->''"I'm not a fighter. I'm not an adventurer or a thief or a treasure hunter. I am a '''librarian'''! Hidden amongst the stacks of the greatest library in the world, there are many secrets to be found..."''

Derek the Bard is the keeper of the greatest library in the world. Here, he shares his findings from the bottom of the stacks, reviewing strange, odd, and awful novels.

Can be found [[http://chasingthemuse.blip.tv/ here]] on {{Reviewtopia}}, and on {{Geekvision}}.
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!!Tropes in Warning! Readers' Advisory:

* ActingForTwo: Or four or five.
** In Cloak & Dagger, the same actor plays both David's hallucinatory mentor Jack Flack and David's father. This never has any attention drawn to it in the movie.
* AdaptationExpansion: Expanding on Buenos Aires' destruction in the ''Film/StarshipTroopers'' movie.
* ADayInTheLimelight: Episode 27 puts a spotlight on the side characters of Nachzehrer, Herr Doktor Innis, the Red Chef, and Great Cthulhu.
* AdBumper: Conan: The Adventurer has the best ad bumpers in cartoon history.
* AdultsAreUseless: In Cloak & Dagger, the adults either just don't understand, or are actively evil and plotting against the children.
* AffablyEvil: Shewan Khan may plan to MindRape the world into submission and rule the planet, but he politely compliments Lamont Cranston's outfit. Plus, he's an admirer of Cranston's mentor and offers him a chance [[WeCanRuleTogether to join him in world domination via brainwashing.]]
* AnAesop: One of the ''WesternAnimation/{{Visionaries}}''' powers is... to summon an owl that will [[WhatKindofLamePowerisHeartAnyway tell them the aesop of the episode]].
* AndIMustScream: Matt Frewer's state in the ''GenerationX'' movie, after the dream machine is unplugged.
* {{Angrish}}: The Bard is stunned into a nonverbal state after reading ''CrookedLittleVein''.
** Also devolves into Angrish in rage over Orphans of Chaos.
** And in Troy... where he reviews the movie in a Red Lantern Rage.
*** "TROOOOOOOOOOOOOOY!!"
** TheFilmRenegado devolves into Angrish during Monsters, where the characters randomly find an undiscovered {{Mayincatec}} pyramid at the US border.
** A large part of the Princess of Mars review is composed of Angrish.
* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking: "I let you have porn! Why is The Omega here? WHAT'S THIS LOBSTER DOING HERE?"
* YouFailBiologyForever:
** The writer of G-8.
** Apparently being bitten by nuclear snakes means the venom from the snakes bonds to one's T-cells and alters their genetics so they turn into snakes with whole brains and scales and everything. Oh, Curse II.
* ArtisticLicenseHistory: The guy from Witchboard claims that ouija boards have been used since 540 BC. They weren't invented until the late 1800s, as [[ShownTheirWork the Bard is quick to point out]].
* ArousedByTheirVoice: The Toxic Avenger's voice, post-transformation.
--> "I'm not gay... but I'd fuck that voice."
** Funny version: Lloyd Kaufman himself complimented the Bard on his voice.
* AuthorAppeal: Blue Oyster Cult, {{Tabletop Game}}s
* AuthorFilibuster: Monsters. The plot is blah blah blah US foreign policy blah blah immigration blah blah blah. Oh, and somewhere in the background, there are Cthulhu elephants wrecking Mexico, but that's not important.
* AwesomeMcCoolname: DEATH HAWKINS, one of the Spider's undercover aliases.
* BaconAddiction: [[{{Jesus}} Joshua]], of all people, in Lamb.
* BadassBookworm
* BadassCreed: The opening narration. Also recites the [[Franchise/TheDarkTower Gunslinger's Creed]] in episode 5.
** Recites the [[ASongOfIceAndFire Night Watch oath]] in episode 12
** And a couple of different Lantern oaths--the classic Green Lantern oath in episode 19, the Red Lantern oath in episode 20
* BadassInANiceSuit: The Shadow, the Spider. And Shewan Khan, who shows up later wearing the exact same suit.
* BadSanta: Sinterklaas in Sint... who is not a kindly bishop with punisher-elves following him around, but a violent zombie pirate who beheads people with his crozier. And has zombie pirate punisher-elves following him around.
* BattleCouple: The Spider and his wife (later nicknamed the Black Widow).
* BeardofEvil: This is what happens to the werewolf characters in Wolf--they grow really furry mutton-chops and beards, rather than turning into real wolves.
* BecauseDestinySaysSo: The recurring theme of SF Shinseiki Lensman, much to the Bard's annoyance.
* BeethovenWasAnAlienSpy: Nikola Tesla and Carl Sagan are among the science-heroes appearing in Atomic Robo to battle evil.
* BerserkButton: Damaged library books; stupid weaknesses; people trying to steal from, infiltrate, or otherwise harm the Library; AdaptationDecay; ridiculous gadgets in spy movies; deus ex machina abuse; lazy writing; random katanas
** "HEY DEREK GUESS WHAT" Just...try saying it to him. Go ahead. I'll be over here, laughing.
** Don't trash information science! It's just as SCIENCEY as any other science!
** Early on, he had a two-part vlog of the anti-G20 protests that came to Toronto. Part 2 begins with a 8 1/2 minute long rant against the Black Bloc protesters who caused chaos and broke store windows.
