[[quoteright:171:http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/actsofgord_5064.jpg]]

Gord is a local deity. Very local. He's a regular guy who owns a game store, and that makes him God over that store and its customers. Well, technically no one ever claim that Gord would be a god; it's just that the whole story of how he's running the store and deals with all kinds of moronic customers is written in the form of scripture. The nickname "Gord" helps as well.

'''[[http://www.actsofgord.com/ Acts of Gord]]''' is an archive of true anecdotes about the Gamer's Edge VideoGame shop in Penticton, British Columbia, Canada. Basically, this site is a mix of sarcastic storytelling and a Website/NotAlwaysRight focused on the rise and fall of a single retail establishment.

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!!Acts of Gord provides examples of the following tropes:

* AnimationAgeGhetto: There is [[http://www.actsofgord.com/Chronicles/chapter12.php one section]] where this happens. Two children try to rent an anime named ''Anime/NinjaScroll'' that, due to its nature, is not a "family film". So thus he has to allow the kids' dad to come in to rent the film and he complains about having to come in "just so they could rent a cartoon". [[SocietyIsToBlame Then he comes back and yells at Gord for renting pornography to his kids.]] [[invoked]]
* {{Badass}}: The Gord, anytime he chases down thieves and other jackasses.
* BittersweetEnding: The end of the Apocalypse Book. Despite the victory, Gord hasn't returned to the game-retailer world since, leaving only what's written on the site. On the other hand, Gord seems to be very happy with his new life.
* BullyingADragon: The FIFA kid, who learned the hard way that stealing from, then picking fights with, two guys who are twice your size (and adults) isn't a good idea.
* CanadaEh: Mentions the Boxing Day sale.
* CatchPhrase:
** "Some people's children!"
** "Door's to your left."
* ClusterFBomb: Oddity -- [[http://www.actsofgord.com/Annoy/chapter23.php a parent]] on how the profanity in ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAuto'' is a bad thing.
* ComicallyMissingThePoint: "[[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment The Gord often wonders why people threaten to never come back after they've been told never to return.]]"
* CurbStompBattle: Gord towards pretty much every thief or jerkass that tries to take him on.
* DanBrowned: Most of the "Proclamations," i.e., "ConsoleWars" section.
* DeadpanSnarker: Take a guess.
* DefeatMeansFriendship: The Thief from ''Villainy'' ch. 3. Gord allowed him to pay (the exorbitantly marked up thief-bait price) for the game he stole, rather than press charges, and the Thief, [[UnreliableNarrator impressed by Gord's mercy, evidently,]] became a regular (and proper) customer.
* DoWrongRight: [[http://www.actsofgord.com/Villainy/chapter01.php If you're going to steal games, at least steal good games!]]
* FacePalm: Each page is illustrated with a facepalming Gord, each with a different complaint about stupid customers. See page illustration above for one example.
* FreakOut: Some customers seem to do this over the tiniest things.
* {{God}}: Gord
* [[AGodAmI A Gord Am I]]: This is how the site is written.
* InsaneTrollLogic: Gord has to contend with this on a regular basis.
* IResembleThatRemark: In ''[[http://www.actsofgord.com/Annoy/chapter23.php Acts of Gord, Book of Annoyances, Chapter 23]]'', a reporter asks Gord, the owner of a video game store, for a quote for the front page of the newspaper, pertaining to video game violence and its impact on society. Gord replies, "Video games don't make people more violent, and I'll kill anyone who disagrees." After a dramatic pause, the reporter replies that he doesn't think his editor can print that.
* OnlySaneMan: Gord and his coworkers seem to be this for the city of Penticton, judging by the huge amount of idiots/lunatics/criminals that come into the store.
* TheQuisling: The Guardian
* SchmuckBait:
** On numerous occasions, Gord would price crappy games higher than they were worth, or place broken hardware in tantalizing places, just to see if someone would steal them.
** Another favorite pastime of Gord's is to take old crappy games and tag them with a sign that says, "Hey, I suck! Buy me!" The author notes with amusement that any game the sign is placed on sells out within a couple of days.
** The most obvious piece of bait was a [[http://www.actsofgord.com/Wrath/chapter02.php completely inoperable PS1]] complete with a note in place of the laser assembly mockingly "congratulating" would-be thieves on stealing broken PS1, which the employees "enshrined" in old PlayStation boxes just outside the store, with a little sign saying "Please don't steal me. You're being watched. -Mgnt." Only one person picked up the console, and [[GenreSavvy quickly set it back down before running off]].
** Then there was the [[http://www.actsofgord.com/Wrath/chapter03.php broken GameShark]] that he deliberately positioned to be an incredibly easy target for shoplifters - anyone who stole it and actually used it would get a blown out expansion port for their efforts. [[XanatosGambit The next week saw a sudden influx in consoles needing repaired expansion ports]], profit!
** Another was planned involving a booby-trapped ''VideoGame/{{GoldenEye|1997}} 007'' cartridge that would destroy any N64 that tried to run it with a 50000 electric charge, but the screwdriver set the Gord needed to open it didn't arrive in time.
* ScrewThisImOuttaHere: The most common ending has the would-be customer/thief storm out of the store.
