Episode 1: VS. The Lion King
Alright, so we will kick off this liveblog with a fanfic taking place a few months after The Rugrats Movie
. Since The Movie
is a major plot point for this fanfic (as well as many other of these fanfics), allow me to recap it for those who haven’t seen it.
In the movie, Tommy gets a baby brother by the name of Dil and throughout the movie, they squabble and argue and fight with each other until they learn to love each other. On top of that, there is a Reptar
Wagon that the kids hop on. Originally, the Rugrats were gonna travel to the hospital (or as they put it: “The Baby Store”) via wagon to return Dil, in typical Rugrats fashion. However, they took a wrong turn and wound up in a forest where they spend a good chunk of the movie fending off escaped circus monkeys, and most important of all, a wolf, all while trying to find “The Lizard” and make a wish to go home. That’s the gist of the movie, with subplots being both the parents and Angelica on a search to find the Rugrats for different reasons. I can’t really say if the movie is good or bad since I haven’t seen it in a long time.
So with that recap (I will bring up anything else if need be), let’s dig into today’s fanfiction: Revenge
. Yep, just that. Revenge of what? Well, let’s find out.
So as I stated before, it takes place four months after the events of The Movie
. And we start off with this little act of stupidity: Angelica tells the parents all about the wolf attack, and they decide that it’d be a good idea to go camping at the exact place where said wolf attack took place. That, and they didn’t bring the dog, Spike.
Okay, before I get to the elephant in the room, let me explain this whole wolf attack thing. At the climax of the movie, after they fended off the circus monkeys, the Rugrats encounter the Wolf, and they would have been food had it not been for Spike coming in and kicking his ass. So, with that in mind, the fact that the parents decide to not bring the very thing that protected their children in the first place is pretty idiotic itself. Not to mention that they are going to the exact same place they were attacked.
Oh, and there’s this female wolf who just happens to be the mate of the Wolf that attacked the Rugrats. She wants revenge
for her mate’s death, but can’t because the parents didn’t take Spike. So she goes after the babies instead. Oh, and she has a scar that’s purple... Okay then. Oh, and she has three kids that are weirdly colored
. For example, one of her kids has red and green fur. With the green fur being the major fur area. Also, these wolves can talk
. Why or how is never discussed, just that they have the ability and apparently the wolf from the movie didn’t have said ability. I can only assume that they’re from a magical breed of wolves and Zira cross-bred with Movie!Wolf.
But let’s focus back on the kids for a bit. They are whining about how they’re back at the site where they were attacked. They soon decide to come up with a plan that has them not go into the forest. Oh, and one of them suggests putting the wolf to sleep. Wow... I didn’t expect them to start thinking of murdering the wolf as one of their options
. Back to the miscolored wolves... Oh right, I forgot to give them the names... The female wolf is named Zira... and her children are named Kovu, Vitani , and Nuka... sound familiar?
Eeeeeyup! These wolves are really the lions from The Lion King sequel. Though they are wolves... with magic talking powers... and technicolor dream-fur. Oh, and we get a name for Movie!Wolf: Scar. Wait... what? Lion King reference aside, the wolf barely had a scar. Even the story points it out. Usually someone is named Scar because they have, oh, I don’t know, A SCAR! Heck, LionKing!Scar, according to a possibly non-canon story, was actually named Taka before getting his scar from a water buffalo and changing his name to reflect how his anger earned him said scar.
Well, moving on, Nuka has thoughts of being... king? What? Uh... Okay then, when you transplant characters from one show to another like this, you’re also taking out a huge chunk of context. In The Lion King
, there is a lion monarchy, hence the title. Putting the villains into a setting where such an idea doesn’t exist leads to problems. Zira talks about Kovu becoming king and that they will have a “return to power” and yet I have no idea what the hell that means in this setting where it’s mostly a Slice of Life
focusing on humans rather than lions or wolves and that there’s no lion/wolf monarchy. In fact, why is
Zira wanting a “return to power” and making Kovu out to be this Chosen One
? Doesn’t she just want revenge for Scar’s death? What the hell is this about kings and shit? In fact, Scar was just a normal wolf as far as the movie was concerned. There was nothing about him that screamed “king”.
But enough digressing, it’s time for a musical!
Ah yes, the author tends to insert songs into these stories, and since the villains are literally ripped from the second Lion King movie, we’re obligated to have this song play. While I would skip it, it allows me to rip into this a little bit more. Let’s start off with...
I've been exiled, persucuted [sic], left alone with no defense.
By who? In the original, Simba exiled Zira, but in a setting with no king, who exiled Zira? To the author’s credit, the song isn’t exactly a word for word transliteration of the song.
The sound of those parents' dying gasp!
Their little kids squealing in my grasp!
Their friends' mournful cry. That's my lullabye [sic].
