[[quoteright:350:http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/the-onion-logo_2521.jpg]]

->''[[PretentiousLatinMotto Tu Stultus Es]]'' [[labelnote:Lat.]]Literally, [[TakeThatAudience "You are stupid."]][[/labelnote]]

''The Onion'' is a [[{{Satire}} satirical]] newspaper devoted to all aspects of American life and culture, frequently parodying tropes mentioned on ThisVeryWiki. It started in 1988 as a print newspaper by a pair of students at the University of Wisconsin, and originally distributed in Madison and UsefulNotes/{{Milwaukee}}. It has since branched off into the internet, including video clips supposedly originating from the [[Creator/{{CNN}} Onion News Network]]. Its final print edition was published in December 2013, but the website has carried on.

Some people mistakenly think ''The Onion'' [[PoesLaw is a legitimate news source]], ranging from [[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/harry_potter_books_spark_rise_in Christians against Harry Potter]], [[http://www.mediaite.com/online/foxnation-com-repurposes-anti-obama-article-from-the-onion-forgets-to-mention-its-a-joke Fox Nation.com,]] a news website operated by the FoxNewsChannel to the [[http://articles.sfgate.com/2002-06-08/news/17547059_1_fancy-new-capitol-onion-yu-bin People's Republic of China.]] [[http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/worldviews/wp/2012/11/27/heres-the-onion-article-on-kim-jong-un-that-fooled-chinas-state-newspaper/?hpid=z4 Twice.]] Others are aware of its parody nature.

''The Onion'' also has an entertainment/pop culture newspaper and website called [[http://www.avclub.com/ the AV Club]], which features pop culture news, reviews of almost every form of media (TV, albums, books, etc.) and interviews presented in a humorous but factual tone. The site's head writer was Creator/NathanRabin until 2013. The AV Club maintains a separate identity and has very little (if anything) in common with ''The Onion'', mostly to avoid people mistakenly thinking that the AV Club presents fake news like ''The Onion''.

The Onion has in the past extended into a movie (critically derided, even by its own AV Club), and most recently two TV series — ''OSN Sportsdome'' on ComedyCentral and ''Onion News Network'' on IFC. In 2013, a pilot for ''Onion News Empire'', a behind-the-scenes look at the ONN newsroom, was made for Amazon.com. (It wasn't picked up.) There have also been three original Onion books - ''Literature/OurDumbCentury'', a history of the 20th century told through fake Onion front pages, ''Literature/OurDumbWorld'', a HollywoodAtlas filled with stereotypes and BlackComedy, and ''TheOnionBookOfKnownKnowledge'', a mock encyclopedia of all existing knowledge.

In Summer 2012, the Onion's Website/YouTube arm debuted ''Onion Digital Studios'', producing parodies of non-news programming ranging from nature documentaries to [[WebVideo/SexHouse reality television]].

And in Summer 2014, the Onion launched another sister site, {{Website/Clickhole}}, a parody of clickbait websites such as Buzzfeed, Upworthy, ''The Huffington Post'', and ''Website/{{Cracked}}''.

It's like a TransatlanticEquivalent of ''Magazine/PrivateEye'' (except decades younger, without the investigative journalism, and as a website) and similar to the later ''[[http://www.njuz.net NJUZ]]'' and ''{{Newsbiscuit}}'' (which was created on the model "a British ''Onion''"). Similarly, ''WebSite/MinistryOfHarmony'' describes itself as "The Onion for China".

The site can be found [[http://www.theonion.com here]].

----
!!Area Man Embodies And Parodies Following Tropes:

