Slowzombie is blind about Dark, The Adventures of Dark Yagami


Turning Japanese

Allright, time for another entry in my own personal Marble Hornets. The title of this chapter is, roughly translated «Raw materials of epic! REDY? ? So it is? ?» This is going to hurt, isn't it? Yeah. What does the author have to say in his defense? THANKS TO BABYFISH 4 MAKING THE JAPANISH REAL! IF YOU CANT READ JAPANISH YOU WILL NEED TO MAKE IT ENGLISH AGAIN THO SOZ! TIS CHAP IS DEADCATED TO JARK GRIMWOD FOR SNEDING ME FANMAIL! PEACE OUT! EXCEPT NOT BECAUSE THERES FIC SILLY! I'm guessing he's talking about Bablefish, but could be he's got a friend named Babyfish.

So, in the Yagami house, the doorbell rings. Mrs Yagami answers and finds a certain Demi Gawa outside. I'm guessing he's talking about Demegawa from the series, he introduces himself and says he needs to talk to Day. Why does anyone know that Day even exists? You might ask, and if you ever find out, make sure to tell me. Well, Demi Gawa here speaks in Japanese, which Mrs Yagami... can't read. Wow, that's meta. Dark, being the perfect Marty Stu that he is, actually can speak not only Japanese, but also any other language than Welsh. For those of you playing at home, Dark's Stu count just rose by... two-three hundred, or so.

Well, Demi waves his camera around, saying... something. Babelfish brings up only Engrish, but I think he says that he likes Dark and that asking about speaking to Day. Dark's response is... again not easy to understand. They chatter on about... something. If anyone of y'all want to decrypt the dialog, feel free to do so while imagening me snarking about it. Demi then switches to English. Why he didn't do so earlier? I have no idea.

So, Dark is interviewed, Demi waving the camera around awesome style and playing some death metal like nickleback and stuff to make it more awesome. Nickleback... Death metal? I'm a bit mystified here. Either this guy is the most obvious troll ever, or he's... a whole new level of stupid at work. What does Dark have to say? Well I am the smartest dude in America and I own a plane and I sex with chicks a lot and sometimes I like to be in the Olympics which I win because im so good except for that time I had a broken leg but still won. ...and he's humble too, ladies and gentlemen.

Before Dark can tell us more about how awesome he is, though, we're told there's a fire in the city. Day leaps into action, but just when it looked like this guy might actually do something, Dark gets in his car and rushes to the site of the fire. There were lights everywhere and dark got confused and crashed his car but it landed in the fire which was already on fire so nothing happened Uhm... I don't think fire works that way, in fact I don't think anything works like that. Dark rushes into a burning building Then he heard something in the top floor! So he ran superspeed like sonic up the stares and they were on fire and fallen down so he had to jump like 20 floors. He saw a door and he knew this one was special cos it was on fire!!!! Uhm... ok, Dark's got super speed, fair enough.

So, Dark enters this door, kicking down a door made of steal and gold without any mentionable problem. In the burning room, Dark finds a rabitt, who he saves by taking it with him as he jumps out of the window, surviving the 70-story fall because... the firefiters all sprayed him real hard and the jets of water slowed him down and also he was on fire so they solved that problem to. PHYSICS! Once he and the lagomorph is safe on the ground, “MY HERO!” screamed a sexy woman who owned the rabbit. “I WILL SEX YOU FOR SAVING HIM!” Also, that's not how women work... I think.

Now, Dark takes to trying to figure out who started the fire. Well, it probably wasn't Billy Joel or his posse, but I digress. He asks a «creepy dude» because Creepy dudes are good at seeing creepy dude things like fires Flawless logic at work, folks. Oh, but it gets better, what does the creepy dude have to say? “i think i saw him. it was a chick who was short and fat and hated candies and had long blond hair and small eyes and dint look like L at all.” Dark, despite being apparently super-inteligent, doesn't catch this before the creepy dude having left. Oh noes. The tension rises still. The author takes us home with the following. SORRY NOT MUCH HAPPENED BUT THE FIRE WAS TO EPIC! MORE STUFF NECKS TIME! Lovely, isn't it?

So yes, I think the increased release tempo is starting to show, and the line between unsubtle troll and marvelous idiot is getting real blurry. The mere thought of this guy getting fanmail also mystifies me.