* BigBad: The Collector
* BigCreepyCrawlies:
** The giant bee monster in The Bumble Beast.
** Mars is largely populated by them, and the inhabitants use them for everything from gladitorial games to transport to yogurt dispensers.
* BigDamnHeroes: Carl Sagan (of all people!) in Atomic Robo and the Shadow From Beyond Time.
* BilingualBonus: In the Toxic Avenger review, [[TheFilmRenegado Film Renegado]] appears and rants in Spanish. It's subtitled "I love the Monster Hero!" What he's really saying is... not so much.
* BloodyHilarious: Several incidents in ''TheToxicAvenger''... except for the deep fryer scene.
* BoringInvincibleHero: G-8... who kicks all kind of ass throughout The Skies of Yellow Death and doesn't seem to even take much notice of the fact that he has life-threatening pneumonia.
* BoringReturnJourney: Basically the plot of Monsters.
* BorrowedCatchphrase: [[WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall BECAUSE POOR LITERACY IS KEWL!!]]
** [[Franchise/ConantheBarbarian BY CROM!!]]
** [[WebVideo/ObscurusLupa DERPTY-DOO!]]
* BrainFood: The Brain Bug thinks for its species. It also eats brains.
* BreadEggsBreadedEggs: He describes ''Series/KamenRiderGaim'' as being about "fruit, samurai, and fruit samurai".
* BreakingTheFourthWall: The side-characters all do it in episode 27.
** In Fable: Teeth of Beasts, Lilith Noir's adventures lead her to... the narrator?!
* BreatherEpisode: License to Kill, from the trying and plot heavy episodes that came before.
** The Generation X review
** A special short episode in which he reads a children's book about books.
* BroomstickQuarterstaff: The Spider uses one to beat up giant wolves in New York City.
* BugWar: The trope namer itself--Starship Troopers.
* ByTheBookCop: The random 80s cop wandering around through Witchboard. The Bard calls him a reject from Last Action Hero.
** By the book, but his detective work could use some, well, work.
* CacophonyCoverUp: The Omega comes running down the hall, screaming about trolls, [[spoiler:giving DiamandaHagan the opportunity to thump the Bard with Mjolnir and drag him away for genetic harvesting.]]
* CallBack: The Bard theorizes that Nikola Tesla hates Thomas Edison because Edison invented the Death Machine (as seen in a prior episode of the show).
* TheCallKnowsWhereYouLive: After the Lensman anime review, the Bard teleports to Bermuda... only to be found two episodes later and given another terrible book to review.
* TheCameo: Several -- from WebVideo/DiamandaHagan to WebVideo/ObscurusLupa to the main researcher for [[WebVideo/WhatTheFuckIsWrongWithYou Nash's]] show to WebVideo/JesuOtaku.
** The Vampires in their Own Words review was loaded with cameos from con-goers, including Mike Dodd and Doctor Holocaust.
** The Toxic Avenger features a cameo from Lloyd Kaufman, president of Creator/{{Troma}} Studios!
** {{Creator/Demoversi}} has a cameo in the ''Witchboard'' review.
** JESUS! during the Lamb review. [[spoiler: It's really the Hypnotoad in disguise.]]
** Atomic Robo stops in to recommend reading... FOR SCIENCE!
* CampGay: Lord Akeldama in Soulless.
* CanadaEh
* CartoonishSupervillainy: Matt Frewer's mad scientist in Generation X is beyond cartoonish--the Bard ranks him lower than Dr Drakken and Dr Doofenshmirtz.
** Helmuth in the Lensman anime is referred to as a Power Rangers villain. Which isn't much better.
** The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes' villain is at about this level.
* {{Catchphrase}}/EveryEpisodeEnding:
--->'''"Until the next time you get lost down here, this is Derek the Bard. Be seeing you."'''
** Innis: "Until the next time I have to fill in for the librarian, my name is Herr Doktor Innis du par Nachtetaffen, and one day, you will march to the beat of MY drums!"
** The Red Chef: "I'm the Red Chef, and if you can kill it, I can cook it!"
** In Toxic Crusaders: Referring to Toxie and pals as "...a hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength!"
** "So that was ________. How'd it stack up?"
* CausticCritic
* ChaoticStupid: The villain of the Asylum's Sherlock Holmes.
* ChristmasSpecial: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal.
* ChristmasinJuly: His review of Sint was done in late May... but he misses the holiday season.
* CoatHatMask: The Shadow's incredibly simple but cool costume.
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment: For allowing Diamanda Hagan to infiltrate the dream archives, the Bard is forced to read The Scent of Shadows.
* CorruptCorporateExecutive: More like Corrupt Corporate Scientist--Matt Frewer in Generation X
* CoughSnarkCough:
--->'''"...and *mumble* extradimensional vampire semen... *cough*"''' in Necroscope
* CrapsackWorld: Tromaville, from The Toxic Avenger.
** Also the New York City of The Spider and the Slaves of Hell.
* {{Crossover}}: With DiamandaHagan, the TheFilmRenegado, Andrew Dickman, and MikeyInsanity.