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:#-D]]
* EightPointEight: InUniverse: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/pitchfork-gives-music-68,2278/ Pitchfork Gives Music 6.8]]".
* TwentyFourHourNewsNetworks: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/media-landscape-redefined-by-24second-news-cycle,2213/ Media Landscape Redefined By 24-Second News Cycle]]"
* AbortedArc: The [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mysterious-congressman-announces-dark-horse-candid,2141/ mysterious congressman's presidential campaign]] initially seemed like just another funny article, but it was then followed up by [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mysterious-congressman-challenges-leading-candidat,2245/ him challenging the other candidates to a debate at dawn]]. Since then, nothing.
* AbsentMindedProfessor: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29701 Cure For Cancer 'Around Here Somewhere']]".
* AdultFear: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/every-parents-worst-nightmare-is-losing-a-child-to,34762/ "Every Parent's Worst Nightmare Is Losing A Child To Gorchul, The Dark Sorcerer Of Time"]]
* AdventurerArchaeologist: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38680 Archaeologist Tired of Unearthing Unspeakable Ancient Evils]]".
* AfterTheEnd: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/person-who-will-one-day-become-warlordruler-of-wha,27406/ "Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital"]] claims that the USA will be a post-apocalyptic wasteland by the time a newly-born baby reaches adulthood. This one also has wild MoodWhiplash.
* AgeInappropriateArt: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/secondgraders-wow-audience-with-school-production,1883/ Second-Graders Wow Audience With School Production Of Equus]]".
* AIIsACrapshoot:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/voting-machines-elect-one-of-their-own-as-presiden,14286/ Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/sweating-obama-admits-drone-strikes-have-been-happ,31219/ Sweating Obama Admits Drone Strikes Have Been Happening On Their Own]]".
** The Fact Zone was made fully automated at one point, which allowed it to develop sapience and [[{{Yandere}} an obsessive crush on Brooke Alvarez.]]
* AintNoRule: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/kentucky_violated_ncaa_rules Kentucky Violated NCAA Rules While Recruiting Basketball-Playing Dog]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/washedup-air-bud-signs-with-greek-pro-team,27510/ Washed-Up Air Bud Signs With Greek Pro Team]]".
* AirVentPassageway: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28978 Clinton Escapes Through Air Vent]]".
* TheAllegedCar: Jim Anchower's [[RunningGag perpetually abused]] [[ChronicallyCrashedCar Ford Festiva.]]
* AllGirlsWantBadBoys: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28748 Irrepressible Bad Boy Slays Seven]]". Parodied to the point where it crosses over into ScrewTheRulesImBeautiful. The bad boy in question is a sadistic, sociopathic mass murderer, yet the media still swoons over him because he's a handsome film star.
* AllMenArePerverts: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbVifPkbYsk 12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Offer To Give Breast Exams]]".
* AllYourBaseAreBelongToUs: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-adds-all-your-base-are-belong-to-us-amend,3638/ Congress Adds 'All Your Base Are Belong To Us' Amendment To Bankruptcy Bill]]"
* AlphaBitch: ''Fact Zone'' host Brooke Alvarez.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/group-of-popular-girls-reduces-nation-to-tears,2838 Group Of Popular Girls Reduces Nation To Tears]]"
* AlternateHistory:
** A meta-example, in that the alternate history story is itself written in an alternate history universe (compare ''Literature/TheManInTheHighCastle'', one of the oldest AH novels, which uses a similar premise with the in-story story ''The Grasshopper Lies Heavy'') "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/alternateuniverse-scifi-channel-show-asks-what-wou,2846/ Alternate-Universe Sci-Fi Channel Show Asks What Would Happen If Germany Lost War]]"
** In ''Our Dumb Century'', some articles have traits of this, such as Archduke Franz Ferdinand showing up alive after UsefulNotes/WorldWarI, RichardNixon being killed after a manhunt around the time of his resignation, and the US not just losing UsefulNotes/TheVietnamWar, but actually surrendering to them.
* AmericansHateTingle[=/=]AcceptableHobbyTargets: InUniverse.
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xLn-X8YJRg Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay]]".
** [[http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/ In the Onion Sports Network's main page]], if you look at the list of sports categories, [[TheBeautifulGame "Soccer"]] is lumped in the same category as "Women's Sports".
** "[[http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/video/suffering-cleveland-bans-all-professional-sports,19701/ Suffering Cleveland Bans All Professional Sports]]".
* AnachronismStew / TimeyWimeyBall: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/historical-archives-civil-war-preenactors-have-sta,6356/ Historical Archives: Civil War Pre-Enactors Have Stage'd Battle Of Bull Run]]".
* AndIMustScream: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-finds-hearing-loved-ones-voice-induces-excru,27035/ Study Finds Hearing Loved One's Voice Induces Excruciating Pain In Coma Patients]]"
* {{Angrish}}: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ogM0aDe2Pc BREAKING: Incomprehensible Shouting Named Official U.S. Language]]"
* AnimalMetaphor: An article has an entire family attempting to use the family dog as a metaphor for their relationship difficulties—The father for example saying that the dog feels confined and needs to run free, while the youngest child says the dog just wants some attention...
* AnimalWrongsGroup:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39180 Heroic PETA Commandos Kill 49, Save Rabbit]]".
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2z2lTUR5Ao Advocacy Group Decries PETA's Inhumane Treatment Of Women]]"
* AnimatedAdaptation: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/aaron_sorkin_announces_new_west Aaron Sorkin Announces New 'West Wing' Animated Series At SorCon]]".
* TheAntiNihilist: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/existentialist-firefighter-delays-3-deaths,17500/ Existentialist Firefighter Delays 3 Deaths]]"
* AntiquatedLinguistics: The book ''Literature/OurDumbCentury'' loves these. For example: "Per the Mysterious Congressman's directive, the debate will held in one fortnight's time on the shores of the Tidal Basin at day's first light. It will be broadcast simultaneously by all network and cable-news channels."
* ArchiveBinge: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-netflix-gas-lets-users-inhale-multiple-seasons,33992/ New Netflix Gas Lets Users Inhale Multiple Seasons Of TV Shows]]"
* AreYouPonderingWhatImPondering: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/if-only-there-were-some-way-i-could-watch-premium,17805/ If Only There Were Some Way I Could Watch Premium Movies In The Comfort Of My Own Home]]".
* ArtifactOfAttraction: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/45795 Wool Blanket Destroys Commune]]".
* ArtifactOfDoom: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/ashton-moves-on-from-demi-dating-evil-black-disc,26880/ Ashton Moves On From Demi, Dating Evil Black Disc]]".
* ArtifactTitle: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/steeler_defense_renamed_mid Steeler Defense Renamed 'Mid-Level White-Collar Curtain' To More Accurately Reflect Contemporary Pittsburgh]]".
* ArtisticLicenseAnimalCare: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/as-much-as-i-hated-putting-my-dog-to-sleep-i-know,11522/ As Much As I Hated Putting My Dog To Sleep, I Know He'll Feel Better When He Wakes Up]]".
* AsLongAsItSoundsForeign: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33632 I Bet I Can Speak Spanish]]".
* AsLongAsThereIsEvil: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/osama-bin-laden-found-inside-each-of-us,1131/ Osama Bin Laden Found Inside Each of Us]]".
* AsYouKnow: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSQYr8f0014 FAA Issues Holiday Reminder That Planes Can Crash And Kill You]]"
* AttackOfTheFiftyFootWhatever: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/update-giant-bin-laden-destroys-new-york-washingto,20536/ Giant Bin Laden Destroys New York, Washington]]".
* AwesomenessByAnalysis: Inverted with "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/it-doesnt-look-that-cold-out-reports-man-who-doesn,19082/ It Doesn't Look That Cold Out, Reports Man Who Doesn't Have Thermo-Sensing Eyes]]".
* AxCrazy[=/=]CuteAndPsycho: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/a-vote-for-my-husband-is-a-vote-for-me-not-breakin,11427/ A Vote For My Husband Is A Vote For Me Not Breaking Your Fucking Neck]]".
* BabiesMakeEverythingBetter: Subverted: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/autistic-child-ruins-marriage-he-was-born-to-save,16914/ Autistic Child Ruins Marriage He Was Born To Save]]"
* BaitAndSwitchComment: Several horoscopes are like this.
--> [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-25-2012,29686/ Gemini:]] You will uncover an ancient Aztec curse this Thursday, one frightened locals say translates to [[PrecisionFStrike "motherfucker."]]
* BankruptcyBarrel: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/why_am_i_the_only_homeless_man Why Am I The Only Homeless Man Still Wearing Pickle Barrels?]]"
* BaseBreaker: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/russell-crowe-praised-for-stunning-portrayal-of-ma,30839/ Russell Crowe Praised For Stunning Portrayal Of Man Who Cannot Sing Or Act In 'Les Misérables']]"
* BasementDweller: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-cuts-funding-for-26yearold-stepson,19965/ Congress Cuts Funding For 26-Year-Old Stepson]]".
* BearsAreBadNews: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34147 Whoooooo! Bears! vs. Aaaaaggh! Bears!]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/syria-conflict-intensifies-as-bears-enter-war,33659/ Syria Conflict Intensifies As Bears Enter War]]".
* BecomingTheMask: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-cant-anyone-tell-im-wearing-this-business-suit,11185/ Why Can't Anyone Tell I'm Wearing This Business Suit Ironically?]]"
* BeneathTheMask: {{Parodied}}. "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/study-average-person-becomes-unhinged-psychotic-wh,33761/ Study: Average Person Becomes Unhinged Psychotic When Alone In Own House]]"
* BestYearsOfYourLife: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/best-years-of-area-mans-life-apparently-never-goin,94/ Best Years Of Man's Life Apparently Never Going to Happen]]" brutally mocks this trope.
* BigBad: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/dept-of-evil-all-of-you-must-die,2200/ Department of Evil: All of You Must Die]]"
* BigEater:
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCsH-GY8ra4 USDA Recalls 96,000 Pounds Of Tainted Beef From One Family]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/horrified-subway-execs-assumed-people-were-buying,36800/ Horrified Subway Execs Assumed People Were Buying Footlongs To Share With A Friend]]"
* BiggerThanJesus: Published an apology in their corrections section after purportedly making such a remark, consequently revealing {{Inverted|Trope}} intentions:
--> "We would like to apologize for stating last week that ''The Onion'' is 'bigger than Jesus'. What we meant to imply is that ''The Onion'' is more important and influential than Jesus, not that our newspaper is in any way physically larger than He was. We regret any confusion."
* BilingualBonus: The so-called founder's last name is Zwiebel, German for "Onion".
* BlackComedy:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43212 More Americans Falling For 'Get Rich Slowly Over A Lifetime Of Hard Work' Schemes]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/university-implicated-in-checksfordegrees-scheme,1193/ University Implicated In Checks-For-Degrees Scheme]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/budget-mixup-provides-nations-schools-with-enough,20350/ Budget Mix-Up Provides Nation's Schools With Enough Money To Properly Educate Students]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-onion-offers-a-swift-painless-death-to-edward,33071/ ‘The Onion’ Offers A Swift, Painless Death To Edward Snowden]]".
* BlackComedyRape:
** "[[http://members.fortunecity.com/mtracey/christy.htm Black Bear Attacks, Rapes Zookeeper]]" is notable for being one of the few articles [[DudeNotFunny removed from the main site]]. A subversion, as the article's clownish treatment of the horrific subject matter was itself the joke.
** From ''Our Dumb Century'', "January 30, 1969 - U.S. TROOPS PULL OUT OF VIETNAMESE PEASANT GIRL; 27th Infantry Division ordered to fully withdraw from Sia Nguyen, 14. 'That's enough for now, boys' says captain."
* BlackSpeech: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-baby-speaks-first-words,33213/ "Royal Baby Speaks First Words"]]
* BlatantLies: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/massive-flow-of-bullshit-continues-to-gush-from-bp,17564/ Massive Flow Of Bullshit Continues To Gush From BP Headquarters]]".
* {{Blues}}: Exemplified in the recurring character of supposedly legendary Mississippi Delta guitar player Willie "Skipbone" Jackson, who [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/bluesman-announces-12bar-delay-in-bringing-it-on-h,952/ frequently engages in pointless]] EpicRocking, [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/blues-singers-woman-permitted-to-tell-her-side,472/ sings about how his woman does him wrong]], and [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/blues-musician-to-un-yemen-done-me-wrong,1083/ brings sanctions against Yemen]].
* BOOMHeadshot: ''Close Range'', "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/hot_new_video_game_consists The Game That Consists Of Nothing But Shooting People In The Face]]".
* BotheringByTheBook: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/regulation-spitefully-obeyed-to-the-letter,430/ Regulation Spitefully Obeyed To The Letter]]".
* BottledCool: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27642 Area Man Buying Not So Much A Soft Drink As An Image]]".
* BreadAndCircuses: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/48-syrian-civilians-massacred-during-claire-danes,29666/ "48 Syrian Civilians Massacred During Claire Danes' Emmy Award Acceptance Speech"]]
--> "At press time, government soldiers were throwing the bloodied corpses of the civilians into a large mass grave as Lena Dunham was anxiously waiting to hear if Girls would win the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series."
* BreadEggsMilkSquick:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/when-you-think-mcdonoughs-auto-repair-you-think-cr,17998/ When You Think McDonough's Auto Repair, You Think Craftsmanship, Murder, And Pride]]".
** An autistic reporter covering a [[http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-train-thankfully-unharmed-in-cra,20098/ train accident]] said that "Before the train came to a complete stop, it ran over three trash bags, a piece of gum, a Snickers wrapper, a man, and a glove."
* {{Bulungi}}: The TropeNamer on fictitious African countries originated in [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-ambassador-to-bulungi-suspected-of-making-count,790/ this article]].
* BuriedAlive: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-parent-should-ever-have-to-bury-his-child-alive,17339/ No Parent Should Ever Have To Bury His Child Alive]]".
* ButtMonkey:
** There's a ''lot'' of articles that involve increasingly dreadful things happening to former U.S. President GeorgeWBush.
** Madison Daly and Tucker Hope are treated poorly by Brooke Alvarez.
* CallBack: One article makes reference to an online voting system that allows millions of masturbators to take part in the voting process. Two days later, the article "Nonvoter Knew It Would Turn Out This Way" ends with the nonvoter admitting he might start voting if the online voting for masturbators was up by 2012.
* TheCameo: [[http://www.theonion.com/video/psa-ben-stiller-speaks-out-against-shaken-manchild,19732/ Ben Stiller]], [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjmW_20-iYA Rachel Maddow]], and Mike Huckabee were all on the TV show. The last two were on the same episode.
* CanadaEh:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/perky-canada-has-own-government-laws,19927/ Perky 'Canada' Has Own Government, Laws]]".
** From the cartoons, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/editorial-cartoon-november-12-2007,12321/ The THREAT Across the OTHER Border]]".
* CanonDiscontinuity: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mans-life-riddled-with-continuity-errors,20492/ Man's Life Riddled With Continuity Errors]]".
* CanonWelding: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/disney-reveals-that-every-disney-movie-takes-place,28141/ Disney Reveals That Every Disney Movie Takes Place In Single, Unified Universe]]".
* CaptainObviousAesop:[[invoked]] "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/third-amendment-rights-group-celebrates-another-su,2296/ Third Amendment Rights Group Celebrates Another Successful Year]]".
* CaptainSpaceDefenderOfEarth: Crash Comet, Space Commander from the Year 2000, the recurring enemy of EvilOverlord columnist [[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/gorzo-the-mighty,1026/ Gorzo the Mighty]].
* TheCasanova: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/7_million_people_direct?utm_source=c-section 7 Million People Direct Descendants Of Single Smooth-Talking Ancestor]]".
* CasanovaWannabe: How they portray U.S. Vice President Joe Biden.
* CaughtWithYourPantsDown:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/local-teen-walks-in-on-family-masturbating,34480/ Local Teen Walks In On Family Masturbating]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/new-robot-warns-when-someones-about-to-walk-in-on,26697/ New Robot Warns When Someone's About To Walk In On You Masturbating]]"
* CausticCritic: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/awful_man_offers_witty_acerbic Awful Man Offers Witty, Acerbic Take On Everything He Sees]]".
* ChekhovsGun: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/gun-goes-off-during-lifes-third-act,17286/ Gun Goes Off During Life's Third Act]]".
* TheChewToy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/universe-admits-to-wronging-area-man-his-entire-li,18556/ Universe Admits To Wronging Area Man His Entire Life]]". Also, the protagonists in their reality TV spoofs "Sex House" and "Porkin' Across America".
* ChildrenAreAWaste: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/department-of-education-study-finds-teaching-these,18461/ Department Of Education Study Finds Teaching These Little Shits No Longer Worth It]]".
* ChinaTakesOverTheWorld:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/well_ive_sold_the_paper_to Well, I've Sold The Paper To The Chinese]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-china-to-overtake-us-as-worlds-biggest-assh,17277/ Report: China To Overtake U.S. As World's Biggest Asshole By 2020]]".
** From the week which featured the header article, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/china-strong,2756/ China Strong]]".
** "''Website/TheOnion'' [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-onion-freely-and-happily-gives-its-employees-p,31102/ Freely And Happily Gives Its Employees' Passwords To China]]"
* ChineseLaunderer / StopBeingStereotypical: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/chinese-laundry-owner-blasted-for-reinforcing-nega,1563/ Chinese Laundry Owner Blasted For Reinforcing Negative Ethnic Stereotypes]]".
* ChurchOfHappyology: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31006 Scientology Losing Ground To New Fictionology]]".
* CirclesOfHell: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28898 Tenth Circle Added To Rapidly-Growing Hell]]".
* ClapYourHandsIfYouBelieve: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/obama_warns_he_may_cease_to Obama Warns He May Cease To Exist Unless America Believes In Him]]".
* CleanupCrew: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/highpowered-washington-fixer-tells-bloodsoaked-oba,34115/ High-Powered Washington Fixer Tells Blood-Soaked Obama To Listen Carefully]]".
* ClicheStorm: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/perfectly-marketed-tv-show-somehow-fails,2333/ Perfectly Marketed TV Show Somehow Fails]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-massive-wildfires-geopolitical-crises-aids,20830/ Report: Massive Wildfires, Geopolitical Crises, AIDS, Human Rights Violations, Deadly Shootings, Africa, Trapped Travelers, Ethical And Moral Issues, Child Labor, Drug Wars]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-to-bet-the-farm-on-one-last-big-bill,21192/ Congress To Bet The Farm On One Last Big Bill]]".
* CloudCuckoolander: Several of the columnists, but particularly flaky stoner dude Jim Anchower.
** Jean Teasdale is a vicious and tragic deconstruction, as she's almost (but not entirely) oblivious to the living hell that is her life. This is PlayedForLaughs.
* ClusterFBomb: Oy.
** "[[http://members.shaw.ca/rlongpre01/moon.html Holy Shit: Man Walks On Fucking Moon]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/sony_releases_new_stupid_piece_of Sony Releases Stupid Piece of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/supreme-court-upholds-freedom-of-speech-in-obsceni,17372/ Supreme Court Upholds Freedom Of Speech In Obscenity-Filled Ruling]]".
** The whole week of articles directly after [[TheWarOnTerror 9/11]] was called "The Holy Fucking Shit Edition".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-are-tests-biased-against-students-who,17966/ Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don't Give A Shit?]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/where-the-fuck-is-diane-with-my-fairtrade-coffee,11085/ Where The Fuck Is Diane With My Fair-Trade Coffee?]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/department-of-education-study-finds-teaching-these,18461/ Department Of Education Study Finds Teaching These Little Shits No Longer Worth It]]".
** From ''Our Dumb Century'': "Last Night's Fireside Chat Just a Stream of Cuss Words."
** After the Sandy Hook shooting: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-nation-reports,30743/ Fuck Everything, Nation Reports]]".
* ComicallyMissingThePoint: Uses this humor a LOT, especially their [[http://www.youtube.com/show/todaynow Today Now!]] and [[http://www.youtube.com/show/intheknow In The Know]] segments.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43014 CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighter All These Years]]".
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc9JzvuvNkA Do Glass Pipes, Incense Prove Teens Are Practicing Shamanism?]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-train-thankfully-unharmed-in-cra,20098/ Autistic Reporter: Train Thankfully Unharmed In Crash That Killed One Man]]"
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Edl0l3VaIks Survivors Of Gas Station Explosion Mourn Tragic Loss Of Gas]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/funeral-held-for-door-shot-4-times-by-oscar-pistor,31414/ Funeral Held For Door Shot 4 Times By Oscar Pistorius]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/washington-redskins-change-their-name-to-the-dc-re,34161/ Washington Redskins Change Their Name To The D.C. Redskins]]"
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/washington-redskins-ease-tensions-with-native-amer,34567/ Washington Redskins Ease Tension With Native Americans By Adding Bottle Of Booze To Logo]]"
* TheComputerIsACheatingBastard: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/hawaii_wins_little_league_world Hawaii Wins Little League World Series]]".
* ConceptAlbum:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nasa-launches-david-bowie-concept-mission%2C2907/ NASA Launches David Bowie Concept Mission]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/bruce-springsteen-releases-new-scifi-concept-album,21358/ Bruce Springsteen Releases New Sci-Fi Concept Album About Struggles of Poor Miners Working On Mars]]".
* ConspiracyTheorist:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/construction-complete-on-911-truther-memorial,18034/ Construction Complete On 9/11 Truther Memorial]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/conspiracy-theorist-has-elaborate-explanation-for,1917/ Conspiracy Theorist Has Elaborate Explanation For Why He's Single]]".
* ContentWarnings: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28047 Teen Exposed To Violence, Profanity, Adult Situations By Family]]".
* ContinuityCreep: The show on IFC has some recurring stories, such as the one involving time travelers trying to kill Suri Cruise and the FDA official yelling for everyone to start eating healthier.
* ContinuityNod:
