Slowzombie is blind about Dark, The Adventures of Dark Yagami


Holograms do not work that way

Wo de ma he ta de fong kung de wai sheng dou, another chapter? Well, this'll be my present to y'all on the Norwegian constitution day. This chapter is called "Dark goes on THE INTERNET! :D" and yes, that :D is part of the title. The author has this to say. Remember when I said some stuff wud be explained! IT GETS EXPLAINED.... NOW! I am positively tingly with expectation... or is that fear?

This whole shebang begins with Creepy dude who was now a chick was looking at Night all sexy in a real sexy way cos they had just sexed. Ok, overuse of "sexy," horrible writing, stop me if any of this seems familiar at all. Anyway, our heroes takes the creepy chick, formerly known as creepy dude, back to the police station where she explains it like so. "I'm Ls dad except now I'm his mom. I had to give him up cos hes the super brainy dude and i'm just a regular brainy dude who looks just like him and sells burgers and I couldnt provide a consturctive home envirnment for him to grow up in so I sent him to live with his gramps who is my dad and is a super britishy dude and has a mustache and drinks cups of tea." Gee, I would never have seen that particular development coming, good job author, that was worthy of a cliffhanger. So yes, Creepy dude chick also knows who killed her, and that's K, yes, I had hoped I'd be able to forget about that guy, but apparently not, fine.

So, since there's whole lines of text since our heroes did something either psychotic or monumentally stupid, Night pulls a crossbow from seemingly nowhere and headshots the creepy chick. So, Night rolls 20's, I see. Anyway, that was fun, wasn't it? Let's move on! To the Khaos Krib, I'm serious here, folks, that's where K, aka Khaos, lives. Wow, this guy is just turning duller, less mysterious and less interesting every second he's in the fic. Of course, he wasn't all that mysterious or interesting to begin with, but hey. Anyway, K's morning routine apparently consists of eating cereal and harrassing his robotic mom. Oh yeah, he has a robotic mom named Kaley, how much farther we can get from the Death Note 'verse without ending up in an entirely different fictional 'verse, I do not know.

Suddenly! Name Alarms! Thousands of them! Suddenly a bunch of red lights went red and the sirens went off and doors everywhere locked like NERVE everytime an angel comes. Incredibly subtle NGE reference there, dood. Anyway, yes, K has a "name alarm" that alerts him whenever someone finds out his true name. He ran to his computer. It was a supercomputer and hed taken the hard drive out and put a death note in its place so when he typed someones name they died so he couldnt use facebook cos he kept killing dudes by mistake. ... Ok, I'll just... accept that, somehow. The computer is also connected to the "Katelite," that is like a normal satellite but it videoed everyone in the world so he could know when someone said Khaos. So, it reads lips? Also, I won't go into just how hard it'd be for one satellite to be filming the entire world, but hey.

K spots Night, and plans to kill her, but it doesn't work. He wonders why that is. Then he realised SHE WAS A CLONE. "DAMN! That means I need her REAL NAME! Computer who was she cloned from?" So names are related to genetics somehow? I don't even know what he's trying to say here. Since Night was cloned from Dark, K death note's him instead. So, will that kill Light too? And Day, and Dawn for that matter? Or does his part-lion nature save him from this grim fate? Well, let's see. Meanwhile in Casa De Yagami Dark was in his room with Light. They were both sexing but with chicks not each other! Then light's gf realised dark was better so she went and sexed with dark and light was all sad and alone. So... fucking... Stu. That's all.

So, Light, after having his spotlight, main character spot and every favorable character trait he's ever had stolen by Dark, wishes death upon his twin, which he gets. Light, of course, immediately regrets it, of course. He tries to life note him back to... well... life, but Khaos keeps on copypastaing in the death note. Why he doesn't just kill Light as well is beyond me, but hey. Light calls for Night, who has a hologram machine. Again with that super-technology Night just has. Is this a loose plot thread, or just a stupid plothole? Well, the machine apparently can project sentient holograms, and Dark's hologram is called "Dusk." and he has no DNA cos I am a robot which is why I am not dead Hologram =/= robot, but I guess my dear readers knew this, right? Light wants Dusk here to solve the murder of Dark, but Dusk will do no such thing before he'd had sex with "Light's girlfriend," whoever that is, and the other lady, whoever that was, while the body of the person they had sex with only minutes earlier is still in the room, and probably not even cold yet. Speaking of which, the fic seems to suggest that Dark died mid-coitus, which I would think would traumatize at least one of the two, but apparently not, there's nothing sex with Dark, or a mere shadow of Dark, can't fix.

With that out of the way, Dusk here turns Light into a hologram as well, with a snap of his fingers. Hm, I read a book once, where the protagonist eventually was digitalized, except it was shown as a long, difficult and ultimately painful process, and the book didn't suck.  Digression Anyway, Light's hologram is called Shadow. Wait... THAT Shadow? I'm guessing no, since that'd mean we'd be reading something way better. The two holograms go to the internet, and Dusk collides with a sound file, causing him to start singing Lady Gaga, now there's a timeless moment.

Dusk knows where they have to go, well, that's a relief "That leads to the evil side of the internet AND THAT IS WHERE WE NEED TO GO because THAT IS WHERE THE COMPUTER DEATH NOTES ARE." Uhm... so there's a network... of digital death notes? Or... I just don't know, so I'll just go for the obvious joke. Evil side of the internet? Lurk moar, newfag. Thank you, thank you very much. Back on topic. Dust downloaded a bus and a nascar and then smooshed them together to make the NASBUS. It was the fastest bus ever and had a nuclear for an engine and another nuclear for the headlights which were so bright that it set the road on fire. So, where did the "nuclears" come from? I dunno, it probably was a nuclear buss, what do I know?

Dusk floors it and dashes through the internet at full speed, leaving Agent Smith (Yes, THAT Smith) in the dust. Also, yet another Near-dis, in case you forgot nobody likes him in this fic. They crashed into a skyscraper and luckily it was made of computer numbers so the numbers sprayed everywhere and people had to jump out of the way but noone was hurt. Then they smashed through facebook and killed all the animals on near's farmville and did wheelies and donuts in his fields. Why oh why didn't you smash through those fan pages that you have to become a fan of to KNOW WHAT YOU SUPPOSEDLY SUPPOSED TO BE A FAN OF?

Well, enough of that, the two emerge in Kasa de Khaos. "Now.... we..... FIGHT!" Dusk said grabbing a taser. Right, two holograms, that by all measures shouldn't have any physical mass or ability to manipulate their enviroment, versus Villain Sue number #402931, I just can't wait. What do you have to say for yourself, author? This was dramatic alright? IDK! Maybe they should have spent longer on the internet? TELL ME IN A REVIEW! Also I HAVE A TWITTER NOW! My username is RealDarkYagami cos there was a fake!

A twitter, you say? Well, this'll be informative, one way or another.