[[WMG: The Event was the explosion of a TARDIS]]
[[WMG: The Object's Properties Are Non-Random: They Actually Have To Do With The [[spoiler:Occupant's]] Associations With Them]]
Upon first looking at what the objects can do, very few seem to make sense-The Key does, as opening doors is what keys do, but most-the Watch cooking eggs? The pen frying people? They seem to be random. Unless you think that [[spoiler: the Occupant's]] ideas and connotations with the object in question is what gives it it's power. This works for a surprising number of objects, and I do think it is intentional.

The Key opens the door to the room, and allows the opening of other doors. This if fairly obvious.
The reason the Scissors rotates things is because the Occupant used scissors to unscrew screws.
The reason the Glass Eye can destroy and repair flesh is because it is a replacement of destroyed flesh.
The reason the Whiskey Flask drowns people is because Whiskey drowns people in sorrows.
The Quarter can make memories real because it had a huge sentimental value to [[spoiler: the Occupant]]
The Watch cooks eggs because it was used to time the cooking of eggs.
The Knife, and the Watch, when combined together, create telepathy because [[spoiler: the Occupant]] used cooking to bond with his wife.
The Pencil makes pennies because [[spoiler: the Occupant]] was an accountant or something similar, who used pencils to do monotonous work.
The Watch Box stops entropy and decay because it contains time.
The Pen fries people because the only thing [[spoiler:the Occupant]] noticed about it was the sun logo branded on it.
The Bus Pass sends people to that particular place because that's where the bus stopped, and the Pass is used to get there.
For a couple of others, you have to stretch things-
The Glasses inhibit combustion because their previous owner could not drive with them on, because they reacted weirdly with the glass of the windscreen. Now they prevent any wearer from driving.
The Comb stops time because it takes forever to comb your hair.

For some-the Alarm Clock, the Pack of Cards, ect, I have no clue. Perhaps there are reasons unknown at this time.

Maybe all of the above is coincidence. But it makes fun amounts of sense.

[[WMG: Alternate or Additional Theories on the Symbolism of Objects]]
These theories assume that that [[spoiler: the Occupant]] was deeply depressed, and possibly suicidal, at the time of The Event; much of this may be colored by [[spoiler: the Occupant]] in the final episode seeming so out-of-touch, unhinged and morose.
The Pencil makes pennies because [[spoiler: the Occupant]] obsessively tapped the pencil when working on his finances, worrying about "pennies slipping away".
The Scissors rotate things because [[spoiler: the Occupant]] often played with them, idly spinning them on a desk while contemplating self-harm, or otherwise twisting them back and forth and thinking about how things had changed.
The Pack of Cards is suffused with guilt, horror and self-loathing; it causes fear and crippling pain because [[spoiler: the Occupant]] was once a compulsive gambler who nearly ruined his life before meeting his wife.
The Comb, which we know is supposed to be in the bathroom medicine cabinet, is tied into the idea of "frozen moments" -- the ten seconds (or so) when [[spoiler: the Occupant]] was staring at himself in the mirror, idly combing his hair and wondering why he was even bothering.
The Pen is "full of holy fire," in the words of the sole survivor, because it was going to be used to write a suicide note.
The Umbrella makes people think they know you because New Mexico was hostile and alien to [[spoiler: the Occupant]], and it never rained during his stay; the umbrella reminds [[spoiler: the Occupant]] of a place -- a home -- somewhere rainy where people knew him and cared about him.

[[WMG: The universe of ''The Lost Room'' shares the same one as ''Series/{{Eureka}}'' and ''Series/Warehouse13''.]]

[[WMG: The Website/SCPFoundation know about the room, and haven't been able to successfully secure the key, the room, the Occupant or any of the other artifacts from it.]]