Slowzombie is blind about Dark, The Adventures of Dark Yagami


Flawless fanfic logic folks

Ugh, I don't want to do this. The Dark Yagami saga and myself have had a bit of a Slap-Slap-Kiss relationship these last few months. Lately, I've been flip-flopping on the topic of whether or not this is a troll fic and if so if it's a good troll fic. I've come to the conclusion that I do not care. I wish I could say I'm just running through this to the end, but I'm starting to think there'll be no end, so that leaves me in a bit of a funny situation to say the least. Oh well, I guess I'll keep on snarking, after all, I AM a snark shark, if I stop snarking, I die.

So, chapter 28 is called "Mad dad sad dad bad dad!" Hm, ok, I guess that's not the stupidest title so far, but that doesn't say all that much, really. Author's notes? Of course. HEY I WAS AWAY BUT IM BACK NOW. BACK WITH A VENGENCE! AND NACHOS! AND A MOUNTEN DEW EXCEPT I SPILLED IT. SOME PEEPS SAID THERE WASN'T ENOUGH DETECTIVE STUFF SO NOW THERE IS! Well isn't that great. Moving on. We open to the "Death Note Radar" giving off a report of a Death Note somewhere. Watari reacts with typical class and calm, as always. THE F-CKWANKING DEATH NOTE RADAR FOUND A DEATH NOTE!" he screamed hitting the table and making a teapot explode. Yeah. L asks who found it, but apparently, that's beyond the grasp of the death note radar to find out, due to the "secret death note." So that's yet another subspecies of -notes? And here I thought it was merely a death note which was previously unaccounter for, but that shows what I know, don't it?

Everyone gasped except light's mom cos she didn't know what one was cos she's not seen the show. Then Light told her. Uhm... Meta? Oh, and Light's Mom is still Light's Mom, I'd joke that this'd make her immune to death note ganking, but as we saw earlier, that's not true. Oh well. The Death Note Radar apparently also detects that the user of the note wrote "my son" in it. I'd ask how exactly this death note radar works, but I'll just say it runs on unobtanium and works because it's painted red. Night chips in with this... ehm... this. We know they have a son! That means every dad in the world could have done the creepy but noone else." "said night using her super detective skills. Ehm, to be frank, what part of the evidence excludes the mothers of the world? Oh, or is that supposed to imply that Night knows something? Well, far be it for me to assume this fic has anything over the very most basic coherency.

Well, Day, probably just as eager as I'm not to prove that he's worth a damn. He went to the tv station and asked to go on the news and they let him cos hes the good twin so he cant be up to evil. Again, this fic seems to be happening ON the fourth wall. Now, if the characters could only wage bloody war on their creator, now that'd be interesting, if not a bit of a swerve. Well, Day has the following to say: What's up people!" (GET IT!!!) he said thumbs up and a cheesy grin stuck all over his face. "I have good news and bad news!" Everyone was excited and watched closely in case it was the lottery and they won. But it wasn't the lottery………. IT WAS DEATH. "The good news is that we have disovered a new death note and it's a secret death note which is pretty cool I guess. The bad news is that every dad in the world is under arrest." I keep coming up with ideas to improve this narrative, but it'd be kinda funny if it turned out to be a woman who was the criminal, and thus casting our "heroes" (a term I use very lightly) in a rather interesting light, and by interesting I mean interesting in the way that betrays gross incompetence and probably stupidity.

Well, the public is less than pleased by this of course, everyone except for our unnamed villain, who considers this "JUST AS PALNNED!" I'm guessing there's a couple of people with father issues and/or unchecked misandry that'd be glad to hear this, but those apparently weren't important enough to be mentioned in the story. Oh, and this of course also raises the question with what authority these guys are going to arrest all these people, but I digress, let's just move on. Every dad in the world was a lot of dads so they needed to use the janitors cupboard where he kept the paitn and also some toilet paper as a jail. So... does this imply the N.Y police office holds ALL of them? Moving on post haste, lest the part of my brain that tries to make sense out of things should explode. Dark & the ever-unnamed Desk Lady whine about the fact that they can't find a good place to knock boots, oh, and she's naked, of course, because why the hell not?

Our 'froed friend interrupts this particular scene, though, since Desk Lady is needed to take care of a chick at the... well... desk. "THIS IS A JOB FOR DESK LADY!" she said like superman and flew to the desk except she cant fly cos shes just a normal lady so she just walked but did it extra fast. She was naked but it was too impotent for her to get dressed. No additional snark should be neccesary for this. Anyways, this chick introduces "herself" as... well, a chick, and... well "she" wants to see Mr. Yagami Sr, but that's a no-can-do since he's arrested. Wait... doesn't Dark call himself Day's "father," wouldn't that mean he's under lock and key too? Well, no matter. The self-proclaimed chick convinces the Desk Lady to take her to Soichiro because a cat's life is at stake, and apparently, she's a cat person.

The "chick" presents her case like so: "i have bad news. an evil dude has put cats in every tree in the city and we need every cop to save them before they blow up." The cats... blow up? I mean, that could explain why people make such a big number out of rescuing cats from trees, since the felines appear to explode when left alone in trees for too long. It is, to be sure, one of the most explosive wonders of nature. Soichiro dispatches the only police officers who aren't under arrest, namely, our rag-tag band of Mary Sues and obnoxious Britishmen, now that's just lovely. The Desk Lady asks if Watari shouldn't be locked up too, but apparently he doesn't count because his son disappeared long ago. So, just to make double-sure nobody misses just what happens here, the "chick" has this to say about Watari's son "i guess if he was still here he would be alive and dressed as a chick or something anyway i need to see L and do things bye"

So, surprise surprise, the crew does not find any cats. The creepy chick says she must just have been mistaken. "No problem creepy chick!" dark said slapping her in the back. The soccer ball fell out of her chest but noone noticed and she stuck it back in. "Glad to help. But now we have a bigger mystery to solve! WHO WILL DIE!" Paging the crew of the Dark Yagami story, paging the crew of the Dark Yagami story: YOU ARE IDIOTS. Ok, I feel a lot better now, let's see how this ends. L states that the creepy guy's intended victim must've been Near, before dying. Wow, never would've seen that coming. Despite the rather clever foreshadowing, this was just such a Shocking Swerve.... yeah. The author takes us home with OMGGGGGGG THAT WAS TOO GOOD. NEXT TIME SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN. Nowai, something may just happen? I am positively giddy with excitement.