* CutShort: The Clerks cartoon--only aired two episodes on ABC, with only six in total.
* DarkerAndEdgier: The Spider and the Slaves of Hell. Dear god, the Spider.
** As well as the Extreme Ghostbusters, a DarkerAndEdgier upgrade over the somewhat more lighthearted Real Ghostbusters.
* DemonicPossession: Part of Witchboard. The evil ghost from the ouija board wants to possess someone.
* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment:
--->'''"THE IN-BETWEEN PLACE! THE PLACE THAT IS IN-BETWEEN!"'''
** Warlock has the most utterly redundant foreign title ever. In the Philippines, it's called "Warlock: The Magic Wizard." Do you get it yet? He's a magic bad guy!
* DistressBall: Tossed between Clarissa and Buskirk in the SF Shinseiki Lensman anime.
* DidWeJustHaveTeaWithCthulhu
** Episode 27: Did We Just Review a Movie with Cthulhu?
* DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu: [[spoiler: Averted! The Bard's not crazy enough to try it.]]
* Dissimile: In describing the concept of the Clerks cartoon, he starts off talking about a movie, then feeding the movie meth, because the movie is a person now for some reason, and...
* DoomedHometown: Buenos Aires in the Starship Troopers movie.
* DoomsdayDevice: The steampunk robot dragon and dinosaurs from The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes.
* DressingAsTheEnemy: Operator 5.
** Combined with a BavarianFireDrill worthy of Hogan's Heroes.
* DrillSergeantNasty: Clancy Brown in Starship Troopers.
* DropInCharacter: Innis, Nachzehrer, Cthulhu
* DumbBlonde: Yvonne, from The Toxic Crusaders. The dumbest of blondes.
* {{Edutainment}}: The Bard helpfully describes how antivenom works during Curse II, as well as some facts about real snakes.
** In fact, a good deal of the Bard's show could be described as "edutainment," as he does seem to enjoy dispensing interesting facts about a wide variety of subjects.
* EtTuBrute: The Omega serves as a distraction for Diamanda Hagan to kidnap the Bard and harvest his DNA for a new race of minion.
---> "Et tu, Omegas? *flop*"
* EverybodyLaughsEnding: SF Shinseiki Lensman.
--->'''"Ha ha! Millions of people just died and we nearly had our souls eaten by Space Satan!"'''
* [[EverythingsBetterWithDinosaurs Everything's More Nonsensical with Dinosaurs]]: The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes.
* EverythingsBetterwithMonkeys: The Clerks cartoon is like the movie. With drugs... and monkeys!
* EverythingsWorseWithBees: The giant Grumble Bee in the Bumble Beast.
** "''BEES. MY GOD.''"
* EvilGloating: Tim Curry in The Shadow, although it's more like "evil sidekick gloating."
* EvilHand: The Bard notes that this was once something of a genre of horror back in the day during his Curse II review.
* EvilTwin[=/=]EvilGenius: "Thorpe" Holmes in The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes.
* ExpositionFairy[=/=]MrExposition: "Mohinder" in Wolf, who explains all the rules of the movie and a bit of plot.
* EyeScream: A few different times in Warlock--starting when the titular villain [[spoiler: yanks out a medium's eyes to use them as a Satanic compass]].
* FakeNationality: Several different ones, when reading aloud from the books
* FakeRussian: Nachzehrer
* FallenHero: "Thorpe" Holmes.
* FantasticallyIndifferent: The title character in The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes. Dinosaur attack? Sure, whatever. Dead brother mysteriously come back to life as a mad scientist villain? Huh, fancy that. Robot woman who turns into a bomb intend on blowing up the palace? Huh.
* FieldPromotion: Johnny Rico in Starship troopers--from a private to a lieutenant in one battle!
* FrickinLaserBeams: One of the characters on ''WesternAnimation/{{Inhumanoids}}'' has power armor with claw weapons... that shoot lasers sometimes.
* FlatEarthAtheist: Originally, everyone but Kylie and Egon in Extreme Ghostbusters. Which is especially weird, because it shares a continuity with the movies AND the Real Ghostbusters cartoon...
* ForScience!!: Everything in Atomic Robo, because science is awesome.
* {{Frameup}}: Stuart framed Jack Nicholson's character for murder in Wolf.
* FriendlyNeighborhoodVampire: Nachzehrer is lonely and wants to be friends with everyone.
* FunwithSubtitles: The subtitles and dubbing of Sint are hilariously inconsistent with each other, sometimes even from line to line between both editions, which is why the Bard had both English dubbing and subtitles on for this movie.
* FurAgainstFang: A fairly common feature of some of the novels he reviews. He also comments that this is becoming something of a genre on its own.
* GagDub: Since Tim Curry's dialogue in The Shadow is so clunky, the Bard replaces it with dialogue/songs from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
* GangOfHats: Several of them appear in ''TheToxicAvenger''.
* GenericGuy: G-8, who has little personality and little backstory and a very small supporting cast, is a somewhat less emotionally-investing character than the other pulp heroes of the time.
** Apparently the rest of G-8's world is populated by such generic men that anyone on the planet can be mistaken for him easily!
