'''Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenaged Blockhead''' is a 2004 fanfiction play by Bert V. Royal. A {{darker and edgier}} take on the ''{{Peanuts}}'' universe, the show ''starts'' with the death of Snoopy and Woodstock, and somehow only manages to get more depressing from there. Due to copyright and trademark issues, none of the characters go by their official Peanuts-verse names.
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[[folder: The main characters are: ]]

* CB: Charlie Brown. Probably the most well-adjusted character (until the plot happens).
* CB's Sister: Sally
* Van: Linus gone pothead. When CB and Van's sister burnt his security blanket, his response was to mix it with weed and smoke it.
* Matt: Pig-Pen. In the years since ''Peanuts'', he's turned into a germaphobe and a homophobe.
* Beethoven: Schroeder
* Marcy: Marcie
* Tricia: Peppermint Patty
* Van's Sister: Lucy
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!Tropes Include:

* AbusiveParents
* AdaptationalVillainy: Pig-Pen, the lovable mess, becomes Matt, the germo- and homophobic jock.
* AdultsAreUseless: Lampshaded, specifically the traditional muffled-trombone ''Peanuts'' voices.
* AffectionateParody: Every single cliché from various earlier "DarkerAndEdgier" parodies of the comic show up here in some form, from Snoopy getting rabies to Peppermint Patty and Marcie having a huge lesbian subtext going on, Linus becoming a pot addict, to Schroeder being a closet gay, and everyone is generally foul-mouthed, drug-abusing and sex-obsessed -- but despite all this, the comic's ideals and themes are upheld and honored (if stretched a little), and [[spoiler: the final scene, with the letter from C.S. (aka Charles Schulz) is full of heartfelt words of encouragement to CB, telling him that he ''is'' a good man when all is said and done... and, depending on your interpetation, that his friend, dog and bird are happy in the afterlife.]]
* AllGaysLoveTheatre:
-->'''Van's Sister''': No offence, CB, but I don't think you're cool enough to be gay. Don't get me wrong, I love you to death, but if I had to imagine you giving a shit about home decoration or musical theatre, I just don't see it.
-->'''[[StraightGay CB]]''': [[LampshadeHanging Now you're just using stereotypes.]]
* ArcWords: "Find an identity."
** To a lesser extent, "[[TitleDrop Dog sees God]] in his master."
* ArmoredClosetGay: [[spoiler: Matt. While his sexuality is never confirmed, it's clear by the play's end that he has a strong interest in CB]]
* AllOfTheOtherReindeer: Beethoven became this after everyone found out his dad went to prison for molesting him so everyone stopped being his friend, replacing CB as the ChewToy.
* AmicableExes: Apparently, C.B and Van's sister dated before she was put into the insane asylum.
* BerserkButton: NEVER call Matt "Pigpen". [[spoiler: Beethoven makes this mistake at the end of the play, and it costs him his life.]]
* BlackComedy: Considering its based off of ''Peanuts'', this was a given.
* BreadMilkEggsSquick:
-->'''CB''': Just because I did something that I wanted to do doesn't make me a homo. I've smoked pot. Doesn't mean I'm a pothead. I've drank plenty of beer. Doesn't make me a drunk. [[spoiler: You set that little redheaded girl's hair on fire. [[{{Metaphorgotten}} Doesn't make you a pyromaniac.]]]]
-->'''Van's Sister''': Well, actually, technically it does.
-->'''CB''': Okay. Bad example.
* BreakTheCutie: The entire play can be seen as this for CB. It starts with him losing his dog and come circle with him [[spoiler: losing his lover at the end.]]
* ButtMonkey: CB, obviously.
* BuryYourGays: [[spoiler:Alas, Beethoven! We hardly knew ye!]]
* CatchPhrase: Most of those in ''Peanuts'' are lampshaded.
* CatsAreSuperior: Referenced in the quote the title is taken from:
-->'''Beethoven''': You know, they saw a dog sees God in his master. A cat just looks in the mirror.
* ChildhoodFriendRomance: CB and Beethoven, although they had been distant for years before they got together.
