AUTHOR'S NOTE: This liveblog will be something completely different from all of the other ones I've done, because both the beginning and the end of each installment will have dialogue that's written in script format, noted in different-colored text while any other dialogue from the film proper will be displayed in regular black-colored text. However, as with all other liveblogs, my views will be shown directly here. Please do enjoy.
Konnichiwa, boys and girls.
From the batshit insane mind that brought you the livebloggening of Kickboxing Academy and the three in-progress (don't worry, I'm still doing them) livebloggenings of Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue, A Light in the Forest: The Legend of Holly Boy, and Forever Mine comes...a very interesting, to say the very least, movie.
As You Know, crossovers are when people take things from either the same continuity (like Power Rangers) or vastly different canons, and people create stories of those characters teaming up and solving a problem. Hell, I've even participated in a certain little roleplay that is a Mega Crossover. Having said that, sometimes there are crossovers that are good. And sometimes, you have the crossovers that are...really shitty, like that one Power Rangers Time Force crossover that we do not talk about. Ever.
And then you have crossovers that...are like the Pooh's Adventures.
Yes, I know that Psyga 315 has done several such liveblogs featuring this topic. However, there was one that caught my eye, and since I'm a blatant-as-all-hell Power Rangers fangirl, I figured that I would try to give it a shot.
Little did I know what I'm about to go into.
The Pooh's Adventures series of...films, for lack of a better term, is just a "crossover" in which Pooh, his friends, and a bunch of random characters show up and just either comment on the story or "help" the current canon story in any way. Here, Pooh and his friends "show up" for Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie.
Believe it—
(Suddenly, a random man walks over to me.)
Carter: ...liveblogging again?
Who are you? Wait, no. It can't be. What are you doing here?
Carter: I'm here to help you. Maybe. I've heard from...sources...that you were gushing over me. Saying stuff like how I'm the "God of Lightspeed" and all that.
Well, yeah, that's true, but—
Carter: Don't worry. According to my research, the Turbo Rangers never had any help from outside their universe. Our universe, technically. Of course, that was before Tommy attempted to burn any records of him being the first Red Turbo Ranger, but I convinced him that, as bad as that time period was for him, it's still worth keeping. After all, wasn't he like a father to a certain Blue Ranger that we're about to see?
True. Though, somehow, I don't want to know about the record-burning...
Carter: And I don't know about this...Pooh or whoever he is, but...I guess I'll have to find out.
So do I. Mind if I finish the beginning first?
Carter: Go right ahead. By the way, I haven't caught your name...?
Oh, folks call me "Rika".
Carter: Okay. Rika. Gotcha.
Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes. Believe it or not, I actually watched Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie before, several times, in fact. It's a pretty interesting beginning for a film-length first episode. ;) But would this movie screw it up? Well, we'll see.
Carter: Because now...it begins.
(Author's Update: WARNING! THE FOLLOWING VIDEOS HAVE BEEN DELETED! THE LINKS WILL NOT WORK!)
So we start off with your typical logo sequence. First, the Disney logo. Then, the 20th Century Fox logo. Then the very fanmade (as if it isn't fanmade enough!) 20th Century Koopa (are you fucking serious?) logo. With a very, very creepy "SHOWTIME." voice-over.
Thanks for giving me nightmares.
Carter: That scared you? I've seen worse. Battling Queen Bansheera.
Okay, thanks for that. Then we see the Winnie the Pooh title card, with the subtitle being "A Turbo-Powered Adventure". And that couldn't be any more of an example of Special Effects Failure if it tried, as the subtitle just barely covers over the real subtitle of where it was taken from, which says "Spookable Fun". Whether those are true remains to be seen.
Oh, did I mention that the user, BowserMovies1989, actually got permission to make such stuff? I wonder if he even knows that Saban's cracking down on You Tube submissions on both episodes and movies alike now.
And now we go to the opening credits. Let's name off—
Carter: Is that Alpha 5 I see? Poor guy...they never really found his whereabouts.
...damn. Sorry to hear that, Carter.
Having said that, Alpha 5 shows up. Let's see who else is here. Zordon. The original Turbo Rangers. Bowser, Bowser Jr., Mistress Nine, Maligore, Team Rocket, Mewtwo, Slimer...R2D2, C-3P0, the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, and the Blue Fairy. Damn, that is a lot. And one may think that it may be an Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny.
Not even close.
Carter: ... (He ends up finding out who the hell all the other guys are.) Wow. So, apparentally, there are other people from different worlds!
Yep. I've heard of two of your alternate counterparts who did, in fact, travel through different worlds. But prepare for a disappointment.
...hey. Speaking of, where the hell is the Saban Entertainment logo?!
Anyway. Fade into the Hundred Acre Wood, and Tigger and Christopher Robin are building something. It appears to be a stage and a backdrop for a play, as C-3P0 asks Winnie what the play is about. After thanking him for letting the robot and R2 be in it.
Wait, there are plays in the Star Wars canon? And I can only imagine what R2's dialogue would be. Lots of beeping. As cute as the little robot is.
Rabbit announces that it's almost time (whatever that is), and Owl is strumming a guitar. Winnie tells C-3P0 that he'll find out. So it's a secret. I'm really not hoping that it's The Aristocrats or something like that. I don't think they're cut out for that.
Fade into the play itself, and the curtains reveal...wait, no, Christopher Robin walks onstage and tells the backstage to be quiet. WHEN DO WE GET TO THEM ACTUALLY HELPING OUT THE FUCKING—
Carter: ...what's with the swearing?