* GlassCannon: Sinterklaas' zombie minions in Sint can silently sneak up and cut veteran SWAT officers in half, but you can apparently bring them down by tapping them with a stick. They're very breakable.
* GoodIsDumb: The Toxic Crusaders -- all played for laughs.
* GoodParents: Dave's dad in Cloak & Dagger -- the most sympathetic character in the entire movie.
* GoodPowersBadPeople: The Darkling Lords in ''WesternAnimation/{{Visionaries}}: Knights of the Magical Light'' have much cooler powers and totem animals than the good guys.
* GovernmentConspiracy: The Norwegian government is trying to cover up the existence of two-hundred-foot-tall trolls.
* GreenAesop: The Toxic Crusaders cartoon, though it presented them in a funny and endearing way, rather than an over-the-top preachy and obnoxious way.
* GreenLanternRing: The Bard himself wears and uses one. In the heavily-Adaptation-Decayed Lensman anime, the Lens seems to be the same as a Lantern ring.
* GushingAboutShowsYouLike: In episode 12, the Bard lists his all-time favorite books.
** Despite a few complaints, he also seemed to enjoy License to Kill.
** The whole point of Pulp Month.
*** Especially during the review of Galactic Patrol.
** A big fan of the Generation X comics. The movie, however...
** The Bard quite liked Soulless.
** The concept behind What We Watched--a series examining cartoons he liked as a kid.
** Half of the time, Better off Read turns up movies that make the Bard smile, such as Confessions Of a Dangerous Mind or TheToxicAvenger.
* HalfHumanHybrid: Jezmin from Conan -- she's half snake-person.
* HeelFaceTurn: Headbanger from Toxic Crusaders. Turned to good because bad guys don't get chicks.
** Psyko from the same show *would* do it, but seems to be too lazy.
* HeroOfAnotherStory: Possibly the gas station attendant from Curse II, who the Bard thinks wandered in from a zombie movie.
* HeroicBSOD: At the beginning of CrookedLittleVein. Twice.
** His ''subconscious'' suffers one in episode 20.
*** "Did I just break my subconscious!?"
** Minor one in episode 22, after the [[spoiler:vampire bukkake scene in Necroscope]], combined with INeedAFreakingDrink.
** During the climax of SF Shinseiki Lensman, again combined with INeedAFreakingDrink.
** Breaks from the relentless grimdark-ness of The Spider and the Slaves of Hell, but heals right up with a quick break for WesternAnimation/KungFuPanda.
** Experienced by Billy over a B grade in The Bumble Beast.
* HeroStoleMyBike: Toxie commandeers a bulldozer from a Radiation Ranger.
--> "Excuse me, but I need this vehicle to fight evil!"
* HeterosexualLifePartners: Josh and Biff in Lamb.
* HeyItsThatVoice: Almost. No one is credited for the role, but you could almost swear that Billy West is voicing the main college kid in Trollhunter's English dub -- it sounds uncannily like him.
** Billy West himself DOES show up to voice Slimer in Extreme Ghostbusters, however.
* HippieJesus: Jesus (referred to as Joshua) is a very kind-hearted, sensitive, peace-loving guy in Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff.
* HollywoodScience: Generation X runs on science so soft it could be used as a pillow.
* Creator/HPLovecraft: An important player in Atomic Robo and the Shadow from Beyond Time. He is portrayed as being insane.
* HulkSpeak: Red Lantern Bard, during Troy.
* {{Hyperspace}}: One of the Lensman anime's many glaring errors. It's an inertialess drive, not a hyperspace warp!
* HypocriticalHumor: The Bard complaining about nerds at Con Bravo.
* IdiotBall: Tossed between the two main characters of Monsters constantly. Leading to...
* IKnowKarate: Sandra from ''WesternAnimation/{{Inhumanoids}}'' does!
* ILoveNuclearPower: The only reason given for the mutant snakes biting people and turning them into mutant snakes is... because some people in Arizona were setting nuclear weapons off underground. Yeah.
* ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy[=/=]ATeamFiring: In The Shadow, upon hearing someone coming across a bridge, the bad guys fire wildly into the air, at everything, including lamps and the street. They aren't even trying to shoot the Shadow. They just hear someone coming and start shooting lamps.
* ImprobableAimingSkills: Inverted -- the Archer spell in ''WesternAnimation/{{Visionaries}}'' NEVER hits anything worthwhile.
** One of The Shadow's talents given to him during his training in Tibet, apparently.
** Witch-hunters are apparently all javelin champs, apparently able to chuck huge un-aerodynamic weathervanes over buildings and into warlocks' spines.
* IncrediblyLamePun: After a guard gets thrown into an electric eel tank in License to Kill: "OW!! That was shocking!"
** His name for the pig in Doc Savage: ''Habeas Porkus''.
** SO MANY bee and B-related puns in The Bumble Beast. In fact, the majority of the dialogue in that book may have been incredibly lame puns.
* INeedAFreakingDrink: The Bard loves his vodka. And he drinks it out of a crystal skull.
** He prays for a drink trolley out in the hallway once Trollhunter is over with and he's escaped from DiamandaHagan's clutches. [[spoiler:No such luck.]]
* InNameOnly: The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes... and not even then, because his name isn't "Sherlock," it's "Robert"!