** Joad Cressbeckler, first introduced as an "even more grizzled and ornery" alternative to John [=McCain=] during the "War For The White House", now has his own series (''The Cressbeckler Stance'') parodying FOX News' primetime commentary shows.
** Several stories about an "Area Man" visiting restaurants are about the same man (Don Turnbee of Erie, PA) with the same photo model.
* ConvictionByContradiction: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29537 Idaville Detective]] [[EncyclopediaBrown 'Encyclopedia' Brown]] Found Dead In Library Dumpster". What was the perpetrator's alibi? [[spoiler:He was at the North Pole watching the penguins.]]
* TheCoronerDothProtestTooMuch: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/naive-detective-suspects-fair-play,3227/ Naïve Detective Suspects Fair Play]]"
* CorruptCorporateExecutive: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/layoffs-are-necessary-if-we-want-to-keep-the-light,26250/ 'Layoffs Are Necessary If We Want To Keep The Lights On,' Says CEO Halfway Through Tasting Menu]]"
* CorruptPolitician[=/=]SleazyPolitician:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/city-of-chicago-to-modernize-outdated-graft-progra,17140/ City Of Chicago To Modernize Outdated Graft Programs]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/illinois-supreme-court-deems-rahm-emanuel-sleazy-e,19036/ Illinois Supreme Court Deems Rahm Emanuel Sleazy Enough To Run For Mayor Of Chicago]]"
* CousinOliver: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/cousin_oliver_to_join_white_house To Join White House For Last Year Of Clinton Presidency]]".
* CoveredInGunge: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30578 Ex-Nickelodeon Stars Relate Horrors Of Green Slime Syndrome]]".
* CowboyCop:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30550 Lone Wolf Ashcroft Given Rookie Partner]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/entire-precinct-made-up-of-loose-cannons,2306/ Entire LAPD Precinct Made Up Of Loose Cannons]]" takes this UpToEleven.
* CrapsaccharineWorld: The world seen in ''Today Now!''
* CrapsackWorld:
** "[[VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoIV Liberty City]] [[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/liberty_city_police_face Police Face Allegations Of Incompetence, Brutality]]".
** The world as a whole. ''In The Know''[='s=] world has ghouls, robot overlords, baby skulls as jewelry... RuleOfFunny produces some hilariously-horrific things.
** Alluded to in the article [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/this-what-world-like-now,32068/ This What World Like Now]], following the Boston Marathon blast in April 2013. The last line says it all:
--> [[PrecisionFStrike “I guess the world’s a pretty fucked-up place, huh?”]]
* CrazyCatLady: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/how-to-put-the-spark-back-into-your-relationship-w,14398/ How To Put The Spark Back Into Your Relationship With Your Cat]]."
* CrazyEnoughToWork: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/radio_news/area_idea_so_crazy_it_just_0 Area Idea So Crazy It Just Might Work]]".
* CreatorBreakdown: In-Universe, "Study: Children Of Divorce Twice As Likely To Write Bad Poetry".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/abusive-father-cant-wait-to-see-the-art-hes-inspir,27192/ Abusive Father Can't Wait To See The Art He's Inspiring His Kids To Create ]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-family-history-of-alcoholism-raises-risk-of,18863/ Study: Family History of Alcoholism Raises Risk of One-Man Show]]".
* CrisisCrossover: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-goes-back-in-time-teams-up-with-goldenage,8828/ Clinton Goes Back In Time, Teams Up With Golden Age Clinton]]".
* CrossesTheLineTwice: InUniverse.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-parent-should-ever-have-to-bury-his-child-alive,17339/ No Parent Should Ever Have To Bury His Child Alive]]", a perfect example of crossing the line '''way''' more than twice.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/look-are-we-going-to-spend-the-rest-of-this-board,17871/ Look, Are We Going To Spend The Rest Of This Board Meeting Talking About Why I'm Covered In Blood And Feces Or Are We Going To Talk Business?]]"
* {{Cult}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/you-call-this-a-doomsday-cult,10783/?utm_source=related/ You Call This A Doomsday Cult?]]"
** TheMoralSubstitute: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29745 Former Cult Members Find New Life In Christ]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/cult-divided-on-whether-to-let-women-become-telepa,17842/ Cult Divided On Whether To Let Women Become Telepathic-Vision Clerics]]".
* DagwoodSandwich: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-american-people-lead-world-in-compressing-b,34496/ Report: American People Lead World In Compressing Big Sandwiches So They’re Bitable]]".
* TheDanza: InUniverse, Tracy Toth, aka ''Today Now''[='s=] Tracy Gill.
* ADateWithRosiePalms:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ho-ho-ho-i-saw-you-masturbating,2107/ Ho Ho Ho, I Saw you Masturbating!]]" Also an example of {{Squick}} and TakeThatAudience
** "[[http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/video/13year-old-nearing-record-for-most-masturbations-i,18828/ 13-Year-Old Nearing Record For Most Masturbations In One Day]]".
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaidaE1ZxrI Americans Observing 9/11 By Trying Not To Masturbate]]"
* ADayInTheLimelight: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-is-pundit-duncan-birch-a-worthless-idi,18591/ Is Pundit Duncan Birch A Worthless Idiot?]]"
* DeadAllAlong: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/alarming-mri-shows-peyton-manning-has-been-dead-fo,34555/ Alarming MRI Shows Peyton Manning Has Been Dead For Past 6 Months]]
* DeaderThanDisco: InUniverse: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/the-internship-poised-to-be-biggest-comedy-of-2005,32682/ 'The Internship' Poised To Be Biggest Comedy of 2005]]".
* {{Deconstruction}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ultra_realistic_modern_warfare Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks]]".
** Several articles are deconstructions, often by having something frequently portrayed in media happen to real people and showing what it would really be like, such as "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/romanticcomedy-behavior-gets-reallife-man-arrested,757/ Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested]]".
* TheDeepSouth: Repeatedly.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/radio_news/supreme_court_rules Supreme Court Rules Tennesseans are Sentient Beings]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28559 South Postpones Rising Again For Yet Another Year]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-visits-southcarolinaravaged-south-carolina,26114/ Obama Visits South-Carolina-Ravaged South Carolina]]."
* DeliciousFruitPies: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32002 Spider-Man Distracts Dr. Octopus With Delicious Hostess Fruit Pies]]"
* TheDeterminator: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-onion-vows-to-carry-on-irans-nuclear-weapons-p,34682/ ‘The Onion’ Vows To Carry On Iran’s Nuclear Weapons Program Until The Job Is Done]]"
* DevelopmentHell: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/script-has-been-floating-around-hollywood-for-75-y,18172/?utm_source=recentnews Script Has Been Floating Around Hollywood For 75 Years]]".
* DidYouDie: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/candidate-may-have-lied-about-heroic-death-in-viet,17600/ Candidate May Have Lied About Heroic Death In Vietnam]]".
* DinnerOrderFlub: In ''Our Dumb World'''s entry on Burkina Faso, there's a joke about the very low literacy rate of that country when one of their diplomats tries to order a notice that an extra gratuity may be charged for large groups.
* DirectToVideo: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/land-before-time-vi-released-straight-to-landfill,3766/ Land Before Time VI Released Straight To Landfill]]"
* DirtyOldMan[=/=]LovableSexManiac: Almost every article about Joe Biden portrays him this way.
* DiscriminateAndSwitch: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-wont-have-my-daughter-bringing-a-black-man-into,17246/ I Won't Have My Daughter Bringing A Black Man Into This House Until I've Tidied Up And Created A Welcoming Environment]]"
* DisproportionateRetribution: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDWo6m5hbG4&feature=channel Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar]]".
* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything:
** Constantly; one is "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bush_refuses_to_set_timetable_for Bush Refuses To Set Timetable For Withdrawal Of Head From White House Banister]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/gorilla-sales-skyrocket-after-latest-gorilla-attac,30860/ Gorilla Sales Skyrocket After Latest Gorilla Attack]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/hillary-clinton-quietly-asks-bill-if-he-still-find,34468/ Hillary Clinton Quietly Asks Bill If He Still Finds Her Electable]]" is full of this too.
-->''"I just want to know if you still consider me appealing," she continued, "particularly to blacks, Hispanics, and women between 30 and 44."''
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/creditors-repossess-new-england-from-debtridden-us,733/ Creditors Repossess New England From Debt-Ridden U.S.]]"
* DoorStopper: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27769 Girlfriend Stops Reading David Foster Wallace Breakup Letter At Page 20]]".
* DoTheyKnowItsChristmasTime: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43960 Important Christmas Lessons Already Forgotten]]".
* DownerEnding: See MoodWhiplash examples below, as well as [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-world-now-down-to-5-stories-that-are-inspir,31303 "World Now Down To 5 Stories That Are Inspirational"]], which followed on from the RealLife arrest of double-amputee Olympic runner Oscar Pistorius for murder. Even the article has a downer ending when the number is reduced to four (a father heroically battling cancer turned out to be having an affair with an underage girl).
* DrivesLikeCrazy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/general-motors-introduces-new-instantwin-airbags,1103/ General Motors Introduces New Instant-Win Airbags]]"
* DudeNotFunny: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/circus-train-wreck-not-funny-investigators-emphasi,21252/ Circus Train Wreck Not Funny, Investigators Emphasize]]"
-->"According to officials, at least 13 circus performers have died, with dozens more suffering severe burns as a fire spread through the mile long train, eventually igniting a fuse that launched a human cannonball 200 feet above the devastating and not-at-all amusing scene."
-->"Other straight-faced sources confirmed none of the accident's sights and sounds were even remotely entertaining, from the spectacular fireworks launching every few minutes to the whimsical strains of carnival music echoing endlessly through the night as a result of smoke billowing through a steam calliope."
* DumbIsGood[=/=]OnlySaneEmployee: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28779 Developmentally Disabled Burger King Employee Only Competent Worker]]".
* DysfunctionalFamily: Pretty much the whole point of Jean Teasdale's regular column, and strongly implied in Roger Dudek's, whose wife has grown to hate him and his jovial, neglectful stupidity ever since their third child was stillborn.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:E-H]]
* {{Eagleland}}:
** Both types at once, in "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/american-public-actually-kind-of-endearing-in-some,18277/ American Public Actually Kind Of Endearing In Some Ways]]"
** Type 2: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7c_OMWp21g Has Obama Failed To Reduce Hostility Toward Obnoxious Americans Abroad?]]"
* EarlyBirdCameo: In "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/biden-criticized-for-appearing-in-hennessy-ads,14392/ Biden Criticized For Appearing In Hennessy ads]]", a spokesperson for Hennessy was seen on ''Fact Zone'', which is where the show on IFC would take place about a year after the video was released. The show would occasionally be mentioned on the news ticker on some other videos.
* EldritchAbomination:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/after-obama-victory-shrieking-whitehot-sphere-of-p,30284/ After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner For 2016]]"
** This has been a RunningGag about [[http://www.theonion.com/channels/royal-baby/ the baby born to Prince William and Kate Middleston]].
* EpicRocking: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/carrie-underwood-releases-complex-multipart-prog-r,33847/ Carrie Underwood Releases Complex, Multi-Part Prog Rock Inspired "Sunday Night Football" Theme Song.]]
* EvenEvilHasStandards:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/jerry-sandusky-horrified-by-behavior-of-rutgers-ba,31926/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:headline:default Jerry Sandusky Horrified By Behavior of Rutgers Basketball Coach]]"
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/kim-jongun-comes-out-in-support-of-gay-marriage-im,31821/ Kim Jong-Un Comes Out In Support Of Gay Marriage]]
---> "I'm not a monster," Says North Korean Dictator
* EverybodyHasLotsOfSex: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/byu-students-protest-brandon-davies-dismissal-by-h,19679/ BYU Students Protest Brandon Davies' Dismissal By Having Sex All Over Campus]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/olympic-village-tour-see-where-the-athletes-live-t,35266/ Olympic Village Tour: See Where The Athletes Live, Train And Fuck Each Other's Brains Out]]" ({{NSFW}}). Like quite a few of ''The Onion''[='=]s stories, this one is TruthInTelevision (see [[http://www.sportsgrid.com/video/the-onion-takes-us-on-a-tour-of-the-sochi-olympic-village-gangbang-facilities/ here]]).
* EveryoneIsGay: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/jack-nicholson-leonardo-dicaprio-tom-hanks-denzel,28904/ Jack Nicholson, Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, And Daniel Day-Lewis Come Out As Gay]]".
* EverythingIsBigInTexas: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/texas_constructs_u_s_border_wall?utm_source=a-section Texas Constructs U.S. Border Wall To Keep Out Unwanted Americans]]".
* EverythingsDeaderWithZombies
** BrainFood: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38541 Zombie Nutritionist Recommends All-Brain Diet]]".
** ZombieApocalypse:
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41676 Study Reveals Pittsburgh Unprepared For Full-Scale Zombie Attack]]".
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/low-voter-turnout-blamed-on-electionday-zombie-att,1102/ Low Voter Turnout Blamed On Election-Day Zombie Attacks]]".
* EvilDetectingDog: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31229 Family Dog Barking At Evil]]".
* EvilOldFolks: T. Herman Zweibel, the fictional Editor of the ''Onion'' since 1888, is the epitome of this Trope.
* EvilOverlord: [[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/gorzo-the-mighty,1026/ Gorzo the Mighty]], Emperor of the Universe since the 1930's.
* EvilPowerVacuum / JerkJock: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/secondmost-popular-kid-in-school-assumes-power-fol,18088/ Second-Most Popular Kid In School Assumes Power Following Death Of Star Quarterback]]".
* EvilStoleMyFaith: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/eons-of-darwinian-evolution-somehow-produce-mitch,17635/ One article]] had a StrawLoser whose very existence was an affront to both the theory of evolution (what purpose can this guy possibly serve?!) ''and'' the existence of a kind and loving god (If we're made in God's image, well...), with each side parading him around as the ultimate argument against the other.
* ExaggeratedTrope: Many of the articles get their humor from taking a regular trope, such as the CowboyCop example above, and cranking it up full blast.
* ExecutiveMeddling: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/network-executive-cancels-show-after-ruining-it-in,3334/ Network Executive Cancels Show After Ruining It In Development]]".
* ExponentialPlotDelay: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zgb8N-5py0& Final Minutes Of Last Harry Potter Movie To Be Split Into Seven Separate Films]]".
* TheExtremistWasRight: Some article, such as "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/harry-potter-books-spark-rise-in-satanism-among-ch,2413/ Harry Potter Books Spark Rise In Satanism Among Children]]", essentially portray some paranoid conspiracy theorists as being right.
* FaceHeelTurn / FallenHero: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/lance-armstrong-debuts-evil-fantaunting-persona-ki,30963/ Lance Armstrong Admits Drug Use, Plans Return To Cycling As Flamboyant, Fan-Hating Villain]]"
* FagHag / PetHomosexual: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/gay_man_unattractive_woman_form Gay Man, Unattractive Woman Form Tight Bond]]".
* FanDumb: InUniverse.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/jon-hamm-to-overenthusiastic-fan-youre-ruining-me,19443/ Jon Hamm To Overenthusiastic Fan: 'You're Ruining Me For Everyone']]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-dont-they-make-a-second-godfather-movie,11434/ Why Don't They Make A Second 'Godfather' Movie?]]"
* FatBastard: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/american-obesity-epidemic-traced-to-single-heavyse,35640/ Jeremiah Alden, the fattest man on the Mayflower and possible culprit of genetic obesity in America]]. Although his demeanor is noted as being [[BigFun "joyous and agreeable"]] by the other settlers, his laziness and great appetite meant that he tended to do nothing but sit around all day and eat all of the colony's supplies, which led to half of the Puritans starving to death that winter.
* FauxAffablyEvil: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/so-whats-it-going-to-be,33662/ "So, What's It Going To Be?"]] by Bashar al-Assad is written in such a tone.
* FelonyMisdemeanor: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1FuGpGlRFw USDA Official Takes Brave Stand Against Interstate Potato Pricing]]".
* FerrisWheelOfDoom: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-40000-people-died-on-ferris-wheels-this-sum,26414/ Report: 40,000 People Died On Ferris Wheels This Summer]]".
* FetusTerrible: Kate Middleton's baby looks to be one in such articles as "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/cut-this-monster-out-of-me,30602/ Kate Middleton: Cut This Monster Out of Me]]" and "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-family-releases-kate-middleton-ultrasound-im,30613/ Royal Family Releases Kate Middleton Ultrasound Image]]".
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-baby-born,33171/ The baby has moved on to becoming a full]] EnfantTerrible[=/=]EldritchAbomination.
* FinishingMove: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nhl-to-allow-finishing-moves-in-fights-this-season,18189/ NHL To Allow Finishing Moves In Fights This Season]]", with an obligatory ShoutOut to ''MortalKombat''.
* FiremenAreHot / EvenTheGuysWantHim / BlackComedy: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrsLMcJn_cA Incredibly Sexy Firefighter Tragically Dies In Steamy Blaze]]".
* FirstContactMath: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30246 Earth Contacted By Extraterrestrial Nerds]]".
* FishOutOfTemporalWater: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/roman-centurion-crawling-out-of-new-york-city-manh,35809/ Roman Centurion Crawling Out Of New York City Manhole In For One Wacky Adventure]]".
* FiveTokenBand: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39035 Graphic Artist Carefully Assigns Ethnicities To Anthropomorphic Recyclables]]".
* FlockOfWolves: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27823 Klan Rally 70 Percent Undercover Reporters]]".
* FluffyCloudHeaven: The tendency of many editorial cartoonists to draw bland "tributes" with dead celebrities at the Pearly Gates is mocked in Kelly's panels, which often depict famous people that he hates for some reason suffering in FireAndBrimstoneHell.
* FlyoverCountry: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/indianapolis-announces-really-embarrassing-bid-for,26149/ Indianapolis Announces Really Embarrassing Bid For 2020 Summer Olympics]]".
* FoeYay:[[invoked]]
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27830 Sexual Tension Between Arafat, Sharon Reaches Breaking Point]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/massachusetts-supreme-court-orders-all-citizens-to,1135/ Massachusetts Supreme Court Orders All Citizens To Gay Marry]]".
* ForWantOfANail: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/recent-rise-in-international-disputes-traced-back,2774/ Recent Rise In International Disputes Traced Back To Cute U.N. Tour Guide]]"
* FormerChildStar / FutureLoser / GreenAesop / ContractualPurity: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/entertainment_scientists_warn Entertainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted By 2013]]".
* FranchiseZombie: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/final-minutes-of-last-harry-potter-movie-to-be-spl,20528/ Final Minutes Of Last Harry Potter Movie To Be Split Into Seven Separate Films]]".
* FriendToAllLivingThings: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/geese-all-flying-to-andy-garcias-house-for-winter,30580/ Geese All Flying To Andy García's House For Winter]]"
* ''Film/TheFugitive'': "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/fugitive-doctor-accuses-devlin-macgregor-of-fraud,30796/ Fugitive Doctor Accuses Devlin MacGregor Of Fraud]]"
* {{Funk}}:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-threatens-to-drop-da-bomb-on-iraq,787/ Clinton Threatens to Drop Da Bomb on Iraq]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/national-funk-congress-deadlocked-on-get-upget-dow,625/ National Funk Congress Deadlocked on Get Up/Get Down Issue]]".
* FunHatingConfiscatingAdult: One column has Senator Tom Delay losing his temper with a group of teenagers playing frisbee on the Capitol lawn. Said frisbee flies through the window and disrupts an important meeting. Delay tells the teenagers that he's keeping the frisbee and that they can't do anything about this because he is very politically powerful. When he turns away from the window, a hacky sack flies into the room and hits him on the head. Delay tells the teenagers that the joke's on them because he won't return their hacky sack either.
* FunnyAneurysmMoment: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-outraged-catholic-priest-did-that-thing-e,17184/ Everyone Outraged Catholic Priest Did That Thing Everyone Jokes About]]".
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-celebrates-full-week-without-deadly-mass-sh,29293/ Nation Celebrates Full Week Without Deadly Mass Shooting]] The day after this story was published, a gunman opened fire at the Empire State Building. The title was quickly amended to add "Update: Never Mind."
* FunnyBackgroundEvent: The news ticker at the bottom of Newsroom videos.
** Also, some screenshots of websites have headlines as funny as the news ticker's.
* FutureBadass / EvilOverlord: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/person-who-will-one-day-become-warlordruler-of-wha,27406/ Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital]]".
* GameShow:
** ''Series/{{Jeopardy}}'':
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/alex-trebek-deftly-prolongs-agonizing-small-talk,3614/ Alex Trebek Deftly Prolongs Agonizing Small Talk]]"
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ken-jennings-mistaken-for-subways-jared-again,4874/ Ken Jennings Mistaken For Subway's Jared Again]]"
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/jeopardy-viewer-had-no-idea-he-knew-so-much-about,5620/ 'Jeopardy!' Viewer Had No Idea He Knew So Much About Weasels]]".
** ''Series/ThePriceIsRight'':
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/price-is-right-demands-pullout-of-us-forces,1124/ 'Price Is Right' Demands Pullout Of U.S. Forces]]"
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/what-am-i-going-to-do-with-all-these-dog-uteruses,11413/ What Am I Going To Do With All These Dog Uteruses?]]"
** ''Series/WheelOfFortune'':
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/desperate-wheel-of-fortune-receives-approval-to-us,3681/ Desperate 'Wheel Of Fortune' Receives Approval To Use Swear Words]]"
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/wheel-of-fortune-contestants-hit-hard-as-vowel-pri,6159/ 'Wheel Of Fortune' Contestants Hit Hard As Vowel Prices Skyrocket]]".
* GameWithinAGame: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rw8gE3lnpLQ Warcraft Sequel Lets You Play a Character Playing Warcraft]]".
* GangOfCritters: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38926 Woodland Pals Hold Impromptu Oompah-Band Jamboree]]".
* TheGenericGuy: "[[http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/tim-duncan-announces-shoe-deal-with-florsheim,18718/ Tim Duncan Announces Shoe Deal With Florsheim]]".
* GenreBlindness: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/experts-agree-giant-razorclawed-bioengineered-crab,14318/ Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat.]]"
* GenreSavvy / CallBack: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/sadly-nation-knows-exactly-how-colorado-shootings,28857/ Sadly, Nation Knows Exactly How Colorado Shooting's Aftermath Will Play Out]]"
