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Slowzombie is blind about Dark, The Adventures of Dark Yagami
slowzombie

[table of contents]
Oh yay, lesbians
Unfortunately, this isn't a complete blind chapter, since I keep an extra chapter written for a rainy day. Unfortunately, this was lost when my PC went to the great kernel junkyard in the sky sad Fortunately I've forgot quite a part of it, so enjoy this quasi-blind Marty Stu insanity.

So, first on, this chapter is called "Misa and Sayu do sexy stuff." If you are not intimidated at this early point, then you clearly are made out of stronger stuff than me. Anyway, let's get this pig rolling. So, our story resumes when Light kills some evil people. Yeah, I loved how the story was clear about who was evil and good, or if any clear evil and good really exists. Pfeh, who needs discussion about the nature of justice? They're clearly evil, right? Well, luckily, the author doesn't dwell on this too long, and instead briefly skips over to our very favorite Marty Stu, Dark. Goodie.

Oh, turns out we're not going to follow Dark right now, because Misa apparently just came around, and Light, again as true to his character as the rest of this fic, which is to say not much, runs down to greet her. "Did you bring the” he winked “homework” he winked again. Right... winking, because Light, the subtle mastermind, winks. In general, Light doesn't act the slightest like his Canon counterpart, but winking?

Oh well, the two get upstairs, but Dark is changing, so Misa can't come in. Light's ok, though. Gee, they sure don't feel awkward around each other, considering they've known each other... what, a week at most? Well, subtle as this way to separate the two is, or rather isn't, Misa ends up standing in the hall by herself.

At this time, as the author puts it Once Misa was alone Sayu came out the closet (get it!? : P ). Gah... just GAH. Fanfic writers everywhere, do me a favor and help me exterminate this atrocity against humor. A joke that isn't funny on its own will not be funny with "get it," or even the possibly more ironic "geddit?" Also, punctuation madness much? Exclamation point, question mark, smiley, end bracket, period. I usually have a problem with too little punctuation, but that's a bit excessive, don't you think.

Anyway, to compress the following landslide of poor plot madness, Sayu knows about Light, Misa and Dark's secret, and promises not to tell. Again, just like reading the manga, huh guys? Seriously, at this rate, the whole cast will know about the DN gang and their secret, and considering how stingy Light was on the info in Death Note, the difference is pretty jarring.

Anyway, Sayu has one condition, that Misa will have sex with her. The following exchange deserves to be pasted out in full. Enjoy. "Misa looked surprised. She stepped back and gasped. “Your a lesbian?” she asked curiously. “Yes. Why are you?” Sayu said back sexily. “I am vicarious” Misa replied as she took her dress off and walked into Sayu’s room."

Great isn't it? On the bright side, the author doesn't drown us with Purple Prose IKEA Erotica. On the less bright side... pretty much everything else I can think about at the moment.

Buuuut enough about that, the author jumps over to Dark, Light and Dark's shinigami best bud, Blud. Aaaand now, it is exposition time, boys and girls: '“I GOT IT BECAUSE I KILLED THE OLD KING OF THE SHINIGAMI AND THAT MADE ME THE NEW KING.” Said Blud “THE KING GETS A POWEFUL DEATH NOTE THAT LETS HIM KILL WHOEVER HE WANTS AND ALSO HE GETS A PALACE AND A WIFE AND ALL THE BLOOD BANANAS HE CAN EAT” And yes, Blud talks like that, I am positively tickled pink. Also, the king of the shinigami get a wife? Shinigami are asexual... but hey, when does logic, Word of God and canon sources matter at all anyway? Also, the brothers try out the red death note, except it seems the rules have changed, and now you just need to know a persons face to kill him/her. They test it out on a weather forecaster, doubtlessly one who have given in to the dark side of meteorology, the bad boys of the weather forecasters, no doubt. Light writes down his name, which he does not know, but it works. Still no explanation for how one can write a name one does not know, it just works, apparently.

Again, we return to the sapphic duo. I get yet another brief My Immortal flashback, seeing as more description is given to the two ladies underwear than, well, pretty much anything any canon character has done so far. I'm guessing an underwear catalog was involved in the research to this fanfic. Sayu then took her own underwear off and she was naked underneath. I fail to see how this could in any conceivable situation could not be the case, but I'm marking this up as "lacking skill in writing smut" and leaving it as that. I keep imagining a full sex scene would sound something like two Barbie dolls having sex, but hopefully, I will never know for sure. Before things can get more steamy, thus elevating the whole situation from a swirling vortex of anti-steam to merely un-steamy, someone knocks on the door. Sayu goes to open, seemingly forgetting that she's naked. Since Dark hasn't really Stu'd up our lives just enough this chapter, it is indeed him waiting at the door, unknown for what reasons. So, Sayu calls Dark a pervert and slams the door on him. Honestly, miss Yagami, what did you EXPECT when you went to answer the door naked? Wouldn't, say, pretending no-one's home or putting on some clothes be the more intelligent thing to do? Of course it would, but it's not like this fic needs to adhere to the basic rules of logic.

So, Misa splits the scene, but forgets her bag, with her Death Note in it... I'll give Misa this much, I do not exactly applaud her intelligence all that often, but she IS smarter than that. Anyway, it turns out Sayu planned on this, a truly contrived plan if I ever saw one, but I digress, because she is in league with Soichiro Yagami. Isn't that cute, the story tries to be an actual story. :3

Well, that was this installment, stay tuned as I go ever so slowly insane while trying to finish this.
10th Dec '10 6:35:09 AM flag for mods
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