Work Pages I Launched and Help maintain.
* Literature/DeathToTheFrench
* Literature/DeathLands
* VideoGame/EarthDefenseForceInsectArmageddon
* Series/HellOnWheels
* VideoGame/SniperElite
* VideoGame/SniperEliteV2
[[folder: Flicks I like]]
* Film/{{Alien}}
* Film/{{Aliens}}
* Film/TheBookofEli
* Film/{{Dredd}}
* Film/{{Equilibrium}}
* Film/{{Predator}}
* Film/{{Predator2}}


[[folder: Funny Troper sayings the Tuefel Collection]]

Bobby G
[[quoteblock]]Troper 1 and Troper 2, I am appalled. What on Earth gave you the impression that it would be acceptable to bring a Hatzegopteryx in here? Even if we pretend that there's the slightest possibility that you didn't know the rule against exotic pets, you don't let it out in the Forum Games section. It has eaten four newbies already! This is seriously, seriously unacceptable, and you are both suspended from the forum until further notice.

As for the rest of you, I can't say I'm surprised that Yack Fest turned out to be a front for a drug cartel, but that doesn't mean I'm not extremely disappointed in all of you, and especially you, Juan.[[/quoteblock]]

[[quoteblock]]You could be a yeti zombie; I think they have those in plants versus zombies...

You’d probably be a bit yellow, thanks to the decaying nature of being a zombie. So, you’d be a xanthic yeti zombie

And you could live in the WILD! So you'd be a wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

And you can drift from place to place! Making you a vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

And you can be really empathetic! Making you a, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

And you could be really tough and determined! Making you a, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

And you could have a dry wit and be really sarcastic to everyone you meet! Making you a, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

And you could be deeply spiritual! Making you a righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

But you wouldn't speak TOO much, of course! Making you a quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

And you can research prehistoric eras! Making you a primeval-loving, quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

But your research might keep you bust! Making you an occupied, primeval-loving, quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

Despite all good aspects, I bet you'd still frighten people because of your appearance! Making you a Notorious, occupied, primeval-loving, quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

You might be frightening on account of your size and appearance! Making you a monstrous, notorious, occupied, primeval-loving, quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

Still, with people avoiding you, you would have a lot of time to read! Making you a learned, monstrous, notorious, occupied, primeval-loving, quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

No need to be nasty about anything though, you'll try your best with people! Making you a kind, learned, monstrous, notorious, occupied, primeval-loving, quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

Heck, you may even be downright cheerful to make up for you imposing size! Making you a jolly, kind, learned, monstrous, notorious, occupied, primeval-loving, quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

You’ll sure be something to try to analyze! Making you an interesting, jolly, kind, learned, monstrous, notorious, occupied, primeval-loving, quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

Telling the truth should make it easier for people to trust you! Making you an honest, interesting, jolly, kind, learned, monstrous, notorious, occupied, primeval-loving, quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

You might even be downright selfless! Donating your time and resources to help others! Making you a generous, honest, interesting, jolly, kind, learned, monstrous, notorious, occupied, primeval-loving, quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

I bet you can even develop quite the sense of humor! Making you a funny, generous, honest, interesting, jolly, kind, learned, monstrous, notorious, occupied, primeval-loving, quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

With that attitude you'll be raring to help people! Making you an eager, funny, generous, honest, interesting, jolly, kind, learned, monstrous, notorious, occupied, primeval-loving, quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

With such enthusiasm about overcoming obstacles, no one’s going to deny you’re a risk taker! Making you a daring, eager, funny, generous, honest, interesting, jolly, kind, learned, monstrous, notorious, occupied, primeval-loving, quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

You personality is going to be downright alluring! Making you a charismatic, daring, eager, funny, generous, honest, interesting, jolly, kind, learned, monstrous, notorious, occupied, primeval-loving, quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

Yeti’s generally don’t wear shoes! Making you a charismatic, daring, eager, funny, generous, honest, interesting, jolly, kind, learned, monstrous, notorious, occupied, primeval-loving, quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

Sadly, the confusing and perhaps semi-incompatible aspects of your personality mixed with people responding badly to your appearance will drive you to drink! Making you an alcoholic, barefoot, charismatic, daring, eager, funny, generous, honest, interesting, jolly, kind, learned, monstrous, notorious, occupied, primeval-loving, quiet, righteous, snarky, tenacious, understanding, vagabond, wild, xanthic yeti zombie!

The life of an abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz will sure be tough, but hopefully it’ll be rewarding. [[/quoteblock]] ''Justice.''

#I figured it out.

I'm the main character. Therefore, when it says "The database hates you", it means I, personally, have done something to offend them.

