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Slowzombie is blind about Dark, The Adventures of Dark Yagami
slowzombie

[table of contents]
Cupcakes, slash and cliffhangers
Wooho boy, I'm not sure I actually want to do this, but hey, I said I'd ride this bitch 'till the end, and what is a man  * if he doesn't keep his word? Chapter 27 is called "The creepy dude HAS A PLAN." Hm, I guess that works. As far as titles go, it's not good, but at least it's in fucking ENGLISH, so I guess that works. The authors notes tells us that WARNING THIS CHAP HAS A LOT OF SLASHING IN IT COS LIGHT NEEDS TO DO IT TO SAVE AMERCIA Oh dear sweet motherly Cthulhu, I'm scared. It strikes me at this point that I don't use FlatWhats much in this liveblog, but that could be because I'm fairly good at expressing my confusion and mind-boggledness. Either that, or I never shut up, you be the judge. But I'm stalling again, let's get on with it.

So, we begin this part of the story with: The buzz went off at L's new house which wasn't in his old tower cos that burned down! In stead he was in a trailer in a trailer park for rich dudes at the top of the biggest skycraper in Lights city. Uhm... so... the building that burned down in the last chapter was where L had his office? You'd think we were told that, but eh. More confusingly, didn't he have a place in the police station? Did the police station burn down? Did he move? TELL US THINGS author, less sapphic erotica and wish-fulfillment, give us some exposition dammit.

"The buzz" in this case seems to be an intercom, because Watari seems to use it as such. On the other end, we have Light. Oh great, I can't wait for yet another case of his Magnificent Bastardry. That said, Light is there to, and I quote Imhere to sex up L and bake cup cakes and im all out of cupcakes which is why I need to bake them! It feels futile to point out the mindbending OOCness of Light at this point, but you know what? This isn't Light Yagami, I'm considering to rename him a la Crazy Steve or Bearded Idiot, but that'd be more confusing than strictly necessary

So, Light is all sharp-dressed and described in My Immortal-levels of detail, which makes me wonder why all badfics seem to talk about clothes so much. But I digress. Light enters, only to be flat-out pounced by L. They make pancakes, despite agreeing to make cupcakes, and I'd further ponder the implications of this, were it not for what immediately follows, which is, of course, poorly described homosexual intercourse. We're also told that L's bed is made from candy... yes. I think somewhere along the line, I just started assuming this fic is set in some unusually bizarre bizzaro-universe where all this makes sense.

They sexed very hard and made so much nosse that a bunch of pigeons flew away all over the city and some dudes thought it was an earthquake but it wasn't because it was just some noisy sexing and Ls trailer was rocking real hard then it stopped cos they were done. See my previous comment. Also, strictly speaking, only L "was finished" as it were, because Light complains he didn't get his, a complaint L really doesn't pay any attention to, but luckily, they did it again anyway and then they were done. I find it increasingly harder to criticize this guy's grasp on sex, gender and sexual orientation, I guess you can blame my dives into the frightening world of Sonichu for that, but I digress.

Speaking of something entirely different, the two lovers cuddle up and talk background exposition, revealing that L doesn't have a father, but a grandfather in Watari. If this is supposed to be "he's like a grandfather to me" or if he actually is the father of either L's father or mother remains vague, but I think it's better that way. Light asks what L thinks his father would be like. What follows... just... just read it. "He'd probably look just lick me except taller and he would be a creepy dude and also evil for leaving me with my gramps and going of on a round the world mission to become the evilest dude ever. But he dint so it doesn't matter." "But what if he did?" "I NEVER FORT OF THAT!" exploding L jumping out of bed so hard he hit his head on the sealing fan. "WE NEED TO GO AND SAVE AMERICA BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!"

How does any of that make any sense? Did L have any semblance of a clue that his father might be a mustache-twirling villain? And did THE GREATEST DETECTIVE IN THE WORLD not stop to ask himself the rather basic "but what if" question Light asks him? Come on, this is the weakest use of plot devices I've seen since I Know Who Killed Me. Over at the police, a stranger who I absolutely can not guess who is introduces himself as L. The desk lady opened the door sexily. She was naked because then criminals came to see her naked and then they got arrested. "You look taller than L" she said naked. She said naked? Uhm, I don't think you can use that, but I've read about people jumping sexily in front of bullets so what do I know?

So, this not-L goes to a secret floor... in the police headquarters. Sure, let's just go with that, shall we? Where he finds Matt, tied up. The dude exposits that he saved Matt from the car crash way back when. Why the author actually feels like explaining why people get better now is beyond me, especially considering how many times he has killed off Near. Well, our new antagonist also threatens to chop Matt into multiple pieces, unless he spills the beans on where he's hidden his "secret death note." Matt's not being in a cooperative mood... so the creepy guy sacrifices him to a Volcano God in exchange for said Secret Death Note. Volcano gods? Really? Well, ok, that's a rather sizable addition to the mythos there, author. The creepy guy, who we STILL have no idea who is writes in the secret Death Note "MY SON."

The author takes us home with this. 'WHO IS THE CREEPY DUDES SON? WHY DOES HE WANT TO KILL HIM? WHAT EVIL THINGYS WILL HE DO WITH THE SECRET DEATH NOTE? ANSERS NEXT TIME! :O :O :O Gee, I wonder how THIS will turn out. Play him off, Keyboard Cat! Overall, this chapter was better than the last, not that it counts for much, but at least the author is throwing some effort in, but I'll get back to that in a later post.
10th Dec '10 8:30:58 AM flag for mods
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