* SecondPlaceIsForLosers:
-->"And the winner of the tournament won the controllers that were opened for the tournament (worth $80), and $20 in cash. Second place was a can of coke and an autographed picture of Gord. Third place was $20.\\
The Gord likes to remind people that second place is just the first loser."
* ShoutOut:
** To [[Series/MarriedWithChildren Al Bundy]] in [[http://www.actsofgord.com/Vengeance/chapter05.php this Vengeance story]].
** Gord also took inspiration from Al Bundy in [[http://www.actsofgord.com/Chronicles/chapter35.php planning a "vacation"]].
** The usually facepalming image of Gord drawn like [[ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes Calvin]].
* SoBadItsGood: [[invoked]] [[http://www.actsofgord.com/Chronicles/chapter37.php Chronicles 37]] gives us the game ''Fox Hunt'' which is so bad Gord has wrapped it in masking tape and written "WARNING: DO NOT PLAY" on it. A curious customer takes the game and plays it anyway, and has this reaction.
-->"Gord, this game is so bad it's sweet! Why didn't you tell us about it earlier!"
* StealthInsult: ''[[http://www.actsofgord.com/Annoy/ Book of Annoyances]], [[http://www.actsofgord.com/Annoy/chapter03.php Chapter 3]]'';
-->'''Gord:''' I'm sorry, I'm afraid I subscribe to the theory of intellectual osmosis. As such, I must now cease our conversation and move away from you before my intelligence begins to drop. Good day.
:: The beauty of that is that another costumer had to explain to the guy what he meant.
* TakingYouWithMe: When his store was being closed and robbed, Gord robbed ''himself''.
* ThatCameOutWrong:
-->'''Gord:''' Talking to a person about being into the hardcore gaming scene is completely different than talking to them about the hardcore anime scene. In future, I must find a new adjective.\\\
And do not, I repeat, do not say "if she is really into the hardcore anime scene, I can get import [=DVDs=] from Japan and Hong Kong" when I'm talking to a 14-year-old girl's mother.\\\
Further notation: Do not attempt to salvage this by then saying "I mean, I can get DVD's from Japan that you can't get here."\\\
Next time, say "really likes anime" and "can get [=DVDs=] not on sale here yet."
* TooDumbToLive: More than a few of Gord's customers. Special mention goes to the "[[http://www.actsofgord.com/Villainy/chapter04.php Hey... FIFA.]]" kid and the guy who used Gord as a work reference despite never working there and having never returned games he rented.
* {{Troll}}: Gord is fond of trolling the ''hell'' out of people who annoy him enough. To be fair, they pretty much always deserve it. ''[[http://www.actsofgord.com/Victory/chapter01.php The Book of Victory]]'' is probably the best example; specifically when he tricks a truly fucknets crazy woman into [[TooDumbToLive ringing his store number to complain to a nonexistant "Bureau of Video Games and Customer Service"]] and proceeds to [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech tell her exactly what he thinks of her.]]
* UnreliableNarrator: Don't take the site ''too'' seriously.
* WhatCouldHaveBeen: [[http://www.actsofgord.com/Wrath/chapter04.php Gord had planned another thief trap, which was a ''[=GoldenEye=] 007'' cartridge that had been horribly mistreated, dirtied and badly cleaned by its past owner. Gord had planned to rig up a load of capacitors that would charge and discharge 50000 volts of electricity, in the same manner as a taser, into the N64 that was unfortunate enough to run it, destroying it from the inside. After setting it up the death cart would have been left on the counter to be stolen.]] Sadly the plan never came to fruition as the screwdriver set the Gord needed to open the N64 cart didn't arrive in time before he departed overseas.
* WhatDoYouMeanItsNotForKids: See AnimationAgeGhetto above. [[invoked]]
* WouldNotHitAGirl: In ''[[http://www.actsofgord.com/Villainy/chapter09.php The Book of Villainy, Chapter 9]]'', Gord decides that his CurbStompBattle approach to handling shoplifters won't be the right way to deal with a 15-year-old girl.
* XDaysSince: In one of the stories, he comes up with the idea of having an "[[http://www.actsofgord.com/Wrath/chapter01.php X days since I've had to deal with an idiot]]" sign. The idea being that while dealing with an idiot, he would sigh and flip it back to 0, right in front of them. He hoped the customer would be offended enough to leave.
* YouMakeMeSic: "The Gord" does this whenever someone gives him a CV. [[http://www.actsofgord.com/Annoy/chapter11.php An example (about halfway down)]].

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