While I was counting seconds, you were counting friends.

!!Tropes that apply to me (or can be forced to apply to me with the right stretching of definitions):
* {{Angrish}}: Infamous for this at work. My speech when I'm extremely angry is an incoherent, profanity-laden word salad.
* ApologizesALot: "Shit, sorry, man" is probably uttered about every seventh or eighth sentence.
* BigEater: I have the metabolism of a goddamn hummingbird.
* BlindWithoutEm: Take my glasses away and everything looks like an indistinct blur.
* BoozeBasedBuff: I become a much faster and more accurate typer after I've had a few, though the latter one goes away after a few more. This actually led to my writing an entire paper while drunk once; the professor was equal parts impressed that I was able to clearly express the underlying legal principles (it was a law class paper) with the bulk of a bottle of cheap Canadian whiskey in me and irritated at having to figure out just what the fuck I was saying half the time.
* BrokenBird: They are sadly my type. The more damaged and emotionally unavailable or internally conflicted she is, the harder I'll probably fall for her. I legit question whether I CAN feel any substantial attraction to emotionally healthy women at this point.
* DarkAndTroubledPast: Let's just say that my life hasn't been the greatest. Some of it was my own fault, a lot of it was the fault of others, some of it was a mix, and it's all been a shitshow.
* DrivesLikeCrazy: Sometimes. Get me in a bad enough mood and it's going to be one hell of a wild ride with me behind the wheel.
* FiftiesHair: A slicked-back undercut, as is the wont of basically every twentysomething white male in the 2010s.
* HandyFeet: My toes can grasp things quite well.
* HollywoodNewEngland: I live in the backwoods of NH. There's nothing around here aside from Cape Cod blueblood transplants, white trash, and heroin, though I am within relatively reasonable ("within an hour and twenty" being reasonable for New England) driving distance of Boston, Worcester, Manchester, and Lowell. I don't have the accent, but I feel like I'm pretty good at embodying most of the stereotypes in other ways.
* HugeGuyTinyGirl: Whenever I'm around a good friend of mine (I'm on the high end of 6'0" and 180lbs, she's on the low end of 5'1" and like sixty or seventy pounds lighter than me).
* TheQuietOne: I'm friendly enough, but I will never say the first word.
* SirSwearsalot: As anyone who knows me can tell you.
* TheSnarkKnight: I am ''vicious''.
* SpeechImpediment: Bit of a stutter that has gotten worse with age. I personally don't give a fuck.
* TrademarkFavoriteFood: Ice cream, alcohol, curry, and falafel. Good Mission-style burritos are also up there.
* VerbalTic: "Dude", "man", "sick", "y'know", "I mean...", and "fuckin'".