[[quoteright:283:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/haislip_6072.PNG]]
[[caption-width-right:283: Not a pissed-off sorority AlphaBitch, just plays one in a viral video.]]

[[quoteright:300:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/m_shannon_81.PNG]]
[[caption-width-right:300:...Possibly the real deal.]]

In April 2013, Rebecca Martinson - a student at the University of Maryland and board member of the Delta Gamma sorority chapter - sent a ''blistering'' email to her sorority sisters excoriating their inability to participate in Greek Week activities (particularly: those involving their "matchup" fraternity, Sigma Nu) to the satisfaction of the board. F-bombs were flung with abandon, capitalization was abused, and feelings were stomped flat with extreme prejudice.

As emails often do, this one got out into the wild, and went viral. You can read a copy (with Martinson's name changed) [[http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-deranged-sorority-girl-email-you-will-ever-read here]].

It wasn't long before celebrity dramatic readings started popping up. First out of the gate was ''Series/AttackOfTheShow'' alumnus Alison Haislip (via [=PopHangover=], seen right top), who brought the appropriate levels of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0uXLSi7-Bs piss, vinegar, and hormones]]. Days later, Website/FunnyOrDie recruited Creator/MichaelShannon (right bottom) to put HIS spin on the email. [[http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4ad20b4edf/michael-shannon-reads-the-insane-sorority-letter?playlist=featured_videos Like all things Shannon, it was...dark. And odd.]]

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!! This email provides examples of:
* AllGuysWantSororityWomen: Averted, in Martinson's eyes - it's the ''reason'' she put her sisters on blast.
* AlphaBitch: While it's arguably meant to be an over-the-top exercise in RefugeInAudacity, Martinson takes on a persona of a foul-mouthed, uber-snarky sorority leader passing harsh judgment on her sisters.
* AsianSpeekeeEngrish: Invoked in a version that is appropriately enough titled [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_1N3kL0wQM An Asian Rendition.]]
%%* BrutalHonesty: At least, in Martinson's not-so-humble opinion...
* ClusterFBomb: Although not a lot of F-words are dropped, there's enough profanity to cover all the major curse words.
* CountryMatters: Used in conjunction with the verb "punt."
* ItsAllAboutMe: Martinson views herself as the sole arbiter of "proper" Delta Gamma behavior.
* OhWait
-->''"Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. [[{{OhWait}} Oh wait]], DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR."''
* PunctuatedForEmphasis
-->''"First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. [[{{PunctuatedForEmphasis}} YOU. DON'T. GO.]]"''
** Let's not forget this nugget:
--->''"I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. '''The opposing. Fucking. Team.'''"''
* TheReasonYouSuckSpeech: @umd.edu
* RefugeInAudacity
* ShoutOut: Possibly a coincidence, as Martinson doesn't seem like someone who'd be into old Hollywood movies, but the very first paragraph at the very least echoes Creator/BetteDavis' classic "Fasten your seat belts" line from ''Film/AllAboutEve'' :
-->''"...tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride."''
%%* TrashTalk
* UnstoppableRage[=/=]RageBreakingPoint: Martinson builds up to rage pretty quick in her email and doesn't stop.
* {{Wangst}}: Invoked verbally when Martinson anticipates some of her sisters' responses.
-->''"'But Rebecca!', you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, 'I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?' NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T."''
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