* GentlemanThief: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/bad_boy_fencing_star_implicated Bad Boy Fencing Star Implicated In Daring Jewel Heist]]".
* GetALoadOfThatSquare: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38778 Area Father Must Have Read Some Drug-Slang Brochure Or Something]]".
* TheGhost: Clifford Banes, the [[InformedAbility supposed host]] of ''In The Know''. The various reasons given are Troperiffic:
-->"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who has been accidentally [[UnPerson erased]]."
-->"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who is battling his nemesis to the death on top of a [[EvilTowerOfOminousness clock tower]]."
-->"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who is [[TheStoryteller regaling the interns with tales of his days at sea]]."
-->"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who [[JumpedOffTheSlipperySlope messed with the wrong people and got involved in some]] [[SophisticatedAsHell serious shit]]."
-->"[[BlatantLies I'm Clifford Banes]], wearing a perfect latex Juliana [=McKannis=] mask."
* GiantEnemyCrab: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/experts_agree_giant_razor_clawed?utm_source=a-section Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat]]".
* GirlfriendInCanada: Appears in "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29378 Area Homosexual Thinks He's Still In The Closet]]".
** The entirety of [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/canadian-girlfriend-unsubstantiated,1484/ Canadian Girlfriend Unsubstantiated]]
* GirlsHaveCooties: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/10yearold-denies-girlliking-allegations,3909/ 10-Year-Old Denies Girl-Liking Allegations]]".
* {{Glurge}}: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27621 Nation Afraid To Admit 9-Year-Old Disabled Poet Really Bad]]".
* GoneHorriblyWrong / MyGodWhatHaveIDone: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/what_kind_of_powdered_chocolate What Kind Of Powdered Chocolate Drink Mix Have We Unleashed Upon The World?]]"
* GoodCopBadCop:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/good-cop-avidstampcollector-cop-routine-not-workin,6088/ Good Cop, Avid-Stamp-Collector Cop Routine Not Working]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/good-cop-bad-cop-both-racist,1702/ Good Cop, Bad Cop Both Racist]]".
* GretzkyHasTheBall: Inverted with "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/even_british_able_to_see?utm_source=slate_rss_1 Even British Able To See Holes In Buccaneer's Defence]]".
* TheGrimReaper: Frequently appears in the cartoons.
* HandPuppet: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30192 Local Puppet Ignores Repeated Audience Dragon Warnings]]".
* HandsOnApproach: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/romney-stands-behind-ryan-to-show-good-campaigning,30008/ Romney stands behind Ryan to Show Good Campaigning Stance.]]"
* HarmfulToMinors: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30883 U.S. Children Still Traumatized One Year After Seeing Partially-Exposed Breast On TV]]".
* HaveIMentionedIAmSexuallyActiveToday: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/teen-boys-losing-virginity-earlier-and-earlier-rep,35906/ Teen Boys Losing Virginity Earlier and Earlier, Report Teen Boys]]"
* HeavyMetalUmlaut: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/united-states-toughens-image-with-umlauts,4230/ Ünited Stätes Toughens Image with Umlauts]]".
* AHellOfATime: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/hell-now-a-thriving-epicenter-of-gay-culture,33928/ Hell Now A Thriving Epicenter Of Gay Culture]]".
* HeroesWantRedHeads: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33324 I'm Certain That Sex With A Redhead Will Be More Fulfilling Than Other Sex]]".
* HighAltitudeInterrogation: It's reported in their web video [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JjNh7L5jiE "Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time to Play Games"]] that "hardass cops can be fucked with for two more hours, at which point they will resume dangling lowlifes from rooftops until they get the answers they want."
* HistoricalBeautyUpdate: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_would_have_been_considered I Would Have Been Considered Very Attractive In The Middle Ages]]".
* HiveMind: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/residents-of-indiana-join-together-to-form-collect,27668/ "Residents of Indiana Join Together To Form Collective Consciousness".]]
* HollywoodAtlas: ''Our Dumb World'' is constructed largely out of this Trope, with a dash of BlackComedy here and there.
* HollywoodHacking: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fasttalking-computer-hacker-just-has-to-break-thro,32000/ Fast-Talking Computer Hacker Just Has To Break Through Encryption Shield Before Uploading Nano-Virus]]"
* HollywoodPsych: Michael Falk is an autistic reporter in "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-train-thankfully-unharmed-in-cra,20098/ Autistic Reporter: Train Thankfully Unharmed In Crash That Killed One Man]]"
** And "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-michael-falk-enchanted-by-prison,26712/ Autistic Reporter, Michael Falk, Enchanted By Prison's Rigid Routine]]."
* HollywoodScience: [[http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-coal-lobby-warns-wind-farms-may-blow-e,20876/ Coal Lobby warns Wind Farms may blow Earth off-orbit]].
* HorseRacing: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/danica-patrick-takes-last-place-in-preakness-stake,32473/ Danica Patrick Takes Last Place In Preakness Stakes]]"
* HoYay: [[invoked]] "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/worlds-power-brokers-hold-annual-summit-where-they,18474/ World's Power Brokers Hold Annual Summit Where They Show Each Other Their Penises]]".
* HulkSpeak: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33980 Why No One Want Make]] Film/{{Hulk}} [[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33980 2?]]"
* HumanoidAbomination: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/neverland-ranch-investigators-discover-corpse-of-r,1303/ Neverland Ranch Investigators Discover Corpse of Real Michael Jackson]]"
* HumansArePsychicInTheFuture: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-worlds-lone-nontelepathic-individual-still,32461/ Report: World's Lone Non-Telepathic Individual Still Completely Unaware]]".
* HuntingTheMostDangerousGame: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/44462 Maverick Hunter's 'Human Beings As Prey' Plan Not As Challenging As Expected]]".
* HurricaneOfEuphemisms: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/renowned-hooha-doctor-wins-nobel-prize-for-medical,2692/ Renowned Hoo-Ha Doctor Wins Nobel Prize For Medical Advancements Down There]]"
* HypeAversion: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/new-apple-friend-bar-gives-customers-someone-to-ta,17693/ New Apple Friend Bar Gives Customers Someone To Talk At About Mac Products]]"
* HypocriticalHumor: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iT2hfG3WbT8 Female Scientists Say Domestic Abuse Not Problem]], Says Team of Female Researchers Who All Recently Sustained Injuries Due to Various Accidents"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/elmore-leonard-modern-prose-master-noted-for-his-t,33559 Elmore Leonard, Modern Prose Master, Noted For His Terse Prose Style And For Writing About Things Perfectly And Succinctly With A Remarkable Economy Of Words, Unfortunately And Sadly Expired This Gloomy Tuesday At The Age Of 87 Years Old]]"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:I-L]]
* IDontWantToRuinOurFriendship: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/but-if-we-started-dating-it-would-ruin-our-friends,11473/ But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them]]".
* IfItBleedsItLeads: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/missing-girl-probably-raped,14164/ Missing Girl Probably Raped]]".
* IHaveNoSon: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2uqJ4xTx8k DEA Official Announces Successful Drug Bust On Son's Room]]"
* IHaveThisFriend: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/bush_asks_advice_for_this Bush Asks Advice For This Friend Of His Who Invaded Iraq]]".
** [[http://www.theonion.com/video/political-talk-show-host-suddenly-very-interested,14340/ "Political Talk Show Host Suddenly Very Interested In Manslaughter Law Loopholes"]]
* IKnowMaddenKombat: "LBJ Deploys Green Bay Packers to Vietnam".
* ILoveNuclearPower: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/46035 We Must Expand Our Nuclear Power Program If We're To Realize Our Dream Of Superhero Mutants]]".
** Parodied by ''Our Dumb Century''; one of the 1963 articles is about a 17-year-old boy named [[ComicBook/{{Spider-Man}} Peter Parker]] who dies from leukemia caused by a radioactive spider bite. The article goes on to mention other radiation-induced deaths that month, including [[ComicBook/FantasticFour the four-man crew of an experimental rocket]] and [[ComicBook/IncredibleHulk a scientist bombarded with gamma rays from the bomb he was testing]].
* ImmoralRealityShow: ''WebVideo/SexHouse'', of course.
* ImprobableAimingSkills: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nationals-book-it-after-foul-ball-accidentally-sma,2448/ Nationals Book It After Foul Ball Accidentally Smashes Capitol Rotunda]]"
* IncrediblyLamePun: Roger Dudek's regular column is basically just a [[HurricaneOfPuns nonstop barrage of the most horrible puns imaginable]].
* IndianBurialGround: [[http://www.theonion.com/video/report-economy-failing-because-us-built-on-ancient,20638/ "Economy Failing Because U.S. Built On Ancient Indian Burial Grounds"]]
* InnocentInaccurate: A blend of this and ''The Onion'''s usual style is ''heartwrenching''.
* InspirationallyDisadvantaged
** "Coming up next: Serial killer with Down Syndrome commits fifth inspirational murder".
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-world-now-down-to-5-stories-that-are-inspir,31303 "World Now Down To 5 Stories That Are Inspirational"]] and the photo caption [[BlackComedy "Double Amputee Proves He Is Capable Of Anything"]] are both inspired by the 2013 arrest of RealLife double amputee Olympic-level sprinter Oscar Pistorius for the premeditated murder of his girlfriend.
** Downplayed in "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/developmentally-disabled-burger-king-employee-only,462/ Developmentally Disabled Burger King Employee Only Competent Worker]]", in which the developmentally disabled employee stands out by doing the simple things his (supposedly) smarter co-workers are ''supposed'' to be doing.
* TheInternetIsForPorn: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/naked_woman_picture_gains Naked Woman Picture Gains Popularity On Internet]]". ({{NSFW}})
* ItHasBeenAnHonor: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/its-been-an-honor-gentlemen-shift-supervisor-says,28522/ "It's Been An Honor, Gentlemen," Shift Supervisor Says As Giant Vat Of Molten Cheese Erupts]]
* ItIsBeyondSaving: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0AEarudEdI "FDA Commissioner: I Give Up On You Pigs"]]
* ItsAllAboutMe: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-google-streep-view-to-provide-panoramic-imager,34751/ New Google Streep View To Provide Panoramic Imagery Of Meryl Streep]]"
* ItsAllMyFault: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/soaring-us-divorce-rate-blamed-on-local-11yearold,911/ Soaring U.S. Divorce Rate Blamed On Local 11-Year-Old]]"
* ItsPopularNowItSucks: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/trekkies_bash_new_star_trek_film?utm_source=a-section Trekkies Bash New 'Star Trek' Film As 'Fun, Watchable']]".
* ItsQuietTooQuiet: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jn5c1FuLDd4 "Tea Party Quiet... Too Quiet"]]
* IWantMyJetpack: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-thought-wed-have-flying-slaves-by-now,27000/ I Thought We'd Have Flying Slaves By Now]]".
* {{Japandering}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-earns-money-for-us-by-appearing-in-japanese,21292/ Obama Earns Money For U.S. By Appearing In Japanese Television Commercial]]"
* {{Jerkass}}
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/asshole-admits-to-being-asshole-in-supreme-asshole,1172/ Asshole Admits To Being Asshole In Supreme Asshole Move"]]
** Also "Asshole Proud of Asshole Son"
* JerkassWoobie: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/teen-with-cancer-vows-it-wont-keep-her-from-being,18176 Teen With Cancer Vows It Won't Keep Her From Being Mean, Moody Little Shit]]".
* JigglePhysics: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/new_video_game_technology?utm_source=c-section New Video Game Technology Finally Allows Rendering Of Smaller Breasts]]".
* JoggersFindDeath: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-joggers-sick-of-finding-dead-bodies,2145/ Nation's Joggers Sick of Finding Dead Bodies]]".
* JurisdictionFriction: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/local_authorities_more_than Local Authorities More Than Happy To Let FBI Take Over]]"
* JustJokingJustification: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/come-on-lighten-up-im-just-being-a-total-asshole,11456/ Come On, Lighten Up, I'm Just Being A Total Asshole]]".
* JustTrainWrong:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/murder-mystery-on-train-not-so-fun-in-real-life,2238/ Murder Mystery On Train Not So Fun In Real Life]]". It's supposed to be on a train in Wisconsin, yet the page image choice is of a Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) train in UsefulNotes/SanFrancisco.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/circus-train-wreck-not-funny-investigators-emphasi,21252/ Circus Train Wreck Not Funny, Investigators Emphasize]]". Though the train crashed in Altoona, Pennsylvania, the picture is of an Indian Railways passenger train, and the car out of which the giraffes are sticking their heads is an electric locomotive.
* KarmaHoudini: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/epic-saga-of-employees-ineptitude-passed-down-thro,31765/ Epic Saga Of Employee's Ineptitude Passed Down Through Generations Of Coworkers]]
* KilledOffForReal:
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/whiteonwhite-violence-claims-life-of-accounts-rece,5683 Herbert Kornfeld.]]
** Averted with [[http://www.theonion.com/video/extremely-wired-tim-duncan-explodes-for-50-points,27866/ Doc and Kenny]], who [[http://www.theonion.com/video/insecure-miami-heat-cant-figure-out-who-garnett-ca,28450/ came back]] a couple months later with their heads wrapped in bloody bandages.
* KillThePoor: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/rnc-builds-levee-out-of-poor-people-to-protect-con,29337/ RNC Builds Levee Out Of Poor People To Protect Convention Site]]"
* KnightInSourArmor: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/existentialist-firefighter-delays-3-deaths,17500/ Existentialist Firefighter Delays Three Deaths]]
* LampshadedDoubleEntendre: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/peyton-mannings-wife-tired-of-his-constant-audible,5043 Peyton Manning's Wife Tired Of His Constant 'Audibles' At The 'Line Of Scrimmage']]"
* LethalDiagnosis: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27808 Lackluster Marriage Enlivened By Cancer Scare]]".
* LetsSeeYouDoBetter: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/well_you_try_to_reconstruct_iraq 'Well, You Try To Reconstruct Iraq,' Says U.S. Defensive Dept.]]"
* LetThemDieHappy: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/family-tells-ailing-mandela-racism-over,32937/ Family Tells Ailing Mandela Racism Over]]
* LifetimeMovieOfTheWeek: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33436 Oh, My God - The Baby!]]"
* LighterAndSofter: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-david-simon-project-to-investigate-happy-upper,17426/ New David Simon Project To Investigate Happy, Upper-Middle-Class Streets Of Wilmette, Illinois.]]"
* LiteralMetaphor: A good deal of the horoscopes.
--> [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-18-2012,29600/ Capricorn:]] You can learn a lot by putting yourself in another person’s shoes. Go the extra mile and put yourself in their clothes, their delicate hosieries, and their [[BreadEggsMilkSquick intoxicating undergarments.]]
--> [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-4-2012,29430/ Taurus:]] You always knew your girlfriend was going to be high-maintenance. Still, never did you imagine you'd be replacing the internal combustion engine by yourself.
* LiteralMinded: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wHMaJ6AtNs Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot]]".
* LonelyAtTheTop: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/rich-guy-feeling-left-out-of-recession,17181/ Rich Guy Feeling Left Out Of Recession]]".
* LookOnMyWorksYeMightyAndDespair: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-chuck-e-cheese-restaurant-forged-in-iron-and-b,905/ New Chuck E. Cheese Restaurant Forged In Iron And Blood]]".
* LoopholeAbuse: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2OObOM3R_U Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation with Wish for Unlimited Wishes]]"
* LoveHotels: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37469 Longtime Married Couple Subjected To Excruciating 'Romantic Weekend Getaway']]".
* LowestCommonDenominator: InUniverse-- "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmCjJ0VBjjU Pop Star's Single, 'Booty Wave', Most Likely Civilization's Downfall]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-one-admits-to-singing-writing-producing-nations,2236/ No One Admits To Singing, Writing, Producing Nation's No. 1 Song]]".
* LysistrataGambit: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congressional-aides-withholding-sex-until-budget-c,34151/ Congressional Aides Withholding Sex Until Budget Compromise Is Reached]]"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:M-P]]
* MadScientist:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38877 Corpse-Reanimation Technology Still 10 Years Off, Say MIT Mad Scientists]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29346 Mad Scientist's Plot Thwarted by Budget Cuts]]".
* MadwomanInTheAttic: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/lapd-discovers-hidden-deformed-olsen-triplet,576/ LAPD Discovers Hidden Deformed Olsen Triplet]]
* TheMagazineRule: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/star-wars-gamer-magazine-boldly-claims-to-be-the-l,3698/ Star Wars Gamer Magazine Boldly Claims To Be The Leading Magazine For Star Wars Gamers]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-pompous-asshole-magazine-to-compete-with-cigar,4208/ New Pompous Asshole Magazine To Compete With Cigar Aficionado]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-demography-today-magazine-targets-demographer,3908/ New Demography Today Magazine Targets Demographer Demographic]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/rat-fancy-magazine-fails-to-catch-on,4259/ Rat Fancy Magazine Fails To Catch On]]".
* MagicalNegro: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/maya-angelou-honored-for-courage-blackness,1643/ Maya Angelou Honored For Courage, Blackness]]".
* MalevolentArchitecture / NoOSHACompliance: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28338 Video-Game Characters Denounce Randomly-Placed Swinging Blades]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/not-quite-perfect-mcdonalds-opens-in-illinois-outl,1328/ 'Not Quite Perfect' McDonald's Opens In Illinois Outlet Mall]]"
* TheMan: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29703 The ONION's 1997 Man Of The Year]]".
* ManChild: Inverted, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-down-to-last-hundred-grownups,20491 Nation Down To Last Hundred Grown-Ups]]".
* ManicPixieDreamGirl: TropeNamer.
* ManipulativeEditing: Parodied in the ''Raw Justice'' video "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apwjgE0n9fc&feature=plcp Man Had Sex With Wife Thousands Of Times Before Killing Her]]". The "real" story is about a normal couple where the husband accidentally killed his wife after they got in an argument over their financial situation. ''Raw Justice'''s version turns it into an oversensationalized crime story about a "coital boogeyman" who held his wife captive for years as a SexSlave before he murders her intentionally. They use every editing trick in the book to make the husband seem like a monstrous rapist and the wife as a battered victim with StockholmSyndrome, while the actual content of the story is anything but horrific.
-->'''Dean Raid's description:''' In the kitchen where he would eventually murder her, John would have Mary prepare him sumptuous meals. He would force the captive Mary to listen to his rambling anecdotes about his job. Sometimes John would flex his power over her, demanding she tell him about her day as well. Sometimes... they would watch TV.
* MarathonLevel: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nascar-considers-single-21500-mile-race-for-2011-s,17489/ NASCAR Considers Single 21,500 Mile Race For 2011 Season]]"
* MassOhCrap: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nationals-book-it-after-foul-ball-accidentally-sma,2448/ Nationals Book It After Foul Ball Accidentally Smashes Capitol Rotunda]]"
* MediumAwareness:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ominous_music_heard_throughout_u Ominous Music Heard Throughout U.S. Sends Nation Into Panic]]".
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wHMaJ6AtNs Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot]]".
* MindScrew: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obamas-weekly-video-addresses-becoming-increasingl,17649/ Obama's Weekly Video Addresses Becoming Increasingly Avant-Garde]]".
* MilitaryCoup: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRgRz3nSG7o U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt]]"
* MissingWhiteWomanSyndrome / BeautyEqualsGoodness:
** Inverted: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30112 Ugly Girl Killed]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/missing-girl-probably-raped,14164/ Missing Girl Probably Raped]]"
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TiS3HaNhPU Thousands Of Girls Match Description Of Missing Sorority Sister]]"
* MistakenNationality
** {{Spexico}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38654 Restaurant Turns Out To Be Spanish, Not Mexican]]".
* {{Mockbuster}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/disneys-toy-tales-hits-theaters-friday,33419/ Disney's 'Toy Tales' Hits Theaters Friday]]"
* MoneyDearBoy: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nobel-fever-grips-research-community-as-prize-swel,306/ Nobel Fever Grips Research Community As Prize Swells To $190 Million]]"
* MoodWhiplash:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-bipartisan-law-would-make-dog-neckerchiefs-man,26301/ New Bipartisan Law Would Make Dog Neckerchiefs Mandatory]]". Everyone gushes about how cute they all are, and then you get to paragraph 15: "As of press time, an estimated 800,000 dogs had been euthanized for failing to comply with the new law."
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/person-who-will-one-day-become-warlordruler-of-wha,27406/ "Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital"]] swings wildly between "D'awww, look at his cute widdle fingers" and "...which he will form into an iron fist and crush all who dare to oppose him".
* MoonLandingHoax: The Onion had the story, [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/conspiracy-theorist-convinces-neil-armstrong-moon,2796/ Conspiracy Theorist Convinces Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked]] that ''two'' Bangladesh newspapers[[note]]The Daily Manab Zami and New Nation[[/note]] reprinted as real news.
-->Added Armstrong, "I suppose it really was one small step for man, one giant lie for mankind."
* TheMoralSubstitute: [[http://www.latinospost.com/articles/12278/20130215/west-virginia-prof-bans-fox-news-source.htm This article explains]] that a West Virginia professor bans unreliable sources for papers. The first of them is Website/TheOnion, explaining that this is not news, but literally a parody. Then she explains the second source:
--> ''2) FoxNews - The tagline "FoxNews" makes me cringe. Please do not subject me to this biased news station.'' '''I would almost rather you print off an article from Website/TheOnion.'''
* MoreDakka: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-at-office-planning-shooting-spree-for-sam,30793/ Everyone At Office Planning Shooting Spree For Same Day]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ar15-assault-rifle-beginning-to-worry-it-may-never,31080/ AR-15 Assault Rifle Beginning To Worry It May Never Get To Kill Innocent Person]]"
* MostDefinitelyNotAVillain: [[http://www.theonion.com/video/cindy-mccain-claims-shes-just-like-any-other-femal,14282/ "Cindy McCain Claims She’s ‘Just Like Any Other Female Human’"]]: "Despite the media's portrayal of her, Cindy [=McCain=] says she is a down-to-earth person who enjoys breathing oxygen and consuming earth food for energy" "...who loves her children with both her hearts" but wonders why the man-creatures dare to doubt their masters. Just a normal person!
