[[quoteright:350:http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/masthead_new.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:350:But they still think they have the right to whine.]]

->[[http://notalwaysright.com/a-not-always-right-customer-the-winning-definition-is/16247 What Is A Not Always Right Customer?]]
->A Not Always Right customer is one that is 1. Trying to get something for nothing; 2. Abusing the employee for one reason or another (trying to get their own way, or for the fun of it); 3. Doesn't realize they're wrong.

[[http://notalwaysright.com/ (The Customer is) Not Always Right]] is a website dedicated to stories of the stupid, ignorant, egotistical, funny and just plain mad customers whom retail staff across the world (well, mostly in the Anglo-sphere -- since it's an English-only site) encounter. It can be a good example of Tropes that appear in RealLife. [[UnreliableNarrator That being said, it is best to take most of it with a grain of salt.]]

In 2011, two sister sites were launched: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/ Not Always Romantic]] and [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/ Not Always Related.]] In 2012, they added Website/NotAlwaysWorking to the collective, followed by [[http://notalwayslearning.com/ Not Always Learning]] in 2013, and [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/ Not Always Friendly]] in 2014.

Examples pertaining to Not Always Right can be found on the following pages:

[[index]]
* [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesAToF A-F]]
* [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesGToL G-L]]
* [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesMToT M-T]]
* [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesUToZ U-Z]]
[[/index]]

Website/NotAlwaysWorking now has its own trope page. Entries to NAR's other sister sites may be found below.

Compare Website/ActsOfGord, a site which has a similar premise except from the perspective of just one guy.
----
!!This website's sister sites contain examples of:

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder: Not Always Romantic]]

* AcronymConfusion: "[[http://notalwaysromantic.com/wrestling-with-the-concept/19892 What does]] [[{{Wrestling/WWE}} Vince McMahon]] have to do with adopting a gorilla?"
* ActionGirlfriend: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/a-good-service-for-those-in-service/21998 "I love you, beautiful, but stop scaring people."]]
** [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/punch-drunk-love/22196 "Now we can leave."]]
* {{Asexuality}}: The narrator's best friend in [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/no-ship-sherlock/25232 this story.]] Doesn't stop the narrator's other friends from [[ShipperOnDeck shipping it]], though.
* AffectionateNickname: Several, although "[[http://notalwaysromantic.com/pet-names-unleashed/18698 my dumb pig]]" is probably the strangest.
* AccidentalInnuendo: "[[http://notalwaysromantic.com/talking-about-his-light-saber/27469 Now you know how I feel all the time!]]" [[labelnote:Context]]The speaker's talking about the difficulty of finding clothes in her size.[[/labelnote]][[invoked]]
* AccidentallyAccurate: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/a-silly-habibi/29433 This couple]] starts mutating the phrase "hey, baby" until they find themselves chanting the word "Habibi," which they quickly realize is an actual Arabic word. Mortified, they rush to look it up make sure it doesn't mean anything horrible. [[spoiler: It means "my beloved". Cue awws.]]
* BaconAddiction: "[[http://notalwaysromantic.com/with-great-bacon-comes-great-responsibility-part-5/22651 I love you more than bacon.]]"
** [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/?s=with+great+bacon+comes+great+responsibility With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility.]] Fifteen posts and counting.
* BattleCouple: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/a-good-service-for-those-in-service/21998 These two]]. And she outranks him.
* BewareTheNiceOnes: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/putting-the-knee-into-a-jerk/22897 This girl]], who injures a guy who wouldn't leave her alone. What makes it more [[AwesomeMoment awesome]] is that she did it [[DoesNotKnowHisOwnStrength by accident]]!
* BilingualBackfire: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/the-yogurt-is-the-only-thing-well-cultured/23138 *in Spanish* "Have a great day, pig!"]]
* [[BluffTheImpostor Bluff the Ex]]: How [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/its-an-ex-tra-small-world/23536 one woman and her sister]] catch [[ClingyJealousGirl her husband's ex]] in a lie.
* BuffySpeak: Justified [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/telepathingy/25939 here]].
* CaptainObvious: While watching a bike race -- [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/his-brain-is-coming-last/26442 "I think the guy in the front is winning."]]
* ClosetKey: A case of IncompatibleOrientation turns into this [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/dont-let-that-butterfly-flutter-by/30732 here]]. May instead be an example of IfItsYouItsOkay.
* CloudCuckooLander: "[[http://notalwaysromantic.com/no-fork-in-the-road-for-these-two/19695 We'll get to have spork babies!]]"
* DistractedByTheSexy: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/was-thinking-about-nailing-you/30236 This guy.]] Hoo boy, this guy.
** [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/an-uncontrollable-force/29553 This person]] combined with GeekyTurnOn.
* DoubleEntendre: "[[http://notalwaysromantic.com/thats-what-she-liked/28757 [Boyfriend's Name] was in [My Name].]]"
* EpicFail: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/alls-well-that-girlfriends-well/18412 This man]] tries to hook up with a stranger, only to find that she's a lesbian. And his pick-up lines are terrible. And he's trying to cheat on his girlfriend. Who is nearby. [[spoiler:And she later dumps him and dates the other girl.]]
* EvilFormerFriend: {{Discussed}} by [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/whats-your-poison/30598 this couple]], where they start discussing the best way to murder each other should one of them go evil.
* ExiledToTheCouch: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/bosomless-buddies/18799 These two dopes]], who are probably lucky they weren't thrown out of their apartment.
* FunWithAcronyms: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/the-adventures-of-roy-the-unfortunate-bear/25817 "Flattened Animal Rescue Team"]]
* GeekyTurnOn: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/800-ears-but-she-wasnt-listening/25500 Guess it depends on the kind of fight]].
** [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/greedo-versus-cupid/27354 Han shot first.]]
** [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/relationstarships/25297 I threatened to step on the Death Star.]]
** [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/b-and-a-for-some-t-and-a/28305 ...did you just enter the Konami Code on my boobs?]]
** [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/transformers-is-kind-of-hammy/29916 Starscream demands more ham!]]
* GenreSavvy: The boyfriend in [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/typecast-for-a-lifetime/28016 this story]] guesses who the BigBad of a movie is within the first five minutes. His reasoning is that "this is a {{Lifetime movie|OfTheWeek}}, and he has a penis."
* HurricaneOfPuns:
** [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/punning-cheeses-is-a-bries/24416 Lots of cheese puns here]].
** When advertising starts [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/compose-yourself/25543 Rubinoff on you]].
* HypnotizeThePrincess: Implied [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/working-smarter-not-harder/2054 here]]. What else would require books on seduction and hypnotism?
* HypocriticalHumor: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/not-trying-to-dance-around-the-issue/31110 This guy]] tries to tell a woman who politely rejected his offer to buy her a drink that he's a "nice guy" and "deserves a chance". This as he's [[HairTriggerTemper completely flying off the handle]] at her for said polite rejection.
* IHaveBoobsYouMustObey: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/scratching-vs-squeezing/25031 Direct quote from]] Webcomic/{{Misfile}}.
* [[INeedToIronMyDog I Need To Iron My Shoes]]: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/crushed-by-a-stammer/24939 Here.]]
* IncorruptiblePurePureness: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/old-fashioned-not-quite-as-old-as-you-think/18692 This story]] is probably as close as most of us will ever get.
* IsItSomethingYouEat: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/every-flavor-beans/30615 Apparently "ceramic" means "tasty".]]
* LaserGuidedKarma: Happens occasionally, but rarely is it as satisfying as [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/make-rainbows-not-war/22810 this story]]. A homophobic player in a shooter game keeps calling the submitter slurs, angering the players on both teams, who tell him to shut up. Instead, he turns the slurs on one of his ''own'' teammates, who is also gay. His teammates respond by completely abandoning him and permitting the submitter's team to [[CurbStompBattle repeatedly kill him in game]] which frustrates him to the point he quits the game. The homophobic player is banned from the team since he was only a replacement for his brother, and the gay teammate later dates the submitter.
* LethalChef: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/the-couple-that-slays-together-stays-together-part-5/22304 Apparently.]]
* LoveAtFirstSight: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/espresso-ing-his-intentions/22726 Here]].
* ManlyGay: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/nice-road-truckers/27117 You never know]] when one of these will be standing behind you when you decide to be a homophobe.
* MasculineGirlFeminineBoy: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/bullying-jocks-are-just-cupid/24519 Here.]]
* TheMatchmaker: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/cupids-arrow-doesnt-always-fly-straight/26804 This guy]] and his girlfriend both get hit on a lot at work, so they arrange "dates" with the people whose numbers they've received, sending one of each of theirs to the same place at the same time. Neither gets the person they were hoping for, but there's this connection between two people who [[ContrivedCoincidence just happened to be stood up in the same manner, in the same place, at the same time.]]
* MeetCute: Too many examples to list.
* {{Meganekko}}: Apparently, [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/how-to-start-a-relationship-make-contact/19215 this girl]].
* MistakenForGay: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/fathers-just-have-to-be-told-straight/19463 This girl]] was rather surprised by it.
* MistakenForPrankCall: This [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/guilty-of-perpetrating-a-prank/18773 not-so-savvy officer]].
** His wife must be [[TooDumbToLive pretty dumb to prank call a police station enough times to make him suspicious like that.]]
* MuggingTheMonster: In [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/acting-out-and-kicked-out/27082 this story]], a girl starts badmouthing another at an audition over issues pertaining to a boy they both dated. The first girl had assumed the other was also auditioning, but it turns out that she was going to ''direct'' the play instead. As the cast would have to work closely and get along, the second girl [[LaserGuidedKarma immediately dismisses the first]], as that obviously was not going to happen between them.
* MundaneMadeAwesome: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/stale-rice-krispie-fail/25814 “LET IT BE KNOWN ON THIS DAY, I HAVE FALLEN FOR THE RICE KRISPIE GODDESS!]] [[LargeHam I’LL BE BACK FOR YOOOOUUUUUUU—”]] At which point his friends drag him out of the restaurant.
* OneOfUs: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/subversationship/30068 This story]] involves a couple reading ThisVeryWiki.
* OverprotectiveDad: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/at-least-all-the-options-are-out-in-the-open/18942 This]] guy wants to be one someday.
* PickACard: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/love-is-in-the-cards/20660 A truly stunning bit of sleight of hand.]] In a strange twist, he has her sign her name on the card with a Sharpie. When the card revealed isn't her card, he apologizes and walks away, and she returns to her drink...only to find that her coaster is now the card she had picked, still with her signature but also with the man's phone number on it. Three years into their marriage, he refuses to tell her how he pulled that trick off.
* PrecociousCrush: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/espresso-ing-his-intentions-part-3/23655 At least he realizes he's too young now.]]
* PuppyLove: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/blooming-in-adversity/27319 With all of the]] SlapSlapKiss that it usually entails.
* ARareSentence: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/bra-cing-conversation/23609 "My boobs are sending you things."]]
* RealityEnsues:
** Discussed [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/love-in-the-time-of-zombies-part-2/27445 here]]. A couple gets into the topic of what they would do in a zombie apocalypse. The boyfriend's response is the typical protect-his-loved-ones kind of deal. His partner, though, decides that [[BringMyBrownPants they'd be too horrified by the situation to do anything]].
** Also [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/till-undeath-do-us-part-part-27/27003 here]] - a wife, having been reading earlier stories with the name, asks her husband what he would do if she became a zombie. He responds that, since she stays at home and thus close to the arsenal, is a better shot than he is, and is a black-belt, while he works at a hospital, is chubby, and has a bad back, he cannot think of any realistic zombie scenario in which she turns before he does.
** And [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/love-in-the-time-of-no-zombies/28236 here]] -- the response is a straight "Zombies don't exist."
* RecursiveCrossdressing: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/la-femme-lolita/27443 A woman pretends to be a man dressed as a woman]].
