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Slowzombie is blind about Dark, The Adventures of Dark Yagami
slowzombie

[table of contents]
Tvtropes just got SERVED
Hey guys and gals, faithful fans and friends alike. Yeah, both of you. Anyway, I've kind of been putting off doing this, mostly since this fic... well, to be honest and hopefully witty, this fic does DPS damage to my fucking SOUL, and as I wind up to trash this piece of shit, I'm noticing there's another chapter up already. Another chapter... Another fucking chapter. Goddamnit man, I've got a script to finish. Well, there's nothing to do except change my pitch up and smack... well, you know.

This chapter is called "The fight! Except no fighting" Well, ok, thank you author, that was stupid. IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I POSTED SOZ!!!!! COS OF THAT HAVE A FLASHBACK! Thank you author, that was, if possible, even stupider. I'm not opposed to flashbacks per se, but you have to be smart about them. Well, in this case, Watari accesses some supercomputer that recaps most of the post Shinigami-Arc like so: "So there was this creepy dude and he did some creepy stuff and Dark got cloned by Light to make his new clone Day who is good and also a dude. The creepy dude got a secret death note and dressed as a chick and killed Mat and went to the city and put some cats in trees and sexed with the desk lady and then L died." Didya get all of that? Good. Do you care? Me neither. Well, Watari realizes the supercomputer doesn't know who was responsible for this whole brouhaha and therefore punches it, causing Explosive Instrumentation, as you do.

Anyway, we return to, and I quote MEANWHILE BACK WHERE THINGS WERE HAPPENING AT THE POLICE STATION IN THE CITY WHERE LIGHT AND DARK LIVED Now there's a slugline, huh? Well, back here, we get not one, but TWO Near jokes in quick succession, the problem here is that I'm not 100% on who says the second one, but the NO INDOOR VOICE seems to imply that it might be blud. That reminds me, is Near supposed to be alive at this point? I can't quite remember, but we all know the author doesn't give a shit about his current state of being, so let's move on. Anyway, Dark is suspicious of the creepy chick, this being the creepy dude in disguise lest ye forget, since he have seen so many ladies naked that he's able to detect the fact that his disguise sucks major ass. You know what? I think the fact that everyone is idiots might be canon at this point. At this point, the author takes a little detour, if you can call it that, to tell us that Light have not seen any ladies naked, due to Near using a "Blind Note" on him in an untimely situation, and also that Near tricked Light into death noting Tailer swift who was his favorite singer ever. Also, the author contributes with the following. (AN: TVTROPES said near"Near never does anything deserving of his kicking" which is a doushy thing to say tvtropes and I hope you read this cos Im fixing that now!)

Ok, I'm going to stop for a little while here to explain why I find this rather infuriating. I won't lie, actually explaining character motivations of any kind is rather good writing, especially considering the abysmal quality of the writing and characterization thus far. However, this is pretty much the most obvious retcon I have ever seen, and you'll win no points in that regard, any points for humility also evaporate. I realize I'm addressing someone who isn't reading this  *, but give me this, I need my catharsis or I'm going bananas with a cheese grater. Anyway, yeah, it was douchy to point out the obvious, exaggerated to the point of borderline parody, we're just assholes that way, I guess.

Ok, I feel much better now, let's move on while it lasts. So, Light, yet again acting like the true manipulative mastermind he is asks how a woman does look naked. Dark gives... just read it. Female women normaly have two chests and Creepy Chick only has one" dark spoke pointing to the football in the creepy chicks top. "That is not right except maybe shes from Canader where these things happen. Creepy chick are you from canader?" Ok, let's just look at this for a second, not much more, because the sheer, unapologetic moronity might eat its way into my brain and kill me. At this point, it's so stupid that troll or no, it's starting to hurt. Yes, female women, that being women who are not male, have two chests. Are you referring to breasts, by any chance? It's the only explanation I can come up with, but I'll be honest even that is a bit thin, especially since the creepy chick apparently used only one football for "her" great Transylvanian caper. I'd facepalm, but I need to keep up the pace.

Anyway, Dark goes ahead and reveals what anyone with two brain cells to rub together should've figured out already, that the creepy chick is an imposter. The author chimes in with (AN: GASP! THIS IS A TWIST GUYS!) Yeah, except it's not a twist when you can see it coming a mile away... while being blind. Anyway, what's up next, you might ask? Well, yes, Dark tells Watari to bring out the father detector! Really now? Really? That's just lazy. So lazy I can't even muster up the hate to do the AM Speech, or any speech , for that matter. Moving on, yes, it turns out the creepy guy in reality is L's father. Now I would never have guessed. Anyway Pa' Yagami chews him out for killing his son, but apparently, it's not that big a problem any more, as L walks into the room with a death note, crossing over whatever he just wrote in it.

What? Well, Night is glad to see L, which is... fairly uninteresting, but let's move on. The crew apparently keep L's corpse around for reasons undiscussed, but enough about that, the crew goes to eat pizza, everybody except for Sachiko, who stays behind. She discovers that the dead L is the real L! That means we have a fake L, OMGNOWAI. At the pizza hut, the crew more or less pig out, while "L" is in the bathroom. "I hope noone figures out who I am!" he said forcefully to himself. "BECAUSE I AM NOT L! I AM LS BROTHER WHO IS CALLED….. K!"

...

K?

...

FUCKING K?

Seriously, way to miss the entire point between the naming there, I mean, I won't go into details, but that's just lame, trust me. Well, the author takes us home with the following: MORE NEXT TIME AGAIN! Well that's just... delicious. More sometime later this week folks. Stay tuned.

10th Dec '10 8:38:13 AM flag for mods
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