Well, I understand now. I don't know what you're after—perhaps it's the time I statted out your kin the Lag Beasts, enabling fellow intrepid adventurers to slay them and thus, through sympathetic magic, leading to the success of DSL. Or perhaps it's because I started growing cloves of digital garlic.

In any case, it is I you want. Leave my fellow tropers out of this; I will meet you in the night, armed with nothing but a bowie knife. You will have your chance at revenge, if you are not too craven to claim it. Rend me line from line, drink the raw code from my files, bite into my soft ware—if you can.

But don't take it out on them. [[/quoteblock]] Haven


[[http://www.globalsecurity.org/index.html General Research Link Recommended.]] Warning limited access on a monthly basis sans subscription.

[[folder: ''Weapons of Mass Destruction'']]
* [[http://www.carolmoore.net/nuclearwar/films.html Graphic Nuke Effect]]
* [[http://armageddononline.tripod.com/nuclear.htm Nuclear Warfare (Armageddon Online link) ]]
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chemical_warfare Chemical Warfare]]
* [[http://www.howstuffworks.com/biochem-war.htm Chemical and Biological Weapons]]
* [[http://www.firstworldwar.com/weaponry/gas.htm Chemical Warfare]]
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuclear_warfare Nuclear Warfare]]
* [[http://www.freebase.com/view/en/nuclear_warfare Nuclear Warfare Topic Links Page]]
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biological_warfare Biological Warfare]]
* [[http://www.telemedicine.org/biowar/biologic.htm More Bio-warfare]]
* [[http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/eid/vol5no4/kortepeter.htm CDC bio-weapons info]]

[[folder:''Tactics and Techniques'']]

''Civil War Tactics''
* [[http://polyticks.com/Hole/2k/tac101/tactics.htm Basic tactics and Battle of Gettysburg]]
* [[http://militaryhistory.about.com/od/smallarms/ig/Civil-War-Weapons-Gallery/ Selected Civil War Weapons]]
* [[http://www.teacheroz.com/Civil_War_Weapons.htm Civil War Weapons, Equipment, and Tech]]
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:American_Civil_War_rifles Civil War Rifles]]
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_weapons_in_the_American_Civil_War Assorted Civil War Weapons]]
* [[http://people.cohums.ohio-state.edu/grimsley1/tour/default.htm More tactics]]

"''Tactics and Techniques''"

''Urban Warfare''

* [[http://defense-update.com/features/du-1-06/feature-urban-il.htm Urban Comabt the Israeli Experience]]
* [[http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/ops/mout.htm Military Operations in Urban Terrain]]
* [[http://www.fas.org/man/eprint/marques.pdf Guerrilla Warfare in Urban Environments]]
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mouse-holing Mouse Holing]]
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urban_guerrilla_warfare Urban Guerrilla Warfare]]
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_Battle_of_Fallujah Second Battle of Fallujah]]

''General Strategy''
* [[http://www.strategypage.com/default.asp Military Strategy I]]
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_strategy Military Strategy II]]


[[folder: ''Weapon Effects'']]
''Weaponry Effects''

''Ballistics General Refrence''
Before reading through any of the links below read this article. It is a very solid look at the mechanics of biology and Physics of wounding via gunshot.
[[http://www.rathcoombe.net/sci-tech/ballistics/wounding.html Rathcoombe Ballistics and Wounding]]

* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ballistic_trauma Ballistic Trauma]]
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_gunshot_suicide Multiple Gunshot Suicide]]
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terminal_ballistics Terminal Ballistics]]
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrostatic_shock Hydro Static Shock]]
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stopping_power Stopping Power]]
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taylor_KO_Factor Taylor KO Factor]]
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaporific_Effect Vaporific Effect]]
* [[http://www.firearmstactical.com/wound.htm Gunshot Wound Diagrams]]
* [[http://library.med.utah.edu/WebPath/TUTORIAL/GUNS/GUNINJ.html Gun Injuries]] Warning gun injuries is graphic in nature due to being based on real life material as part of medical trauma studies.
'''Tuefel's Tools'''

Mostly assorted reference charts and calculators from around the internet that have proven useful in many discussions or for references.
* [[http://impact.ese.ic.ac.uk/ImpactEffects/ ''Impact Earth'' Purdue Asteroid Impact Calculator]] Same one linked from Atomic Rockets Text Version.
** [[http://www.purdue.edu/impactearth/ ''Impact Earth'' Graphical Version]]
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gauge_%28bore_diameter%29#Conversion_guide A handy chart explaining gun gauges as a measurement of gun barrel diameter]] Aka Gauge to caliber conversion chart.
* [[http://www.aqua-calc.com/ Aqua Calc]] A large collection of measurements and conversion tables, charts, and tools.
* [[http://www.engineeringtoolbox.com/index.html Engineering Tool Box]] Another site full of useful conversion tables, charts, and tools.
* [[http://www.navweaps.com/ Naval Weapons References]]
* [[http://www.chuckhawks.com/cxp.htm Winchest game rating]]
* [[http://www.shooterscalculator.com/ A general set of shooting and ballistic calculators for guns]]