* RubberBandAI: Discussed [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/how-to-get-behead/29754 here]]. The submitter [[DisproportionateRetribution will behead anyone who suggests adding it]] to a racing game they may make at some point in the future.
* ShoutOut: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/fully-grown-not-fully-responsible/27115 Funnily enough to]] ''WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged''.
* SomethingElseAlsoRises: A guy buys his girlfriend a new dress. When she tries it on, [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/re-dress-the-dress-situation/23021 his soda water fizzes and spills over]].
* SophisticatedAsHell: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/maturity-bubble-burst/31027 This submitter's boyfriend]] concludes a lengthy explanation about current happenings in the property market with "...All right, I’m gonna go poopy-poop".
* StalkingIsLove: {{discussed}} [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/creeping-towards-romance/22979 here]].
* StrangeMindsThinkAlike:
** [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/toasting-to-true-love/23448 This couple]] are planning on buying a new toaster - and they both independently wonder whether they can bring a piece of bread to the store in order to see if it fits.
** [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/got-a-good-handle-on-the-choices/29756 This couple]] independently give the exact same response to a selection of door handles the girlfriend's parents are considering.
* ThatCameOutWrong[=/=]ComplimentBackfire: A number of comments made to one's partner that didn't sound half as positive or romantic the speaker imagined, such as [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/love-is-blind/20098 this one]]: "But, I don't want to have my glasses on when I look at you."
** [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/having-a-ball/24695 “I love balls. I used to have over a hundred of them when I was younger.”]]
* TrueBeautyIsOnTheInside: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/the-true-meaning-of-seeing-clearly/18745 That's the best thing about being blind.]]
* {{Tsundere}}: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/persistence-pays-and-pisses-off/19049 This girl]] should be the new mascot for the trope.
* WackyMarriageProposal:
** [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/how-to-wipe-out-a-relationship/18704 This]], among others.
** [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/a-taco-proposal/25104 Like this.]]
** [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/indecent-proposal/30277 This one wasn't even supposed to be one... before it hilariously became one.]]
* WaxingLyrical: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/not-the-one-that-he-wants/25222 "I've got chills."]] [[{{Film/Grease}} "Are they multiplying?"]]
* WhosOnFirst: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/a-silly-habibi/29433 This couple]] discovers the Arabic word for "my beloved" completely by accident.
* WrenchWench: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/engine-failure/27639 Wrong girl to brag to.]]
* YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/ye-olde-sweeteth-romance/25107 "I hath been questing for yonder chili chocolate bar."]]
* YourCheatingHeart: An entire tag for it. [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/busted-pipes/2368 Several]] [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/from-runaway-bride-to-ex-wife/1070 examples]], often cross-posted from Not Always Right, of it being revealed by customer screwups.
* ZombieApocalypse: [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/?s=Till+Undeath+Do+Us+Part Many]], [[http://notalwaysromantic.com/?s=Love+In+The+Time+Of+Zombies many]] posts about it.
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Not Always Related]]

* AbusiveParents: Occasionally. [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/a-mothers-love-is-priceless-for-everything-else-theres-credit-cards/19268 This mother]] is going to be the reason her daughter makes some therapist very wealthy someday.
* ActorAllusion: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/putting-the-ship-in-fellowship/27319 If they say fire at Will, but he's not there, who do they shoot?]] [[Creator/OrlandoBloom Legolas.]]
* AmazinglyEmbarrassingParents: And siblings, and grandparents, and cousins, and...
* [[ACupAngst B-Cup Angst]]: "[[http://notalwaysrelated.com/time-for-d-dinner/26835 I'm always feeding my boobs. I need them to get big and strong.]]"
* BilingualBackfire:
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/a-borderline-infraction/27435 Here.]] May overlap with LittleMissBadass.
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/they-understand-what-you-are-seine/26617 "Listen, you inbred sons of syphilitic w****s."]]
* BrandNameTakeover: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/what-a-pile-of-crock/29178 Here]] is an example of somebody who fails to understand the concept.
* BrickJoke: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/power-up-count-down/23877 three... two...]]
* ComicallyMissingThePoint: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/potty-mouth/30323 This girl]] is chastised by her mother for saying "Missy has a shitty diaper!", and her mother suggests using the word "messy" instead. The girl corrects herself, saying "Messy has a shitty diaper!" instead.
* ComputerEqualsMonitor: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/now-try-explaining-a-floppy-disk/27061 This person]] has trouble explaining to his younger cousin why this isn't always the case, since said cousin has almost exclusively owned or used computers that were all-in-one.
* CoolOldGuy[=/=]CoolOldLady: Some of the grandparents.
* CuteMute: Well, not ''permanently'' mute, [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/a-quiet-afternoon-is-in-the-cards/28005 but extremely cute.]]
* ADateWithRosiePalms: "...[Y]ou have to love and respect yourself and no one can hurt you...[Older sibling], do you love yourself?" / [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/making-a-birds-and-the-bee-line-for-the-punch-line/28996 "Frequently."]]
* DinosaursAreDragons: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/its-a-dragon-make-no-bones-about-it/29127 The grandmother in this story]] thinks so.
* {{Dissimile}}: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/kentucky-fried-comedy/24802 "A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. Only there’s no rabbi and no priest, and it’s not a bar, it’s a KFC. And the minister is me and I’m not a minister."]]
* DiscriminateAndSwitch: A surprisingly large amount of parents react to their kids coming out of the closet by sighing in relief that they weren't something else (some of them nowhere near as dramatic as coming out usually is).
* EatsBabies: When a pregnant mother tells her son she has a baby in her tummy [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/pregnancy-gives-you-weird-eating-habits/30735 here]], the son thinks that she ate one.
* EvilLaugh: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/which-one-is-pinky-and-which-one-is-brain/20074 These two girls.]]
* ExactWords:
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/happy-holidays/28858 When you ask a family member to hang up the holiday decorations]], you should specify ''which'' holiday.
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/out-of-touch-with-what-is-actually-happening/29558 "Stop not touching me!"]]
* {{Facepalm}}: One of those kinds of [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/too-civil-for-civil-war/24850 conversations]].
* FridgeHorror: [[invoked]] [[DefiedTrope Defied]] [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/a-big-baby-booboo-part-2/31034 here]]; After the submitter's aunt, who thought her pregnancy symptoms were constipation, does several things to relieve it that could harm the fetus, the submitter makes sure to note at the end that the baby was born perfectly healthy.
* FromTheMouthsOfBabes:
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/grammar-is-going-down/25825 Remind me to teach you the importance of prepositions when you get back.]]
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/he-must-have-brown-hair/28311 "...my dad calls me shit-head!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/all-little-girls-dream-of-their-red-wedding/28308 "Mama, the Lannisters send their regards... Now you die! Die! Die!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/mom-put-you-in-the-cross-hairs/28995 "I DIDN'T PLAY WITH THE SCISSORS. MY MOMMY DID IT, NOT ME! GO FUSS AT HER!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/hell-be-saying-mating-for-life/30144 “Look, uncle! That man and woman, they’re mating!”]]
* FunWithAcronyms: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/timelord-for-bed/22582 "Tap And Regulated Directional Inclined Spray!"]]
* GirlOnGirlIsHot: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/les-be-more-than-friends/26799 "Are you two gonna do lesbo stuff?"]]
* HypocriticalHumor:
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/ruined-in-the-twink-of-an-eye/22553 "You've got to be careful of what you eat, you don't want to become unhealthy. Do you want me to get Twinkies when I'm at the store?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/a-monster-of-a-rewrite/27355 "You can't force people to do something they don't want to do! Now you have to rewrite this story in a way you do not want it written! Several times!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/asian-persuasion-part-2/27670 I don't eat Asian Food! Ooh! General Tso’s! I LOVE General Tso’s chicken!]]
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/has-beef-with-venison/28961 "Why do we even call [deer meat] venison, though?]] We don't invent special words for other animals, like beef." [[SarcasmMode "Gee, that beef sure is having fun, frolicking in the field."]]
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/airing-dirty-laundry-in-public/29177 From a mother who asked her college-age daughter to bring some laundry home for her to wash]] -- "...and you know college students: here she comes, SWANNING in with a bag full of laundry!"
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/a-manner-of-speaking-with-your-mouth-full/31198 "She’s not showing good manners!"]] Said through a mouthful of chips.
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/ironic-meets-moronic/29871 "I do wish the Muslims would realise we westerners are not all the same."]]
* IAlwaysWantedToSayThat: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/the-wax-is-waning/27895 Literally.]]
* ICallHimMisterHappy: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/needs-imp-plants/21098 This argument]].
* IGotARock: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/christmas-is-off-to-a-rocky-start/19493 This poor kid.]]
* IHaveThisFriend: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/a-mothers-condomnation/28282 This story]] claims the subject of the story is "my 17-year-old cousin", but at the end the narration switches to first-person after that person is embarrassed for [[DidIJustSayThatOutLoud saying too much]].
* IncrediblyLamePun: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/they-all-get-it-in-the-end/27920 Prostatitis? Does that come from a prostitute?]]
* InherentlyFunnyWords: "Eggplant" was this for [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/egging-them-on/29129 this kid]].
* InsaneTrollLogic: Why you [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/not-really-feline-those-flavors/25707 never see cats near ice cream shops]].
* InnocentInnuendo:
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/it-horn-ts-her-to-this-day/26256 Horny! Horny!]]
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/the-daughterhood-of-the-virginal-pants/27571 I finally got into my boyfriend's pants!]]
* IsThatCuteKidYours: Invoked often, but not usually in such polite phrasing. For some reason, a lot of people seem to think that young women/teen girls who travel with small children ''must'' be unwed teen mothers. Honestly, have these people never heard of babysitting?
* {{Jerkass}}: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/committing-family-tree-son/28918 Even on Not Always Related, unfortunately.]]
* LogicBomb: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/cold-concentrated-logic/19829 This person]] attempts this with [[AmbiguousGender his/her]] brother
* LameRhymeDodge: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/the-definitive-r-ticle-on-movie-ratings/26090 R we sure it's rated PG? Yes we are!]]
* LiteralMinded: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/smacks-of-mischievousness/26493 "Give Nana a big smack on the lips!"]]
* LoopholeAbuse: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/eggs-pecting-revenge/28621 This kid]] offers his brother 20 dollars to break three eggs over his head... unfortunately for the brother, the submitter never said anything about ''having'' to break the eggs.
* {{Malaproper}}: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/a-saucy-mistake/19546 This girl]], for instance.
* MamaBear: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/niece-to-meet-you/27722 "Well, that proves it. If you anger a mother, you must have a death wish..."]]
* TheMatchmaker: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/stupid-cupid/19528 This grandfather]] is determined to marry off his granddaughters.
* {{Mondegreen}}:
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/put-you-at-a-loss-for-words/27204 "Life's a butter dream."]]
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/straight-from-the-horses-mouth/29199 The horse]] [[Music/SimonAndGarfunkel on 7th Avenue]].
* MustHaveNicotine: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/of-breath-smoke-and-breast-strokes/19223 This mother]].
* MyBelovedSmother: And why she didn't [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/a-bridal-shower-of-criticism-2/26606 go to the wedding]].
* NamesTheSame: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/metal-defector/31277 "So, fun fact: Passenger is the name of both a singer-songwriter AND a Swedish metal band from the 90s..."]]
* NoodleIncident: There's probably [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/very-good-at-being-bad/29488 a very juicy story behind this comment...]]
* OhCrap: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/ah-fathers-part-3/19231 This teen here]].
* OlderThanTheyLook: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/well-aged-wine/27532 Wait... you're her daughter? Just show me your ID then; if you're old enough to drink than she sure as h*** is!]]
* OneOfUs: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/not-how-one-should-burn-off-steam/29749 This vice principal]] turns out to be a ''VideoGame/{{Dota 2}}'' player that one of the submitter's children plays with.
