* ''{{Anime/Pokemon}}'': Animals like to fight, but they can't do it well without you! So even if they clearly have the capacity to think for themselves and run their own lives, you should capture them and force them to fight each other for your entertainment! They really want to be bossed around; all that escaping is just playing hard to get. After all, you have the right to enslave them because you're part of the majority group and have the technology to [[GottaCatchThemAll catch them]].
* If you ever come across a crime in progress, even if you are sufficiently equipped to prevent it, don't. [[TerribleTrio The perpetrators]] will notice you, and they will follow you. [[GoldfishPoopGang Every. Single. Day. Of. Your. Life.]] Until they get their revenge. Their torment will extend to everyone else you ever meet as well. Even if you repeatedly come out ahead, the headache isn't worth it.
* If you don't feel fulfilled taking care of your ten kids, you should abandon all your children completely! This will turn your eldest son into the most awesome nurturer ''ever''! It may also make him a little desperate for a loving relationship, which he will never (ever) find, but that's of no consequence at all - he'll otherwise be perfectly healthy, happy, and mild-mannered, and any lingering deep-seated resentment he has will be expressed ''only'' in very very rare offhand comments, which everyone involved will completely ignore. In all other ways, you'll be a loving, happy family.
* ''The movies'': [[CosmicHorrorStory There are beings in the world that are far more powerful than you. It is no trouble for them to kill you if they desire it. Obviously they aren't specifically out to get you; you wouldn't be alive today if they were. But, you know, even they can have a bad day. Anyway, if the worst case scenario happens and their actions threaten to kill you, always remember this: ''there isn't a thing you can do about it.'' Your best course of action is to huddle with your loved ones in a corner and hope that a main character comes along. (Even if they do, don't think those beings are actually going to be ''punished'' for it. There are things even a main character can't do.)]]
** Best case scenario however, you can catch them to make then into your slaves!
** Not true. In fact, if you make an attempt to catch them or otherwise dispose of them, those main characters mentioned above will side with those powerful beings ''against you''.
* It doesn't matter how far you travel, how many people you meet and befriend, how many wonders you behold (especially in the "[[OlympusMons living god]]" category), or what kind of memories and experiences you share with the ones you care about. None of it matters if [[SecondPlaceIsForLosers you can't beat everyone you meet in competition]]. Dare to be beaten by someone who happened to be luckier (or worse, ''more skilled'') than you in a regional competition hosting thousands of entrants, [[ShaggyDogStory and your life might as well have not happened]].
** Alternatively: FailureIsTheOnlyOption, so you might as well not even try.
** It doesn't matter how much skill you've gained or how you trounced your {{Jerkass}} rival. There's always someone with [[OlympusMons the gods on his side]] that's waiting to curbstomp you in the semifinals. And there's nothing you can do about it because StatusQuoIsGod.
** Conversely, for the writers: If you ever get any closer to achieving your life's dream, no matter what else you might be able to do afterwards, your life will immediately become totally uninteresting, so it's better for everyone involved that you always fail in the end and start from scratch.
** It is perfectly believable for someone who starts work in a widely-practiced field at the age of ten to become the most skilled person in the country at that field before he turns eleven.
*** The true Aesop is that it's impossible because of contrived situations that are meant to screw you over at [[CruelTwistEnding the last minute]]
*** There is no crueler twist or more contrived situation than to arrive at a large-scale tournament and discover that there are other people in the world that you have not yet met who are better at your chosen field than you.
* It's completely okay to kidnap sentient beings, use them as vehicles and tools, and force them to fight for your amusement. In fact, they all want you to. [[HappinessInSlavery It's the true meaning of friendship.]]
** A major element of being a worthy main character is to accept your friends for what they are. Do not make an effort to change them, even if the result would be considerably stronger and cooler-looking, and even not if such a change is completely natural for them.
* Gonna visit a new region? [[BagOfSpilling Abandon]] [[PutOnABus those]] weak-ass Pokemon who failed to let you win the tournament! Hell, [[BusCrash wreck the damn bus]], too! Except your starter, for only that one has a hidden reset switch.
* Exploiting Pokemon to further your own ambitions is encouraged, unless you wear a uniform with an R on it.
** It's OK to treat your Pokemon like garbage, but your rival? Ohhhh no freaking way.
* Faun over every female nurse and police officer with BishieSparkle POWAH! Then, enjoy getting cockblocked via a redhead, glasses-wearing pipsqueak, or a neurotoxic prostate exam from a frog.
* Just because you want to succeed at your life's goal doesn't mean you will.
* Sometimes the events of your life come into conflict with the sensibilities of those who wish to hear about them, whether through subjects deemed inappropriate, medical conditions or even recent traumas. In that case, simply omit those events! Don't worry if it means important elements will go unexplained, potential characters will go missing or the plot might even derail significantly. Things will work out eventually, right?
* ONIGIRI RICE CAKES ARE DONUTS, BITCH!!
* Meditation will increase your attack power! Beating your belly like a drum will maximize it, but at the cost of half your lifespan--so be careful.
* Are you sure that's not Manga/DeathNote?
* When in desperation, make up your own laws of physics. Electrocuting yourself gives you super armor.
* You can only find your true inner strength and perfect your fighting style [[RuleOfDrama in the heat of battle when things are at their worst]]. With this in mind, [[HardWorkHardlyWorks don't bother practicing these things in advance]]. All you'll do is [[RunningGag give lumps to penguins]] or [[CriticalStatusBuff convince everyone that you're an animal abuser]].
* Many animals don't want to be your friend. In that case, your only hope is to be a target for malevolent forces, so that the act of overcoming the adversity will bring you together. In fact, if the first creature you meet doesn't want anything to do with you, your best bet is to deliberately piss off everyone else around you. That way you have something to protect him from.
* If somebody interrupts you when you're in the muddle of something important, and someone close to you ends up in trouble because of said interruption, the whole thing is YOUR fault because you didn't finish what you started, never mind the fact that whoever interrupted you didn't have the patience to wait until you'd finished.
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