* {{MST}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/guy-in-audience-shouts-out-perfect-thing,19938 Guy In Audience Shouts Out Perfect Thing]]".
* MultipleDemographicAppeal: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KV32uLQGFR8&feature=youtube_gdata Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Children's Picture Book Series]]".
* MundaneMadeAwesome / CallingYourAttacks:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/excited_red_sox_fans_eagerly_await Excited Red Sox Fans Eagerly Await Debut Of Matsuzaka's 'Ultimate Galactic Dragon Gyroball Pitch Power Explosion']]", complete with an "[[Anime/DragonBallZ Over Nine Thousand]]" reference.
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU2SWgP9qao Police Seize More Than $50 In Wire From Nation's Wealthiest Crystal Meth Dealer]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/yard-sign-with-candidates-name-on-it-electrifies-c,18321/ Yard Sign With Candidate's Name On It Electrifies Congressional Race]]".
** "''[[Film/LesMiserables2012 Les Misérables]]'' [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/les-miserables-takes-home-oscar-for-most-sound,31441/ Takes Home Oscar For Most Sound]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ceiling-fan-transforms-apartment-without-air-condi,33190/ Ceiling Fan Transforms Apartment Without Air Conditioning Into Frosty Wonderland]]"
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2uqJ4xTx8k DEA Official Announces Successful Drug Bust On Son's Room]]"
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCC7LuTQ_x0 Special Boy With Freakishly Large Brain Wins Spelling Bee]]", in which the hosts of ''Today Now!'' treat a child with an above-average ability like an autistic savant.
* MundaneUtility:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41904 NASA Chief Under Fire For Personal Shuttle Use]]"
** "[[{{NASCAR}} Jimmie Johnson]] [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/jimmie-johnson-disqualified-after-prerace-inspecti,28027/ Disqualified After Pre-Race Inspection Reveals Car To Be Airplane]]"
* MurderSimulators:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28732 Video-Game Violence Blamed In Giant-Robot Shooting Spree]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39131 Study Finds Cable-TV Violence Leads To Network-TV Violence]]".
* MusicalSpoiler / GenreSavvy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ominous_music_heard_throughout_u?utm_source=a-section Ominous Music Heard Throughout U.S. Sends Nation Into Panic]]".
* MustHaveNicotine: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29141 Smoking Now Permitted Only In Special Room In Iowa]]".
* MyGreatestFailure: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mall-justice-is-swift-and-harsh,10892 Mall Justice Is Swift And Harsh]]".
-->"Thursday, November 3, 1995. Early afternoon. I have been working as a security guard at Clover Square Mall for two, maybe three months. The world is my oyster. I veer off my usual route and stop for a Mountain Dew at Mrs. Fields.
-->As I lean against the counter, shooting the breeze with Gail, I hear a distinctive clap-clap sound coming from the direction of Electronics Boutique. That sound can only mean one thing–running. Past Waldenbooks, Eddie Bauer, Lane Bryant and Sbarro runs a young Caucasian male. Paul, the assistant manager of Electronics Boutique, is pursuing him. I give chase, but I am too late. The perpetrator has escaped with a brand-new copy of Madden '96.
-->YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THERE. I was young, damn it. YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED HIM. I am a human being, not a god. HE IS OUT THERE STILL. I don't know that."
* {{Narm}}: {{Invoked}} with "Study: Children of Divorce Twice As Likely to Write Bad Poetry" (no longer available online but can be found in the book ''[[http://www.amazon.com/Dispatches-Tenth-Circle-Best-Onion/dp/0609808346 Dispatches from the Tenth Circle]]'').
* NeedleInAStackOfNeedles: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TiS3HaNhPU Thousands Of Girls Match Description Of Missing Sorority Sister]]"
* NegativeContinuity: For example, they made [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/supreme-court-on-gay-marriage-sure-who-cares,31812/ this article]] where the Supreme Court legalizes gay marriage. The very next day they ran [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/supreme-court-justices-brought-to-tears-by-heartfe,31826/ an article]] saying the Court voted unanimously to uphold the Defense of Marriage Act.
* NetworkDecay: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39135 Learning Channel Switches to All-Gilligan Format]]".
* NeverLiveItDown: InUniverse.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-still-remembers-time-you-threw-up-in-5th,17291/ Everyone Still Remembers Time You Threw Up In 5th Grade]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/man-who-shit-pants-in-grade-school-awarded-purple,19332/ Man Who Shit Pants In Grade School Awarded Purple Heart]]".
* NeverMyFault: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/shitty-human-being-blames-decreased-daylight-this,18290/ Shitty Human Being Blames Decreased Daylight This Time]]".
* NewTechnologyIsEvil: Kelly's cartoons often mock/demonize teenagers for using these, typically referring to the devices as "gizmos". Contrary to the intended message, it only makes Kelly himself look hopelessly behind the times (he's [[http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/12356/KellyVHS_jpg_630x1200_upscale_q85.jpg bemoaned the fall of VHS]] in the past, and only embraced the DVD format when it began to concede to Blu-Ray).
* NietzscheWannabe:
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1feEqgRZQI Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/existentialist-firefighter-delays-3-deaths,17500/ Existentialist Firefighter Delays 3 Deaths]]".
* NightmareFuelColoringBook: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJkWS4t4l0k Scientists Successfully Teach Gorilla It Will Die Someday]]".
* NinjaPirateZombieRobot: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/hurriphoonado-cuts-swath-of-destruction-across-eas,2629/ Hurriphoonado Cuts Swath Of Destruction Across Eastern, Western Hemispheres]]".
* NoAnimalsWereHarmed: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/factoryfarmtotable-restaurant-proudly-serves-local,34673/ Factory-Farm-To-Table Restaurant Proudly Serves Locally Tortured Animals]]"
* NoCelebritiesWereHarmed: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-once-again-comes-under-sway-of-pinkfaced-ha,18076/ Nation Once Again Comes Under Sway Of Pink-Faced Half-Wit]]".
* NoHoldsBarredBeatdown: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/if-i-see-doug-im-going-to-kick-his-ass-vs-apparent,20359/ If I See Doug, I'm Going To Kick His Ass vs. Apparently Doug Is A Better Fighter Than I Thought]]"
* NoIndoorVoice:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-enjoy-yelling-things,10821/ I Enjoy Yelling Things]]"
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ogM0aDe2Pc BREAKING: Incomprehensible Shouting Named Official U.S. Language]]"
* NoodleIncident: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/there-should-be-no-secrets-in-our-relationship-exc,11524/ There Should Be No Secrets In Our Relationship Excluding The Events Of March 2, 2004]]".
** Semi-regular columnist [[TheSpymaster Dept. Head Rawlings]] makes frequent reference to [[MyGreatestFailure "the Barcelona debacle"]] in his articles.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-onion-urges-barack-obama-to-come-clean-about-t,32466/ The Onion Urges Barack Obama To Come Clean About The Basilisk Project]]".
* NoOSHACompliance:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/un-orders-wonka-to-submit-to-chocolate-factory-ins,5/ U.N. Orders]] [[Film/WillyWonkaAndTheChocolateFactory Willy Wonka]] [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/un-orders-wonka-to-submit-to-chocolate-factory-ins,5/ To Submit To Chocolate Factory Inspections]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nascar-to-discontinue-having-kids-rush-onto-track,28482/ NASCAR To Discontinue Having Kids Rush Onto Track To Wipe Up Skid Marks During Races]]"
* NoProductSafetyStandards: has a few parodies of this, such as one video where a [[http://www.theonion.com/video/manufacturer-recalls-hollow-point-bullets-that-fai,14319/ munitions manufacturer apologized]] for hollow-point rounds not exploding properly with [[CrossesTheLineTwice animations showing]] the problem.
* NostalgiaFilter: Mocked InUniverse with "10 Things That Will Make You SUPER Nostalgic for The '90s", a 2013 slideshow with real photos of such great things as the Rwandan genocide, the firey end of the Waco siege, the Oklahoma City bombing, and UsefulNotes/{{Columbine}}. (And Alan Alda, for some reason.)
* NoTalkingOrPhonesWarning: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/vehement-anticellphone-guy-finally-caves,1777/ Vehement Anti-Cell-Phone Guy Finally Caves]]"
* NotListeningToMeAreYou: The AV Club reposted a wildly popular shot of two female leads from ''Series/{{Community}}'' re-enacting a famous picture by Creator/BettiePage. About halfway through [[http://www.avclub.com/articles/fine-here-is-that-picture-of-alison-brie-and-gilli,59026/ the one paragraph article]], they conclude [[JustHereForGodzilla no one is there to actually read it]] and just start listing random factoids.
* OffToSeeTheWizard / ItsAWonderfulPlot: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/sitcom-resorts-to-wizard-of-ozthemed-fantasy-episo,3532/ Sitcom Resorts To 'Wizard Of Oz'-Themed Fantasy Episode]]".
* OffWithHisHead: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/white-house-jester-beheaded-for-making-fun-of-soar,17495/ White House Jester Beheaded For Making Fun Of Soaring National Debt]]".
* OldShame: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29964 Energy Secretary Just Assumed Cabinet Knew He Did Porn Films In The '80s]]".
* OnlySixFaces: The ''American Voices'' feature has been showing the same six or so photos for over a decade, with different names and occupations each time (though one of them is often a systems analyst).
** Ambiguously used in the similar sports feature ''Fan on the Street'', which always shows the same three photos with [[NoNameGiven no names or occupations given]]. Lampshaded [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/on-tiger-woods-victory-at-bay-hill,27808/ here]].
* OpinionMyopia: InUniverse: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-who-enjoys-thing-informed-he-is-wrong,7057/ Man Who Enjoys Thing Informed He Is Wrong]]".
* OrganicTechnology:
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8du60e0ANuE&feature=channel Guatemalan Flight's Data-Recording Parrot May Hold Clues To The Crash]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/interim-apple-chief-under-fire-after-unveiling-gro,19111/ Interim Apple Chief Under Fire After Unveiling Grotesque New MacBook]]".
* OurSloganIsTerrible: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-small-n-flaccid-ad-campaign-least-successful-e,968/ New 'Small 'n' Flaccid' Ad Campaign Least Successful Ever]]".
* OverlyLongGag: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-hobbit-to-feature-53minutelong-scene-of-bilbo,30727/ 'The Hobbit' To Feature 53-Minute-Long Scene Of Bilbo Baggins Trying To Figure Out What To Pack]]"
* OverprotectiveDad: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/underprotective-father-demands-daughter-arrive-hom,6257/ Underprotective Father Demands Daughter Arrive Home By 10 A.M.]]"
* PantyThief: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30461 Six Dead In West Point Panty Raid"]].
* ParanoiaFuel / YouSuck: [[invoked]]:
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-women-always-answer-their-phones-unless-they,18254/ "Study: Women Always Answer Their Phones Unless They're Having Great Sex With Someone Else"]].
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-worlds-lone-nontelepathic-individual-still,32461/ "World's Lone Non-Telepathic Individual Still Completely Unaware"]]. It just gets worse from the title; the illustration is just text reading "The image of the non-telepath has already been psychically transmitted to all of humanity and thus does not need to reproduced here."
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/breaking-authorities-currently-racing-down-highway,34462/ "BREAKING: Authorities Currently Racing Down Highway To Arrest You For Crime You Didn't Commit- Run!"]]
* ParentalObliviousness / DrugsAreBad: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-hope-my-baby-doesnt-come-out-all-fuckedup-and-sh,10917/ I Hope My Baby Doesn't Come Out All Fucked-Up And Shit]]".
* ParentingTheHusband: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-girlfriend-boyfriend-achieve-perfect-motherso,2714/ Area Girlfriend, Boyfriend Achieve Perfect Mother-Son Relationship]].
* APartyAlsoKnownAsAnOrgy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-fed-grapes-while-urging-press-conference-to,32540/ Obama Fed Grapes While Urging Press Conference To Enjoy Orgy]]"
* PedophilePriest: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/uk-cardinal-resigns-in-wake-ofget-thissex-abuse-al,31443/ U.K. Cardinal Resigns In Wake Of—Get This—Sex Abuse Allegations]]"
* PeripheryDemographic: InUniverse.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28009 Children, Creepy Middle-Aged Weirdos Swept Up In 'Harry Potter' Craze]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/man_not_belonging_to_movies?utm_source=a-section Man Not Belonging To Movie's Target Demographic Escorted From Theater By Hollywood Officials]]".
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KV32uLQGFR8 Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Children's Picture Book Series]]".
* PerverseSexualLust: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmmAdbDF1xA FCC Okays Nudity On TV If It's Alyson Hannigan]]"
* PhotographicMemory: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-can-remember-exactly-where-he-was-what-he,34647/ Area Man Can Remember Exactly Where He Was, What He Was Doing When He Assassinated John F. Kennedy]]"
* PleaseWakeUp: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/daddy_put_in_bye_bye_box Daddy Put In Bye-Bye Box]]".
* PlotHole: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/hollywood-maintenance-crews-sent-out-to-patch-up-f,35641/ Hollywood Maintenance Crews Sent Out To Patch Up Film Industry’s Plotholes]]".
* PoesLaw: Many, many times some articles have been mistaken for legitimate ones. "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/republicans-vote-to-repeal-obamabacked-bill-that-w,19025/ Republicans Vote To Repeal Obama-Backed Bill That Would Destroy Asteroid Headed For Earth]]" actually provoked [[http://volokh.com/2011/02/15/asteroid-defense-and-libertarianism/ a Libertarian blogger]] to agree.
** The most famous example, arguably, is the Chinese newspaper falling for the story about Congress threatening to leave Washington D.C. unless a better building was built (a parody of threats made by sports teams to relocate unless they received a new stadium). The one about Harry Potter sparking a rise in witchcraft, as well as the video about the boy bankrupting the Make-A-Wish Foundation with infinite wishes, have shown up in some email forwards.
** [[http://literallyunbelievable.tumblr.com/ This site archives Facebook reactions treating the articles as real.]]
* PoliticalCartoons: Since 2006, The Onion has published an ongoing series of over-the-top editorial cartoons, drawn by artist Ward Sutton in the fictional persona of grouchy old right-wing crank Stan Kelly. Most of them feature the usual clichéd devices of the format as running gags - the Statue of Liberty weeping profusely, Kelly at his drawing board muttering a cynical pun in the corner. (A number have nothing to do with politics whatsoever, instead serving as a soapbox for Kelly to gripe about his lousy ex-wife, "today's messed-up teens", and the police officers who keep pulling him over for driving drunk.)[[note]]Due to the dead-on satirical nature, and how the source isn't immediately obvious in most of the cartoons, it's also one of the features most easily confused as being real.[[/note]]
* PoorCommunicationKills: In ''Our Dumb Century'', WorldWarOne ends when Archduke Franz Ferdinand is unexpectedly found alive; he had apparently been living as a Croatian peasant for several years and was completely unaware that everyone thought he was dead. The Allies are obviously displeased that the war was just a big misunderstanding, so the German chancellor orders Ferdinand's real execution to appease them.
* PopularityPolynomial: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28763 Lava Lamps Revert From Passé Retro Kitsch Back To Novel Retro Camp]]"
* PottyFailure: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-25-2012,29686/ The Capricorn of this horoscope list.]]
--> A car accident awaits you in the coming days, which is unfortunate, [[BaitAndSwitchComment as it's the kind that involves too many Mountain Dews and not enough gas stations.]]
* PrecisionFStrike: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/playboy-centerfold-has-big-dreams-tits,1019/ Playboy Centerfold Has Big Dreams, Tits]]".
* PresidentForLife: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-declares-self-president-for-life,191/ Clinton Declares Self President For Life]]," complete with CommissarCap and ChestOfMedals.
* PrettyFlyForAWhiteGuy: [[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/herbert-kornfeld,1019/ Herbert Kornfeld]], Accounts Receivable.
-->'''Kornfeld''': 'Cause I keep my fly shit on my desk. I gots my dope spreadsheets, my hangin' file folders, my delinquent-account file, my paper clips, my Post-It note dispenser, my monthly desk planner, my Midstate Office Supply business cards, my four-color ball-point pen, my motherfuckin' dot-matrix printer address labels, and my stoopid-fresh three-hole punch. Not to mention my computer. I swear, if I see any of y'all within three feet of my computer, I'll put a Creator/LeeVanCleef on your bitch ass. I'll come at you like a ''mother fuck''.
** Not all that fly. Kornfeld was a big fan of Music/{{Chicago}}.
* ProductPlacement / TooIncompetentToOperateABlanket: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEFL4mZa8ys Should More Americans Get In On The EZ-Go Juicer Craze?]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/peter-jacksons-the-hobbit-stays-faithful-to-origin,30748/ Peter Jackson's 'The Hobbit' Stays Faithful To Original Book, Denny's Menu]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nascar-to-abandon-racing-portion-of-business-conce,17820/ NASCAR To Abandon Racing Portion Of Business, Concentrate On Ads]]"
* ProfessionalWrestling: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28666 Vince [=McMahon=]'s X-SPAN Promises Bone-Crunching Legislative Coverage]]".
** HeelFaceTurn: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28125 Formerly Evil Wrestler Realizes the Error of His Ways]]".
** ProWrestlingIsReal: Inverted. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x83M3_RdbJY It's the fans that are fake]], not necessarily the wrestlers.
* ProperlyParanoid: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/paranoid-syrian-man-thinks-government-out-to-get-h,31070/ Paranoid Syrian Man Thinks Government Out To Get Him]]"
* PublicMediumIgnorance / SnarkBait: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG2OcW_Hwkg NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: Drive Fast]]".
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Q-T]]
* RaisedByWolves: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPJtg_-PtDQ Girl Raised From Birth By Wolf Blitzer Taken Into Protective Custody]]".
* TheRashomon: Point/Counterpoint, particularly "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/european-men-are-so-much-more-romantic-than-americ,11552/ European Men Are So Much More Romantic Than American Men vs. American Women Studying In Europe Are Unbelievably Easy]]".
* RealDreamsAreWeirder:
** "MLK: I Had A Really Weird Dream Last Night", from ''Our Dumb Century''.
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sg0nYhUB7CA Chef Cooks 'Dream Omelette' That Came To Him In A Dream]]".
* RealityEnsues: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlRK-DtcqC0 Being A Detective Who Talks To Ghosts Not As Exciting As TV]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/scrappy-band-of-lovable-misfits-no-match-for-rich,179/ Scrappy Band Of Lovable Misfits No Match For Rich Kids]]" does this in several ways, from the entire premise to more specific examples (the misfits get sued for a panty raid, and when they soak the rival camp's director and his eviction papers, he just gets another copy).
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/romanticcomedy-behavior-gets-reallife-man-arrested,757/ Romantic Comedy Behavior gets Real Life Man Arrested]]"
** In ''Our Dumb Century'', Spider-Man, the Incredible Hulk and the Fantastic Four all die from the exposure to radiation in their origins.
* ReallyGetsAround: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/towns-teenpregnancy-spike-due-to-one-impressive-yo,19275/ Town's Teen Pregnancy Spike Due To One Impressive Youth]]".
* TheReasonYouSuckSpeech: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-study-finds-it-is-impossible-to-lose-weight-no,32770/ New Study Finds It Is Impossible To Lose Weight, No One Has Ever Done It, And Those Who Are Trying Should Give Up]]"
* RecklessGunUsage: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/8yearold-accidentally-exercises-second-amendment-r,725/ "8-Year-Old Accidentally Exercises Second Amendment Rights"]]
* RecursiveReality: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/physicists-discover-our-universe-is-fictional-sett,28429/ Physicists Discover Our Universe Is Fictional Setting Of Cop Show Called 'Hard Case]]"
* RedScare / EvilOnlyHasToWinOnce: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ussr-wins-space-race-as-us-shuts-down-shuttle-prog,21007/ USSR Wins Space Race As U.S. Shuts Down Shuttle Program]]".
* RefugeInAudacity:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mexico-killed-in-drug-deal,18109/ Mexico Killed In Drug Deal]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/they-can-never-take-away-my-memories,29877/ They Can Never Take Away My Memories]]", by Jerry Sandusky.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/arizona-man-steals-bushs-identity-vetoes-bill-meet,1324/ Arizona Man Steals Bush's Identity, Vetoes Bill, Meets With Mexican President]]"
* ReleasedToElsewhere:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34174 We Gave Rex To A Nice Farm Family vs. They Had Me Put To Sleep At The Vet]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/packers_tell_fans_they_gave_favre Packers Tell Fans They Gave Favre to a Nice Farm Family]]".
** Subversion: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fire-consumes-big-happy-farm-where-families-send-s,20641/ Fire Consumes Big Happy Farm Where Families Send Sick Dogs To Run Free And Play]]"
-->"To be honest, we'll probably spare everyone the grisly details and just say we were forced to euthanize them."
* ReligionTropes
** GodIsFlawed: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-diagnosed-with-bipolar-disorder,348/ God Diagnosed With Bipolar Disorder]]".
** GravityIsOnlyATheory: The article "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/evangelical-scientists-refute-gravity-with-new-int,1778/ Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory]]", where fundamentalist Christians are no longer content to get equal time with biology to preach theology in biology class. They now also want equal time in the physics class, demanding that the theories of Newton and Einstein step back in favor of the theory that the universe is held together by Jesus' love.
** JesusWasCrazy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/christ-converts-to-islam,754/ Christ Converts To Islam]]"
** ActivistFundamentalistAntics: Millions more, however, have decried the recalcitrant Christ's apostasy, breaking ties with Him and calling His conversion "a heathen act" of "utmost blasphemy before Himself".
** ThouShaltNotKill: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule,222/ God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule]]".
* RepurposedPopSong: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38780 Song About Heroin Used To Advertise Bank]]".
* ReroutedFromHeaven: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mother-teresa-sent-to-hell-in-wacky-afterlife-mixu,973/ Mother Teresa Sent to Hell in Wacky Afterlife Mix-Up]]".
* RetailRiot: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/42-million-dead-in-bloodiest-black-friday-weekend,30517/ 42 Million Dead In Bloodiest Black Friday Weekend On Record]]"
* {{Retraux}}: All of ''Our Dumb Century''.
* {{Robosexual}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ford-assembly-line-foreman-thinking-about-asking-o,28362/ Ford Assembly Line Foreman Thinking About Asking Out Cute Welding Robot From Work]]".
* RousingSpeech: Attempted in "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/scrappy-band-of-lovable-misfits-no-match-for-rich,179/ Scrappy Band Of Lovable Misfits No Match For Rich Kids]]", but, like all the other tactics the kids use to save their camp, [[RealityEnsues it fails]].
* RubberForeheadAliens: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32439 Star Trek Introduces Alien Character With Totally Different Forehead Wrinkles]]".