* ParentalFavoritism: Unfortunately, [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/not-a-gifted-father/28558 there's an example of this, too]]. Fortunately, it's limited to the father - who, of course, [[EntitledBastard calls the submitter an "awful selfish daughter" for not wishing him a happy birthday as payback for this incident]].
* RatedMForManly: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/sets-the-crow-bar-high-for-useless-purchases/26706 I don't know but it makes me feel manly.]]
* RelativeError:
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/blood-is-thicker-than-honesty/19531 This story]] is more like the trope turned inside out.
** "Thank you, but even if I swung that way, [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/les-be-friends/23039 she is my sister]]."
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/?s=Putting+The+Relation+Into+Relationship And many more.]]
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/the-mother-of-all-girlfriends/28555 And this one,]] made even more surprising seeing that it was another relative who made this assumption.
* RougeAnglesOfSatin: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/thai-ten-up-on-spelling/25315 Chicken Thai]].
* {{Scotireland}}: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/a-total-eire-head/24120 This mom]] can't seem to keep the two straight.
* ShapedLikeItself: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/new-heights-of-stupidity/29559 "I was the same height as me when I was 16!"]]
* SideBet:
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/coming-out-can-be-a-gamble/24793 "Coming Out Can Be A Gamble"]]
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/no-disorientation-on-the-orientation/27522 "No Disorientation on the Orientation"]]
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/straight-betting/27224 "Straight-Betting"]]
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/what-can-you-bi-for-five-bucks/26227 "What Can You Bi for Five Bucks"]]
* {{Squee}}: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/underworld-overheard/19525 This]] ''Film/{{Underworld}}'' fangirl.
* StealthHiBye: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/some-relatives-you-never-see-anymore/30562 This guy]]. They call him Ninja Brother.
* StrangeMindsThinkAlike: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/unrelated-banter/21446 Even when only one of them's asleep.]]
* TakeAThirdOption: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/to-have-and-to-hold-a-cup-of-coffee/19641 What this father wants to do]].
* TalkingWithSigns: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/a-quiet-afternoon-is-in-the-cards/28005 This little girl.]]
* UpUpAndAway: What [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/moms-always-intercede-for-their-super-seed/19366 this father]] thinks his baby should be able to do.
* ThatCameOutWrong: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/cracking-up/30794 "We should do crack more"]]
* WaxingLyrical: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/thats-what-makes-her-beautiful/26021 "You're insecure...]] [[Music/OneDirection I don't know what for]]."
* WhosOnFirst:
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/a-sin-line-between-boys-and-girls/22484 "Where's Heaven?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/ill-give-you-forever-21-guesses/25834 Guess.]]
* YouNoTakeCandle: [[http://notalwaysrelated.com/hes-been-dealt-with/24211 "You can't math!"]] "Yeah? Well ''you'' can't ENGLISH!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Not Always Learning]]
* AccentDepundent: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/will-need-to-say-hell-marys/31806 This story]] works best with a West Texas accent, as the writer notes at the end. [[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/sperm-of-the-moment-answer/32289 This]] {{Mondegreen}} is more understandable if you know that the British pronunciation of cement is "SEE-mint" as opposed to the American "suh-MENT".
* {{Acrofatic}}: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/revenge-is-sweat/31281 this woman.]]
* ActuallyPrettyFunny: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/drawn-to-the-teacher/31652 This student]] got in the habit of drawing cartoons depicting his (generally disagreeable) biology teacher in humiliating situations, then throwing said cartoons in the trash after class. Said teacher revealed at the end of the year he'd actually ''rescued'' most of those drawings from the trash because he actually enjoyed them.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/nothing-halts-a-lesson-like-a-spot-of-rabies/34028 This]] kindergartener got bored reading Dick and Jane, so he convinced the class that Spot has rabies. According to the quip at the end, the teacher ''and'' the principal thought it was pretty amusing.
** "I think I’m going to have to write [[http://notalwayslearning.com/ashen-cheer/34115 that one]] in my last wishes."
* AddedAlliterativeAppeal: All the alternate religion-themed drug-use slogans proposed [[http://notalwayslearning.com/high-heaven/34114 here]] use it.
* AdultsAreUseless:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/doesnt-get-the-principle-of-bullying/32136 This principal]] ''really'' misses the point of bullying, to the point that two parents watching a demonstration of the [[SarcasmMode brilliant counter-strategy]] call the principal out on it. He could probably learn a great deal from [[http://notalwayslearning.com/gets-the-principle-of-bullying/32445 this teacher]].
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/the-those-who-can-teach-speech/35367 This principal]] is even worse: he actually threatens to punish the one teacher who is actually trying to help a victim of bullying.
* AllGermansAreNazis: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/international-relations-are-history/33437 Assumed by this seven-year-old]].
* AlphaBitch: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/may-have-been-a-sister-but-nobody-missed-her/30641 This sorority sister]] [[MuggingTheMonster Mugs the Monster]], and eventually gets kicked out for her behavior.
* AManIsAlwaysEager: If a student propositions a TA, [[http://notalwayslearning.com/soon-to-be-lonely-and-jobless/35029 the TA is not supposed to accept]].
* AnalogyBackfire: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/that-lesson-bombed/33526 In this class]], the teacher tries to get across the meaning of a tragic World War II poem by comparing it to bombs falling on their school. Unfortunately for the teacher, bombs falling on their school is something the students ''want''.
* AnswersToTheNameOfGod: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/answering-to-a-high-school-er-power/30522 This teacher]] retorts with a "Smith-Will-Suffice" type line.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/oh-my-professor/34381 This professor]] [[AGodAmI introduces himself as such]].
* ArtisticLicenseBiology: "[[http://notalwayslearning.com/fallopian-noobs/30629 [Boy] has something stuck in his fallopian tubes!]]"
* ArtisticLicenseGeography / GlobalIgnorance:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/the-great-district-of-confusion/30179 "I am going to tell my professor you guys are giving out maps of Colombia!"]] Note that the map in question is a map of the ''District'' of Col'''u'''mbia--Washington, D.C.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/why-cartesians-need-to-coordinate-with-cartography/30517 This math teacher]] doesn't seem to realize the impossibility of ''driving'' from Japan to China. ([[DontExplainTheJoke Japan is a set of islands.]])[[note]]It's technically possible to drive from Japan to China, but it would involve taking a car ferry to either Vladivostok in Russia or Busan in South Korea first in order to get around both the whole water thing and North Korea, with the latter involving a second car ferry from Incheon to get to China. Since you still have to ride boats across water, calling it "driving" from one to the other is something of a stretch.[[/note]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/do-juneau-how-stupid-you-sound/31156 Here's a case]] that qualifies as CriticalResearchFailure, as the ''entire class'' calls out the ignorant student. [[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/contimental/31355 "The continent of Africa just elected their first woman president."]] Doubles as ComicallyMissingThePoint.
** Here's one by a ''teacher'' who's supposed to be ''teaching the subject'': [[http://notalwayslearning.com/california-dreaming/32120 The capital of California is Los Angeles.]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/down-blunder/32707 This teacher]] went to Australia, thinking it was actually Austria and being confused when nobody he met there spoke German.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/just-burst-their-kentucky-fried-bubble-part-2/32838 This receptionist]] tries to turn an exchange student from the UK away from an international dorm, reasoning that she can't be an international student because she's white.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/losing-the-race/32088 This student.]] Her team was supposed to make a presentation about black women in South Africa during the 1960s... but she instead makes a biography about Oprah Winfrey. When her teammates point out that Oprah is African-American and not South African, her response is [[ComicallyMissingThePoint "You can't say South African! It's racist!]] [[WeAllLiveInAmerica It's African-American!]]." It gets worse once the rest of the class point this out.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/no-vocation-for-location-part-9/33436 Here]] we have an [[UpToEleven absolute trainwreck]] of poor geography knowledge: "Oh yeah, [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paris Paris]]. Isn’t that the country in England, [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Italy shaped like a shoe]]?"
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/common-sense-having-an-off-season/35237 Not one, but two university/college students]] do not understand how hemispheres work. Specifically, they confuse the east/west divide with the north/south divide and believe that it's winter in Germany when it's summer in North America.
* ArtisticLicenseHistory: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/every-school-needs-an-animus/32197 Stories]] [[http://notalwayslearning.com/every-school-needs-an-animus-part-2/33340 named]] "Every School Needs [[Franchise/AssassinsCreed An Animus]]", in which students believe the ''Assassin's Creed'' series is true to history.
** UsefulNotes/WorldWarI: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/losing-the-war-against-ignorance/33928 the war where]] we [[TheWarOnTerror prevented Saddam Hussein from obtaining WMDs]] by [[UsefulNotes/TheAmericanCivilWar freeing the slaves.]] After which [[UsefulNotes/CivilRightsMovement Rosa Parks became the President]], which caused [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarII Hitler]] to lead the South in secession.
* AsianAndNerdy: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/might-i-suggest-a-stereotypewriter/30503 Here's one guy]] who seems to think this is the norm.
* AskAStupidQuestion: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/vh1-behind-the-sarcasm/31721 This teacher]] gives a sarcastic response to why she'll be on leave for the next month and a half. At least one student is SarcasmBlind, and the rest don't seem to know how to respond.
* AttentionDeficitOohShiny: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/one-way-to-ring-in-the-new-year/35362 A rare teacher example.]]
* BadassBookworm / GeniusBruiser: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/the-power-of-a-kenya-do-attitude/30445 This security guard and self-taught electrical engineer]].
* BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor: "What exactly are you looking to get out of this class?" "[[http://notalwayslearning.com/doesnt-get-with-the-programming/34700 Oh, a passing grade.]]" Come end of semester, the smart-mouthed and class-cutting student gets exactly that: a passing grade... two letters below the one they'd actually ''earned''.
* BeliefMakesYouStupid:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/like-tolkein-to-a-brick-deeping-wall/30393 This woman.]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/freedom-of-screech/30223 "You don’t need freedom of speech if you let Jesus think for you."]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/irish-fooling-herself/31658 This college student]] thinks an Irish man will come to her in the US because she made a deal with Jesus.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/he-was-there-in-spirit/32317 A story]] about the often-heard argument against evolution.
** Also occasionally inverted, as seen [[http://notalwayslearning.com/troll-hunting/33036 here]]. One guy is like ''"You're wearing a cross necklace? You're probably a homophobic racist like the rest of them!"''
* BigBrotherInstinct: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/a-standard-setting-for-the-older-brother/32894 "Because that's my little sister, and she has standards."]]
* BigYes and BigNo: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/playing-with-fire/33515 This kid]] yells both in sequence at a fire alarm that turns out to be a false alarm.
* BilingualBackfire:
** Subverted here, when [[http://notalwayslearning.com/parlez-snooze-francais/30746 this French teacher]] expects a backfire but none occurs, [[FlockOfWolves because the student in question was the only one in the entire class who actually learned French, instead of cheating by using translators]].
** A kid [[http://notalwayslearning.com/lost-in-transl-asian/32059 here]] tries to insult another student in Spanish, thinking that they didn't understand the language. Too bad for him the student did.
* BleepDammit: An unintentional meta example with [[http://notalwayslearning.com/dont-wankourage-bad-behavior/30729 this story]], where the word "wieners" is censored but the word "[[DidNotDoTheBloodyResearch wank]]" (in the title) is not.
* BrandNameTakeover: Even extends into the ''[[http://notalwayslearning.com/hes-a-cultural-geicon/30649 animal kingdom]]''. According to one student, a certain species of small green lizard is known as a ''{{Geico}}'', not a ''gecko''.
* BreadEggsMilkSquick: "[[http://notalwayslearning.com/puts-his-own-spin-on-it/32803 ...we have the printmaking studio!]] This is the largest studio space in the building and includes two etching presses, two lithography presses, and... [[ItMakesSenseInContext and various medieval torture devices]]."
