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Grudge Match: Chainsaw Versus The Creative Assembly. (Complete)
Game Chainsaw

[table of contents]
Saito Defeated! Rebels Defeated! Asai Defeated!... Wait.
Summary: I destroy the Saito, and decimate the rebels as they kill themselves on Owari, but the Asai get destroyed by the Hattori, the Kitabatake plot against me and the Tokugawa are still hanging around my south like a bad smell.

The Saito have failed to take something important into account. Namely, that their capital is within marching distance of my capital, they haven't blocked the road, and its my turn. So I promptly march up Nobuhide with a unit of yari and a unit of bow ashigaru... and sure enough, only their retainers remain.

Vengeance is mine.

The castle assault doesn't last long and isn't really worth remarking on. I basically shoot the Saito retainers down with my bows without even entering the castle and occupy the place. Before I end the turn I recruit a second unit of bows and a unit of Ashigaru, and exclude Saito from tax before the peasants kill me with mind bullets (and spears, bows and the odd machine gun... ok not the machine gun. But the spears and bows and the KAATAAAANAAAASZ!!!) I also build them rice paddies, if only to get the ungrateful fools who cannot appreciate good governance and competent military might to shut up and get to work building a statue of me burning the world with lasers as beautiful women fawn over me.

EDIT: As I typed this I suddenly got the overwhelming urge to play Europa Universalis III.

I also strike a trade agreement with the Asai, who I discover along with the Anegakoji, Kiso, and Ikko Ikki (gulp.) I end the turn expecting the Tokugawa to attack me, but they instead choose to stand around like lemons as the year drags on towards autumn, and I am instead attacked by the rebels, despite the fact that I have a castle, a general, a free unit of retainers and my cavalry are already inside the castle. Parley? Not a chance. I set out to win the battle with under 100 dead and only ten of those Yari Samurai, which sounded overly ambitious even as I said it.

The rebels do at least have the common sense to attack in a fog and take advantage of my all too human senses and inability to pause the game to coordinate my forces properly. They try to catch me with an attack on the rear of the castle as well as from the front, but I just move more troops up. They do force me to use my Yaris and hit me harder than I'd hoped, including almost catching my general as he charged out to deal with a few archers (I forgot about the cavalry.) However the battle is lost to the rebels by this point and the cavalry break remarkably easily (still leaving me with my heart in my mouth and half my bodyguard dead) and I butcher the 600 strong rebel army down to around 100 men, including all their archers, and the rebels have no choice but to pull back from Owari, barely alive (just a shame they didn't disperse.)

Things don't all go my way however. My new trade partners, the Asai to the west, are defeated by the Hattori, leaving me with a scary, militaristic-looking clan on my border. On top of this, the Kitabatake prepare to go to war with me as well as I recieve a warning about them. At least I now have Bushido.

You know what, the Realm Divide no longer scares me. Because at this rate I'll be at war with everyone anyway. The Tokugawa still hang around my south like a bad smell... they're next. My plan is to slam into the Tokugawa, defeat the Kitabatake swiftly, and then try to knock out the Imagawa and Tokugawa before the Hattori get interested. Despite this, I don't think Saito is holdable; if the Hattori attack while I'm away east defeating the Tokugawa and Imagawa, especially if the Takeda come to their aid, then I will struggle to hold Owari, and the capital is, of course, my priority.

Thats it for that turn. Thoughts? Comments? Death threats?
30th Mar '11 5:25:47 AM flag for mods
comments
you should not attack the Tokugawa they are strong try to make peace with them

The Hattori like Ninja so be careful
208.73.56.64 30th Mar 11
Crud. One thing I have no defence against whatsoever.
GameChainsaw 30th Mar 11
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