* RuleOfCool:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-demands-tax-dollars-only-be-wasted-on-stuff,17704/ Nation Demands Tax Dollars Only Be Wasted On Stuff That's Awesome]]".
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hyph_DZa_GQ Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass']]".
* RunningGag: Many.
** When the print versions need to fill a small space, they put in a small article with nothing but the repeated phrase "Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood." (which also [[ItMakesSenseInContext appears in context]] during "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/blood_blood_everywhere Blood...Blood Everywhere]]").
** Recurring article types include "[Corporation] scientists discover [related discovery]", among others. In the sports section, any article about Tim Duncan will make fun of how bland he is.
** Clifford Banes has [[TheGhost never actually appeared]] in his self-titled panel-discussion series ''In the Know with Clifford Banes''; there's always a sit-in newscaster who gives a reason, often completely absurd, for Banes' absence.
** The Statue of Liberty crying appears in many Kelly cartoons.
*** Kelly is also shown to be an avid fan of ''Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries''.
** [[invoked]]According to ''Our Dumb World'', every single African country has at least one resident named [[NamesTheSame Mtumbe]] [[PlanetOfSteves Ngoube]].
** All the GeorgeWBush injury articles (see ButtMonkey and TakeThat) end with "Bush is resting comfortably at Bethesda Naval Hospital."
** "This Week In History" always includes Professor Timothy Hendry sidetracking into a long rant. After he apparently killed colleague Eric Kaufman, he started in on some daddy issues instead. After that, he started arguing about payment with the hosts.
** Dr. Eli Wasserbaum is a recurring "expert" quoted in many articles.
** Music/TaylorSwift's dating life, which thus far has included ''ComicStrip/{{Garfield}}'' creator Jim Davis, Senator Joseph [=McCarthy=], Suri Cruise, James Holmes, the winner of a "Win a Date with Taylor Swift" contest (which she wrote a scathing hit breakup song about), Christopher Dorner (who she got back together with after he was killed), the Watertown boat Dzokhar Tsarnaev was found in, an AlternateUniverse bodybuilder Music/GeorgeHarrison, and the Mars Curiosity rover.
** A photo of Alan Alda keeps showing up in slideshows.
* RuthlessModernPirates: Fake political cartoonist Kelly did a panel about these at the end of October 2013, not long after the release of ''Film/CaptainPhillips''...but it presents them in a ''positive'' light, labeling them "Today's Swashbucklers" for carrying on the tradition set by Blackbeard, [[Film/PiratesOfTheCaribbean Captain Jack Sparrow]], and Captain Morgan, suggesting that all he knows about piracy then and now comes from romanticized fiction and/or PopCulturalOsmosis (Sir Henry Morgan is mostly known in the 2000s as the namesake of a brand of rum).
* SadisticChoice: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/so-whats-it-going-to-be,33662/ So, What's It Going To Be?]]"
* {{Sampling}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-rappers-down-to-last-two-samples,793/ Nation's Rappers Down to Last Two Samples]]".
* SamusIsAGirl: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31739 Hotshot Test Pilot Removes Helmet, Reveals Female Status]]".
* SapientCetaceans: Parodied this with the article "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28315 Dolphins Evolve Opposable Thumbs: 'Oh, Shit,' Says Humanity]]". The article is then filled with stories of the Dolphins' incredibly rapid technology development, and marine biologists committing suicide or preparing to serve the Dolphin overlords.
* SarcasmFailure: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/muscleman-put-in-charge-of-worlds-fifthlargest-eco,877/ Muscleman Put In Charge Of World's Fifth-Largest Economy]]", filled with legit facts and news due to being so unbelievable at the time.
* SaveOurStudents: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39341 Naive Teacher Believes in Her Students]]".
* SawStarWarsTwentySevenTimes:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-takes-leave-of-office-to-stand-in-line-for,743/ Clinton Takes Leave Of Office To Stand In Line For ''Star Wars: Episode I'']]" written during the [[BillClinton Clinton administration]] mentions the President planning to see ''Film/ThePhantomMenace'' at least twenty times during its opening weekend, after which he will return to his office and follow a once-a-day viewing schedule.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-googles-matt-damons-address-because-well-hes-c,30303/ Man Googles Matt Damon's Address Because, Well, He's Crazy And Wants To Murder Him]]". He's also recorded ''Film/OceansEleven'' on his DVR and has viewed the film "more than 200 times in the past month", and is in possession of 100 DVD copies of ''Film/TheLegendOfBaggerVance''.
* ScareEmStraight:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38588 Driver's Ed Class Finally Gets To See Legendary Safety Film]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/kids-in-scaredstraight-program-visit-horrifying-cl,19156/ Kids In Scared Straight Program Visit Horrifying Cleveland Cavaliers Practice]]".
* SceneryPorn: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/national-parks-closed-for-annual-remajestification,17484 National Parks Closed For Annual Remajestification]]".
* SchmuckBait: During ''Fact Zone'''s intro, if you pause at just the right time you'll see a [=TinyURL=] address. It leads to a {{Rickroll}}.
* SchoolStudyMedia: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/high-school-freshman-thinks-romeo-and-juliet-might,34159/ High School Freshman Thinks ‘Romeo And Juliet’ Might Just Be Her Favorite Play]]".
* ScrewedByTheNetwork: InUniverse. On the season finale of the show on IFC, ''The Cressbeckler Stance'' was canned so the network could introduce a new program about motorcycles [[spoiler:in the spirit of the new American Dream]].
* ScrewTheRulesIHaveMoney: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/wealthy_teen_nearly_experiences Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence]]".
* ScrewTheRulesImBeautiful: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/its-okay-im-attractive,11436/ It's Okay, I'm Attractive]]".
* ScrewThisImOuttaHere: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/u_s_troops_draw_up_own_exit U.S. Troops Draw Up Own Exit Strategy]]".
* SeasonalRot: InUniverse: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/5yearold-says-sesame-street-has-sucked-since-2010,30432/ 5-Year-Old Says 'Sesame Street' Has Sucked Since 2010]].
* SecondPersonNarration: The paper's preferred method to point out ThisLoserIsYou, such as "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-still-remembers-time-you-threw-up-in-5th,17291/ Everyone Still Remembers Time You Threw Up In 5th Grade]]".
* SeizeThem: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/seize-him,16505/ Seize Him!]]" (Which also includes [[{{Troperiffic}} a bunch of other tropes expected in this scene]]: the EvilOverlord, JustBetweenYouAndMe, YouHaveNoChanceToSurvive, AgonyBeam, SurroundedByIdiots, etc.)
* SelfDeprecation: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-study-finds-the-onion-has-never-been-more-popu,31505/ New Study Finds 'The Onion' Has Never Been More Popular, More Beloved, Or More Respected]]", written in the wake of the backlash towards their Quvenzhane Wallis insult.
* {{Sequelitis}}:
** InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/vindictive-movie-studio-threatens-to-make-coyote-u,2719/ Vindictive Movie Studio Threatens To Make 'Coyote Ugly' Sequel]]".
** InUniverse, "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zgb8N-5py0 Final Minutes Of Last Harry Potter Movie To Be Split Into Seven Separate Films]]"
* SeriousBusiness:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/modern_day_martin_luther_nails_95 Modern-Day Martin Luther Nails 95 Comment Cards To IHOP Door]]".
** Anything by Larry Groznic, such as "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/when-you-are-ready-to-have-a-serious-conversation,16308/ When You Are Ready To Have A Serious Conversation About Green Lantern, You Have My E-Mail Address]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/general-mills-star-wars-episode-ii-cereal-gets-it,10706/ General Mills' 'Star Wars: Episode II' Cereal Gets It All Wrong]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/americans-bravely-go-to-polls-despite-threat-of-el,18394/ Americans Bravely Go To Polls Despite Threat Of Electing Congress]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-shall-scramble-two-with-bacon-when-the-muse-move,10691/ I Shall Scramble Two With Bacon When The Muse Moves Me]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/helvetica-bold-oblique-sweeps-fontys,263/ Helvetica Bold Oblique Sweeps Fontys]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/what-foolhardy-mortal-thinks-he-can-shelve-faster,10960/ What Foolhardy Mortal Thinks He Can Shelve Faster Than I?]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/juicer-infomercial-sweeps-early-morning-emmys,2518/ Juicer Infomercial Sweeps Early Morning Emmys]]".
** In many other stories, the event itself is entirely plausible; the joke is simply that anyone would consider it newsworthy:
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/whaler-sandwich-not-sitting-too-good-with-area-man,987/ Whaler Sandwich 'Not Sitting Too Good' with Area Man]]".
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-struggles-to-understand-why-area-pie-didnt,18587/ Nation Struggles To Understand Why Area Pie Didn't Come Out Right]]".
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/honey-im-not-going-to-stand-here-and-debate-the-me,18952/ Honey, I'm Not Going To Stand Here And Debate The Merits Of The First Two B-52's LPs In Front Of The Whole Supermarket]]".
* SettingUpdate: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/unconventional-director-sets-shakespeare-play-in-t,2214/ Unconventional Director Sets Shakespeare Play In Time, Place Shakespeare Intended]]".
* SevenDeadlySins: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28001 All Seven Deadly Sins Committed At Church Bake Sale]]".
* SexIsEvilAndIAmHorny: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/pope-forgives-molested-children,101/ One article]] commented on the scandal of the Catholic Church covering up for pedophile priests (by moving them around instead of ousting and reporting them, thus covering their tracks and giving them access to new victims) by having the Pope announce that God will forgive the children for their crime of leading his priests into temptation.
* SexSells / AllMenArePerverts / DistractedByTheSexy / GirlOnGirlIsHot: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/poll-finds-majority-of-male-voters-would-have-elec,18436/ Poll Finds Majority Of Male Voters Would Have Elected Naked Woman]]". ({{NSFW}})
* ShapedLikeItself:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/report_turkey_sandwiches_an Report: Turkey Sandwiches An Excellent Source Of Turkey Sandwiches]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/investigators-determine-air-france-disaster-caused,2749/ Investigators Determine Air France Disaster Caused By Plane Crash]]"
* ShavingIsScience:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28385 Haggar Physicists Develop 'Quantum Slacks']]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/brookstone_scientists_10_years Brookstone Scientists 10 Years Away from Towel Alarm Clock]]".
* SheCleansUpNicely: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/bearded-lady-cleans-up-real-nice,17342/ Bearded Lady Cleans Up Real Nice]]".
* ShellShockedVeteran: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/george-w-bush-debuts-new-paintings-of-dogs-friends,35799/ George W. Bush Debuts New Paintings Of Dogs, Friends, Ghost of Iraqi Child That Follows Him Everywhere]]".
* ShoddyKnockoffProduct / TheThemeParkVersion: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/yellowstone-national-park-concerned-about-competin,20675/ Yellowstone National Park Concerned About Competing 'Yello-Stone Natural Park' Built Right Across Street]]"
* SideEffectsInclude: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28349 Pfizer Launches 'Zoloft for Everything' Ad Campaign]]".
* SillyRabbitIdealismIsForKids: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/grown-adult-actually-expects-to-be-happy,19442/ Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy]]".
* SingleTear: Kelly invariably depicts the Statue of Liberty as shedding one, whether out of sorrow or joy.
* SkewedPriorities:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/cdc-officials-announce-free-ice-cream-for-everyone,17611/ CDC Officials Announce Free Ice Cream For Everyone, Delicious Tasty Ice Cream, And Also There Is An Ebola Outbreak]]"
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Edl0l3VaIks Survivors Of Gas Station Explosion Mourn Tragic Loss Of Gas]]"
* SmallNameBigEgo: InUniverse: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/somebodys-got-to-save-this-country-from-certain-do,21135/ Somebody's Got to Save This Country From Certain Doom, And Let's Face It, That Person Is Me]]".
* [[Horrible/{{Music}} So Bad It's Horrible - Music]]: InUniverse with "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-just-going-to-grab-guitar-and-old-fourtrack-go,20682/ Man Just Going To Grab Guitar And Old Four-Track, Go Out To Cabin In Woods, Make Shittiest Album Anyone's Ever Heard]]" and "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-one-admits-to-singing-writing-producing-nations,2236/ No One Admits To Singing, Writing, Producing Nation's No. 1 Song]]".
* SophisticatedAsHell: [[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/smoove-b,1022/ Smoove B.]]
-->'''Smoove B''': Lay your body down, and I will show you love. I will drape you in the finest black silks. I will travel to the finest Asian nations to attain this silk. Then, I will run my fingers through your hair. I will caress your body slowly and whisper in your ear while I do so. I will tell you such things as, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world" and "Your skin is like the most expensive Swiss chocolate money can buy" and "Your eyes are like windows to paradise," and other romantic things that will make you tremble with desire. ''I will hit you doggy-style.''
** Pretty much all of Horrifying Planet, especially [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05-5uLLoygA&noredirect=1 this one.]]
-->The sound is heard in their small earholes. The two manatees did meander over, I assumed spurred by some rudimentary form of empathy to help their helpless brethren. This was incorrect. When they got there, the two manatees - seriously, this- this actually happened -worked together to hold the crippled one firm up against the glass of the inclosure, to help the first manatee finally succeed in ''[[PrecisionFStrike fucking it in the ass.]]''
* SoUnfunnyItsFunny:
** The entire point of Roger Dudek's "[[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/roger-dudek,1027/ Write On The Funny!]]"
** Also present in [[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/jean-teasdale,1021/ Jean Teasdale's column]] (with lines like "Osama bin Laden should take a chocolate pill!") and some of the cartoons (when they're not full of PatrioticFervor and YouCanPanicNow).
* SoWhatDoWeDoNow: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/voice-inside-cheering-libyan-rebels-head-oh-fuck-n,21204/ Voice Inside Cheering Libyan Rebel's Head: 'Oh, Fuck, Now What?']]".
* {{Spoiler}}: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/final_harry_potter_book Final Harry Potter Book Blasted For Containing Spoilers]]".
* StalkingIsLove: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29546 Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested]]".
* StartOfDarkness: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMzyI6cIbek Cheadle Planned Darfur Genocide to Create Role]]".
* StealthCigaretteCommercial: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/56014 Philip Morris: 'Please Talk to Your Cooler Children About Cigarettes']]".
* StealthSequel "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/francis-ford-coppola-reveals-every-godfather-film,35423/ Francis Ford Coppola Reveals Every ‘Godfather’ Film Took Place In Same Narrative World]]"
* StepfordSmiler: The hosts of ''Today Now!'' are Type B, although [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GW0XApwZpt0 it's possible Tracy Gill is Type A.]]
* StonersAreFunny:
** TheStoner: [[http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/view/anchower Jim Anchower.]]
** EverybodyMustGetStoned:
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/worlds-top-scientists-ponder-what-if-the-whole-uni,712/ World's Top Scientists Ponder: What If The Whole Universe Is, Like, One Huge Atom?]]"
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/everyone_involved_in_pizzas Everyone Involved In Pizza's Preparation, Delivery, Purchase Extremely High]]".
* StoryArc: In July 2009, T. Herman Zweibel [[ChinaTakesOverTheWorld sold the Onion]] to [[http://www.yuwanmei.com a Chinese salvage fishery]], and the publication was quickly filled with pro-China propaganda and ads for fish byproducts. However, after a few days, the Chinese realized the collapse of the newspaper industry made their purchase worthless and gave the ''Onion'' back to its original management. This did not affect the AV Club, although they did let worried readers know that the company was indeed ''not'' sold to the Chinese.
** In June 2011, a week of articles blatantly touted ''Website/TheOnion'' as deserving a Pulitzer Prize, following a [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-shall-now-exact-my-final-revenge-upon-that-jacka,20832/ Zweibel editorial]] stating that he hated Pulitzer and decided it would be the best possible way to piss on his grave. A [[http://afajp.tumblr.com/ lobby group]] was formed, whose president turned out to be an embezzler. Several celebrities appeared in Website/YouTube videos promoting the campaign.
* StrangerThanFiction: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/muscleman-put-in-charge-of-worlds-fifthlargest-eco,877/ Muscleman Put In Charge Of World's Fifth-Largest Economy]] is a perfectly accurate depiction of fact, just with an unusual tone.
* StrangeSyntaxSpeaker: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/rules-grammar-change,922/ Rules Grammar Change]]"
* StrawCritic: Jackie Harvey is an inversion, as he ''loves'' damn near any movie put out.
* StrawmanPolitical: The editorial cartoons are done by a strawman conservative who draws even more ridiculous strawman liberals.
* StrictlyFormula: All of Jim Anchower's articles pretty much follow the same formula — first he complains about his car, then mentions he lost whatever job he had for the intermittent time between articles.
* StudentTeacherRomance: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/lonely-teacher-outcast-student-begin-somewhat-ende,21153/ Lonely Teacher, Outcast Student Begin Somewhat Endearing Sexual Relationship]]". Also includes ShipperOnDeck.
* StupidSexyFlanders: "[[http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/running-backs-buttocks-undulate-hypnotically-in-se,3711/ Running Back's Buttocks Undulate Hypnotically In Sexuality-Challenging Slow-Motion Replay]]".
* SturgeonsLaw: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/internet-scam-alert-most-kickstarter-projects-just,28655/ Internet Scam Alert: Most "Kickstarter" Projects Just Useless Crap]]
* SuddenlySexuality: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/newly_out_gay_man_overdoing_it Newly Out Gay Man Overdoing It]]".
* SuperDeformed: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Mw1ARQc7vw Bratz Dolls May Give Young Girls Unrealistic Expectations Of Head Size]]" explores the [[FridgeLogic ramifications]] of even the mild form (4 heads) seen in Franchise/{{Bratz}} dolls.
* SuperSerum: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-injected-with-highly-unstable-experimental,686/ Clinton Injected With Highly-Unstable Experimental Growth Serum]]".
* SuspiciouslySpecificDenial:
** Inverted; "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/google-responds-to-privacy-concerns-with-unsettlin,16891/ Google Responds To Privacy Concerns With Unsettlingly Specific Apology]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/when-i-have-kids-im-not-going-to-drown-them,10692/ When I Have Kids, I'm Not Going To Drown Them]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/attempt-to-recreate-incredible-night-out-from-yout,20319/?utm_source=recentnews Attempt To Recreate Incredible Night Out From Youth Works Perfectly]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/life-jackets-issued-to-all-americans-for-some-reas,95/ Life Jackets Issued To All Americans For Some Reason]]". Nothing to worry about though! Also, Homeland Security recommends wearing them at all times and the Navy is building shipyards in Idaho, Missouri, and Ohio[[note]]All landlocked states[[/note]]. No reason, though.
*** "My fellow Americans, you may have noticed some small changes in the way we're asking you to go about your daily business," said Bush, his words muffled by a brass diving helmet. "The government is not trying to scare you. We just want you to be prepared for the very remote possibility that your lives will never be the same."
*** "Again, I cannot stress enough what a longshot that particular unspecified scenario is," Bush continued. "We are not facing what I would call a 'credible threat,' so don't even bother worrying about it."
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-study-finds-the-onion-has-never-been-more-popu,31505/ New Study Finds 'The Onion' Has Never Been More Popular, More Beloved, or More Respected]]" [[labelnote:Explanation]]This one showed up shortly after The Onion's Twitter account insulted 9-year-old Oscar nominee Quvenzhane Wallis by calling her a [[CountryMatters very offensive word]].[[/labelnote]]
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/gore-camp-denies-putting-bush-camps-canoe-in-treet,363/ Gore Camp Denies Putting Bush Camp's Canoe In Treetop]]"
* SwordOfPlotAdvancement / ReforgedBlade: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-sets-sail-in-search-of-fabled-sword-of-bi,18250/ Congress Sets Sail In Search Of Fabled Sword Of Bipartisanship]]".
* TakeThat:
** Against Radio/RushLimbaugh, with "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_dont_even_want_to_be_alive I Don't Even Want to Be Alive Anymore]]".
** The closing months of 2008 saw weekly stories about outgoing President GeorgeWBush getting increasingly-bizarre and horrendous injuries.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-honors-911-first-capitalizers,18856 Congress Honors 9/11 First Capitalizers, Recognizes Those Who Rushed To Cash In On Tragedy]]"
** ''Today Now'' [[http://www.theonion.com/video/today-now-interviews-the-5yearold-screenwriter-of,20188/ interviews the 5-year-old screenwriter of]] ''[[Main/TheFastAndTheFurious Fast Five]]''
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-cheney-memoir-reveals-hes-going-to-live-full-s,21262/ New Cheney Memoir Reveals He's Going To Live Full, Satisfied Life Without Ever Feeling Remorse And There's Nothing We Can Do About It]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/victim_in_fatal_car_accident Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck]]".
** Against OprahWinfrey: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-just-want-to-say-that-i-hated-every-moment-of-th,20683/ I Just Want To Say That I Hated Every Moment Of That Piece-Of-Shit Show]]".
** Against Rep. Todd Akin: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-misspokewhat-i-meant-to-say-is-i-am-dumb-as-dog,29256/ I Misspoke—What I Meant To Say Is 'I Am Dumb As Dog Shit And I Am A Terrible Human Being']]"
** In response to the Lance Armstrong doping controversy, Website/TheOnion Store is proud to offer the "Cheat to Win" bracelet.
** Making fun of Chicago's murder rate spikes since 2011:
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/hot-new-murder-craze-sweeps-chicago,29349/ Hot New 'Murder Craze' Sweeps Chicago]]"
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/chicagos-annual-homicide-drive-off-to-most-promisi,31066/ Chicago's Annual Homicide Drive Off To Most Promising Start In Decades]]"
* TakeThatAudience: Known to do this from time to time.
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-nation-reports,30743/ "Fuck Everything, Nation Reports"]]:
-->"Americans reported feelings of overwhelming disgust with whatever abhorrent bastard did this and with the world at large... and above all with their own pathetic goddamn selves, sitting in front of a fucking computer instead of doing fucking ''anything'' to help ''anyone''..."
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/let-me-explain-why-miley-cyrus-vma-performance-was,33632/ "Let Me Explain Why Miley Cyrus Was Our Top Story This Morning"]]
-->''So, as managing editor of CNN.com, I want our readers to know this: All you are to us, and all you will ever be to us, are eyeballs. The more eyeballs on our content, the more cash we can ask for. Period. And if we’re able to get more eyeballs, that means I’ve done my job, which gets me congratulations from my bosses, which encourages me to put up even more stupid bullshit on the homepage.''