* {{Bowdlerization}}: According to the student (and the professor!) in [[http://notalwayslearning.com/writing-off-their-handwriting/33868 this]] quote, they actually changed it from "My handwriting is like a drunk epileptic spider that fell in an inkpot and had a seizure on the page" to "My handwriting is like a drunk spider that fell in an inkpot and tried to walk on the page."
* BrickJoke: A student asks their teacher about his habit of bringing a Wiffle bat to class, and the teacher will only say that it "comes in handy every now and then". [[http://notalwayslearning.com/shouldnt-bat-a-drooping-eyelid/33262 Three months later]], the student learns the answer firsthand.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/this-is-how-you-remind-me-what-is-on-the-exam/35067 Nickelback]].
* BunnyEarsLawyer: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/disbelieving-his-beliefs/32377 This teacher]] may be nuts, but he uses his eccentricity to make a point.
* ByThePowerOfGrayskull: Invoked but subverted by [[http://notalwayslearning.com/masters-degrees-of-the-universe/30653 this professor]].
* CampingACrapper: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/dying-to-use-the-bathroom/34504 This student will never forget what the most common place for medieval assassination was.]]
* ChainOfCorrections: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/the-tower-of-baboons/31401 A lesson gets sidetracked by one of these.]]
* CheatersNeverProsper:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/el-burro-sabe-mas-que-tu/30639 This bully]] tries to cheat the protagonist, but said protagonist feeds her bad info that the cheater accepts without question. "[[GratuitousSpanish El burro sabe más que tú]][[note]][[BilingualBonus The donkey knows more than you]][[/note]]", indeed.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/be-sure-to-copy-the-right-copy/30801 This student]] apparently has a habit of copying the answers from other students. It backfires when said student copies the answers off a classmate who doesn't have the same copy of the test that the cheater does.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/be-sure-to-copy-the-right-copy-part-2/31172 "During the test, [other student] was asking me for the answers. ...So I gave him the wrong answers."]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/those-who-cant-cheat/31046 This student]] is accused of copying off another pair of students by a teacher that doesn't like [[AmbiguousGender him/her]]. Said student then, as part of an agreement with the teacher, deliberately fails the next test to catch the real cheaters. Sadly, [[KarmaHoudini the cheaters were never punished]] because they were the teacher's favorite students.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/searching-for-history-repeated/32092 Another student writing down the wrong answers to catch cheaters.]] In this case, the teacher ''knows'' that the student knows better, and is puzzled until the student lets the teacher know why it was done. Next day, both cheaters are ridiculed, then moved to different parts of the classroom where they ''couldn't'' cheat off anyone.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/cant-cheat-at-his-game/32077 This student]] admits to attempting to cheat at a physics exam by writing down formulas on the desk. The teacher catches this and orders everyone to change seats for the exam.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/time-to-assay-the-essay-situation-part-2/33441 Double whammy here]]. Not only is a student about to get another student in trouble by taking money to write an essay for him, he isn't even ''competent'' in grammar. Bonus points for the submitter (who's a teacher) being asked to check the essay-writer's work -- which allowed her to report both students.
** What's the result of three students handing in the exact same essay? [[http://notalwayslearning.com/time-to-assay-the-essay-situation-part-3/33662 This.]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/felt-cheated-by-the-grade/33834 Another]] student deliberately puts down wrong answers to trap a cheater - then surreptitiously changes them all to the proper answers afterwards before handing the test in.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/what-is-french-for-emasculated/33984 Here]], a student who's better at French gets a JerkJock to say he has a TeenyWeenie.
** Ignorance is when you get the answers wrong on a test. [[http://notalwayslearning.com/ignorance-versus-stupidity/35319 Stupidity is copying the ignorant student's wrong answers on your own]].
* ChirpingCrickets: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/an-offtweet-sense-of-humor/31102 Invoked by the author here.]]
* CloudCuckooLander: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/following-this-conversation-is-fruitless/30398 "I thought]] about how it should really be ‘im-grapefruit-ment’ because grapefruits are sour and getting impeached would be a sour experience.” Er, okay then.
* ClusterFBomb: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/this-apple-doesnt-foul-far-from-the-tree/30439 Well, that certainly answers the teacher's question.]]
* ComicallyMissingThePoint:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/an-income-figure-of-speech/30453 We're not poor, we're middle class!]]
** In [[http://notalwayslearning.com/se-habla-mexicanol/30809 this story]], a student's partner asks if Mexico's official language is Mexican. The student assumes that he's joking and says yes, since it's not like they're doing this in a Spanish class, to which the partner replies with surprise at being right.
** After a teacher calls Ernest Hemingway a "lefty", referring to his political views, [[http://notalwayslearning.com/about-to-get-left-behind/31108 this student]] wonders what being left-handed has to do with anything.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/one-small-problem-with-that/31950 This student]] wants his teacher to check a problem for him. Normally, this is good behavior... but he asks during an exam. He can't understand why the teacher can't just give him the answer.
** In [[http://notalwayslearning.com/the-class-is-having-a-day-off/31956 this story]], a student teacher asks for a response, and after getting nothing, says that he'll start calling out names. He begins with [[Film/FerrisBuellersDayOff "Bueller? Bueller?"]] and a girl replies "Is the answer Bueller?!"
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/swearing-by-the-wrong-word/33199 This kid]] thinks he got in trouble for saying the word "gob" - as in, telling his teacher to "shut her f***ing gob".
** Courtesy of the language barrier: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/doesnt-know-what-the-devil-he-is-saying/33201 this teacher]] scolds her Japanese student for his rudeness after he tells her to "go to hell." The student promptly looks horrified.
--->'''Student:''' "Sorry, sorry, sorry! Umm. Let's go to Hell together!"
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/losing-the-race/32088 This class asks a student]] why she made a biography on Oprah when it was supposed to be about South African women. She calls everyone racist for saying "South African", [[WeAllLiveInAmerica as opposed to "African-American"]].
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/not-quite-slaving-over-the-historical-accuracy/33416 Wait. Did slaves get paid?]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/its-hard-work-when-youre-hardly-working-part-2/34761 This student]] is stated in the beginning of the story to have ''not once'' turned in any work for a class - and then he expects the teacher to tell a potential employer that he is a hard worker.
* ConversationalTroping: "[[http://notalwayslearning.com/of-fourth-walls-and-poke-balls/32729 No breaking the fourth wall!]]"
* ConvictionByCounterfactualClue: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/misogyny-is-a-lie-ability/32595 These criminal law students]] are given an exercise to see how well they can spot a lie. Only one student is shown to take a guess - and he's always wrong, because his logic is always [[StayInTheKitchen "you're a girl"]].
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment:
** Using a cell phone in the library with a "no phones" policy? [[http://notalwayslearning.com/stretch-the-rules-and-your-librarian-might-snap/31279 Snap!]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/witness-versus-witless/32271 One girl]] gets into a fight to defend a disabled friend. Her "punishment" (given out only because it was required by the rules)? Write an essay about how to win a fight.
** Fail to hand in your work on time, and [[http://notalwayslearning.com/hand-in-your-work-or-face-the-music/33032 this teacher]] might announce it over the intercom... or worse, ''[[DreadfulMusician sing]]''.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/teaching-is-not-his-only-calling/33596 This professor]] will utterly humiliate anyone who has a cell phone ring in his class.
* CriticalResearchFailure:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/do-juneau-how-stupid-you-sound/31156 "You thought Alaska was an ISLAND?"]] [[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/losing-the-race/32088 This student]] apparently thinks the correct term to call a South African person is "African-American", despite them ''not being American''. When the rest of the class points this out, the student calls them racist.
* {{Crossdresser}}: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/show-your-professor-some-puppy-love/33593 This professor]], during one Halloween.
* CrowdSong:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/well-that-was-f-u-n/31056 Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/take-me-or-leave-me-confused/30930 These theater students]] get bored in the dressing room and start singing "[[Theatre/{{Rent}} Take Me or Leave Me]]".
* CryingWolf: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/weve-reached-the-tripping-point/31110 This kid]] falls afoul of it, but not for the usual reason--it wasn't so much that the teacher didn't ''believe'' him, but that the teacher was so sick and tired of him pulling that stunt that she looked the other way when it happened for real.
* CuteBruiser: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/she-beat-him-to-the-punch/31100 This first grade girl.]]
* DeadpanSnarker: In response to a drama queen playing up a case of asthma (if she even ''has'' asthma) and claiming she could die if she doesn't get a drink of water, this teacher responds: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/this-teachers-logic-is-unquestionable/30519 "I think we can live with that."]]
* DeathOfTheAuthor: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwayslearning.com/reading-too-much-into-it/31168 This author]] doesn't much care for one professor's interpretation of the use of blue for a room.
* DelayedReaction:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/at-ones-wits-end/33514 This girl]] has one to a teacher's StealthInsult.
** This is how [[http://notalwayslearning.com/not-so-punchy-punch-line/33965 these two students]] became friends.
* DeliberateValuesDissonance: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/unagreeably-agreeable/33592 To this teacher's surprise]], both his male and female students agree that the male protagonist in a Chinese story they were studying was a jerk. Possibly due to different cultural values, the teacher expected some students to side with the protagonist.
* DeusAngstMachina: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/the-power-of-a-kenya-do-attitude/30445 This security guard]] was rendered homeless three times by the time he was 22 due to faulty wiring. So he teaches himself electrical work (very well)... and his house burns down due to a drunk driver when he is 23.
-->'' So I gave up and moved to America.''
* DidIJustSayThatOutLoud:
** What [[http://notalwayslearning.com/the-science-of-self-incrimination/30528 this student]] was likely thinking when they made a snarky remark when the teacher commented about a news article about lewd websites.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/singing-from-the-same-joke-book/35073 All but outright stated]] after the student makes a joke insulting the band director. Luckily the director had a sense of humor.
* {{Dismotivation}}: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/easily-obvious/32529 These]] students ''aren't'' stupid, despite completely failing a very easy multiple choice test.
-->'''Teacher''': I’ll make a deal with everyone: if you come to class every day, listen, take notes, and study one hour before the test, I’ll make the next test easy.
-->'''Student''': If we do that, OF COURSE it will be easy!
* TheDitz: But of course.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/the-klass-of-2015/30191 "K as in 'chicken'."]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/so-slow-it-hertz/30231 This student is studying computer science]]... and he doesn't even know what an internet browser is.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/doesnt-enjoy-bird-watching-but-quite-likes-the-woods/30209 I swear]] I'm not dumb! I know who Tiger Woods is!
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/somethings-not-right-clicking-with-this-student/30447 This student]] somehow confuses a paper test (from a computer screenshot) for an actual computer.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/i-sea-the-class-as-half-fool/30511 Here]] we have two ''college'' students who don't know [[GlobalIgnorance geography]] ''or'' [[WritersCannotDoMath basic math]].
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/welts-in-your-wouth/30647 "One of my M&Ms has a W on it!"]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/back-to-the-teacher/30796 A series of convenient events]] convinces a girl that a ventilation cabinet is actually a time machine.
* EducationThroughPyrotechnics: Why one of the best jobs for a PyroManiac is "[[http://notalwayslearning.com/firing-up-a-passion-for-science/35230 Science Teacher]]".
* ElSpanishO: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/el-burro-sabe-mas-que-tu/30639 This bully]] seems to think the Spanish language works this way.
* EntendreFailure: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/biology-101-one-on-one/32138 Biology lesson.]]
* EverybodyHatesMathematics: Naturally, there are a few stories about people complaining about math.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/not-getting-into-the-vulcan-science-academy/31634 This student]] says the usual "When am I going to use this" line. Too bad he said it in a ''Logic'' class.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/math-can-be-a-slippery-slope/31166 In this story]] a student asks how Calculus could be useful, so the teacher gives a situation, albeit a [[SpaceWhaleAesop pretty unlikely one]].