[[folder: Velocity and Time to Target Chart: Basic Calculations]]

A series of simple calculation tables generated for a discussion on a theoretical Planet Side to Space "Shore Battery". 15km/s was used as the low end for all basic projectiles and the base line for most of the comparisons. This chart would apply to any projectile fired in space. Projectile in this case would be things like rail gun rounds, giant rocks, missiles, rockets, or anything comparable.

||'''HEO Table in 10 kms Bands'''||
|| Base Distance to Target 35,786 km ||
|| Speed km/s || Time To Target est. Minutes || Difference from previous velocity band || Difference from 15 km/s Starting Velocity ||
|| 15 || 39.7 || N/A || N/A ||
|| 20 || 29.8 || 9.9 || 9.9 ||
|| 30 || 19.8 || 10 || 19.9 ||
|| 40 || 14.9 || 4.9 || 24.8 ||
|| 50 || 11.92 || 3 || 27.78 ||
||'''Common GPS Orbit Table in 10 kms Bands'''||
|| Base Distance to Target 20,350 km ||
|| Speed km/s || Time To Target est. Minutes || Difference from previous velocity band || Difference from 15 k/m s Starting Velocity ||
|| 15 || 22.6 || N/A || N/A ||
|| 20 || 16.9 || 5.1 || 5.1 ||
|| 30 || 11.3 || 5.6 || 11.3 ||
|| 40 || 8.4 || 2.9 || 14.2 ||
|| 50 || 6.7 || 1.7 || 15.9 ||
||'''LEO Orbit Table in 10 kms Bands'''||
|| Base Distance to Target 2,000 km ||
|| Speed km/s || Time To Target est. Minutes || Difference from previous velocity band || Difference from 15 k/m s Starting Velocity ||
|| 15 || 2.2 || N/A || N/A ||
|| 20 || 1.6 || .6 || .6 ||
|| 30 || 1.1 || .5 || 1.1 ||
|| 40 || .83 || .27 || 1.37 ||
|| 50 || .66 || .17 || 1.54 ||
||''' The 15 km/s shot at the three bands'''||
|| General Band at the borders of each band || Time in Minutes to target ||
|| HEO 35,786 km || 39.7 ||
|| Common GPS 20,350 km || 22.6 ||
|| LEO 2,000km || 2.2 ||
|| '''Shots with range bands in in 10K km bands.''' ||
|| Distance in increments of 10K km || Base speed of 15km/s= Time to target in minutes for base comparison || Velocity in increments of 10km/s band starting with 20 km/s = Time to Target in minutes ||
|| 10K K/M || 15 km/s=11.11 || 20 km/s=8.3 || 30 km/s=5.5 || 40 km/s=4.1 || 50 km/s=3.3 ||
|| 20K K/M || 15 km/s=22.22 || 20 km/s=16.6 || 30 km/s=11.1 || 40 km/s=8.3 || 50 km/s=6.6 ||
|| 30K K/M || 15 km/s=33.33 || 20 km/s=25 || 30 km/s=16.6 || 40 km/s=12.5 || 50 km/s=10 ||
|| 40K K/M || 15 km/s=44.44 || 20 km/s=33.3 || 30 km/s=22.2 || 40 km/s=16.6 || 50 km/s=13.3 ||
|| 50K K/M || 15 km/s=55.55 || 20 km/s=41.6 || 30 km/s=27.7 || 40 km/s=20.8 || 50 km/s=16.6 ||


[[folder: Stuff]]

'''The You Are Green Speech From Boot Camp: MCRD Sandiego'''

''Here your race, color, creed, and religion do no matter. You are all worthless until you prove yourselves. You are no longer "I" you are This Recruit. You only have last names so we can pick your worthless slimy hides from the mass of green. Your are all GREEN, you may be light green or dark green, but you are all GREEN.''

* Deliberately Mispells the Teufel Part of his name as it is usually taken. Yes I am aware of the nuances of the German language and that Teufel Hunden is technically incorrect but its how the corps has viewed it for a long time and its how we are known.
* Was an armorer for the Marines. Armorer=Armored Cages full of hundreds of guns to repair, tweak, and tinker with.:)

[[folder: Tuefel Humor]]

'''Tuefel humor are things I find funny or amusing. Unless stated otherwise I am not the originator of the material'''

213 Things Skippy Isn't allowed to do in the Army.

The 213 Things….

1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I’m supposed to be working.

2. My proper military title is “Specialist Schwarz” not “Princess Anastasia”.

3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.

4. Not allowed to challenge anyone’s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.

5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.

6. Not allowed to play “Pulp Fiction” with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.

7. Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy” to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don’t like to War Criminal posters.