It's something I do sometimes. Whenever something gets me unhappy. Or giddy.
Carter: O...kay. (blink blink)
Anyway. WHEN DO WE GET TO THEM ACTUALLY HELPING OUT THE FUCKING TURBO RANGERS?!
Carter: I'll give them around...twenty minutes.
...right. Well, the play is actually...you ready for this?...Pooh's Adventures of Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie.
Oh, God. Oh, my God. The movie is the Play Within a Play. The entire universe is about to collapse underneath itself!
(With some daring do, Carter temporarily leaves my side to help the universe from collapsing.)
Sorry. But, really, it's proof there that there is some serious meta shit going on. At least in We Are Our Avatars, such things aren't taken very lightly whenever it's mentioned. They know what's up in either their home world or the world they're visiting that, you know, makes sense. Most of the time. Here? How do Winnie and the gang know about the Power Rangers? Hell, in the play, who would play the Rangers themselves? How would they get the powers necessary for their acts?
This is just Plot Hole after Plot Hole.
Anyway. We have Act 1: The Story Begins, and as the curtains draw up, we...have Owl and Gopher playing music. Music in which it's vastly different. What...the hell? And fade into "Walt Disney Pictures, 20th Century Fox, Saban Entertainment, and 20th Century Koopa Presents". Um...
We fade out into the Opening Scroll, where it tells the origins of Lerigot and how Divatox wants his power for some marriage. His only chance for hope? Seek out the help of powerful friends. But he has to go to Earth first. And we get the title card for this Mind Screw of a mess. Pooh's Adventures of Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie.
(Carter then returns, finished—for now—of the prevention of the collapse.)
Carter: What did I miss?
A headache.
So we fade to Lerigot's homeworld, and the hunt is on. The little wizard manages to hide well until Divatox's army finds him. He has to surrender to the pirate, but...with a little wand and some magic, he disappears.
WELL, THAT EASILY SOLVED THE PROBLEM AS TO HOW THE HELL HE WOULD GO TO EARTH.
Meanwhile, though, at the Hundred Acre Wood, Winnie, R2, and C-3P0 are searching for a present for Piglet. What relevance does it have to the plot? Well...none. We see Pooh inside a chest, and he's literally searching inside for it while...it moves. Somehow.
Um...
Carter: Doesn't he need to breathe? In fact, wouldn't he be injured if he's inside the chest? And how would he survive jumping and landing from those great heights?
Thanks for some Deconstruction, Carter.
The chest does crash down, releasing some toys. Winnie's head is stuck inside a jack-in-the-box. C-3P0 asks Winnie if he's okay. His response...he just winds up the jack-in-the-box, and the clown pops out. The bear then uses the spring to pull the box off his head, and he realizes...
Winnie: Why, this is perfect!
...that a spring would be a good gift, I guess. Yay?
Cut to Piglet's house. Tigger and Rabbit are just showing Piglet directions on where he would hang up a picture of his family. The problem is, Tigger's area has too much light, and Rabbit's side has too much dark. Pick a side and stick with it! Damn...
Poor Piglet, though, is getting dizzy from holding the big picture for too long a time, and he crashes. There's a knock on the door, though, and Winnie enters with the spring wrapped around his arm. And he even compliments Piglet on the...shirt he's wearing.
Once again, when do we get to the damn teamup? It reeks of padding. Dear God, fucking Kickboxing Academy is faster-paced than this!
Piglet asks what is wrapped around Pooh's arm, and he says that it's a surprise. He then reveals the spring, calling it a friendship gift. Whoo-hoo.
...
So Rabbit compliments on how thoughtful the gift was, blah blah blah. Tigger then asks Piglet what he gave to Winnie, and he reveals that he gave him absolutely nothing. Of course, Rabbit and Tigger are shocked. The reason is because Piglet thinks that Winnie doesn't expect him to give him a gift. However, Rabbit suggests that he should give the silly old bear something grand.
Uh, hello? Lerigot may need your help, guys! Hello? Hello?!
Fade into the damn present search. Blah blah blah, presents matter when it comes from the heart, therefore, irrelevant for now. NEXT!
So Piglet, Rabbit, and Tigger search for honey, because that's what Winnie loves best. How are they going to do that? With a honey tree. Their plan is to have the bees give Piglet honey without the possibility of stinging the shit out of him. Piglet asks what would happen if the bees wouldn't give him honey. The answer? Just ask them nicely.
Yay?
One of the bees is guarding the beehive as Piglet climbs up. He gives the bee some flowers, but the flowers prove to be too heavy to handle...and the bee falls. Uh...gravity does not work that way! Though it does give Piglet enough time to—oh, wait, no, he doesn't collect the honey. The other bees attack the poor thing, making Piglet fall. On top of the bee.
Great work. You killed something that meant no harm to you.
Rabbit asks Piglet if he forgot something. Yes, he did. It's the honey pot—oh, wait, it falls on top of Rabbit's head.
And the bee stings Piglet. That...hurts. It causes him to land in a bush, no other harm done. And Part 1 ends with him wondering how they'll ever get Pooh's present.
Carter: I do realize what happened to Lerigot, but I do wonder about their interpretation. And somehow, theirs is worrying me. A lot.
Me too, Carter. Me too.
Next time on Pooh's Adventures of Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, will Piglet find Winnie a present? Will Lerigot survive on Earth? And will Carter and I survive one of the harshest movies ever?
One who does not fight will not survive the next livebloggening of Pooh's Adventures of Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie.
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