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/they-should-stick-to-sin-language/34079 Another complaint]], with an amusing response.
* EveryoneIsJesusInPurgatory: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwayslearning.com/reading-too-much-into-it/31168 Here.]] The author disagrees.
-->'''College Student''': Our professor told us that [character]'s room being blue is a symbol of his loneliness and isolation. Is that what you meant?\\
'''Author''': No. I just like blue. You can tell your professor they’re full of s***.
* ExactWords: How [[http://notalwayslearning.com/rounding-numbers-and-grounding-kids/32442 this teacher]] once got away with returning home late. As he warns, however, ItOnlyWorksOnce.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/cant-grease-their-way-into-it/33664 This person]] tries to argue against a return policy with this logic. It's ''not'' water damage, it's ''taco grease''. Who cares if it makes the book illegible in entirely the same manner?
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/cracking-on-the-first-week/33921 "Students are to wear bottoms high enough so that no undergarments are showing."]] A student tries (and fails) to get around this by [[GoingCommando not wearing underwear]].
* ExtremeOmniGoat: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/pray-he-is-only-kidding/32805 Apparently]], the [[ArtisticLicenseBiology only actual omnivore in existence]].
* FailedASpotCheck:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/for-goodness-psych/30735 This professor]] fails his listen check.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/students-can-be-fired/32154 This student]] fails to notice that her hand is on fire.
* FawltyTowersPlot: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/revenge-is-sugary-sweet/31178 This professor]] first chews out the student for using a cell phone in an ''empty'' classroom, claiming grounds for expulsion. Right on cue, the professor's own phone rings, and she answers it, talking in the classroom. When the student calls her out on the DoubleStandard, she claims the call was from her boss, the dean. Naturally, the dean happens to walk by the classroom, and having overheard that last comment, asks what he had allegedly done. The student reports ''exactly'' what just happened. While the professor ''wasn't'' fired, the student was compensated for a laptop the professor had damaged by spilling the student's coffee on it, and a different professor taught the course for the rest of the term.
* FemaleMisogynist: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/dread-every-period-with-this-teacher/33765 This]] Sunday School teacher, who directs a sermon on certain on how periods are evil to a female student who dared to have one.
* FridgeHorror: The implications for "all the kings' horses" in the old nursery rhyme "Humpty Dumpty" are [[http://notalwayslearning.com/sent-to-the-glue-factory/31742 discussed in this class]]. [[invoked]]
* FromTheMouthsOfBabes:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/dont-wankourage-bad-behavior/30729 “Sensei! Do Americans really have giant wieners?”]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/fight-and-focus-on/30748 "Trojans? Is that a condom shirt?!"]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/let-sleeping-with-teachers-lie/31343 "So the university makes you do that so you can practice sleeping with other teachers?"]]
* FunWithAcronyms: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/it-was-a-cownjugal-visit/30532 Somebody... Please... Enter... Respectively... Moo?]]
** "[[http://notalwayslearning.com/flawed-banter-grades-low/35068 Fat B****es Get Laid!]]"
* HateSink: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/a-professor-transplant/31975 This]] college professor. The anecdote even starts off with ''"We have a very important test coming up in two weeks for a class with a notoriously terrible, cruel, opinionated, self-centered, professor, who is on the verge of being kicked out of the university."'' You have to wonder why on Earth the professor won't let this test slide because a student needs to go in for ''kidney-transplant surgery''. It's pretty damn hard to fake that.
* HehHehYouSaidX:
** "[[http://notalwayslearning.com/their-poo-h-d-is-a-total-waste/30396 Toxic dump...]] Sorry. The imagery is just...."
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/obviously-they-prefer-fartissimo/30189 I can't do PP!]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/and-drums-for-an-comedic-rimshot/30961 The inevitable joke]] about a guitarist who forgets to take a certain string.
* HenpeckedHusband: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/happy-wife-happy-life-lessons/31084 This young man]] gets an early start on this attitude.
* HoistByHisOwnPetard: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/judge-not-lest-ye-get-jumped/31491 This Bible-thumper]] quotes verse in laying down judgments about the students she tutors. The students revolt by [[BotheringByTheBook Bothering By the Good Book]].
* HonestJohnsDealership: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/the-slow-and-the-delirious/31154 Revealed by a young lady]] who knows more about cars than the guy would like. His blatant StayInTheKitchen attitude does ''not'' help his case.
* HurricaneOfPuns:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/so-many-wheys-to-milk-a-pun/30805 Two students]] banter back and forth with cheese.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/over-ewe-sed-ram-blings/31495 Here's a particularly ba-a-a-ad one.]]
* {{Hypocrite}}:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/the-smoker-of-two-evils/30449 Sweets are bad for you!]] But cigarettes are A-OK apparently.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/practice-what-you-teach/30524 I will not tolerate plagiarism!]] Now let's look at this [=PowerPoint=] presentation which has information I just copied from some other websites... (Apparently, the teacher got even ''worse'' as the year went on.)
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/cant-get-a-word-in-nursewise/31095 Your brother is in college?]] Why didn't you say so earlier, when I wasn't letting you say so earlier?
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/revenge-is-sugary-sweet/31178 No cellphones in class!]] Now, excuse me while I take this call...
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/truly-blind-faith/32580 Retarded and homosexual people deserve to die!]] But don't make fun of teen mothers, you could offend someone!
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/two-rights-make-her-wrong/33333 This teacher]], after teaching a class what rights they have as students, tries to force them to miss both lunch period and most of the class following that in favor of taking a mock test by arguing that, as students, they have ''no'' rights. Between this incident and generally being totally incompetent at what she does, the teacher is fired before the week is out, and the citizenship class she was teaching is scrapped after its first year.
* IAmNotSpock: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwayslearning.com/desecrating-science-and-history-at-the-same-time/33126 A teacher makes a mistake along these lines here,]] confusing the commander of Apollo 13 with [[Creator/TomHanks the actor]] who played him in [[Film/{{Apollo 13}} the film]].
* IAmSpartacus: After [[http://notalwayslearning.com/methodist-and-the-madness/31873 this Bible teacher]] states that Methodists are going to Hell, an ''actual'' Methodist student objects. Eventually, the entire class claims to be Methodists and walks out.
* IgnoredEpiphany: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/some-students-auto-be-expelled/31097 This student]] believed he could flunk high school and still get by fine as a mechanic. His teacher, who was a mechanic ''for 20 years'', easily demonstrates that he still needs an education to succeed at that job. The student's response? "F*** YOU OLD MAN!!!"
* IMeantToDoThat: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/this-professor-is-making-me-nervous/32142 Invoked by this professor]]. Thankfully, it fit into the lesson he was teaching that day.
* ImAManICantHelpIt: "[[http://notalwayslearning.com/unproductive-mis-conceptions/31395 You can’t expect people to control their population just by not having sex.]]"
* INeedToGoIronMyDog: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/signs-its-time-for-a-break/30538 I need to see a fast dentist]]. ItMakesSenseInContext.
* INeverSaidItWasPoison: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/a-picture-is-worth-a-thousand-woes/30161 A security guard catches a camera thief with this method.]]
* InherentlyFunnyWords:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/they-can-butt-in-just-this-once/33121 Flying buttresses]]. The teacher is GenreSavvy enough to let the class get the laughs out of their systems before continuing.
** "[[http://notalwayslearning.com/why-does-every-joke-sound-like-chicken/33127 Well, I didn't have a joke. But people just laugh when I say 'chicken'!]]"
* InnocentInnuendo:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/now-play-the-thong-song/30592 "I pulled off my G string!"]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/tests-can-make-you-testy/31260 "Wow, if this is a quizzie, I’d hate to see your testes."]]
* InsaneTrollLogic:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/not-a-uniform-assessment/33335 Students getting their grades docked for not wearing their PE uniform]], when said uniform is on back-order and they will not receive it for another couple of weeks. Thankfully, in this case it's an accident, rather than deliberately failing kids over things beyond their control.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/this-multiplication-doesnt-add-up/34876 This substitute teacher]] gives a student a low grade in their math test ''because she actually worked out and solved the problems'', rather than memorizing a table with the answers on them, even though all of the student's answers were correct. She then tries to argue that memorizing the answers out of context is more productive than learning how to find them out on one's own.
* InsistentTerminology: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/cant-erase-that-outburst/35505 This student]] [[DidntThinkThisThrough ends up giving away that he threw a piece of eraser at another student]], because that student thought it was a spitball at first.
* IsThatCuteKidYours: It happens [[http://notalwayslearning.com/invasion-of-the-snotty-dispatchers/30726 here]], but the man helpfully points out that he and the woman he was with, along with the four kids they were supervising, were all from different countries, and they were wearing clothes that indicated that they were part of an international exchange project.
* ItWasHisSled: [[invoked]] [[SubvertedTrope A subversion]]--apparently, at least one student doesn't realize [[http://notalwayslearning.com/stupidity-will-be-the-death-of-you/33229 the title character is going to die]]...in ''Theatre/DeathOfASalesman'' (for those who don't know the play, the title ''is'' meant literally).
* ItMakesSenseInContext: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/several-musical-notes/35083 "In the second and third movement I kind of picture Mary and Jesus in the Millennium Falcon..."]] Unfortunately, no context is given.
* ItsWhatIDo: In [[http://notalwayslearning.com/you-throw-tests-like-a-little-girl/31973 this story]], after a physical fitness test, a teacher remarks that a class seems to have the condition of 12-year-old girls. One of the students points out that they ''are'' 12-year-old girls.
* IWasBeatenByAGirl: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/she-beat-him-to-the-punch/31100 A grade four bully loses to a grade one girl.]]
* JapaneseRanguage: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/lets-cut-the-clap/31273 "Then, another man began to crap. Soon, everyone is crapping. I think they enjoyed my song, after all."]]
* {{Jerkass}}: Unfortunately.
** Many stories tagged with "[[http://notalwayslearning.com/category/bully bully]]", naturally, fall under this.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/rewarding-behavior-part-2/32331 This teacher]] calls for a parent-teacher conference ''just to insult a completely different former student''.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/a-victory-in-tragedy-part-2/32454 This teacher]] gives a student detention for being a few ''seconds'' late, which would be bad enough by itself - but it's made worse by the fact that the student's little brother had died the night before and the student been up all night. Fortunately another teacher and a counselor intervened, and when that failed the principal intervened personally.
*** While it's no ''excuse'' for the teacher's actions, perhaps the teacher had to deal with a few students like [[http://notalwayslearning.com/dying-to-get-out-of-detention/32819 this]] in the past, and thought ''this'' student was pulling a similar stunt.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/truly-blind-faith/32580 This student]] outlines their plan for if they ran the world - [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything round up all the "retards and gays" in special camps where they would be shot down daily]]. Add in Holocaust denial and self-serving hypocrisy (teen mothers "didn't do anything wrong" because his/her sister is one, but the groups s/he hates were "cursed by God" so it's okay) for the perfect trifecta of asshole.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/royally-screwed-over/32989 This teacher]], after complimenting a student on their ''Literature/TheOnceAndFutureKing'' project (calligraphy on a parchment scroll, having [[DoingItForTheArt learned calligraphy just for this]]), gives them a B- because ''the lines weren't completely straight''. For comparison, another student who just did the project on notebook paper and mistook a pair of kings for each other got a higher grade - when this is pointed out, the teacher tells the student "if you're going to do something, do it right!"
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/making-the-teacher-get-the-picture/33033 This teacher]] is apparently giving her students' Father's Day artwork to the wrong people just to be an asshole to them.
* JerkassRealization: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/bullied-into-self-realization/34017 These two students]] realize the reason they were never bullied in school: They ''were'' the bullies.
* TheKeyIsBehindTheLock:
** "[[http://notalwayslearning.com/in-need-of-fool-tuition-reimbursement/30959 You want me to pay full tuition to get to the point where I’ll only have to pay half tuition.]]" Thankfully, once the student says this, the employee at the financial office realizes their own mistake, though this is right after having phrased it ''slightly'' differently and not getting through to them.
