Two Lumps is a webcomic about two purebred Russian Blue cats. Ebenezer Dusk, Esq. (usually referred to as "Eben" or "Benny"), is a scholarly cat with a never-fully-described position in the feline conspiracy to take over the world. His brother Snooch is overweight and not exactly bright, but gets a great deal of enjoyment out of life (aided by large quantities of alcohol). The two cats live with "Mom," their human [[strike: owner]] provider of food and attention.

The comic is written by Mel Hynes, and drawn by James Grant. It was inspired by Mel's two purebred Russian Blue cats, Raistlin and Caramon (named for the Literature/{{Dragonlance}} characters -- three guesses why they were renamed for the comic). It updates three times per week, and can be found [[http://www.twolumps.net/ here]].

''Please note: a March 2023 hosting change has broken many of these links.''
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!! This webcomic contains examples of:

%%* AndIMustScream: Snootch's [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20120910/ second brain]], possibly.
* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking: In [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20140602/ this]] strip, Eben's reaction to Snooch's scream is, "WHAT?! FIRE! LOCUSTS! BRITISH LOYALISTS!"
* BrainBleach: A vodka variant followed [[http://twolumps.net/comic/20120810/ one Olympics event]]:
-->'''Snooch:''' Th' Men's Volleyball Teams're wearin' th' same uniforms azza Women's. [[FanDisservice It wuz Italy vs Greece]]...
* BrandX:
** Eben wears "Squishypaws" (real product is [=SoftPaws=]) to minimize claw damage to furniture.
** One story arc involved the cats' human "Mom" getting a [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20050321/ "uRobot"]] (Roomba).
%%* BrickJoke: From the [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20040316/ first comic]]. Comes up again on the [[http://twolumps.net/comic/20050316/ first anniversary]].
%%* CallBack: [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20201102/ This 2020 strip]] has one to [[http://www.twolumps.net/d/20060728.html one from 2006]].
%%* TheCasanova: Eben thinks he qualifies. [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20050518/ Nightmare]] disagrees.
%%** [[{{Tsundere}} Unless, of course]] [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20050606/ no one's looking]]
%%* CatsAreMean: Eben, frequently.
%%* {{Cloudcuckoolander}}: Snooch
* ConeOfShame: Snooch has to wear a cone at one point and decides to use it as a megaphone.
%%* DeadpanSnarker: Eben.
* [[DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu Did You Just Pee On Cthulhu]]: See the third entry under Eldritch Abomination.
* EldritchAbomination: Automatic litter boxes possessed by demons, a gate to the ''Franchise/SilentHill'' world in the bathroom of their new home, a new mop that's a Cthuloid critter in disguise ....
* EvenEvilHasStandards: The [[WebVideo/DrHorriblesSingAlongBlog Dr. Hairiball]] parody arc combines this with EvilLawyerJoke when the Council of Bad Cats emails Eben/Dr. Hairiball telling him to rename his Febreeze Ray to avoid copyright infringement.
-->'''Eben''': The Council is afraid of COPYRIGHT LAWYERS?!\\
'''Council''': (via computer) Hey, we're merely EVIL. They're SCARY.
* ExtremeOmnivore: Snooch, sometimes deliberately, sometimes by accident. Among the things he's consumed are ([[LongList in alphabetical order]]):
** [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20060213/ Baby powder]],
** [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20060301/ A bowl of change]],
** [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20040405/ Cement]],
** [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20050617/ Chess pieces]] (specifically, two pawns and a bishop),
** [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20040818/ A credit card]]
** [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20051118/ Dirt]],
** [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20050704/ Fireworks]][[note]]Black Cat is a brand of fireworks[[/note]],
** [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20050627/ A flashlight]],
** [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20060428/ A Kotex pad]],
** [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20080303/ Mentholated Chest Rub]]
** [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20050624/ A mothball]],
** [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20060227/ Scented candles]]
** [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20071019/ A urinal cake]]
* TheFaceless: Most humans ("Mom" in particular) appear either from the knees down or as voices issuing from off-panel.
* FluffyCloudHeaven: A [[http://twolumps.net/comic/20110624/ tribute comic]] after "Eben's" death.
* FreakyFridayFlip: In a late 2014 story arc, the two cats wake up to find themselves in each other's body.
