Nothing is Sacred Anymore! Let's MST A Fanfic: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY


Chapter 3: THE THINGS I DO...

Guys, Chapter 3 is short as hell (469 Words! Including the Header and Footnote!), so, to make sure you get your daily dose of fic-fail from me...I' doing two chapters.


So, we start the chapter with, of course, Mario and Luigi's restaurant. And it's italian themed. almost certainly a reference to the Mario Brothers now, and it will almost definitely hurt. I swear, if the author says their last name is Mario, I'm gone. Oh, also, we get this reaction from Sonic and Shadow upon being approached by Amy and Blaze:

-Sonic groaned and Shadow huffed but they joined Amy and Blaze at the table.-

A fairly normal reaction from Sonic? This won't last long.

-Amy was wearing a tight skirt and a red shirt showing off her breasts Sonic looked at her and immediately began to stare.-

Told you, ah well, he's male, can't blame the guy for looking. Thinking like a pevert, though? That ain't right. Oh, and get how Blaze approaches'll absolutely love it:

-Blaze was wearing a blue dress that was showing her legs and hips Sonic saw that they weren't hiding anything from him. Blaze gave Sonic a hug as she ran her tongue along the right side of Sonics cheek so that Shadow couldn't she her do it. Sonic looked at her and she put a finger to her mouth indicating to keep quiet. They sat down Sonic looking at them both they both smiled seductively.-

On that note, the clothing ddescription is horribly vague, as in, I don't know if "showing her legs and hips" means the dress has slits in or if it's short and she isn't wearing anything down below. Ugh.

So, time for Mario to step in and play waiter. Sonic attempts to order a chilli dog but Shadow stops him. Amy orders a pizza. For herself. Note that everyone orders, these are just key moments of...interest.

Also, Conor enters. He just enters. The only entering he did began with a Batman-esque brooding in the rain in the inro to the story. Granted, he's meant to be inconspicuous but...he's a Gary Stu/Marty Stu/whatever...he should be attention grabbing...and then whining about getting attention. In any case, he joins the four. No one bats an eyelid.

Thus, the chapter ends, with Conor introducing himself via Sonic asking him to do so. Also, as quoted from the Author's footnote, "DUN DUN DUN..."


So, we return to see out. Then Mario comes over. He, naturally, asks Conor if he wanted anything. Conor asks if he serves beer. Ah-ha! So funny! He's Irish so he drinks beer!

In any case, it's time to learn about another element of our mysterious protoganist's personality: his watch!

Indeed, as he takes off his jacket he suddenly hides his watch and walks outside. Blaze follows, his excuse for acting odd?

-Yeah I don't like people looking at the watch.-

Why, is it some dark secret of your crazy, mysterious past only Alicia seems to know about? Is it some dark relic from the Gods that shouldn't be seen by the mortal eye?! WE MAY NEVER KNOW!! Or we just don't give a damn. Your choice, readers.

So, of course, we return to have Sonic talk about his past:

-Well said Sonic I've fought all my life since I was 10 I served at knothole and defeated Robotnick for good but he then derobotised himself turning into Eggman and I'm still fighting.-

Is this intended to be based on the Archie continuity? Because our Author is sorely confused if it is. First off, no sign of the Freedom Fighters. Second, Eggman was another dimension's Robotnik. And thirdly, if this was made in mid-2010, I'm pretty sure the gang already moved to New Mobotropolis ages ago, ergo, isn't NICOLE watching the entire city? Let me know in comments if I'm wrong about any of this.

Dear God, this hurts my brain...

Also, Conor seems to know Knothole and Robotnik, given his reaction. How unexpected of you, Author, really threw me through a loop with that. The evening ends in any case, and Mario warns our homosexual duo (ugh!) of Sonic and Shadow that Conor is suspicious. REALLY? Hiding your watch and running out suddenly is completely normal. As is always wearing glasses and spacing out in the middle of conversation!

Back at Blaze and Amy's apartment, Conor returns and feels the need to choke some bitches apprently, as he begins to throttle Amy and Blaze.


He then goes on to say it's a common name. Granted, that could be understandable, but it isn't that hard to deduce. Especially when the kidnapping order comes from Amy Rose, known self-claimed girlfriend of Sonic and sort of a short fuse basket-case. I'm surprised she hasn't attempted to kidnap Sonic in-canon by herself, even!

But maybe I'm just going insane from reading two chapters in one update.

Oh, oh but it gets better. See, he knows who Amy and Blaze are from before the fan-fic he just didn't remember them from their appearance, he fought Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Blaze and Sally in Knothole, he's establishing himself into canon!

Either that or he's created an AU fic with no explanation of the Alternate Universe or even any warning of the fact that it is one! Gah! Oh, remember Alicia's rambling, here's the big fucking reveal there:

-But you fought Metal Sonic in the Emerald chamber as we escaped and the explosion you must have died Amy said moving back from him.-

Conor promptly threatens to kill Sonic, essentially reveals himself to be a bad guy, or a Chaotic Neutral, it isn't made clear. The chapter ends with him going to Slave!Rouge and asking if she missed him.

She might, I don't. And I won't when I finally end this journey of self-inflicted pain. Author's Note time:

-Oh I'm having fun writing this hope you enjoy reading it.-

Oh, fuck you. Have a nice day, Tropers! I won't.


Real class move, there author, having one chapter with LITERALLY NOTHING HAPPENING and then dropping a metric ton of exposition on us in the next. Now, I'm not very familiar with the Sonic universe as such, I watched Sat AM back when it aired, but that's about it, but jeez, this guy just doesn't let up on the Stu. Well, to be fair, he's got one flaw at least, which is to say that he's apparently quite dense. Oh, and he's probably got anger issues, but that's a "flaw" so common in poorly written meatheads that I'm going out on a limb and say it doesn't count.
slowzombie 5th May 11
Slowzombie, you never cease to comment, and I like that - lets me know I'm getting viewed since there's no view count that I can see. This guy is pretty dense, yes, but it could be worse...then again, there's so much more to come from this guy! So it could actually become worse over time!
sanityisoverrated 5th May 11
Also, apologies for this installment, I was very, very annoyed by these chapters. Maybe I'm more of a fan-boy then I thought...I certainly seem to know more than this guy, at least!
sanityisoverrated 5th May 11
What can I say? I feel solidarity towards anyone who decide to subject themselves to awful fanfics :P Also, it's a tricky art, but finding that point where you're annoyed enough to be snarky, but not so much as to loose your cool except when things get REALLY insane is a pretty good idea when dealing with things you know is going to suck.
slowzombie 5th May 11
Hang on a second. If Connor has some kind of issue with his watch, why isn't he wearing a long-sleeved shirt under his jacket? I mean, assuming that this is a Clingy Mac Guffin of some sort and he can't merely take it off, and since he's probably aware that he may have to take his jacket off in a restaurant, you'd think he'd put more effort into covering the thing.

...Yes, I'm aware that what I just stated is only a yocto-sized problem in a zetta-sized mess. I guess I'm just too overloaded to say much else right now. Best of luck, don't blow your brains out, et cetera.
EndarkCuli 5th May 11