** "[[http://notalwayslearning.com/scheduling-a-scheduling-appointment/34469 So, before I can meet with a registrar who can help fill out my schedule, I need to fill out my schedule first, so I can get a registrar to help me fill out my schedule?]]" Unfortunately, this time the submitter fails to get the other person to understand the problem.
* KnowNothingKnowItAll: Much like doctors and nurses on Not Always Working, there are a sad number of stories where teachers seem to believe that they know more than their students simply by virtue of ''being'' a teacher, rather than having actually learned anything to do with their subject. Worse, these are usually the types who have also determined that their entire job is to be seen as the smartest person in the classroom, and as such will [[DisproportionateRetribution attempt to punish any student that proves to know better than they do]].
* LargeHam: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/masters-degrees-of-the-universe/30653 "BY THE POWER]] [[ByThePowerOfGrayskull OF GRAYSKULL!"]]
* LaserGuidedKarma: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/flipping-out-over-the-desk/35610 After this incident]], where a teacher ''flips a student's desk'' because she knew the student wouldn't pass a neatness check, the student's mother shows up in the classroom to respond in kind, then pulls her child from that teacher's class. The teacher is later investigated and fired, and her teaching license revoked.
* LiteralMetaphor: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/a-bloody-good-performance/31810 An unintentional version here.]] A musical director describes the cast's less-than-energetic rehearsal as "anemic", not realizing that most of the students present had just donated to a blood drive, meaning they literally ''were'' a bit anemic at that point.
* LiteralMinded: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/the-right-answer-requires-the-write-question/31532 This university receptionist]] asks a student if he had a pencil ready to take down some information. The student takes it to mean that he literally needs a pencil, instead of the pen he had handy, and fumbles around for one, eventually hanging up after fruitless searching. The receptionist asks from then on if they have something to write with.
* LoopholeAbuse:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/gotta-hand-it-to-this-student/31106 This university professor]] has strict formatting rules for submitted essays... too bad he forgot to mention they had to be ''typed''.
** A student, giving an improvised two-minute speech regarding war, runs out of material a minute in. [[http://notalwayslearning.com/war-is-good-for-one-thing-apparently/33003 So he asks for a minute of silence for those who died.]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/cracking-on-the-first-week/33921 This student]] tries to get around a rule that says undergarments must not be visible. However, he tries this by wearing ''no undergarments at all.''
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/the-f-bomb/34531 This student]] apparently believes plagiarizing an entire paper for her essay is perfectly acceptable, because nobody actually ''said'' that cheating isn't allowed. Naturally, she doesn't win when she tries to appeal her grade.
* {{Malaproper}}: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/for-his-punishment-he-was-concubined-to-quarters/31265 This teacher.]] ("[[YouKeepUsingThatWord I don’t think that word means what she thinks it means.]]")
* MamaBear: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/she-has-a-mother-thing-coming-part-2/31939 This one does her part]] in the civil rights movement by standing up to an abusive teacher.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/bad-con-duct/33267 This one]] would make the above proud, too.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/anger-management-versus-desk-management/32380 And this one]] who managed to walk in at just the right moment.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/flipping-out-over-the-desk/35610 This mama]] responds in kind to a teacher's ''flipping her child's desk'' in front of the rest of the class. Said teacher is later fired.
* MamasBabyPapasMaybe: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/that-would-be-a-miraculous-child/34429 One student]] wonders what happens if a girl has a baby and [[ArtisticLicenseBiology they don't know who the mother is]].
* MathematiciansAnswer: "Which tooth did you lose?" ''*holds up tooth*'' "[[http://notalwayslearning.com/the-whole-tooth-and-nothing-but-the-tooth/30455 This one!]]"
* MayanDoomsday: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/a-devil-maya-care-attitude/30461 This kid's parents believed it.]]
* MisplacedKindergartenTeacher: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/socially-unacceptable/35248 This teacher]] has her sociology students, in a university, write down words they use to describe other people. That's the whole lesson. She giggles if any students give "naughty, sweary" words (as she puts it). The narrator of the story takes advantage of this to [[StealthInsult insult her to her face]], with such words as [[ManChild infantile]] and patronizing, and [[IResembleThatRemark she just cheers him/her on for having a big vocabulary.]]
* MissConception: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/like-they-do-on-the-discovery-channel/30659 A variation.]]
-->'''Female Student''': ''*grabs her breasts*'' Hey, how does milk get in these anyway?
* MistakenForServant: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/continuing-education-meets-continual-aging/30662 Well,]] mistaken for ''teacher'' in this case. Even ''by'' the teacher.
* {{Mondegreen}}: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/his-answer-is-not-satisfactchll/31715 Brings a spontaneous performance]] of "[[Disney/SongOfTheSouth Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah]]" to a halt.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/sperm-of-the-moment-answer/32289 The semen floor!]]
* MoonLogicPuzzle: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/acting-in-seine/33283 Employed by this teacher]] as a hint, after the question itself goes unanswered. It works.[[note]]"I'm a gorilla" --> "Me [[Film/KingKong Kong]]" --> Mekong.[[/note]]
* MRSDegree: The basic assumption behind [[http://notalwayslearning.com/married-to-a-bad-idea/31650 this story]].
* MuggingTheMonster:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/this-professor-dean-finitely-wont-be-back/30409 This professor]] tries to force a military veteran to move forward from the back of the classroom, and won't brook any argument. After the veteran leaves in disgust, one of the students (also disgusted with the professor's behavior) mentions that the veteran's uncle is the dean. The professor "resigned for personal reasons" a week later.
** In [[http://notalwayslearning.com/assuming-makes-an-essay-out-of-you-and-me/30513 this story]], a student fails to recognize his professor and insults him, earning him an extra homework assignment. To the student's credit, he actually does a half-decent job on the assignment. Lesson learned, we hope.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/she-beat-him-to-the-punch/31100 This bully]] is just ''asking'' for a fight. ([[LiteralMetaphor No, literally, he is.]]) A grade one girl [[IWasBeatenByAGirl gives it to him]].
* MundaneSolution: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/a-jump-from-logic/33590 Sometimes, the solution really is that simple]]. Even better, the student actually gave that answer [[AccidentallyAccurate as a joke]].
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/avoiding-deaths-door/34195 "You are in a burning building. You have a paper clip, a pencil, and a sweat-sock. How do you get out?"]] The student's solution? [[spoiler:Leave by the door. The question doesn't say anything about being ''trapped'' in the building.]]
** Another one meant as a joke: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/forward-thinking/34799 this student]] realizes that you can get a pair of skis through any door regardless of how long they are.
* MyGodWhatHaveIDone: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/bullied-into-self-realization/34017 Two friends come to the realization they were bullies.]]
* NamesTheSame: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwayslearning.com/so-much-for-clearing-her-name/31493 This poor girl]] keeps getting called to the vice-principal's office because someone else with the ''exact same name'' is causing trouble. Thankfully, the people at the office generally realize their mistake when the first girl shows up.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/when-sally-met-sally/34049 This teacher]] took most of the semester to realize there were two girls named Sally in the class. By that time, she'd already marked the wrong Sally truant for an entire week.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/giving-the-professor-a-bad-name/34376 This professor's students]] tell him of a death row inmate in another state who happens to share his name. The professor promptly wonders if he happens to be the same classmate from his high school days who ''also'' shared his name.
* NiceJobBreakingItHero: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/wont-be-snowed-under-with-work/33324 This teacher]] gets annoyed at a student for staring at falling snow out the window instead of working, pointing out that nobody else in the class is doing so - turns out this is only because they didn't ''notice'' the snow, until the teacher very helpfully pointed it out to them.
* NoIndoorVoice: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/there-is-no-substitute-for-good-volume-control/32209 Behold 'The Screamer'.]] Who is an '''adult''', not a child.
* NoLongerWithUs: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/his-teaching-style-is-just-heavenly/32443 Assumed by this student.]]
* NoPeriodsPeriod: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/best-excuse-period/30637 This PE teacher]] forgot this trope doesn't exist in real life.
* NotDistractedByTheSexy: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/no-not-that-kind-of-flash-pass/30201 A female student]] was locked out of her dorm, but doesn't have the money to pay a security officer to open it for her. She tries an...[[IHaveBoobsYouMustObey alternate]] method of payment.
-->'''Security Officer:''' Well, those are very nice. Now, that’ll be £5 please.
* NotListeningToMeAreYou: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/read-and-right/33494 This student]] drove a teacher crazy by repeatedly subverting the trope.
* NotThatKindOfDoctor: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/deals-with-a-different-kind-of-seed/35171 This]] agricultural professor gets accosted by a woman who thinks his doctorate means he knows how to deliver babies.
* OffscreenTeleportation: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/basic-chemistry-meets-advanced-physics/32192 Or something similar]], and you have to admit his reason for learning how to do it makes sense.
* {{Omniglot}}: Downplayed, because the person in question "only" speaks three languages, but..."[[http://notalwayslearning.com/a-concentration-of-translation/34457 Wait, did you just tell him not to speak Spanish in an English class, in Korean?]]"
* OneOfUs: [[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/of-fourth-walls-and-poke-balls/32729 If these two aren't Tropers, they could easily pass for such.]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/bro-hoofs-in-arms/31349 This teacher]] turns out to be a [[WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic brony]] after he defends a student whose also one after two bullies start slandering the student about liking the show.
* OverlyPrepreparedGag: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/punch-drunk/31752 This gag here.]]
* PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/losing-the-race/32088 You can't say South African! It's racist! You have to say African-American!]]
* PopculturalOsmosisFailure:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/goodbye-norma-jwoww/31255 This guy]] doesn't know who Creator/MarilynMonroe was.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/lack-of-knowledge-is-very-very-frightening/32440 Many of these high school students]] don't know [[Music/{{Queen}} Bohemian Rhapsody]].
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/you-give-love-of-music-a-bad-name/33418 This New Jersey student]] has to ask who Music/BonJovi is. This after learning the song "Livin' On a Prayer".
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/living-in-1984/34315 This English teacher]] was brought in to teach literature so the students would understand references that will be used in college. Unfortunately, the rest of the staff, including the superintendent, suffer from this so badly that they want to spend four years focusing on "[[PublicMediumIgnorance the four classics]]", which doesn't include ''Literature/AnimalFarm'', ''Literature/TheCatcherInTheRye'' or ''Literature/NineteenEightyFour''. The district's resident OnlySaneMan basically tells the English teacher to run for her sanity.
* PrepositionsAreNotToEndSentencesWith: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/theres-always-time-for-adverbs/31539 A textbook case]], followed by a textbook retort.
* PyroManiac: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/firing-up-a-passion-for-science/35230 This science teacher]], who [[EducationThroughPyrotechnics makes the best of it]].
* RapidFireInterrupting: In [[http://notalwayslearning.com/cant-get-a-word-in-nursewise/31095 this story]], a nurse repeatedly cuts off a student, chastising her for asking her brother to pick her up from class, [[OneSideOfTheStory assuming that the brother is still in grade school]]. Once the student is finally able to explain that the brother is not only college-age, but also on spring break, [[{{Hypocrite}} the nurse chastises the student for not saying so sooner]].
* ARareSentence: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/survival-of-the-fittest/32313 "There are some things I never thought I'd have to state at the front of a classroom."]] Such as "I've never felt 'Bear Grylls.'"
* RashomonStyle: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/incorrectly-referencing/35075 This maths teacher]] remembers an incident where a student went up to him for help with questions on an exam. The student, however, remembers it differently; she was asking why those questions were ''marked wrong'' when they were actually correct. Given the teacher's replies (and that the teacher was using the incident to justify writing that the student "struggles at math" on a reference to university), it's strongly implied that the student is in the right.
