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Slowzombie is blind about Dark, The Adventures of Dark Yagami
slowzombie

[table of contents]
In which Dark is not a Magnificent Bastard
It's time to spend another little session in the dark with Dark. At this point, I'd rather spend a session Alone in the Dark, if nothing else because it'd be over sooner. But hey. This chapter is titled "WHEN IT ALL CHANGES!" and our good friend the capslock returns, hiya capslock, how's the wife and children? Well, change isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I suspect, in this case, it just might be. No authors note, well, that's... oddly ominous, actually.

Light was skipping in the park. Then a snipe happened and now he dead. And that, my friends, is how you defuse a cliffhanger and makes it pointless. L seems... well, not at all bothered by killing his lover, or ex-lover. Sure, God told him to, but just a little drop of angst? Or is that whole homosexual L/Light thing functionally nonexistent now that Blud seems to have taken up the mantle of villain? I should stop trying to figure this stuff out. Anyway, Watari is with him, and he's as obnoxiously British as ever. Great. Anyway, the two go home to celebrate, but all is not well: But then L found a lif3e note and accidently writ Light in it.

COME ON! That's not a plot element, that's just pure idiocy. Granted, if you actually were smart about this, like playing it for laughs and the character who did this was a complete and utter moron, not say... well, the smartest man in america  *. Honestly, it strikes me that my steadily increasing rages over the atrociously poor writing this fic displays every couple of paragraphs might start to feel old, but you know what? It's the only thing I can do. Every chapter, it's some new form of insanity, and it's always worse than the last time the author needed to move the plot, or create some plot, as the case is this time.

Let's just move on. Light finds himself in the park, not really knowing what's going on. He is, however, keen on revenge to... well, whoever killed him. He goes home to plan his revenge. He sniffed some flours and then ran to his evil base to plan. Here he had computers and lasers and a nuclear and an xbox 360. He put the pencil in the door and the bag of gas in his desk to double stop being seeing. Ehm, ok then, I'm not sure what the xbox has to do with anything, and bag of gas? Honestly, anyone want to help me with what the flying fuck that's supposed to mean?

Well, enough about that. Light comes up with a plan that apparently is so fantastic that absolutely no-one will be able to see it coming. His plan? To kill L, who he for some reason now knows killed him... right. "But slowzombie," you might say, "L's dead, how is the author going to handle that?" To that, I can do nothing but shake my head and refer to this sentence. I know L would be dead but imagine he isnít except then thered be be no reason to work it out so i donít know he came back with a time machine to guess how i dead i dunno its not my story. It is but i donít care. Just... what? L isn't dead/a ghost now? And the author doesn't care about the continuity and storyline of his own story? Well that last part came totally out of left field. I think that's what the author is trying to say, but it sure isn't easy to say for sure.

The story then moves to Tomorrow. Right, well, the timeline of this thing is rapidly spinning out of control, so why the hell not. It turns out Light's genius plan is... throwing a knife at L. Ehm, ok, I guess it'll do as long as it works, right? Of course, it doesn't work, and L swears revenge or my name isn't L which, at this point, Light points out that it is not. Again with that. Oh well. Let's not dwell on that, because the narrative jumps again, to Heaven if that is heaven today or heaven tomorrow, we might never know. ark was making hell in heaven (GET IT! IM QUIET PROUD OF THAT ONE!) Gah. It strikes me that this is more of an order than an actual question... which makes it all that much worse, because I fail to see how there's anything to "get" here.

So, Dark runs around in heaven, lighting stuff on fire, punching dead people, and god can't stop him because Dark is the king of the Shinigami. Yes. You read that right. Dark is now more powerful than God. Of course this 'verses god was successfully intimidated by a guy with a knife, so that might not say much, but still. Then, Dark takes the highway to hell. And yes, that includes a (GET IT) just to close the deal. The highway to hell apparently ends up next to L's house, because Dark comes crashing out through the front gates. For some reason or other, Watari is dressed like a duck. That's actually a pretty entertaining mental image, but I'm hesitant to award any points for it.

Just as you thought this fic was as batshit insane as it could be, Light appears, and through an exchange so... well, I'm not going to quote it, but it ends with the two killing each other. Dark has this to say about it all. ďI TRICKED YOU INTO KILLING EACH OTHER! I AM THE BEST EVIL DUDE EVER AND SUTLE AND ALSO A MAGNIFICENT BASTARD! (TAKE THAT TVTROPES!!!!!!)Ē Ok. I'm not following. How did he manipulate them in any way? This guy is about as much of a Magnificent Bastard as I'm a Casanova, also, as far as TakeThats go, that was pretty lame. What was that? "Oh hey, I used a term from your website. Take that!" Oh, and to make it all that much better, L and Light agrees before they died on the floor screaming in blood.

Also, in closing, the author notes that he doesn't know what'll happen next in the story yet. Apparently ending it is out of the question, but hey, maybe the next chapter will be better. I guess that's technically possible.
10th Dec '10 7:51:20 AM flag for mods
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