* InherentlyFunnyWords: "Weeza-squeeza" in ''WesternAnimation/{{Visionaries}}''; "Lord Akeldama" in ''{{Soulless}}''.
* InsistentTerminology: Toxic Crusaders' Killemo -- "THAT'S ''DOCTOR'' KILLEMOFF TO YOU!"
* InstantExpert: The anime version of Kim Kinnison suddenly and randomly goes from "regular guy" to "ninja" in the space of about two scenes.
* InterspeciesRomance: Inhumanoids' Primal Passion episode features this three times: Metlar/Statue of Liberty (no, really), D'Compose/a transformed Sandra, and Tendryll attempting to get his mack on with a Tendryll robot piloted by a human woman.
* JediMindTrick[=/=]CharmPerson: The Shadow's mind-manipulation powers.
* JesusWasWayCool: Josh during Lamb. The book goes through a lot to humanize Him.
* JewishMother: Toxie's Mom in Toxic Crusaders.
* {{Kaiju}}: One of the Darkling Lords' spells in ''WesternAnimation/{{Visionaries}}'': Summon Franchise/{{Godzilla}}!
* KatanasAreJustBetter: One of the Bard's pet peeves. Dante Valentine in Working for the Devil and Johnny in Edison Death Machine randomly had them for no reason.
* KillItWithFire: The only thing zombie Santa fears is fire, so Gurt attacks him with a flamethrower.
* KindheartedCatLover: Derek's cat (Kitteh, short for Kit-Kat) occasionally cameos on his show for one reason or another.
* KnifeNut: The Bard has a gigantic dagger as a letter-opener and shows it off in the Let's Read.
* KungFuJesus: Subverted in Lamb. Balthasar attempts to teach Jesus kung-fu, but Jesus refuses to hit anybody and instead creates Jew-do, a martial art based entirely on dodging and apologizing profusely.
* LaResistance: Operator 5's agency fights against invading Nazis. IN AMERICA.
* LargeHam: God bless Matt Frewer's insatiable appetite for the scenery!
* LaughingMad: The Bard's Sanity Juice is great! *insane giggle*
* [[LetsPlay Let's Read]]: His title card artist sent him a mystery book in a package and asked him to review it, in one single continuous take, on camera.
* LivingStatue: Metlar's true love, The Statue of Liberty. ''Yeah.''
* LivingWeapon: Living and often possessing more common sense than its wielder--Toxie's mop, in The Toxic Crusaders.
* LoadBearingBoss: Helmuth, in the Lensman anime.
* LoanShark: Mobster {{Phelous}} in the Edison Death Machine movie.
* LongTitle: The Clerks cartoon's titles are not so much titles as plot synopses.
* LovecraftLite: Atomic Robot and the Shadow From Beyond Time could qualify, as Cthulhu is eventually defeated WITH SCIENCE!
* Macguffin: The focus of Once Upon a Joe. It's literally called the MacGuffin Device!
* MagicKnight: He's a wizard... but he also knows how to swordfight!
* MagicLibrarian
* MadScientist: Matt Frewer's character in Generation X. Who apparently attended the same school as Dr Insano.
** Also, the villains in Soulless. [[spoiler: They're mad scientists experimenting with vampires and the supernatural!]]
--> "They raise vampires using the power of SCIENCE!!" (Picture of [[ThespoonyExperiment Doctor Insano]])
** "Thorpe" Holmes in The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes. Possibly a predecessor of the Insano School of Science.
* [[MarsNeedsWomen The Earth's Core Needs Women]]: Inhumanoids. In Primal Passions, they each get hit with a love potion and fall in love with a surface woman (and, in one case, a robot).
* MasterOfDisguise: G-8 and his two Battle Aces.
** Also the Spider.
* MedalOfDishonor: His praise for the giant war-fireballs being the best actors in Troy.
* MessageinaBottle: Randal sends one out to Dante in the Clerks cartoon. [[spoiler: Dante never gets it, but coincidentally manages to rescue Randal anyway.]]
* MostDefinitelyNotAVillain: The Central Empire in Operator #5 has a flag with a decapitated head and two crossed bloody swords. And people are surprised they're an evil empire!
* MultipleHeadCase: Headbanger in Toxic Crusaders.
** And the first troll in Trollhunter.
* MundaneMadeAwesome: A poltergeist tosses a knife on the ground... THEN TIPS A BOTTLE OF KETCHUP ONTO IT! What do you mean it's not scary?
* MustHaveCaffeine: Josh in Lamb. He loves His coffee!
** The Bard loves tea and cocoa as well.
* NewPowersAsThePlotDemands: Telekinetic bullet-smashing powers in The Shadow. (Both of the characters seem surprised to have this ability, too.)
* NiceHat: The Bard has a really sweet top-hat.
** The Bard comments on Rath-Amon's headdress in Conan: The Adventurer.
--> "He's a snake, wearing a giant snake's head! ...yeah."
** TheFilmRenegado has a cool hat during the Monsters review as well.
* NightmareFuelStationAttendant: Nachzehrer
* NinjaPirateZombieRobot: The Bard is a wizard GreenLantern librarian who is also apparently in touch with his inner eldritch abomination.
