The Suburban Knights Liveblog Thing


Part 4

My computer's been fixed for quite a while now, I'm just a lazy fuck. So let's get on with this.

MORE TREES. Oh my fucking god.

Linkara says what I noticed way back in part two—Critic's really not into this. And really, dude, if you're going to insist everyone plays dress-up, don't be the guy who's not doing it. It makes you look like a jerk. (Knowing the Walker's fondness for Criticdickery, this was likely intentional, but still.)

Critic asks Linkara to help him figure out the next clue, which instantly solves itself with the arrival of the Witch Warrior, and it's here it occurred to me that really, the costumes have helped with jack shit so far. None of them have gained any insight by being in character. It was really a pointless plot element that could've easily been removed, speeding up the pacing, and as for comedy—we have a handful of running gags, few of which are really funny, and a handful of genuinely hilarious bits. I'll admit that the playground scene was well-worth having the costumes there (especially for the Snob's bit), as was Spoony's preformance and a handful of other gags, but overall they don't do much.

Just sayin'.

Really, Critic? You REALLY want to bring up spelling?

So, the Witch knows Jaffers, and is surprisingly helpful. "If you could, yes" is great—she's asking them to be scared of her.

I love how the gang's first reaction to adversity is to mock it, especially given what a threat Cat turned out to be. They really take the mockery a step further this time, though. I love how Phelous is just actually hinged enough to get in on the act. And the Witch is taking this all so well!

Ring-around-the-rosey—great way to insult someone. These guys are losing their touch, but I do love how we see the Witch gradually getting aggravated. First time around, I was paying more attention to the reviewers, so when the red eyes show up it looks like she just kind of snapped, but upon closer observation she's lost the cheer and even facepalms at one point. Very nice, very subtle.

Wow. Very delayed reaction from Linkara, Bennett and Phelous, who have all conveniently lined up so we get three-reaction shots at once. The sucky thing about the Critic's otherwise amusing screaming is that we can't make out what the Witch is saying, and I'm sure it's damned amusing.

Really, Critic? Tom's right there! Pick your human shields better!

And then the Witch regenerates.

So, Critic brings up the chain letter, with a nice bit of characterization, and the Witch immediately figures out the entire plot of the specials. She then offers to give them pity-kills, and the "drink from [their] bleeding skulls" bit is a nice touch—since they're goners anyway, why shouldn't she reap the benefits? (Also, what could possibly be a worse death than having their brains smashed in?)

So, lightning starts flying—hey, what happened to bashing their skulls in?—and Phelous's action figures get destroyed, surprising no one given that the joke they were there to set up was pretty obvious.

Tom sprays her with some...stuff (air freshener?) and explodes, channeling Beavis and Butt-Head as she does so. I dig Tom's role as The Stoic here.

The Critic sounds almost contemplative as he says "Keep movin'," in response to he and Linkara's bickering over magic, which now clearly exists. He's taking this rather well.

MEANWHILE...on a trail some girl finds the map from part three. If for some godforsaken reason you haven't watched the videos and are only following along via my liveblog, you'll notice a big gaping hole at the end of part three where this plot point should be. (I maintain that reading my gushing over how hilarious the playground scene is wouldn't be particularly funny.) So, yeah—Team B (2? Should've rewatched parts 1-3 before picking this back up) dropped their map.

Orlando (doing this as if this is the first watching, so don't correct me) stops her from picking it up, and is then quiet and unhelpful when she asks if it's his. Dude, just say yes and you can be on your merry way.

Oh, good. More soapboxing. Those of you who read parts 1-3 (and why wouldn't you, if you're reading this?) already know I find this really fucking annoying, and neither menacing nor funny. And I get that his hatred of all things buzzing and beeping is a huge part of his character, but I can't help but think that could've been expressed in a way that doesn't subject us to this. Now I'll grant you, both this girl's sarcasm and Not-90s-Kid's puzzlement are funny, but that scarcely makes it worth it.

And again, his reasoning here makes no sense. No one ever said social networking makes us feel safe and cocooned, or better about ourselves, or instill us with a sense of purpose. These are communication aids, as well as tools of amusement. He's strawmanning, and it shows. Now, we find out later that he does have a legit reason to hate technology, at least on the whole, but if you're going to have him remark on the individual pieces than make his rants make sense. There are a thousand and one good reasons to hate texting and Facebook and whathaveyou. People have written books and essays on why this stuff is slowly killing us. This shouldn't be that hard.

Funny punchline, dramatic exit, next scene.

Dude, if anything now you're wandering aimlessly in the dark, because now you have to chose something whereas before the directions were fairly obvious. (Also, shouldn't he have checked it before this, anyway? Just to make sure the map wasn't telling them to stop following the bike path? Anyway...)

So, this scene is funny. And Paw finally gets to do something non-rage related. Pretty good stuff all around.

Also, I like how simple this riddle is, to the point of not being very riddley. I'll skip this scene for the same reason I skipped the playground scene—me gushing is not very funny. Notice that I never have this issue with Team 1.

Luke takes all the credit. "I figured it out" indeed.

Why is Orlando posing dramatically? What's the point of that?

If I knew what Run–D.M.C. was, I'd probably find Todd's line funny.

Nice, tense moment and Orlando gives them the map back. Now, those of us who have watched this all the way through know there's a reason for showing him doing this, and therefore they couldn't have cut the map-dropping altogether, but this is still something that could've happened earlier in the scene. For Malecite's story, this makes perfect sense, but for the group they could've gotten it back at the beginning of the scene.

The BGM suggests we are under a giant bell, but reality demonstrates this is not the case.

And, the Cloaks are back! And, the machine gun is completely useless. It'd be funny if this is the same one who was the target of "Besides, you're a lousy shot!" in the last installment, though I'm too lazy to double-check. (I take it the other two are even more horrendous?)

JOE IS ACTUALLY HITTING STUFF! Notice how at least two bullets hit Cloak 1's sword. AWESOME.

"Cloak 2, don't be a hero!" Heh.

I'm a bit ashamed the Ted Nugent reference went over my head.

"I'm liking this character more and more!" I'm trying to figure out whether Inigo would've used guns were they around at the time, even if just for self-preservation, but I doubt it. (These are the things that keep me awake at night.)

I like that Luke's the first to notice Brainy's gone.

"Exxon petroleum!" Heh.

I wonder what Brain imagined Cloak 1's eyes to look like under the hood that was so horrifying.

So, that's Part 4. Check in tomorrow, I'm getting my act together!


Linkara wasn't too happy at being written as joining the mocking of the Witch, seeing it as out of character. I agree.

Just about every commentary has regrets that Tom spraying the Witch with Mace wasn't more clearly shot.

My favorite behind the scenes story of this is how Doug couldn't remember the Gate Cleaner's name, so he called him the Dungeon Master in the script, which led to Spoony not realizing he was expected to film those scenes until the main shoot was over and Doug asked him "I'll need that Dungeon Master stuff within the next couple weeks, okay?"
Eegah 28th Nov 11