9. Not allowed to title any product “Get Over it”.

10. Not allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on government time.

11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party.

12. Not allowed to join any militia.

13. Not allowed to form any militia.

14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.

15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to “Sic Brass!”

16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my “Samson like powers”.

17. God may not contradict any of my orders.

18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous “Barbie Girl Dance” while on duty.

19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I’m right.

20. Must not taunt the French any more.

21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.

22. Must never call an SAS a “Wanker”.

23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they’ve been smoking crack.

24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it’s true.

25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.

26. Never tell a German soldier that “We kicked your ass in World War 2!”

27. Don’t tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).

28. Don’t take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).

29. The Irish M Ps are not after “Me frosted lucky charms”.

30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.

31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.

32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.

33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I * did* bring enough for everybody.

35. Not allowed to sing “High Speed Dirt” by Megadeth during airborne operations. (“See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I’m off to meet my maker”)

36. Can’t have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn’t over).

37. Our medic is called “Sgt Larwasa”, not “Dr. Feelgood”.

38. Our supply Sgt is “Sgt Watkins” not “Sugar Daddy”.

39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.

40. I do not have super-powers.

41. “Keep on Trucking” is * not* a psychological warfare message.

42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind’s baser instincts in recruitment posters.

43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

44. I am not the atheist chaplain.

45. I am not allowed to “Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddy’s little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies”.

46. I am not authorized to fire officers.

47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.

48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.

49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for “magic beans”.

50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.

51. Not allowed to quote “Dr Seuss” on military operations.

52. Not allowed to yell “Take that Cobra” at the rifle range.

53. Not allowed to quote “Full Metal Jacket “ at the rifle range.

54. “Napalm sticks to kids” is * not* a motivational phrase.

55. An order to “Put Kiwi on my boots” does * not* involve fruit.

56. An order to “Make my Boots black and shiny” does not involve electrical tape.

57. The proper response to a lawful order is not “Why?”

58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we’ve all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.

60. “The Giant Space Ants” are not at the top of my chain of command.

61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean “I have been promoted three more times than you”.

62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.

63. Command decisions do * not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.

64. Inflatable novelties do * not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.

65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.

66. There is no “Anti-Mime” campaign in Bosnia.

67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.

68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to “Block out the space mind control lasers”.

69. May not pretend to be a fascist stormtrooper, while on duty.

70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.

71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.

72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.

73. No military functions are to be performed “Skyclad”.

74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.

75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.

76. “Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around” is * not* a cadence.

77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them “You don’t need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for.”

78. I may not call block my chain of command.

79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.

80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.

81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.

82. May not form any press gangs.

83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with “I recently had an experience I just had to write you about….”

84. Must not use military vehicles to “Squish” things.

85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.

86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the “field of honor”.

87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as “Mom”.

89. Must not refer to the Commander as “Dad”.

90. Inflatable sheep do * not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.

91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.

92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony “Romper Bomper Stomper Boo” is probably not appropriate.

93. Nerve gas is not funny.

94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.

95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.

96. “Redneck Zombies” is not a military training aid.

97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.

98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not “Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.”

99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.

102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are “casualties of war”.

103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.

104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a “Cool Mint” Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.

105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.

106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.

107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.

108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.

109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.

110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.

111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.

112. When saluting a “leg” officer, an appropriate greeting is not “Airborne leads the wa- oh…sorry sir”.

113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from “Full Monty” every time I hear the song “Hot Stuff”.

114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.

115. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.

116. Crucifying mice – bad idea.

117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.

118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires – therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.

119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.

120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.

121. I should not use government resources to “waterproof” dirty magazines.

122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.

123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.

124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.

125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.

126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.

127. “No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages” does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s ® IV is acceptable.

128. “Shpadoinkle” is not a real word.

129. The Microsoft ® “Dancing Paperclip” is not authorized to countermand any orders.

130. “I’m drunk” is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.

131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.

132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.

133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.

134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.

135. An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.

136. Shouting “Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole fucking village!” while out on a mission is bad.

137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.

138. Even if my commander did it.

139. Must not teach interpreters how to make “MRE” bombs.

140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.

141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove “The Pen is Mightier than the sword”.

142. “Calvin-Ball” is not authorized PT.

143. I do not need to keep a “range card” by my window.

144. “K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free” is not an authorized uniform.

145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®.

148. Putting red “Mike and Ike’s” ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.

149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.

150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.

151. The proper way to report to my Commander is “Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir” not “You can’t prove a thing!”

152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries.

153. I should not assign new privates to “guard the flight line”.

154. Shouldn’t treat “piss-bottles” with extra-strength icy hot.

155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.

156. I will no longer perform “lap-dances” while in uniform.

157. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it still counts.

158. The revolution is not now.

159. When detained by MP’s, I do not have a right to a strip search.

160. No part of the military uniform is edible.

161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.

