--->"I'm a one-woman woman
---> And you're wastin' my time."
----> -"I Ain't Got Time"
''Zanna, Dont!'' is an Off-Broadway [[TheMusical musical]] by Tim Acito. It was written in 2002 and ran its Off-Broadway run 2003. It was to get a run on Broadway, but talk of that has largely tapered off. It takes place in an AlternateUniverse where chess is cool, football is weird, and [[CastFullOfGay everybody]] is gay.
The show revolves around the character Zanna, resident matchmaker, magic practitioner and student at Heartsville High. In the course of the story, he hooks up Mike and Steve, and Roberta and Kate. Disaster strikes when Steve and Kate fall in love, causing them to be ostracized. In an attempt to make everything better, Zanna permanently flips their world into our world. Now everyone is straight and he's the odd one out. But everyone learns to get [[ThePowerOfFriendship along in the end]].
Includes examples of:
* AlternateUniverse : But everything is pretty [[LikeRealityUnlessNoted normal]] except for three things. Chess is cooler than football, mechanical-bull riding is a intermural sport and everybody is gay.
* BiTheWay: Steve and Kate
* CastFullOfGay : Everyone in Heartsville (and the rest of America) are gay.
* FridgeLogic: "Two by Two, just like Noah had to do..." if everyone's gay, how does ''that'' work?
* GayGuySeeksPopularJock: Though due to the gay AlternateUniverse of the musical, the LovableJock is actually closeted ''straight'', and Chess is cooler than Football in any case.
* HasTwoMommies : Or two daddies.
* HighSchoolDance : The scene for Zanna to discover that everyone is now straight.
* [[CollegeRadio High School Radio]] : Tank is resident DJ.
* ICantBelieveAGuyLikeYouWouldNoticeMe : Mike, captain of the chess club goes out with Steve, quarterback of the football team. They even say this line.
* IncompatibleOrientation : Kate with Roberta, Steve with Mike, Zanna with Steve
* MagicWand : Zanna uses a literal magic wand, pretty star on the end and all.
* MagicalQueer : Literally!
* MatchmakerCrush : Zanna hooks up Mike and Steve, and then realizes that he likes Steve too.
* ThePowerOfLove : "Nothing done out of love can ever do us harm..."
* SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism : Far on the side of idealism. Steve and Kate are briefly ostracized for their relationship, but Zanna saves them by turning the world upside-down. When Zanna is briefly ostracized at the prom, his friends return to include him and accept all kinds of love.
* TemptingFate : This is referencing Kate and Steve pretending to be in love. Bet you he regrets it four songs later.
-->'''Mike:''' You looked perfect!\\
* WideEyedIdealist : Oh Zanna...