** In the ''Anime/{{Lensman}}'' anime, Kim rides a "space-motorcycle-jetski-plane-thing."
** Also from the Lensman anime: Worsel the lasergun-toting telepathic space pterodactyl Lensman!
** Edison Death Machine: Zombie [[Music/ElvisPresley Elvis]]--er, Buddy Gilbert, Zombie Samurai, Zombie Confederate Soldiers, and a real Zombie Pirate!
** Sint's main villain: Zombie pirate Santa Claus (well, the Dutch St Nicholas if you want to get technical) and his zombie pirate blackface minions! What the hell.
* NoCelebritiesWereHarmed: Everyone raised by the Edison Death Machine.
** Also, from the same movie: Mobster {{Phelous}}?
* NoFourthWall: No one bothered constructing one for the Toxic Crusaders cartoon.
* OhCrap: The general reaction to Monsters, both from the Bard and the Film Renegado. Not because it's scary, mind you, but because it's terrible.
* OohMeAccentsSlipping: ''GenerationX'': Banshee's accent is apparently Iringlisherican.
* OnlySaneMan: The Bard... and Operator 5, in his own universe.
* OuijaBoard: The central focus in Witchboard is an evil demon-possessed Ouija board.
* OurSoulsAreDifferent: The world of Soulless.
* PalsWithJesus: Biff, Jesus' best childhood friend, in Lamb.
* PaperThinDisguise: The Cobra troops attacking West Point in The Viper Comes. You'd think the Joes would notice the distinctive helmets.
* PeoplePuppets: One of the Sun Imps on ''WesternAnimation/{{Visionaries}}'' is transformed into one... using his hair. WTF.
* PerkyGoth: Kylie from Extreme Ghostbusters.
* PinealWeirdness: A minor plot point in ''GenerationX'' and why Dr Tresh is suddenly superpowered at the end.
* PitTrap: The Spider is dropped into a pit full of wolves during his battle with the Slaves of Hell.
* PlagueMaster: Akira. [[NamesTheSame No]], [[Manga/{{Akira}} not that one]]!
* PluckyComicRelief: Klinger from M*A*S*H* serves this role in Curse II. The Bard's EpilepticTree is that this is really what Klinger did after leaving Korea--became a traveling snake-oil salesman.
* {{Poltergeist}}: "David," the evil spirit in Witchboard.
* PropRecycling: In Princess of Mars, Tracy Lords wears an honest-to-god Slave Leia outfit for the entirety of the movie, and the Bard is almost certain that her ship was Jabba's barge.
* PsychicAssistedSuicide: A security guard in The Shadow is compelled to do it by the villain, Shewan Khan.
* RaceLift: Filipino Juan "Johnny" Rico, as well as the entire population of Buenos Aires, is looking pretty damn white in the Starship Troopers movie.
* RealityEnsues: The children in Cloak & Dagger actually act like scared, tired children in a troubling situation would, and David is actually traumatized by the events of the movie.
* ReasonableAuthorityFigure: The dad in Cloak & Dagger.
* ReptilesAreAbhorrent: So many evil mutant snakes in Curse II.
* RubeGoldbergHatesYourGuts: The way that the ghost kills people in Witchboard seems kind of... overcomplicated.
* RummageSaleReject: The Extreme Ghostbusters' costumes. Especially Kylie, who appears to be dressed like a crossing guard with a trashcan lid on her back.
* RunningGag:
--->'''"TRANSYLVANIA!!"'''
--->''dramatic music sting''
--->'''"...yeah, that's not gonna get old quick."'''
** In SF Shinseiki Lensman:
---> '''"Buskirk takes it well."'''
---> ''*scene of Buskirk flipping out*''
*** This one makes a return in Warlock.
---> '''"Kassandra takes it well."'''
---> ''*Kassandra screams in frustration*''
** "Godlike aliens... Man, do I HATE godlike aliens!"
** Witchboard: [[Freakazoid Scream-o-vision]]! SCREAM.
*** Also from Witchboard: SCAAAAAAAARY CLOSE-UP!
** In Wolf: Making up random superpowers for Jack Nicholson's character. "SHADOW-FIGHTING OF THE MONGOOSE!" "CANNIBALISM OF THE MAN!" "SKEEVINESS OF THE PERVERT!" "VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER OF THE HIPPOPOTAMUS!"
---> ''I'm not sure this joke is funny anymore.''
* SarcasmMode: Bard's pretend-crying at Gary Kinnison's death in SF Shinseiki Lensman.
* SavingtheOrphanage: Part of the Joes' mission in Once Upon a Joe is fixing up an orphanage after it's been burned to the ground by Cobra. Because Cobra is just that evil.
* ScaledUp: The creatures bitten by the snakes in Curse II, whose hand turns into a snake... along with the rest of him later.
* ScienceHero: Atomic Robo! A hero FOR SCIENCE!
* SealedEvilinaCan: The disease-goddess Akira. [[NamesTheSame No]], [[Manga/{{Akira}} not that one]]!
* SelfDeprecatingHumor: "I should fire my scriptwriter! ...I am my own scriptwriter."
* ShaggyDogStory: GI Joe: The Viper Comes. Entirely pointless and riddled with completely unanswered questions.