162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.

163. Take that hat off.

164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.

165. I do not get “that time of month”.

166. No, the pants are not optional.

167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.

168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.

169. Not even if they * are* “especially patriotic films”

170. Not allowed to “defect” to OPFOR during training missions.

171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the General’s helicopter.

172. “A full magazine and some privacy” is not the way to help a potential suicide.

173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.

174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it’s actually DOD policy).

175. We do not “charge into battle, naked, like the Celts”.

176. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought into the office.

177. I am not to refer to a formation as “the boxy rectangle thingie”.

178. I am not “A lesbian trapped in a man’s body”.

179. On Army documents, my race is not “Other”.

180. Nor is it “Secretariat, in the third”.

181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.

182. There is no FM for “wall-to-wall counseling”.

183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ®

184. When operating a military vehicle I may * not* attempt something “I saw in a cartoon”.

185. My name is not a killing word.

186. I am not the Emperor of anything.

187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.

188. May not challenge officers to “Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn”.

189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.

190. Must not make s’mores while on guard duty.

191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.

192. The proper response to a briefing is not “That’s what you think”.

193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.

194. Shouldn’t take incriminating photos of my chain of command.

195. Shouldn’t use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.

196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.

197. I am not allowed to sing “Henry the VIII I am” until verse 68 ever again.

198. Not allowed to lead a “Coup” during training missions.

199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.

200. My chain of command is not interested in why I “just happen” to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.

201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.

202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the “Safety Dance” and the “Safety Briefing” are never to be combined.

203. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys” is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.

204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an “Easter Desecration.”

205. Don’t write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. (“Broken clutch pedal”, “Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs”, “flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged”)

206. Not allowed to get shot.

207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is * not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)

208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civilians who are “hearing conversations” from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.

209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness * only* . (Also not a Skippy-ism…this was the same dinner.)

210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing “Eat Pork or Die” in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.

211. Don’t ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.

212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don’t have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.

213. Do not convince NCO’s that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.

Now for the groan factor the nom-dictionary... my poor wife she ended up laughing and shaking her head then unleashing [=PUNishment=].
This is Tuefel Made.

[=DeNOMination=]-Religion with tastiest souls

[=NOM de Guerre=]-a very tasty name

[=NOMinate=]-to pick the one with most flavors.

[=aNOMaly=]-To eat the irregular

[=AstroNOMer=]-studying nomming of existence.

[=astroNOMical=]-tasteful finity.

[=carciNOMa=]-in Soviet Russia NOM eats you.

[=chroNOMeter=]-measures NOM per second.

[=ecoNOMic=]-greedy companies go OM NOM NOM NOM NOM taxpayers money.

[=enveNOM=]-disagreeing with something you ate.

[=NOMad=]-food on the go.

[=trigoNOMetry=]-a complex meal.
* [[http://www.geoffmetcalf.com/rules_20021121.html List Below from Here]]

USMC Rules for Gunfighting

1. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns.

2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Your life is expensive.

3. Only hits count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.

4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough nor using cover correctly.

5. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)

6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a friend with a long gun.

7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.

8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.

9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun.

9.5 Use a gun that works EVERY TIME.

10. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

12. Have a plan.

13. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.

14. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.

15. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.

16. Don't drop your guard.

17. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.

18. Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them).

19. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.

20. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.

21. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

22. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.

23. Your number one Option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.

24. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a ".4"

Navy Rules to Gunfighting

1. Go to Sea

2. Send the Marines

3. Drink Coffee


[[folder: Things to sort and research.]]

General Notes: WWII Common US Rifle Grenade. AT Grenade effective range for light and medium tanks and hardened position point targets is 75 yds. Fragmentation timed or impact 200yds area target.

Small Scale Naval and Land Artillery

Experiemental Armored Vehicles

Exotic Weaponry

Combat Techniques: An Elite Forces Guide to Modern Infantry Tactics
By Martin J. Dougherty, Chris McNab

[[folder: Video Links]]

Battle Scenes

* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPr9g3EVz-o We were Soldiers Final Battle Scene]]

* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUl1mAjTTb0&feature=related Otoko Tachi No Yamato]]

* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmIpofVmhhc&feature=related The Assembly Battle Scene]]

* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZgKo46X8CI&feature=related Saving Private Ryan]]

* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHjWDCX1Bdw&feature=related Trivia One of the Helo Pilots is R Lee Ermey.]]

* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azEvfD4C6ow&feature=player_embedded Bagger 288]]


[[folder: Possible Writing Work]]

Felsen Luft

Fora Thanks

@/{{MellonCollie}} for Felsen Luft and reminding me to describe how the alloy works better.
* No problem ^__^. Glad to help.[[/folder]]
[[folder: For Pics funny]]

I am semi-retiring the images section. They will be hidden from view until I can make separate copies. I will be moving the comic to the same area by the time I am done.


