written by the fine folks known as Cali Swag District, does not actually teach you how to Dougie.

Aye! aye!

MIKE: Are you ready, kids?

BOTS: Aye,aye, Captain!

MIKE [singing]: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

BOTS: Spongebob Squarepants!

Teach me how to dougie (aye!)

They be like smooth (what?)

TOM: Is someone doing our job for us?

Can u teach me how to dougie?

You know why?

CROW: Uh, thatís not the right response to that question, sir.

Cause all da bitches love me (aye)

All I need is a beat that's super bumpin

And for you, you, and you to back it up and dump it!

ALL: Eww!!

Put your arms out front, lean side to side

TOM: Hey, Mike! Hereís a dance you can do!

CROW: Yeah! It requires no coordination or any coherent thought processes at all!

MIKE [offended]: Hey!

They gona be on you when they see you hit dat dougie right?

Aint nobody fuckin wit my bro from morningside

TOM: Well, that was a smooth transition.

He go by bubba and he hit dat dance wit thunder

CROW: How can you hit something with thunder?

I aint from dallas but I d-town boogie

I show my moves off and everybody tryna do me

I leave da function and all da ladies tryna screw me

TOM: You better write this down, Mike: Chicks dig guys who dance like drunken idiots.

You just do you and ima do me(all day)

Niggas love to hate so they try to screw me

MIKE: You see, even masochists love the dougie.

Bitches be stuck to me I think they tryna glue me

CROW: Hopefully to some train tracks.

I make the party shine bright when it start to boomin

Dis beat was bubblegum so I had to chew it

TOM: And now youíve stuck it under a seat and left it there.

Teach me how to dougie

MIKE: Donít you already know how?

T-teach me how to dougie

Teach me how to dougie

CROW: Other than putting our arms out front and leaning from side to side, we havenít learned much at all.

T-teach me how to dougie

All my bitches love me

All my, all my bitches love me

MIKE: Can you repeat that line again? I donít think weíve heard it enough times.

All my bitches love me

You aint fuckin wit my dougie!

TOM: Well, that was helpful.

My name is young!

CROW [Young]: My parents werenít very imaginative!

For da dudes who don't know me

MIKE: Which is practically everyone.

I know I'm from da west but I can teach you how to dougie!

ALL: Finally.

Step up in da club and all these bitches bug me

All da niggas dancin and none of them know me

TOM: Thatís probably because no oneís heard of you before.

I hear da crowd screamin like "aye! get it brody!"

So I'm on my and I take it real low

CROW: Wait, what was he on?

Dey like "how you da dat?"

TOM: To be able learn to dougie you need to inhale a large amount of glue, apparently.

he can dougie on the floor

And when dat nigga stop they like "dougie somemore!"

ALL [dully]: Whee.

I'm like a nigga kinda tired so, I pass it to da bro!

M-bone! show these cats how to do dat down south dance

MIKE: It helps a great deal if youíre drunk, by the way.

Dat we learned a lil too fastand bought it to da hood

And got da whole crew askin...

Back of the party ion really like to boogie

CROW: And anions are usually the type to stay home and read.

I'm just tryna get bent and meet a thick redbone

TOM: Uh, I donít think thatís what the phrase ďGet BentĒ actually means.

(Mmm) we do da dougie and da niggas hatin but I'm bout

To act a skateboard a bitch and head home(fuck it)

TOM: Ha, ha, itís funny because itís not really a sentence.

She bout to dougie and hit wit 2 hands

And I run it run it even if her legs long

She like you my hubby and I think she love me but,

MIKE: Iím afraid weíre both gay.

I change da subject and I do my dougie

CROW: Now thatís a dedicated man. Not even the promise of requited love can stop him from doing his dougie.

But, ion give a fuck, blow trees, get money

TOM: Blow trees?

Leave 2 heifers feinin like sum playboy bunnies

Dey gon make us do da dougie in da middle of da dance

TOM [horrified]: Oh no! [normal] Wait, Mike, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

MIKE: Yes.

And when I asked for some head da bitch looked at me funny

CROW [girl,stupid]: Uh, donít you already have one?

Bye! bitch you can't tell me nothin

MIKE: My sentiments exactly.

starr baked da beat

And I just took it out the oven,

TOM: Whereís an oven and what did you take out of it?

CROW: Most likely his dougie.

I just hit the dougie when everybody

Clubbin and I hate skinny jeans cuz da burner keep rubbin! (oh! )

CROW: That was an abrupt end.

MIKE: Were we ever taught how to dougie?

TOM [annoyed]: No.


I always thought that this would make a better Dougie than this so-called "dance". Don't you agree?
25th Jan '11 10:16:00 PM flag for mods
comments
I just can't get the mental image of Doug out of my head. And Thats Terrible.
FreezairForALimitedTime 25th Jan 11
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