-->''I don’t hesitate to call it stupid bullshit because we all know it’s stupid bullshit. We know it and you know it. We also know that you are probably dumb enough, or bored enough, or both, to click on the stupid bullshit anyway, and that you will continue to do so as long as we keep putting it in front of your big, idiot faces. You want to know how many more page views the Miley Cyrus thing got than our article on the wildfires ravaging Yosemite? Like 6 gazillion more.''

-->''That's on you, not us.''
* TheTalk: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38548 Daughter Thinks It's Time To Have Sex Talk With Parents]]".
* TerroristsWithoutACause: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/conceptual-terrorists-encase-sears-tower-in-jello,2303/ Conceptual Terrorists Encase Sears Tower In Jell-O]]"
* TeensAreMonsters: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/15yearold-girl-viciously-torn-apart-by-rabid-pack,20962/ 15-Year-Old Girl Viciously Torn Apart By Rabid Pack Of Peers]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/braindead-teen-only-capable-of-rolling-eyes-and-te,27225/ Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized]]".
* TestosteronePoisoning / RealMenWearPink "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-texasstyle-yogurt-to-feed-mansize-hunger-for-y,2422/ New Texas-Style Yogurt To Feed Man-Size Hunger For Yogurt]]"
* ThereIsNoKillLikeOverKill: “[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nypd-apologizes-for-accidental-shootingclubbingsta,739/ NYPD Apologizes For Accidental Shooting-Clubbing-Stabbing-Firebombing-Choking-Impaling-Beheading-Electrocution-Lethal injection death]]"
* TheyChangedItNowItSucks: InUniverse:
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7mekhFTrXM NHL Woos Fans By Increasing Scoring With Bigger Nets, 3-Point Line]]".
** Inverted with "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/sun-chips-abandons-biodegradable-bag,18237/ Sun Chips Abandons Biodegradable Bag]]".
* ThisBearWasFramed: Inverted in [[http://www.theonion.com/video/dna-evidence-frees-black-man-convicted-of-bear-att,14323/ this]] story.
* ThreeMonthOldNewborn: "Woman on TV Gives Birth to Four-Month-Old Baby".
* ThrowItIn: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27759 Police Interruption Hastily Written Into Student Film]]".
* ToiletSeatDivorce: Parodied in the Libra of [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-18-2012,29600/ this set of horoscopes.]]
--> You’re about to go through a really messy divorce, thanks in large part to the Philly cheese steak you’ll refuse to put down.
* TokenMinority: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38641 Black Guy Photoshopped In]]". As [[http://www.11points.com/Misc/11_Photos_Where_Black_People_Were_Awkwardly_Photoshopped_In_or_Out 11points demonstrates]], this is TruthInTelevision.
* TokenTrio: Can be observed in the peer review panel in [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fifthgrade-science-paper-doesnt-stand-up-to-peer-r,1320/ this]] article.
* TooHotForTV: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39114 C-SPAN Releases 'Too Hot For C-SPAN!' Video]]".
* TooIncompetentToOperateABlanket: The host of the "Troublehacker" videos.
* TooSoon:
** InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27638 'Beltway Sniper' Video-Game Release Delayed Out Of Respect For Victims]]".
** In a RealLife version, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29298 Columbine Jocks Safely Resume Bullying]]" wasn't printed in the UsefulNotes/{{Denver}} edition.
** [[invoked]][[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-still-hasnt-been-long-enough-to-open-restau,32035/ Report: Still Hasn't Been Long Enough To Open Restaurant Called Bin Laden's]]
* TrailersAlwaysSpoil: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBM3j7x4Lcw&NR=1 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Made Into Feature Film]]".
* TranquilFury: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/dad-way-scarier-when-controlling-temper,36056/ Dad Way Scarier When Controlling Temper]]."
* TransformingMecha: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27590 Kim Jong Il Unfolds Into Giant Robot]]".
** [[HeyItsThatGuy Hey, It's That Robot!]]: Sharp-eyed anime fans may recognize Kim's robot body as the [[CharsCounterattack Nu Gundam]][[note]]Specifically, the Gundam Fix Figuration action figure[[/note]].
* TranslationByVolume: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/foreign-travel-tips,8103/ This]] article on traveling abroad advises that shouting at foreigners is useful, along with [[BlatantLies many other helpful tips for American tourists]].
* TransparentCloset:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29378 Area Homosexual Thinks He's Still In The Closet]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/area_man_experimenting_with Area Man Experimenting with Homosexuality For Past Eight Years]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock,10861/ Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?]]
* TransEqualsGay: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhKa-NVWEg8 Conservatives: Sex Change Only Barrier Between Gays/Marriage]]".
* TropeName: Used in perhaps the most spot-on parody of 24-hour cable news ever, "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U4Ha9HQvMo& Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere]]".
* TroubledProduction: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/terry-gilliam-barbecue-plagued-by-production-delay,4746/ Terry Gilliam Barbecue Plagued By Production Delays]]".[[invoked]]
* TrueArtIsIncomprehensible: InUniverse: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obamas-weekly-video-addresses-becoming-increasingl,17649/ Obama's Weekly Video Addresses Becoming Increasingly Avant-Garde]]".
[[/folder]]