[[folder: Vandalization]]

Preserved for Posterity since no one else can write on other tropers user pages any longer.

Oorah you silly Jarhead. -@/{{Barkey}}

* scribbles "USAF wuz here" on your wall*

[[MemeticBadass TUEFEL IV! TUEFEL IV! TUEFEL IV! TUEFEL IV!]] ~@/{{Zudak}}, natch.

Vandalism Muffin Go! -@/{{MissHedgey}}

You are awesome -@/{{Rumetzen}}

Here's to our very own Srgt. Rock. HUP TWO! - @/{{Krrackknut}}.

[==]* pokes* I saw what you did there, you vandal. :P - @/{{Dec}}

Heya Tuefel, Keep it classy. ~@/{{Lance}}.

I hide in your shadow and make faces at the ants that cross my path. * nods* [[spoiler: Also, a buttercup is a flower, a butter cup is a cooking aid. Get it straight before I poke you >:[ ]] ~@/{{Buttercupistiny}}
->Update: You are the Bloody Baron to my Peeves :3

You have one of the most chaotic contributer pages. Not that that's a bad thing. And you keep on bringing interesting links to the aviation thread. --{{Tropers/Catfish42}}

You always bring an expert opinion to anything military. [[SincerityMode Someday I wish to be as cool a person as you.]] - @/{{Flanker 66}}

"But Tuefel is an Elite Mook. Forget not that I am a former U.S. Marine. I eat razor wire and piss napalm." I salute thee, sir. - @/TheFan

First I found this page. Then I was like "hey that's awesome". Then I was like "whoa how does he know all this". Then I was like "haha so saving those images". Then I was like "my good sir, I can only aspire to being as awesome as you one day."-{{Tropers/Dreadnought}}

-salute- I'm impressed sir. There really aren't as many tropers who stir up admiration in me as much as you. Sir. :) - @/{{Keybreak}}

{{Proud Warrior Race Guy}} - {{harmattane}}, adding tropes as requested.

"That is the first sign of aging. You have absorbed so much Media your emitting trope radiation and its affecting your bio-electric systems." %Haven

Cool, you'd really hug a bear too? ~{{Tropers/Enzeru}}

You have probably heard this before, but ''that is an amazing amount of research material''. 0_0 Amazingness is known to be distributive, and your own amazingness has been confirmed separately by external observation in the fora, so... myth confirmed? I'm not sure exactly where I was going with that; I should probably reorganise before I publish. - @/{{Noaqiyeum}}

Greetings! I appreciate the humor ^_^ nil desperandum! ~@/LibrisDedita

I had a good laugh looking at your pictures folder. -Tropers/MokonaZero

You have the biggest troper page in the world... @/T448Eight

Post/Wiki Work/Wwrite up save space.
[[folder: The Parable Parable]]
||One Day Parable made a horrible joke in the forum.||
||http://static.mediatropes.info/pmwiki/pub/images/reiKyonko227032_jpg_100.png||They say there is no black and white, just shades of grey.||
||To which Parable responded, "there are 50 shades of grey, to be precise." ||
||Little did Parable know that his most heinous crime was witnessed someone watching quietly.||
||The initial reaction was obvious.||
||Action had to be taken soon.||
||It was clear something had to be done.||
||So hunters were sent for Parable.||
|| They scoured the world for Parable.||
||Parable was alerted to the search.||
||An attempt at drastic action by Parable was made.||
||It was not enough so Parable in an act of desperation made a shady deal.||
||But alas Parable was betrayed and forced to seek the final act to escape. He summoned his mighty army.||
||The Mighty Spartans. They were a force to be reckoned with. For a time they protected Parable from his pursuers.||
||Sadly the Spartan shields and spears were no match against an A-10 Thunderbolt Air Strike.||
||His army defeated Parable faced capture at the hands of his enemies.||
||The appearance of an implacible foe forced Parable to surrender.||
||His trial was swift and the verdict was stunning.||
||Parable was elated.||
||The public response was less enthusiastic.||
||Many were surprised.||
||Others Furious.||
||Soon an angry momb chased Parable.||
||While valiantly fighting back the mob Parable was suddenly slain by an assassin.||
||This is how the Parable Zombie Apocalypse started.||
||How this goes is a story for another day.||
After Credits

||[=FFiiiifffffty=] Ggggrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeyyyyy!!!!||


[[folder: Trope idea]]

Help Tuefel with a trope idea.

What I am looking for.

Examples where an elevator used as a set piece for a surprise attack. This can be done anyway as long as it is focused on the elevator. The two chief examples being someone in an elevator is attacked by someone outside the elevator. This can be in the elevator lobby or through the ceiling or walls by surprise. The inverse is someone inside the elevator catches someone outside it by surprise in a surprise attack. This trope can play into other elevator related tropes. Elevators delivering a surprise booby trap would feasibly work as well.