* ShownTheirWork:
** Especially in regards to vampire mythology, as detailed in the Anita Blake video.
** Explains the history of The Iliad in episode 20, as well as recommending other, more obscure classical Greek stories to Lupa) and reciting a passage from it.
** Runs down the history of James Bond in episode 21.
** And during Pulp Month, with regards to the medium itself and the history of the period.
** Gives a rundown of the history of Troma Studios in the Toxic Avenger review.
** Calls bullshit on the history of the ouija board as presented in Witchboard and gives a short lesson on its real history.
** Valiantly tries to explain the physics of extradimensional science, Lovecraftian eldritch abominations, and time travel in Atomic Robo.
** He seems to know an awful lot about exorcisms, witch history, and witch-hunting; he even has the Malleus Maleficarum, the Goetia, and other such books on his shelves. You know. Just in case.
** Explains the history and myths relating to Sinterklaas and other Dutch Christmas traditions in order to explain what's going on in the movie Sint.
* ShoutOut: To Sandman, in episodes 16 and 17.
** Many to The Prisoner (including the Strange Salute used as his signoff).
** M Bison's "OF COURSE!!"
** As mentioned above: "BECAUSE POOR LITERACY IS KEWL!!"
** The sword-duel in episode 19 featured a shoutout to The Princess Bride.
** Innis apparently has a history similar to Dr Doofenshmirtz from Phineas and Ferb.
** To Pig With the Face of a Boy's "Complete History of the Soviet Union" song in episode 22:
---> ''I am the man who arranges the dead''
---> ''Who betray their secrets to the KGB;''
---> ''I strip down and I fuck them around''
---> ''Then I drink their cerebellum for tea!''
** Several to Discworld -- including directing the viewer to Stibbons at the High-Energy Magic Building to learn more about Lensman science
** Stealth shout-out to TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}}: [[spoiler:The Changeling of Tzeentch]] makes an appearance at the end of the SF Shinseiki Lensman review.
** In a fit of anger, the Bard uses Merlin's "BLOW ME TO BERMUDA!" spell.
** Gives a shout-out to {{Creator/Demoversi}}'s series ''Irreverent Edutainment'' and ''Let's Survey!'' in The Toxic Avenger.
** Another Warhammer40k shoutout during The Shadow review: "LOOK OUT, IT'S ONE OF THE LOST PRIMARCHS! SOMEONE CALL THE SPACE MARINES!"
** [[CalvinandHobbes "Scientific Progress goes SPLURGH!!"]]
* ShowDontTell: A big problem in the movie Monsters.
* SideEffectsInclude: The Bard's Sanity Juice (the crystal skull vodka) has side effects which include crippling muscle spasms, hair loss, flatulence, upset stomach, diarrhea, and impotence. Aside from that, it works great and he's 100% crazy-free! *[[LaughingMad insane giggle]]*
* SitcomArchnemesis: The Bard mentions Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla as having this kind of relationship in Atomic Robo.
** Robo and Stephen Hawking also have this kind of relationship.
* SophisticatedAsHell
* SpamAttack[=/=]BeamSpam: The Ghostbusters in "Ain't NASA-carily So" fail to use their proton packs to capture the shogg--er, ghost. So they just spam MORE proton beams at it and that works better. Somehow.
* SpikesofVillainy: Everything Rita Repulsa is described as wearing in The Bumble Beast is "pointy" in some way, from her hat to the sleeves of her dress.
* SpiderSense: Toxie has one, both in the Toxic Avenger film and the Toxic Crusaders cartoon. In the latter, this is explained by something called "Tromatons."
* SpookySeance: Or maybe not so spooky, considering the hippie valley-girl medium with the giant crazy 80s hair in Witchboard.
* SpotOfTea: During the Soulless review. He's been terribly wrought over this whole affair!
* {{Squee}}: At the beginning of Galactic Patrol.
** And a little while describing Generation X comics.
* StandardizedLeader: G-8, who has virtually no real distinguishing features, but does lead a couple of guys in airplanes.
* {{Steampunk}}: Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter and Soulless feature this. The Bard dresses up in an appropriately steampunky outfit for the latter occasion.
** The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes included elements of steampunk as well, but didn't pull it off half as well as the books previously listed.
* TheStinger: With a twist -- as he usually reviews books, the stingers are usually thematically-relevant clips from cartoons or movies.
* StrangeSalute: His signoff uses the salute of ''Series/ThePrisoner'''s Village occupants.
* StupidEvil: Tendryll, from Inhumanoids.
* SubliminalAdvertising: Matt Frewer's fiendish intentions for the dream machine during ''GenerationX''.
* SuperSenses: The spirit of the wolf grants all kinds of enhanced senses in Wolf, including telescopic vision, vastly-enhanced sense of smell, and super-hearing. The Bard lumps them all under Bravestarr's various animal superpowers.
* TakenForGranite: Conan's family in Conan: The Adventurer.
** Light also turns trolls into stone in Trollhunter.
* TakeThat: He comments that some of the dialogue from Witchboard sounds like it came out of a ComicBook/{{Chick tract|s}}.
* TalkingToHimself
* TalkToTheFist: Operator 5 answers a man seeking his credentials this way. And then pulls Talk to the ''Gun'' a minute later.