[[folder:U-Z]]
* UnderdogsNeverLose: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28032 Scrappy Band Of Lovable Misfits No Match For Rich Kids]]".
* {{Understatement}}: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8nrdiQqFAs Tensions Mount After North Korea Destroys All Of Asia]]".
* UnexpectedSuccessor: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/last-remaining-politician-must-rebuild-entire-gove,18384/ Last Remaining Politician Must Rebuild Entire Government Following Bloodiest Midterm Election In American History]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/secretary-of-interior-takes-presidential-oath-of-o,32264/ Secretary Of Interior Takes Presidential Oath Of Office: 'I Still Can't Believe The President, Vice President, Speaker Of The House, President Pro Tem, Sec. Of State, Sec. Of The Treasury, Sec. Of Defense, And Attorney General Were All In That Hot-Air Balloon,' Says New President Sally Jewell]]"
* UnintentionalPeriodPiece: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-consults-internet-whenever-possible,1515/ Area Man Consults Internet Whenever Possible"]], written in 2000, is supposed to be a satire of people who are obsessed with the Internet. Now it's hard to find the joke in the article.
* UnPerson: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/white-house-denies-existence-of-karl-rove,3/ White House Denies Existence Of Karl Rove]]"
* UnstoppableRage: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/twelve-customers-gunned-down-in-conveniencestore-c,339/ Twelve Customers Gunned Down In Convenience-Store Clerk's Imagination]]".
* UpdatedRerelease: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/classic-movie-avatar-updated-for-todays-audiences,18052/ Classic Movie 'Avatar' Updated For Today's Audiences]]".
* VideoGameSettings: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/neighborhood-would-make-a-great-video-game-level,18196/ Neighborhood Would Make A Great Video Game Level]]".
* ViewersAreGoldfish: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fcc-all-programming-to-be-broadcast-in-adhdtv-by-2,1841/ FCC: All Programming To Be Broadcast In ADHDTV By 2007]]".
* ViewersAreMorons: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/microsoft-word-now-includes-squiggly-blue-line-to,19739/ Microsoft Word Now Includes Squiggly Blue Line To Alert Writer When Word Is Too Advanced For Mainstream Audience]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/onion-weather-center-we-dumb-it-down-the-best-we-c,29507/ Onion Weather Center: We Dumb It Down The Best We Can For Our Viewers In The Deep South]]"
* VillainHasAPoint: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-authorities-cant-really-fault-alqaeda-for-deadl,19105/ U.S. Authorities Can't Really Fault Al-Qaeda For Deadly Bombing Of Carnival Cruise Ship]]"
--> Following Monday's deadly terrorist attack on a Carnival Cruise Line ship, U.S. officials have had difficulty issuing a stern condemnation of the incident, saying that while any act of terrorism is inexcusable, they couldn't completely blame al-Qaeda for wanting to blow up what is essentially a giant, floating symbol of everything that is truly god-awful about America.
* VillainWithGoodPublicity: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/pr-firm-kills-innocent-child,20226/ PR Firm Kills Innocent Child]]".
* VisualPun: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/guy-who-normally-holds-up-letter-d-sick-this-week,18404 Guy Who Normally Holds Up Letter 'D' Sick This Week]]".
* WackyFratboyHijinx: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30685 Online University Cracks Down on Rowdy Online Fraternity]]".
* WalkingTechbane: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/my-computer-totally-hates-me-vs-god-do-i-hate-that,11538/ My Computer Totally Hates Me! vs. God, Do I Hate That Bitch]]".
* WallOfText:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nation_shudders_at_large_block_of Nation Shudders At Large Block Of Uninterrupted Text]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/frustrated-obama-sends-nation-rambling-75000word-e,18516/ Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail]]".
* WakingUpAtTheMorgue: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nude-biden-wakes-up-on-cold-slab-in-dc-morgue,34243/ Nude Biden Wakes Up On Cold Slab In D.C. Morgue]]"
* WellDoneSonGuy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/romney-spends-day-tearfully-apologizing-at-fathers,30312/ Romney Spends Day Tearfully Apologizing At Father's Grave]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nascar-drivers-parents-pay-for-congratulatory-mess,27401/ NASCAR Driver [Aric Almirola]'s Parents Pay For Congratulatory Message On Side Of Son’s Car]]"
* WeWillUseWikiWordsInTheFuture: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKC21wDarBo Future News 2137]] has the anchors and interviewees using words like "Frustrage" and "Criticalism".
* WhamLine: The very last line of the aforementioned "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/cult-divided-on-whether-to-let-women-become-telepa,17842/ Cult Divided On Whether To Let Women Become Telepathic-Vision Clerics]]" article. [[spoiler:"This whole argument will be moot in six days when we board up the windows and [[ManOnFire burn ourselves alive."]]]]
* WhatCouldHaveBeen: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/97yearold-dies-unaware-of-being-violin-prodigy,18194/ 97-Year-Old Dies Unaware Of Being Violin Prodigy]]".
* WhatCouldPossiblyGoWrong: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-10-million-killed-annually-by-stepping-out,17949/ Report: 10 Million Killed Annually By Stepping Out Of Comfort Zones]]".
* WhatDoYouMeanItsNotDidactic: InUniverse
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/25742 I Appreciate The Muppets On A Much Deeper Level Than You]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39205 Freshman Term Paper Discovers Something Totally New About 'Silas Marner']]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27794 Grad Student Deconstructs Take-Out Menu]]".
** RealLife example: An article was used for the 2005 English Language and Composition Advanced Placement exam...meaning that there was actually something to analyze in that article.
* WhenAllYouHaveIsAHammer: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/if-i-had-one-piece-of-advice-for-todays-youth-it-w,18438/ If I Had One Piece Of Advice For Today's Youth, It Would Be To Throw A Baseball Really, Really Well]]".
* WhereAreTheyNowEpilogue: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/huffington-post-completes-63-million-page-where-ar,31025/ Huffington Post Completes 63 Million Page 'Where Are They Now' Slideshow Of Every Celebrity Ever]]"
* WhereEverybodyKnowsYourFlame: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/local-bar-comes-out-as-gay,2447/ Local Bar Comes Out As Gay]]".
* WholePlotReference: Apple iPhone fever as ''The Emperor's New Clothes'' in "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/apple_claims_new_iphone_only Apple Claims New iPhone Only Visible To Most Loyal Of Customers]]".
* WildChild: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPJtg_-PtDQ Girl Raised From Birth By Wolf Blitzer Taken Into Protective Custody]]".
* WildTeenParty: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-lowers-drinking-age-to-17-just-for-jennys,2533/ Congress Lowers Drinking Age To 17 Just For Jenny's Party]]"
* AWizardDidIt / TechnoBabble / QuantumMechanicsCanDoAnything: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sci_fi_writer_attributes?utm_source=a-section Sci-fi Writer Attributes Everything Mysterious To 'Quantum Flux']]".
* TheWoobie: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/awkward-new-international-student-saw-his-entire-f,33589/ Awkward New International Student Saw His Entire Family Murdered In The Congo]]"
* WordSaladPhilosophy / TalkativeLoon / TechnoBabble: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/raving-lunatic-obviously-took-some-advanced-physic,1145/ Raving Lunatic Obviously Took Some Advanced Physics]]".
* WorstNewsJudgmentEver:
** Inverted, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28660 No Jennifer Lopez News Today]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/cnn-still-releasing-news-piled-up-during-elian-gon,241/ CNN Still Releasing News Piled Up During Elián González Saga]]"
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKKj35xhkNE The Weather Channel Accused of Pro-Weather Bias]]"
* WorthIt: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/confused-nascar-driver-runs-over-30-golfers-during,6904/ Confused NASCAR Driver Denny Hamlin Runs Over 30 Golfers During Attempt To Win FedEx Cup]]"
* WrongGenreSavvy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-who-will-die-in-great-eastern-seaboard-flood-o,30726/ Man Who Will Die In Great Eastern Seaboard Flood Of 2023 Preparing For Mayan Apocalypse]]".
* XtremeKoolLetterz: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/alphabet_updated_with_15_exciting Alphabet Updated With 15 Exciting New Replacement Letters]]".
* YouBastard: #2 in "The People Who Mattered in 2010" was "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/snooki-just-try-not-to-think-about-who-should-real,18634/ Snooki - Just Try Not To Think About Who Should Really Be In This Spot]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/you-do-of-course-realize-that-this-is-going-to-end,29734/ You Do, Of Course, Realize That This Is Going To End Very, Very Badly]]"
* YouCantFightFate: Most of the [[http://www.theonion.com/features/horoscope/ horoscope entries]], although [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-january-18-2011,18855/ this list's Scorpio]] is probably the most blunt example.
** Inverted in [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-11-2012,29525/ this list's Pisces.]]
--> Try as they might, the stars can’t see the point in telling you about next week. You’ll just do whatever you damn well please, anyway.
* YouLookFamiliar: Todd Alan Crain (Tucker Hope) and Suzanne Sena (Brooke Alvarez) both were news anchors on the web clips as Jeff Tate and Ana Gentry, respectively.
* YouMakeMeSic / ComicallyMissingThePoint: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30157 Nation's Educators Alarmed By Poorly-Written Teen Suicide Notes]]".
* YouNoTakeCandle: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/republicans-reach-out-to-women-with-new-no-punch-p,31381/ Republicans Reach Out To Women With New 'No Punch Pretty Lady' Bill]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/this-what-world-like-now,32068/ This What World Like Now]]"
* YouShouldHaveDiedInstead:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/victim_in_fatal_car_accident Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/firefighter-died-to-save-unimpressive-teen,18967/ Firefighter Died To Save Unimpressive Teen]]".
[[/folder]]

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