Please PM me with examples.


Summary of the trope idea

The elevator often serves as a convenient method to direct some aspect of a work. Be it an action sequence, romance, or even a drawn out battle the elevator is a useful plot location. Because of the nature of an elevator it easily traps even powerful characters and induces a artificial weakness. It serves as a handy way to eliminate or kill a character and/or NPC's. Heroes and villains alike are vulnerable when inside an elevator as its confines limits options for movement and rarely offers any form of cover or protection from an attack. This makes the elevator an ideal point of ambush often leading to other elevator themed tropes like ElevatorActionSequence. Elevators packed with potential targets often become a mobile room filled with carnage.

It is not limited to action going into the elevator but can have the action coming from the elevator. An elevator door opens and suddenly all hell breaks loose from inside it. This can play into EmptyElevator where an empty elevator arrives and suddenly. Whether or not the elevator is attacked by those outside it something or someone burst from the elevator and surprises the people outside it. Sometimes an inquisitive person investigating what looks like might be an empty elevator gets snatched into the interior or through the roof hatch before they are dispatched.

Another possibility is the elevator is used to deliver a deadly surprise like bomb, grenade, or claymore mine that goes off taking out anyone lurking around elevator and often taking out the elevator as well.

While this is a trope you would more commonly find in Action, adventure, and/or suspense works it can show up in horror/scary works. Often with the monster/creature/ attacking people in the elevator through the roof, floor, walls, or door while the elevator is in motion. Sometimes the creatures stop the elevator before attacking with the occupants wondering what those strange sounds are before they are often fatally attacked in their suspended metal coffin. Two other variations are the monster jumping out of the elevator or the monster charging into as soon as the doors open. Sometimes someone will be snatched from inside the elevator through a roof maintenance and access hatch.

This trope is likely to serve as the spring board to other tropes and action sequences. For example the monster ambushes people in the elevator it comes to stop and the survivors run out with monster tearing through the elevator and initiating a chase sequence. Or the ambush doesn't quite work out and leads to an elevator action sequence.

The key part of the trope is the elevator serves as the point of surprise either from or into the elevator.

A specific example of how this trope might work is the elevator scene from the movie Film/TheDeparted Which can be seen here. [[http://youtu.be/b66y1LHixqY The Departed Elevator Scene]]
Costigan has apprehended Sullivan in front of Trooper Brown and takes Sullivan to the elevator leaving Brown behind. The scene then focuses on those two on their elevator ride down. As soon as the doors open at ground floor Costigan is ambushed and killed with a close range gunshot to the head by Trooper Barrigan. While two other characters are shot in this scene only one is ambushed thanks to the nature of the elevator delivering him to a predictable point allowing him to be shot in the head a second or two after the doors open.
Blurb Example
In movies an elevator can be a dangerous place to be in. Especially if you are any sort of character in an action, horror, thriller, or suspense work. Elevators can be deadly traps, an impromptu prison, mobile battle ground, or even possibly your ride to destiny. However there is another type of hazard from elevators. While they provide a often quick, convenient, and a easy way to rapid traverse vertical distances there are good reasons to avoid an elevator. Any character be they {{Mook}, RedShirt, Protagnist, Antagonist, or any other character climbing into an elevator is putting their life on the line. The elevator travels a predictable path in the majority of cases one of two directions handily indicated by some mechanism or device, most elevators cannot be seen out of meaning the characters inside cannot see possible threats outside the elevator, and many elevators are relatively small boxes that notably limit options for both cover and freedom of movement.

The very structure of most elevators scream shooting fish in a barrel or come get me I am an easy target. Unless you are on an absurdly large elevator you have little or no room to move and the majority of elevators have no place to hide. This makes them ideal spots to ambush someone while they are in it. Sometimes though the surprise comes from inside the elevator sprung upon those unsuspectingly waiting outside or perhaps GenreSavvy {{Mook}}s and RedShirts waiting or looking for the wrong thing only to be in turn surprised from inside or above the elevator.

There is a reason why in a combat situation in real life Military and Law and Enforcement opt to take the stairs instead. GenreSavvy or paranoid characters may avoid the obvious death trap altogether sometimes even opting to leave the would be ambushers with an empty elevator instead.

Elevator Ambushes are usually portrayed in one of two ways. The first way is someone gets into an elevator expecting the elevator ride to go as expected only to suddenly find themselves under attack from someone or something outside the elevator. In action movies it is pretty common for the elevator to be shot up as soon as the doors open just like shooting a fish in a barrel. Sometimes the shooting starts before the doors even opening denying the occupants any chance of being aware of their impending doom and possibly retaliating. In any horror or thriller movie the monster, mad man, or creature may surge through elevator doors as they open, drop in through the roof into the car, pull someone up through the roof, or even attack right through the floor, roof, or walls of the elevator car itself.

