Slowzombie is blind about Dark, The Adventures of Dark Yagami


It's unsubtle retcon time

I'm back, and to be honest, I'm a little surprised. I thought the dust had settled on this piece of.... words. Troll or no, the author appeared to be done with cleaning the liquefied remains of Death Note canon off his boots, the Hellraiser-esque mix of heaven and hell had come to pass, and I found myself forced to amuse and/or flagellate myself with something else. So, I was wrong, what gives? Well, good news for you folks, I'm not 100% on what it means for me, but here we go. This chapter, #35, is called "Really Chatper 32 but new". O-k, that's probably not a good sign. Explain yourself, author!

Hey guys I didn't writ in a while cos khaos was TOO STRONG and NOT EVEN DARK YAGAMI WHO IS THE STRONGEST DUDE IN AMERICA could beat him so im gonna RESET THE STORY LIKE A MOFFO! Also there will be twilight yagami cos you asked for him or maybe not you but some peeps did but he wont be here yet! Er.... ok, where do I begin? Well, if there were any doubt, the author is pretty much making it up as he goes, and he doesn't think things through much, if that whole "shinigami fight"-thing wasn't any indication. Oh, also... Twilight Yagami, huh? TWILIGHT FUCKING YAGAMI? I... let's just move on so I can get my snark on.

We start of with a quite literal reset button, as Dark finds a Reset Note. Where he finds it? Well, I can guess. He writes, and I quote "Go back to when khaos was in light's dreams like the Freddie dude" Wait, it's a while since last, but does Dark actually know this has happened? Well, he apparently has plot vision, on account of being a complete and utter self insert character. Well, that's another plot-convenient note, for those of you who are keeping score. Dark then cuts Khaos' dream rope, which for the record is made from dragon fur. This leaves Khaos so weak that.... He was dead and everyone was happy. I think that's Khaos, but it can be tricky to tell occasionally. Anyway, the Author also gives us another case of Near's informed jerkassness

Back at L's place, things are boring, as one might predict since the latest threat to... well anyone, was just defeated... somehow. That is until Watari busts in, killing some folks, although that's ok since he has lisense to kill (SIC). Right. Well, Watari suggests that it's time to take out Dark Yagami and his family. Yeah, at least some of them used to be villains. Remember that? Yeah, that was great. Anyway, Watari suggests that do get this done, they NEED THE OLD BUGGERING TEAM BACK TOGETHER. The author also adds that this would be a perfect time for an upbeat "getting the team back together"-montage. Well, that's a limitation with written media, I suppose. On to assembling said team, I think I'll keep this part as short as I can.

First up, we have Hal Lidner, the gender-flipped assassin that by all accounts should be dead now. His house was all boarded up and empty cos this was a disguise cos he lived next door except that was a double disguise cos he actually lived here. Uh, ok then. Hal proceeds to act overly manly before sneaking in a reference to CSI MIAMI, although he refers to it as Law and Order. Really? The troll-sensors are bellowing at a steady eleven  *. Next up, we have Cybertakada, whom L, and everyone else thought was dead, oh, but she was apparently. You see, she was remade as a robot by Hal, except [Cybertakada's] chests are bigger for bulletproof So, Boobs of Steel taken to it's logical extremes, I guess? Next, to Wales, England, where Watari's helicopter attracts attention, since the only one who owns one in all of the UK is the Queen, don'tchaknow.

In the Watari House, L inquires who is the smartest of the kids. I'm guessing this means "bad OC time *ding", but hey, I could be wrong. .... aaaand in the very next sentence, we're introduced to A snappy dude with shark hair and a leather jacket and a load of grease Oh yes, he's C, and it stands for Cool Dude. He's a suave chick magnet who does divisions (what kind of divisions is uncertain) and writes Romeo and Juliet in his head. You'd think the latter would be more of a memory thing, since the book in question is written already. All this while enjoying constant attention from the fairer sex, of course. Well, this certainly seems like a well-rounded character... yes oh yes. Anyway, L is surprised that there's a girl in the orphanage. Well, anything not producing Ho Yay in the Death Note verse is probably unheard of, but enough about that, let's see who this chick is.

The lady is S, and she's the smartest girl in the orphanage. She , and I quote looked just like the drummer chick from that scot pilgrim film but she was skinnier and taller and her voice was lick an angel from a really posh bit of England like London or Liverpool where beetles came from. She was wearing a red short skirt that dint cover her upper leg bits with pictures of dogs and cats chasing each other on it and a bra Well, that's... an outfit, I guess. Her name is S, for Smart, or Sexy... or Samanther. I'm a little curious, what does the author think L stands for? I think I'd rather not know. L's reaction to all of this? "Ok I will take samanther cos she is superbrain and C cos he is a dude." Ok, I know L is supposed to be outrageously gay, except when he's not, in this fic, but that's... uh, I just don't know.

The quest continues, and this time, the helicopter lands on a mouse which C reanimates by punching it with his fists of holy. So, he heals the sick... well, the dead, with holy fists? Well, yay, it's not like death is meaningless enough in this fic, and it's not like there's enough Sue traits in work here to create a Sueingularity from which nothing can escape. Next up, we have a mystery guest it's Ray Pember, yay, and that's it for the chapter. Yeah, like that. Not really a cliffhanger, or a proper ending for that matter. Any comments, author? TO BE CONTINUED FOR REAL THIS TIME FOLLOW REALDARKYAGAMI ON TWITTER FOR THE LATEST DEETS! You said it man.

Well, thoughts on this chapter? As far as mindless, pointless, poorly thought-out reset buttons go this one was... exceedingly gruesome. I mean, sure, there's been worse chapters, but in the name of The Unmentionable One, the reset button just pissed me off. Oh, and we might have defictionalized Twilight Yagami. What have we done?