Close shut the jaws of insanity... or don't. Let's Play TESIV: Oblivion!
The Greatest Day Ever
Normally I would ask myself if I need to do something important. Today I will tell myself the answer.
That answer is yes. I have something crucially important
I have to do. And it's not related to the emperor at all.◊
But, let's just get that annoyance out of the way before we get down to what will go down in history as Lord Death Firedoom's GREATEST DAY EVER.
Okay, so we have to go talk to Baurus. I am so glad Jauffre taught me how to say that. That was really bugging me. Anyway, we have to go talk to Mr. Guy because blah blah blah roadblocks on the way to my real goal.
The point is, I'll be in the Imperial city, so I can get that whole "saving everyone" business well out of the way. Then, I can take a brief break for lunch and some Surilie Brothers Vintage 399
. Finally I can wrap today up with a nice visit-slash-summary-execution to Valen Dreth.
So let's get this show on the road.
A little while later, in the Imperial City, at Luther Broad's Boarding House
Okay, Baurus, let's get this over with real quick so I can get to the real matter at hand.◊
Guy's following Baurus I'm following him he's dead now checking the body Mythic Dawn Commentaries oh shit he was a cultist big surprise there okay I'll take it to Tar-Meena later gonna go do some things first bye.
Okay, took less time there than I thought I would, but killing that guy in there put my on a murder high, so I'm going to skip lunch and go kill that fucker Dreth right now.
A brief moment later
So here we are.◊
Back where it all started. Well, time to go kill another one of the memories I hate. This time I won't use alcohol. Okay, so we've got to get to Dreth, kill him, and get back out without being seen or killing any guards. No problem. All that stands between me and him is a good five or six Imperial Prison Guards that know my face and want to lock me back up (for the crime I can't remember committing, not the ones I know I've committed).
Okay, I hear a couple of guys talking, room's lit up◊
. Not going in there until the two of them piss off and die somewhere. Well, okay, I can do without the second part. Valtieri might jump all up on me if some guards have a heart attack. Alright, they're gone. Now I can truly get to work. Now, what has happened is that I came through here once before on the way to the sewers, what also happened that I didn't tell anyone about is that I remembered every nook and cranny of this place just in case the need arose to come back in here to kill Dreth while not killing any guards and being, more or less, an invisible, speedkilling badass.
People will look around, seeing me for just a split second, and then poof! Gone like the wind... They will look around in bewilderment, wondering to themselves "Who was that handsome rogue?" It will be the last thought they think before I... er... don't kill them, I guess.
Isn't that cute?◊
They thought they could block me out by boarding up the cave. How quaint. I will just have to sneak up to the captain of the guard and pinch his little cheek and tell him what a smart boy he's been.
And then kill him. After this assignment is over with. That's what he gets for locking me up for no discernible reason.
I hear the fucker talking now.◊
Apparently he actually is going to get out of here. That is, he was going to get out of here before I learned I had a say in the matter. Even then, if he had got out of prison, I would have found him
because no one
mocks me and gets away with it.
Happy to see me? You must think I'm here to help you.◊ Let's be frank here for a second. You're getting out of prison later today, and you want me to let you out now.◊ What makes you want to not just wait out the next few hours or so so that you can leave with a clean record? Is it because your parents beat your tiny, elven brain into something unusable before you left home? Is that it? Parental abuse? Oh. Ignoring me. Fantastic.◊ I may be one heartless son-of-a-bitch, but at least I listen. That's why you're still here, Dreth. You don't listen. You could have easily picked the lock and made your way into my cell and out the way I went. But you didn't. You didn't leave because you LIKE being institutionalized and will end back up here unless I do what I am about to do. I'm going to go free, Dreth, and you are going to die here.
Looks like you're leaving prison... AND BEING EXPEDITED TO HELL◊
Oh man, that felt nice.
I mean, if I had any tobacco, I'd roll one up and smoke it because, damn
, that was the best. Murder
Okay, now I've got to get out of here. Shouldn't be too hard, just have to go back out the way I came in, which was the way I left in the first place, for the most part. Just have to slip past some guards, walk through a few doors, and trudge back through the sewers one last time and then, as far as I care to guess, I never have to come back to the prison ever again. Akatosh knows I'm not spending time in any prison at all, especially not this one. I mean, we all know they just execute people here anyway. They don't send you here unless they intend on killing you in front of everyone. Hell, Dreth was probably going... to... be...
Well damn. There goes my day.
Okay, bright sides, Firedoom, bright sides. If the guards got to kill him, I would've still had the pleasure of knowing that the fucker died like a dog. Um... come on, keep rolling with it. Uh... OH! I got to kill him before the guards could, and I pegged him in the face with an arrow at point-blank range. He's going to get shipped off to whatever family he had with a giant exit wound in the back of his head, because those arrow heads pull pretty much everything with them. Closed casket funeral? Hell yes, because his supposed wife and kids are going to see it. No family? That's fine. Dump him in the sewer. That's probably what they would've done with him if they killed him anyway, is dumped him in the sewer and called it a day. Man, if I could've helped him escape for just long enough
that we could've got to the sewers, I would've shot him in the back
of the head and made him fall in everyone's sewage. That would've been, like, the ultimate "fuck-you" both to him, and to all of elven-kind.
Alright, I'm out and WHOA, THERE'S AN OBLIVION GATE.◊
Well, I will have to deal with that later, probably.
Anyway, back to Cheydinhal.
One leisurely stroll back to Cheydinhal later
Just fifty gold?◊
No problem, I got the satisfaction of killing Valen Dreth, and really, is that not its own reward? Neat.◊
Uh... what do they do? Oh, they help me sneak better, pretty much, but I can't talk to people as well while I'm holding them. Man, whatever, I hate people anyway. So what else do you have for me, Count Chuckles? Ooh, special contract.◊
Sounds hot. Let me at that sexy, sexy murder. Oh what?◊
I'm technically helping to save
someone? Guess what just dropped straight to the bottom of my priorities list. That assignment. That assignment just dropped straight to the bottom of my priorities list, is what happened.
"Man, what should I do now that I don't have any cool shit
to do?" I say within earshot of Vicente Valtieri, giver of the worst follow-up assignments ever
. I guess I'll just take a nap. That'll give me some time to figure out what I want to do.