* ReflexiveResponse:
** A student that often gets admonished for chewing gum in class spits out his gum when the teacher shouts his name... [[http://notalwayslearning.com/pavlovs-yell/30923 just before the teacher actually gives him a compliment]].
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/hows-that-for-just-desserts/31526 How to counter a series of "no"s]].
* RidiculousProcrastinator: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/due-tonight-vs-do-tonight/30171 "When is the paper due?" "Midnight."]]
* RightBehindMe: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/pardon-his-french/33227 A singular bigot of a university student]] seems determined to start every class with a rant about a hated-by-him group ''du jour''. In this case, he goes after [[CheeseEatingSurrenderMonkeys the French]]. Only ''this'' time, the professor actually shows up to hear at least a good chunk of the snarling--and he's French. [[LaserGuidedKarma The bigot is assigned to write 3,000 words about U.S./France relations within two days.]]
* RunningGag: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/it-is-imperative-this-student-gets-a-cookie/32384 This student]] apparently wants a cookie.
* SadistTeacher: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/she-has-a-mother-thing-coming-part-2/31939 Abusive, too]]...until [[MamaBear the student's mother shows up]].
* SarcasmBlind: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/unequal-views-of-equality/33568 This girl]] doesn't get it when someone else tries to call her out on her hypocrisy.
* SecretTestOfCharacter: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/this-test-has-your-name-on-it/30633 Here.]]
** Also [[http://notalwayslearning.com/profess-to-be-the-professor/33752 here...]] [[spoiler: Until it's [[SubvertedTrope subverted]]]].
* ShelteredAristocrat: In a school situated in an affluent county, [[http://notalwayslearning.com/this-generation-is-out-of-touch/31151 these students]] are absolutely shocked that their teacher didn't like iPads, and didn't have a laptop until college. They wonder what the teacher did to survive, and she of course replies that she played ''outside''.
* ShipperOnDeck: "[[http://notalwayslearning.com/not-so-stupid-cupid/33258 So, basically, a six-year-old scored me a boyfriend.]]" Complete with the "sitting in a tree" chant.
* SkewedPriorities: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/the-fired-and-the-fabulous/33570 This teacher]], panicked by an unannounced fire drill, runs outside with her cosmetics... but not her class register or the students themselves, so she couldn't be sure which of the students had made it out.
* SnipeHunt: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/this-day-has-gone-down-the-tubes/33571 During a wood-working class]], the teacher asks a student to fetch a fallopian tube.
* SpaceWhaleAesop: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/math-can-be-a-slippery-slope/31166 Learn math, or someday a psychotic math teacher will kill you.]]
* StayInTheKitchen:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/married-to-a-bad-idea/31650 "The only reason any woman goes to university is to get a husband with an education; they earn more! You don’t need a good average, no woman does!"]] This was said by a ''woman''.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/busting-his-judo-chops/31636 "I bet you’re still a white-belt because you’re just a girl. Girls can’t fight."]] [[MuggingTheMonster And then he got his ass kicked]].
** In [[http://notalwayslearning.com/misogyny-is-a-lie-ability/32595 this story]], a criminal law class holds an exercise where a student will state two facts and one lie about themselves, to see how well the other students can spot a lie. One of said students inevitably counters what is actually true because the student claiming it is a girl.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/quarters-and-fractions-meets-quarterback-infractions/32897 This]] DumbJock assumes his female math teacher doesn't know anything about football. She surprises him.
** A rather troubling example [[http://notalwayslearning.com/trying-to-reverse-engineer-bigotry/34194 here]], where an old substitute teacher actively refuses to let the only girl in a class even enter the classroom, because he thinks it's a boys-only class. [[IAmSpartacus The entire rest of the class decides to sit out the class with that girl]] for the entire two weeks that the substitute is there, and when the normal teacher returns said substitute was forced to retire early by the superintendent and school board.
* StealthHiBye: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/basic-chemistry-meets-advanced-physics/32192 This teacher]] does it when he hears his student scream.
* StealthInsult: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/racism-isnt-smart/32000 This student]] apologizes to an Indian classmate for stereotyping against Indian people. They say that they shouldn't have assumed that all Indians were so smart. The classmate [[DelayedReaction eventually]] gets what the student was getting at.
* SteppingOutForAQuickCupOfCoffee: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/silent-protest/31867 This teacher]] hopes that no protesting students get up to mischief while he's on his break. He especially hopes that they don't push that [[BigRedButton BIG BUTTON]] over there. [[CouldSayItBut That would be terrible]].
* StickySituation: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/truly-inseparable-friends/32104 Here]].
* TheStoner: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/teaching-them-an-important-lesson-on-drugs/31927 This substitute teacher.]]
* StuffBlowingUp: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/po-tential-k-atastrophe-averted/30382 Don't play with alkali metals.]] [[http://notalwayslearning.com/oh-nly-if-you-wis-h2-deto-na-te/30505 No, really, don't.]]
* SustainedMisunderstanding: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/mentally-checked-out/31473 In a library]], one student asks another for her copy of a book, thinking it's actually a library copy. When the second student replies that the book is her own personal copy, the first student seems to think (from that point) that the library ''gave'' her that book, or at least that the second student ''thinks'' that. The misunderstanding only gets worse from there.
* TakeThat: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/they-are-but-learners-among-masters/31403 This one]], against the petty arguments that occur a lot in the ''Franchise/StarWars'' fandom. Also proof that a true fan can take on the petty fans any day.
* TalkAboutThatThing: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/gets-the-principle-of-bullying/32445 This teacher]] uses the (false) excuse of a student not doing work to take said student to the principal's office...to discuss the bullying he's been subject to, without letting the bullies know he's telling on them.
* TemptingFate: After [[http://notalwayslearning.com/baptism-of-fire-alarms/33661 this student]] complains to mom about the ridiculous number of fire alarms in the dorm (as no one seems to know how to use an oven), she replies, "Maybe it will be better this time." Cue three fire trucks, sirens wailing, headed toward the dorm.
* ThatCameOutWrong:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/keep-a-close-crotch-on-this-student/30921 Here]], in response to a hypothetical question about the use of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groin_%28hydrology%29 strips of land]] to prevent erosion, one student replies "[[GroinAttack I'd destroy his groin]]!"
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/lost-innuendo-translation/31542 This foreign student]] wanted to ask his teacher if he he could stay overnight for a study session. Unfortunately, what he said was "Can I… uhh… sleep… with you?", but the situation was defused quickly.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/doesnt-know-the-drill/32450 "I've been drilling him, and he’s been drilling me."]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/that-exam-was-easy-pee-sy/32597 "I'm actually still relieving myself right now!"]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/the-f-word-is-constitutional/32594 The F-word.]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/stark-naked-notes/33439 "I just got 'completely naked'"]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/being-a-good-spurt/33525 This doctor on sperm samples]] -- "Oh, these things come in spurts."
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/theyre-great-at-singing-the-crotchets/33524 A teacher when instructing a choir]] -- "Okay, lower lady parts!"
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/some-facts-can-just-bowel-you-over/34560 This girl about the small intestine]] -- "But there is no way a seven-meter-long thing fits in me!"
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/their-score-was-already-high-enough/34754 “I was on drugs…”]]
* ToiletHumor:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/americas-favorite-pastime/30185 Group poop.]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/a-bit-young-to-be-so-off-color/30187 This exchange.]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/lets-cut-the-clap/31273 An unintentional example]], thanks to JapaneseRanguage.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/sticking-with-answer-number-one/35071 ... and THEN pee in it!]]
* {{Troll}}:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/troll-hunting/33036 This one escaped the confines of the Internet.]]
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/blind-eye-to-the-blindside/33670 This one repeatedly insults another student in an effort to get the second student in trouble.]] When the second student finally snaps, the first student tattles. But despite the teacher being ''right there'' and looking in their direction, [[IllPretendIDidntHearThat the teacher saw nothing]].
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/barking-up-the-wrong-culinary-tree/35353 This guy giving a presentation on "Chinese Food".]]
* TrueArtIsIncomprehensible: [[invoked]] No matter what [[http://notalwayslearning.com/c-right-through-modern-art/33658 this art student]] does, whether it involves painstaking effort or just throwing together random junk, it gets a 'C' grade from the professor (with the "random junk" effort apparently falling into this trope). The student eventually changes majors.
* TwinTelepathy: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/not-of-one-mind-on-the-matter/33833 These students]], apparently. Their teacher requests that they be moved into separate classes so they can't cheat off each other.
* UngratefulBastard: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/cheated-at-his-own-game/32200 This 2nd-grade student]] asks the submitter for an answer on a test, and upon receiving it, then asks for the submitter's phone number so he can call his mother and tell her he cheated.
* UnsettlingGenderReveal: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/new-meaning-to-gender-displacement/33589 This girl]] does it to another group of girls who were infatuated with her.
* TheUnsmile: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/give-them-a-grinch-and-theyll-take-a-smile/35352 This person's "smile" manages to convince their band director that they're feeling sick.]]
* ViewersAreMorons:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/unintended-condescendences/31551 This teacher]] unfortunately goes beyond the assumption that students are ''ignorant'', and seems to operate under the assumption that students are ''stupid''.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/word-to-the-wise/35489 This teacher]] seems to operate under the same logic, having assumed that none of the students (Germans who are learning English) have ever heard an English word before entering his classroom, and as such throwing a fit when a student turns out to know most of the words in a poem without having to have looked them up as they were reading it.
* WalkingDisasterArea: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/perfect-accidental-timing/31925 This accident-prone student]]. The science teacher even has an XDaysSince sign in the lab, just for that student.
* WhosOnFirst: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/appropriate-applications-of-apathy/30594 "That was actually correct? Because I really don't care."]]
* WhyWeCantHaveNiceThings: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/b-is-for-blackmail/31563 This teacher]] stopped with bribing jokes after a certain incident.
* WorstAid:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/broken-armed-with-a-note/31628 Oh boy.]] A student breaks his arm, and the first thing three people do is ''physically test it to see how badly it's actually injured.'' Thankfully ''not'' repeated by the nurse, but seriously--a suspected broken arm ''should not'' be tested in that manner; doing so can make the injury far worse.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/doesnt-nose-what-she-is-doing/32108 This school nurse]]'s procedure for treating one student is very poor indeed.
** As is [[http://notalwayslearning.com/no-pain-no-gain/32277 this one's.]]
* WoundedGazelleGambit: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/a-touching-conclusion/31744 Attempted here]]. It eventually failed because witnesses came forward, and the guy who claimed he was touched [[HoistByHisOwnPetard got barred from a school trip--the same one he was trying to get the other guy barred from]].
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/witness-versus-witless/32271 This]] [[SarcasmMode charming]] girl plays this card after repeatedly abusing and threatening a handicapped girl and getting attacked by the aforementioned girl's friend. Thankfully, it didn't work.
* [[WritersCannotDoMath Students (And Sometimes Teachers) Cannot Do Math]]:
** First, a student example: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/i-sea-the-class-as-half-fool/30511 "I wish it was multiple choice. At least if there were four choices, I’d have a 50-50 chance of getting it right!"]]
** And now, a teacher example: [[http://notalwayslearning.com/calling-her-a-math-teacher-would-be-charitable/30927 …and only 45% of your parents in this class donated! That’s 65% that didn’t donate!]] Judging from the dead silence that followed, even the ''students'' recognized this teacher's failure to CarryTheOne (well, in reverse, but you get the idea). Good thing she doesn't teach math.
* YouAreNotAlone: The basis of [[http://notalwayslearning.com/how-to-combat-the-bullying-a-gender/32065 this story]]. A transwoman ducks into the girl's locker room to evade some bullies. The gym teacher fends the bullies off, and says that she considers the student one of them, a sentiment shared by the girls in the locker room. Furthermore, she allows her to hide in the room as a refuge should more troubles occur.