* GratuitousJapanese: Neither Mel nor James know what the kanji that shows up on occasion means.
* HulkSpeak: Eben resorts to this to sum up the "moving day" story arc to Snooch:
-->'''Snooch''': Big words?\\
'''Eben''': Sorry. Ahem. WE LIVE HERE NOW. ME ANGRY. ME GOING TO PEE ON EVERYTHING.
* IReadItForTheArticles: Eben's justification for reading [[http://www.catchannel.com/magazines/catfancy/default.aspx "Cat Fancy"]].
* IncrediblyLamePun: Both the cats pull these on a regular basis.
* ItTastesLikeFeet: Baby powder does not taste like real babies, evidently.
* LethalChef: Not that either of them cooks often, but do we even ''want'' to know why Snooch's recipe for brownies includes [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20060529/ mustard]] and [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20060531/ garlic]]?
* LongRunner: 19 years and counting.
* MajorGeneralSong: [[http://twolumps.net/comic/20060925/ I am the very model of a shedding individual...]]
* MobileFishbowl: The Angry Fish goes after Snooch with a water-filled (and bubble-topped) tank.
* OhMyGods: "Great Bast!" among many, ''many'' others.
** including [[Literature/{{Discworld}} "by Offler's impacted bowels" and "for the love of Blind Io"]]
* PaintingTheMedium: The StrawmanPolitical goldfish's speech is rendered in military-style stencils.
* PlayingSick: During a flashback sequence, kitten-Eben gets sick shortly after he and kitten-Snooch are adopted. [[note]] Which actually happened to both of the RealLife cats.[[/note]] Once Snooch finds out that his brother is being given pureed chicken to encourage him to eat, he immediately fakes the same symptoms.
* TheScreamParody: [[http://twolumps.net/comic/20050801/ One strip]] recreates the scene when the cats find out that the apartment has been stripped bare, even of food.
* ShoutOut: At one point Eben and Snooch encountered a street cat named Tasselhoff, a reference to ''Literature/{{Dragonlance}}'' (and the origin of the real-life cats' names).
** One pre-Thanksgiving strip parodied Jimmy [=McMillan=] when Snooch went looking for ice cream, only to discover that the freezer was instead filled with a certain kind of pastry:
--->'''Snooch''': The contents... of this freezer... are TOO DAMN PIE!
** And [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20061009/ this page]] is the ultimate shout out to ''Film/{{Labyrinth}}'' with Sarah's famous monologue ...
---> '''Eben''' : Through vaccinations untold and temperature takings unnumbered....
** Snooch goes [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20120402/ mayfly hunting]] with a cry of [[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer40000}} Blood For The Blood Gods!]]
** Archie seems to be fond of [[Series/CSIMiami David Caruso-style]] "[[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20141017/ don sunglasses and quip]]"
** Snooch calls tech support for a problem with the computer and gets [[http://www.twolumps.net/d/20080404.html Greg]] from ''WebComic/UserFriendly''.
** "[[http://twolumps.net/comic/20201030/ It's a lovely morning in the bathtub]], [[VideoGame/UntitledGooseGame and we are horrible]] [[spoiler:[[VideoGame/UntitledGooseGame ducks]]]]."
** After "Mom" [[https://twolumps.net/comic/20210604/ locks up the cat treats and food]] in a high cabinet, Snooch tries to find the magic words that will make them bust down the doors by yelling "Hocus Pocus! [[Literature/HarryPotter Accio]] gooshyfood! Fetch! [[Franchise/MortalKombat Get over here!]]" Eben asks if he's tried "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ar6xC8KM-jk Hey, Kool-Aid!]]"
** Nightmare threatens to neuter Eben (who's hitting on her) [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20050520/ here]] if he doesn't "cool it with the [[Music/StrayCats Stray Cat Strut]]."
* StrawmanPolitical: The household recently acquired [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20101015/ a goldfish]] that speaks almost entirely in stereotyped right-wing rhetoric.
* TakeThat: A FillerStrip [[http://www.twolumps.net/comic/20050513/ jab]] at Megatokyo, and the occasional poke at ComicStrip/{{Garfield}} in earlier strips.
** They've also made jabs at Webcomic/DinosaurComics.
%%* ThoughtBubbleSpeech
* TongueOnTheFlagpole: Snooch manages to do this with a [[http://twolumps.net/comic/20050107/ metal window frame]].
* VisualPun The goldfish adds tank treads and a turret to his fishbowl at one point, turning it into a Fish [[TankGoodness Tank]].
* WholePlotReference: They've done arcs based on:
** ''[[YetAnotherChristmasCarol A Christmas Carol]]''
** ''[[OffToSeeTheWizard Wizard of Oz]]''
** ''Literature/AliceInWonderland''
** ''Literature/TheCaskOfAmontillado''
** ''[[Literature/TheHungerGames The Hunger Games]]''
** ''Literature/TheShining''
** ''Literature/TwasTheNightBeforeChristmas''
** ''WebVideo/DrHorriblesSingAlongBlog''
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