A little blood thirsty, aren’t we, Zira? In fact, the entire song sounds like one large Hot-Blooded
declaration of war. Against people who are only related to the beast that killed her mate
. I think she’s a little more blood thirsty than her Lion King counterpart. I hate to say this... but this Fanfic actually introduced me to just how epic “My Lullaby” really is
But enough gushing about the song, it’s time to return to the plot! So the babies decide their plan is to not go into the woods... However, they have set up camp... in the woods. Brilliant planning there, Tommy
. Oh, and a month passed
. Wait, what? An entire month passed? What the hell were they doing camping for an entire month? Don’t some of the parents have jobs to get back to? Whatever, we’re back to Zira who tells the fully grown Kovu (well, they sure grow up fast
) to get ready for the vendetta.
And within a sentence, they begin to attack. Didi goes “Oh Crap
"Hold it, Deed. What's wrong?", Stu and Betty asked.
... At the same time? So anyways, the wolves raid the cabin (really? I thought they were in tents the whole time) and Angelica runs to the back door, only to find Kovu blocking it. Shit. This won’t end well... Oh wait, Angelica just runs past him apparently. And then she runs into the woods... Wait, aren’t they in the woods? And wasn’t the Rugrats plan supposed to involve avoiding
the woods? They even told Angelica to avoid those woods like the plague, though the story told us this happened right after Angelica ran into the woods. Angelica, you get the honor of being the first person in this liveblog to be subject to this
So anyways, Angelica’s parents follow her to the bridge
as Kovu has Angelica on the ropes, even having her nearly fall off the bridge. And the other parents arrive too, but they can’t do jack shit. Why? Because they’re too scared. You know, in the author’s ears, this might sound like poetry, but to me it sounds like just what it is: BULLSHIT!
Okay, recapping a bit of the movie again, I mentioned how the parents were searching for the kids. While they aren’t the brightest of the bunch, they do
manage to pull off some pretty smart moves when their kids are on the line. Going by the movie alone, there was one moment where Tommy’s father, Stu, decided to use a glider machine modeled after Dactar
to find the kids... And he winds up finding them through sheer luck (I.E. He crashed into a fucking helicopter, fell right into a park ranger’s station not far from where the Rugrats were, and lives) right after the wolf is dispatched.
Point I am trying to make here is that if Stu is willing to risk his life to simply find the kids, then surely he wouldn’t mind confronting a wolf to save them. Not to mention that if this was a realistic situation, chances are a parent would risk their life for the child. Ever wonder why we have the Mama Bear
and Papa Wolf
tropes? But nah, we have to have him be scared so that we can have a Big Damn Heroes
moment from... A dinosaur. Ah yes, in the perfectly normal world of the Rugrats, there’s apparently wolf monarchies and dinosaurs still roaming the Earth. SURE! WHY NOT?
So this dinosaur pushes Kovu around and he just Rage Quits
despite the fact that he has claws and teeth to simply shred the Apatosaurus. The dinosaur tries to rescue Angelica, but manages to get himself hanging on the ledge too and they fall off
. However, a pterosaur comes and saves them. Yay.
Oh, but then Zira arrives! And unlike her supposed “chosen one”, Kovu, she actually manages to not only fight the dinosaur, but managed to kick his ass. She attempts to kill Angelica (all while saying a Pre-Mortem One-Liner
: “Out of the gene pool and into the food chain, my little one.”) but the dinosaur comes back and they fight some more. You know, this would be an epic fight (Wolf vs. Dinosaur FTW) had it not been for the fact that it ends just like how the fight between Scar and Simba ended.
And apparently the other wolves... Nuka and Vitani, I guess, Rage Quit
as well. And now we get to see the name of this mysterious dinosaur that saved Angelica and kicked some wolf ass.
} WHAT? You gotta be kidding me! How the hell is he still alive? The Land Before Time
series is supposed to take place during the age of the Dinosaurs, which is about 65 million years ago! Just how the hell did Littlefoot manage to live all these years? There’s willing suspension of disbelief, and then there’s impossibilities like this! This is supposed to take place in a world similar to real life, albeit with talking toddlers. Suddenly, we have fucking dinosaurs in this goddamn world! For no reason!
So Littlefoot goes back to the Great Valley (which by now is possibly Ashley Valley), the gang decide to hang out in the forest of death for a while longer, and everyone lives happily ever after.
KAMEN RIDE: DIEND!
Well, that was a waste. The villains are practically airlifted from another work, the fights are anti-climatic, and when they’re not, they’re also airlifted from another work, a few of the characters are idiots or cowards and the day is saved by something that shouldn’t exist in the real world.
One down, a hell of a lot more to go, and if you think dinosaurs existing in the 20th century was odd, you haven’t seen nothing yet!