* TamperingWithFoodAndDrink: What's that in {{Creator/Demoversi}}'s drink? CORDYCEPS!
* {{Technobabble}}: There's a lot in Galactic Patrol, and the Bard gamely tries to explain it to everyone.
** There's a scene in Trollhunter where a troll doctor tries to explain why trolls turn into stone when hit with sunlight. It's an incoherent explanation involving vitamin D in their veins.
* {{Technopathy}}: Apparently the power of some of the more minor characters in ''WesternAnimation/{{Visionaries}}'': Knights of the Magical Light. They don't have magic spells like the main cast, but they can power ancient LostTechnology.
* TemptingFate:
--->'''"Looks like I have nothing to do today! :D"'''
--->''*message orb blinks*''
--->'''"WHY DO I HAVE THIS INSTALLED? Nothing good ever comes of it!"'''
* TimeyWimeyBall: Stuff that happened during GI Joe and the Golden Fleece.
* TheBGrade: The central plot of The Bumble Beast, and source of Billy's neuroses.
* TheDitz: Yvonne from Toxic Crusaders. FULL STOP.
* ThoseTwoGuys: Jay and Silent Bob in the Clerks cartoon, though they're also almost antagonists sometimes.
* ThoseWackyNazis: The Central/Purple Empire in Operator 5.
* ThrowAwayCountry: Poor Maine. Destroyed by green Nazi gas. And Delaware's next in line.
* TranslatorMicrobes: Well, a translator millipede -- John Carter eats one to understand Martian language in Princess of Mars.
* TraumaCongaLine: The poor Spider.
* ToiletHumour: In Trollhunter, of all things. You first see a troll scratching its ass, and later, there's a ten-second clip of a troll farting in a cave. Trollhunter is all class.
* TomatoInTheMirror: "...Oh my god, I'm a pervert! D:"
** Seems to run with it in the Toxic Avenger, cheering the fact that porn finally appeared in his show!
** Also gleeful at the scene where Margo Lane strips during The Shadow.
* TotalEclipseofthePlot: During the Monsters review, Mexico has an eclipse. Canada gets a special Heroes eclipse.
* TouchOfDeath: Or undeath. D'Compose's touch turns people into zombies.
* {{Tsundere}}: Jezmin for Conan in Conan: The Adventurer.
* TwoForOneShow: The Message Orb works as both of the following RegularCaller & EpicHail and has been used thrice so far to do something evil to him
** WebVideo/ObscurusLupa: Troy
** [[InternetReviewerTrials Judgment, The Mad Judge]]: Reviewanomicon
** WebVideo/JesuOtaku: Lensmen Anime
* UnsympatheticComedyProtagonist: Biff, from Lamb.
* UnusualEuphemism: Cthulhu's "Jesus fucking Space Christ!" and Innis' "Sweet slippery Sinestro!"
** From Witchboard: "If only he had remembered to keep his ouija in his pants!"
* [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight Unusually Uninteresting Story]]: "Robert" Holmes seems to take the sailor's story about a robot kraken attack on a treasury ship remarkably easily and does not question it even once.
** Everything in Toxic Crusaders is an UnusuallyUninterestingSight. No one really seems to notice or care that Dr Killemoff is eight feet tall, has four arms, a gas mask, and a giant machine strapped to his back... and no one really remarks on the other Hideously Deformed Creatures of Superhuman Size And Strength, either!
*** Even Toxie himself does this. "Oh, apparently, my mop is alive."
** While Sinterklaas is chasing Frank during Sint, his horse is shot and crashes through the roof of somebody's condo. The two occupants within stand at a bar drinking nonchalantly, look at the crashed zombie pirate Sinterklaas and dead horse, and merely comment "I thought we weren't celebrating St Nicholas this year?" This is utterly unexplained.
* VillainousBreakdown: Tim Curry, during the last part of The Shadow.
* VisualEffectsofAwesome: Curse II, surprisingly.
* WeaksauceWeakness: Apparently vampires are vulnerable to plain old chloroform in the world of Soulless!
** The warlock in Warlock is killed by saltwater. However, to be fair, this IS one of the classical witch (and evil critter in general) weaknesses.
* WeirdnessMagnet: The Bard himself.
* WhatKindOfLamePowerIsHeartAnyway: Everyone in Generation X!
* WhatTheHellHero: Towards Harry in Necroscope.
** And Kim Kinnison in Galactic Patrol.
** And Skin from Generation X.
* WholeCostumeReference: Deja Thoris inexplicably wears a Slave Leia outfit. Literally. It's the exact same costume.
* WhyDidItHaveToBeSnakes: The fears of the ''WesternAnimation/{{Visionaries}}'', when struck by the bad guy's fear-powers.
* WideEyedIdealist: Toxie and his entire cast in Toxic Crusaders.
* WunzaPlot: The Bard describes Deja Thoris' and John Carter's romance as thus: "Suddenly he wants to fuck her brains out. Of course, that also might be because she's a porn star, and he's an underwear model..."
* YellowPeril: G-8 and his Battle Aces fly the Skies of Yellow Death, and by that we mean they fight evil racist stereotypes of Chinese people.
* YouHaveOutlivedYourUsefulness: In the Lensman anime, Helmuth kills an underling just about every time he shows up.

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