* YouKeepUsingThatWord:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/putting-the-egg-in-v-egg-ie/30651 This student]], [[HypocriticalHumor despite claiming to be a nutrition major]], doesn't seem to know what the word "vegan" entails. As the confusion seems to be combined with a misconception as to what is and is not an animal product, it also falls under ArtisticLicenseBiology.
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/youre-on-the-right-track-baby/30719 A young student]] objects to another person's use of "gay" (as a derogatory term along the lines of "stupid" or "annoying") along these lines. [[http://notalwayslearning.com/straight-talking-on-not-so-straight-walking/32727 Also here]].
* YouMakeMeSic:
** [[http://notalwayslearning.com/graffiti-has-nothing-on-grammar/31118 We need people like these on Internet forums.]]
** Inverted [[http://notalwayslearning.com/country-grammar/31170 here]], where a teacher is "corrected" on grammar--well, it ''is'' the common usage in the Southern U.S., but the teacher's use of "you" instead of "y'all" (for addressing multiple people) is ''not'' incorrect.
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Not Always Friendly]]
* ADateWithRosiePalms: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/a-supercharged-superstorm/35324 The most important thing during a disaster]].
* AdaptationDisplacement: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/books-can-run-rings-around-movies/31717 This person]] didn't realize ''Film/TheLordOfTheRings'' started out as [[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings a book]].
** Similarly: "Literature/JamesBond [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/shaken-by-a-stirring-revelation/34684 is in books?!"]]
* AskAStupidQuestion: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/some-friends-have-the-patience-of-a-saint/33570 "What's a saint? Are they people who work for Satan or something?"]]
* BeliefMakesYouStupid:
** [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/they-were-saved/34079 Enough so to]] ''intentionally'' endanger three lives to prove that God would save them, apparently forgetting about the part in the Bible where is says "thou shalt not put the Lord thy God to the test", and then [[UngratefulBastard chewing out and threatening the good Samaritans that saved their lives]]. If the husband's comment that he ''wants'' the police to lock her up for it is any indication, this is just the tipping point in a long list of events like this - the story ends with the reveal that he divorced her at some point around the same time she went to jail over this incident.
** Will somebody please explain what "bearing false witness against thy neighbor" is [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/a-sin-ple-explanation/34539 to this lady?]] She grills people in her church on seemingly random questions based on her warped view on who a "real" Christian is, and if they didn't fit, she'd make up a ridiculous excuse to get them thrown out.
** [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/theocracy-hypocrisy/34747 For this person]], anything and everything any non-Christian talks about [[FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence can and will offend her beliefs]]. Her forcing her own beliefs on everyone else for three years, though, is perfectly fine.
* BuffySpeak: "I used [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/talking-total-bolado/34097 the Salvadorian word for 'thingamajig'.]]"
* ComicallyMissingThePoint: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/its-hard-work-when-youre-hardly-working/25838 This friend]], who doesn't want to work while at work.
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment: Spring a surprise visit on your friend? He'll greet you... [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/get-out-of-town/34511 with a very large super-soaker!]]
* DisproportionateRetribution: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/dishing-the-dirty-dishes/34991 This person's roommate]] moves out without a word (potentially causing money issues) because the writer of the story changed the wifi password in response to her refusing to do the dishes to the point they were growing moldy.
* DoesThisMakeMeLookFat:
** [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/no-dressing-up-her-honesty/33842 “No! YOU make dress look fat!]] Dress make you look purple.”
** [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/the-wide-bride-divide/33572 This shallow lady]] promised her friends they'd all get to be bridesmaids for her wedding, then deliberately "forgot" to invite the ones that were skinnier or prettier than her.
* DopeSlap: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/not-so-merry-men/34902 This one,]] for thinking that Errol Flynn was in ''Film/RobinHoodMenInTights''.
* EngagingConversation: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/boy-meets-girl-literally/34564 Here]].
* EvilIsPetty: Invoked [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/finish-his-plate-in-less-than-12-parsnips/34081 here]] -- a person dressed up as [[AntiVillain Darth Vader]] tells a boy to not eat his vegetables, and when questioned later as to why, another member of the group points out that they ''are'' evil.
* TheFriendNobodyLikes: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/toying-with-the-annoying/35513 "If you feel that way, why don’t you just stop being friends with him?"]]
* FromTheMouthsOfBabes:
** [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/barbed-barbie-comments/34088 "Better my Barbie looks like a boy than a slut like yours."]]
** [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/found-in-translation/34512 This little girl]] wants to give the car of a housemate who ReallyGetsAround a name, and says that it should be named "Puta" (Spanish for Whore), and her friend quotes the trope name verbatim in response.
* GenderBlenderName: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/barking-up-the-wrong-family-tree/34986 This one.]] Awkward...
* GirlsAreReallyScaredOfHorrorMovies: Invoked but subverted in [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/the-hungry-dead/33867 this story.]] One of the guys asks the only girl in the room how she can eat after watching ''Series/TheWalkingDead'', but it seems like he's more squicked than she is.
-->"[[InappropriateHunger Doesn't that look like sausage links to you?]]"
* HonoraryUncle: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/cool-uncles-are-a-hit/33869 This guy]] declares himself uncle to a younger friend, lets her borrow his car for dates, and tells her to threaten any unruly boyfriends with her uncle's wrath.
* HypocriticalHumor:
** [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/skipped-the-last-couple-commandments/34099 This Christian person]] castigates a non-religious neighbor for performing minor physical labor on Good Friday, [[FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence because someone else not following his beliefs is inconsiderate to him]]. The submitter counters by asking if, following this logic, he honors Muslim religious holidays so as not to be inconsiderate towards them, and is met with a screamed [[ItsAllAboutMe "BURN IN HELL!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/coffee-is-good-as-there-is-no-proof/34510 One roommate tells another,]] "You shouldn't drink so much coffee. That s***'s like poison, it'll kill you." She then drinks straight out of the bottle of vodka she's holding.
** [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/wasnt-expecting-that-twist/35246 A person]] who thinks roller coasters are dangerous wants to chase tornadoes when they're older.
** [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/steel-yourself-for-some-stealing/35308 This elderly lady]] refuses to accept a subway ticket as a gift from a total stranger because she thinks that would be "stealing" from them. She is instead intent on sneaking into the subway train behind that stranger, which actually ''is'' a crime. As the submitter actually has to point out to her, "You're a Christian and you don't want me to make(sic) a good deed?"
** [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/irony-is-effortless/34501 "It's funny. In being lazy, I actually did something that required more effort."]]
* IdenticalLookingAsians: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/a-sister-act/34738 These two]] decide to mess with a kid who thinks this.
* ImplausibleDeniability: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/finally-got-to-dish-the-dirt/34592 This reprehensible roommate]] ate from her absent roommates' dishes so it would look like they were the ones leaving dirty dishes in the sink, not her.
* {{Jerkass}}:
** [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/divorce-followed-by-a-break-up/34102 This girl]] suggests that her boyfriend should let his friend kill herself over a divorce, because she personally does not get why it's such a big deal and as such is assuming said friend is an attention whore. Her boyfriend [[TrueCompanions is not at all amused]], and [[LaserGuidedKarma dumps her on the spot]].
** [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/a-time-for-giving-only/34498 This whole family]] thinks it's "rude" that the only thing their friend could afford to give them for Christmas was a huge basket of sweets. The fact that they have ''never once'' given that friend a gift in return, though, even after telling him of the many, many expensive things they got themselves? [[ItsAllAboutMe Nah, that's okay.]]
* LaboriousLaziness: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/irony-is-effortless/34501 At least they realize it.]]
* LaserGuidedKarma: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/this-just-got-personal/34026 This woman]] assumed a caller was a telemarketer, yelled at them to be taken off the list... and then wondered why she wasn't invited to her best friend's party.
--> "Sorry, I took you off my list."
* ManInAKilt: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/doesnt-believe-in-skirting-around-the-issue/34773 This guy.]]
-->'''Woman''': People need to realize that celebrities are regular people. They put their pants on one leg at a time like everyone else.\\
'''Man''': ''(wearing a kilt, just passing by)'' I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t put pants on in years.
* MouthfulOfPi: How many digits do [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/friends-for-life-of-pi/35199 these two]] ''know?''
* MushroomSamba: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/your-friends-are-your-best-anti-drug-campaign/33784 Here]] is an example of use of an unspecified hallucinogenic substances that causes somebody to believe there are zombies after them.
* NoPeriodsPeriod: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/complimentary-tampons/34024 This poster]] tries to explain earplugs to her temporary roommate by using tampons as an example, completely forgetting that her roommate [[{{Transsexual}} has never had occasion to use tampons]].
* NoTrueScotsman: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/a-sin-ple-explanation/34539 This lady]] seems to think that she is the sole authority on what is Christian and what is not. Anyone who does not fall into her (from what we're shown, very warped) idea of what is Christian, she will make up wild stories about to get them banned from the church - in the submitter's case, she claimed they told her they were a Satanist, [[FelonyMisdemeanor because they happened to have been born on Christmas Day]]. [[HoistByHisOwnPetard She ends up being the one banned from the church]], presumably because she blatantly ignored that Commandment against bearing false witness--one too many times, if the usher's reaction is any indication.
* OrphanedPunchline: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/atm-is-a-hamburglar/34483 The end result of this story]].
* ReflexiveResponse: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/receiving-a-habitual-dressing-down/33843 This woman]], who is apparently so used to negative commentary about her multiple tattoos and piercings that she responds negatively to a compliment before realizing what the other person said.
* ShoutOut: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/far-too-blues-collared-to-get-it/34765 This person]] thinks a friend of theirs just admitted to being a smoker; the submitter assures her he did not, after guessing that said friend also said something about [[Film/TheBluesBrothers it being dark and him wearing sunglasses]].
** [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/humanity-is-a-bit-smudged/35449 This story,]] intentionally or otherwise, is reminiscent of [[http://youtu.be/m-xigtYlm3E a particular scene]] from AttackOnTitan.
* SkewedPriorities: "[[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/cant-afford-a-new-lease-of-life/34885 You're letting [your mom's cancer] ruin your life!]]"
* {{Speaks Fluent|Animal}} CrazyHomelessPeople: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/i-have-no-words/33796 This girl]].
* StayInTheKitchen:
** [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/the-joke-is-on-him/34343 This guy]] ''really'' doesn't want to accept the fact that there are female ''Franchise/{{Batman}}'' fans out there. Even when she proves she knows more about the series than he does, and even after his friend calls him an asshole over it, he still continues insisting that the submitter is a "fake" geek. Somehow.
** [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/not-built-like-a-tank-but-can-carry-one/34563 This guy]] refuses to accept that a woman is not having any trouble carrying a ten-gallon fish tank and, even after she repeatedly tells him it's fine, forcibly takes it from her - only to immediately drop and shatter it because it's too heavy for him. When said woman and her boyfriend find him and force him to pay for a replacement, he only gets her a five-gallon one, saying "[[NeverMyFault maybe you won't drop it this time]]".
* StrangeMindsThinkAlike: "[[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/they-swear-by-each-other/34242 F***!]]"
* UngratefulBastard: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/homeless-not-opinion-less/35185 It seems that beggars can be choosers]]
* WhyDidItHaveToBeSnakes: Or, [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/true-friends-are-nothing-to-fear/33858 in this case]], puppets, birds, and running water.
* WorstAid: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/pleased-as-punch-with-their-ability/35257 This friend]] attempts to help the choking narrator by ''punching her in the back''. Despite having been recently taught the proper way to assist a choking victim.
* YouAreNotAlone: The above story about phobias -- the woman is ashamed of her reaction to the puppeteer on TV, until her husband's friends relate their own phobias to her and reassure her that she's not weird.
* YouMakeMeSic: [[http://notalwaysfriendly.com/theyd-had-a-friendship-of-note/33560 This person]] annoys an ex-friend by correcting a poorly-written, insulting note.
[[/folder]]

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