The other depiction of the elevator ambush is the surprise coming from inside the elevator being sprung on those waiting outside it. The doors on an elevator open and suddenly there is a character attacking from the supposedly easily controlled space often rapidly plowing through any opposition thanks to their element of surprise. An unlucky {{Mook}} or RedShirt might get yanked into a elevator suddenly if it opens and they go to investigate the lack of a person getting out. Sometimes the parties waiting outside the elevator attack the elevator before the doors open or lay in wait for any to occupant to arrive to their doom to suddenly have the tables turned on them. The character they were planning on ambushing will often burst from the elevator typically from the roof access hatch, a small part of the elevator not able to be seen directly, or even drop from a ceiling cling from above. Monsters, creatures, or other scary critters often surge out of the elevator or launch themselves from the ceiling or access hatch above.

Sometimes it is even possible for someone in the elevator to ambush someone else in it.

Elevator Ambushes are typically short. Those that run for too long lose the element of surprise and turn into other tropes like elevator action sequence.

Particularly clever or GenreSavvy characters may instead choose to leave a surprise in the elevator in their stead like a bomb, claymore mine, grenade sans pin or other unpleasant surprise to deal with their would be ambushers.


* Film/{{Dredd}}: Shortly after Dredd and Anderson assault up the stairs through the riot gas cloud an elevator is shown ascending. It arrives at a floor with an audible ding and is noticed by by two of Ma-Ma's thugs. One of the thugs goes to investigate the elevator peering into it before being jerked inside followed by the sound of the one the judges guns putting him down. Dredd and Anderson then attack out of the elevator with Dredd shooting the second thug.
* Film/TheGodFather:Victor Stracci and an associate are ambushed in an elevator by Peter Clemenza who uses a shotgun to kill both of them. The doors open and as they are trapped in the elevator they are killed with blasts from from the shotgun.
* Film/DieHardWithAVengeance: While John Mc Clain is riding the elevator with the Mooks down he catches on that they are not who they claim to be. While still in the elevator he distracts them with idle chatter and springs a surprise on them shooting the first guy and launching a ElevatorActionSequence that results in an elevator full of dead Mooks.
* Film/OnHermajestysSecretService: A mook is sitting at a desk when the elevator rings. Noticing no one gets out the Guard Mook walks over to the elevator and question. Bond leaps out shoving the door into the mooks face launching a short brawl with Bond subduing the Mook.
* Film/Watchmen: Ozymandias is discussing things with the business men when the elevator dings. The scene has an awkward pause as the surprised people and the faux delivery man stare at each other for a few short seconds. Then the faxu deliveryman drops his delivery and pulls out a pistol and begins shooting before stepping out of the elevator.
* Anime/SpaceAdventureCobra:
** In Episode 8 ''Fierce Battle! Cobra versus Bowie'', Cobra has to ascend an elevator to continue pursuing Crystal Bowie. At the top two of Bowie's mooks are waiting outside the elevator. As soon as it arrives they spray the elevator with weapon fire. The doors then open revealing no one is there. As they approach Cobra drops from the ceiling inside the elevator and kills both of them.
** Episode 7 "Janes's Revenge!", when Tavege is riding the elevator back down from the Refresh Center Cobra ambushes him outside the elevator with his Psycho Gun splitting both him and his armor in half from crotch to the top of his head.
* Anime/ArmoredTrooperVOTOMS: Chirico Cuvie and Fyana are fleeing together in VOTOMS from the plotters. Their pursuers rouse the local arena fighters with a promise of a big bounty. Instead of descending in the elevator Chirico places a directional bomb in it. The elevator doors open and the would be ambushers realize too late what it is. The bomb goes off and wipes out the ambushers and destroys the elevator in the process.
* VideoGame/FEAR: At one point in the game while wandering around one of buildings an elevator unexpectedly arrives and opens revealing a waiting enemy soldier who attacks the player right off the bat.
* VideoGame/MetalGearSolid: Snake gets onto a cargo elevator scouted out by Otacon. As he is riding it down it is revealed he is caught in ambush by four enemy soldiers wearing stealth camo suits waiting for him to get on. This leads to an ElevatorActionSequence as Snake fights the hidden enemies.
* VideoGame/DeadSpace2: After repairing the Solar Array elevator you are suddenly attacked by monsters as you ride the elevator resulting in an ElevatorActionSequence battle.
* VideoGame/HitmanBloodMoney: In one mission it is an option to hide on top of an elevator and ambush someone getting into and hauling their body through the maintenance hatch.
* VideoGame/GearsofWar3: The player has to select an elevator to call. There is chance said elevator will arrive with enemies who immediately burst out to attack the player and friendly NPC's.