** This also applies to the relation between CB and Van's sister before she was incarcerated.
* ComedicSociopathy: Van's Sister is in an insane asylum [[spoiler:for setting the little red-haired girl's hair on fire]].
* ComingOutStory: [[spoiler:For Beethoven and CB.]]
* {{Cloudcuckoolander}}: CB's sister. Three words: "Cocooning into Platypus."
** Van also fits the mold pretty well.
* CrapsackWorld
* DarkerAndEdgier: Oh, yes.
* DrivenToSuicide: [[spoiler: Beethoven, after Matt breaks his hands.]]
* DumbassHasAPoint: Ditzy Tricia is the one to point out [[spoiler: the fact that Matt has a homoerotic obsession with CB.]] She even [[LampshadeHanging lampshades]] it: "I'm the dumb one and I figured it out."
* EruditeStoner: Van.
* {{Fingore}}: When Matt [[spoiler: breaks all of Beethoven's fingers over his piano.]]
* ForcefulKiss: CB is fond of giving this to Beethoven. Also counts as a ShutUpKiss.
* FullNameBasis: Averted: even though CB ''is'' Charlie Brown, he is never called by his full name. Though his sister does refer to him as "Charles", and Van "Chuck B.". Only one production used his full name at any point in the production and they were sued because of it.
* FunWithPalindromes: The title, minus the subtitle -- "Dog Sees God".
* GirlinessUpgrade: Rough and tumble tomboy Peppermint Patty has grown up to be ditzy party girl Tricia.
* GreenEyedMonster: [[spoiler: Matt's love for CB is ultimately what drives him to threaten and injure Beethoven.]]
* HeroicBSOD: Both CB and his sister experience this trope after [[spoiler: Beethoven's death]].
* IllBeYourBestFriend: Van's sister offers to be CB's best friend forever if he sneaks her a book of matches next time he visits. [[spoiler:According to him, though, [[FriendshipMoment she already is.]]]]
* IncompatibleOrientation: CB's sister and Beethoven.
* IronicEcho: "I can't keep up with you. Find an identity!" The first time said out of frustration from CB to his sister, who has a new obsession every week. The second time, said half-mockingly, half-lovingly from CB's sister to CB, remarking on [[spoiler:his sudden coming out.]]
* {{Jerkass}}: Matt.
* KarmaHoudiniWarranty: [[spoiler:At the end of the original play, Matt gets off with just a one-week suspension for breaking Beethoven's fingers. In the sequel, he is shown to be in the insane asylum as well.]]
* KillTheCutie: [[spoiler: Beethoven.]]
* KilledOffForReal: [[spoiler:Snoopy, Woodstock, and Beethoven.]]
* LargeHam: CB's sister is one in-universe, judging by her original performance of her "Cocooning Into Platypus" play. Although it's later subverted by her final performance after [[spoiler: Beethoven's death]].
** Van's sister also qualifies. Partly justified in that she's drugged up on lithium during her [[OneSceneWonder only appearance]].
* LeaningOnTheFourthWall: "Do you ever feel like you're not a real person? That you're the product of someone's imagination and you can't think for yourself because you're really just like some creation and that somewhere there's people laughing every time you fall?"
* LoveDodecahedron: As is typical of a ''Peanuts''-inspired story. CB and Beethoven develop an interest in each other, even though CB was dating Van's sister (who ''herself'' was briefly in love with Beethoven when they were kids) until she was [[spoiler: arrested for arson.]] Meanwhile, Van likes CB's sister, who likes Beethoven. Tricia and Marcie initially like Matt and CB, respectively, although Marcie grows more attracted to Matt after they sleep together. And finally, as is revealed as the play goes on, [[spoiler: Matt is in love with CB, and is intensely jealous of the attention CB is receiving from Beethoven.]]
* MushroomSamba
* NeverMyFault
* NoBisexuals: CB once had a relationship with Van's sister, and his love for the Little Red-Headed Girl is also acknowledged. However, after he kisses Beethoven, it's assumed by everyone (including Van's sister herself) that he was gay all along.
* OrdinaryHighSchoolStudent: CB. This is even [[LampshadeHanging lampshaded]] by Van's sister.
* ShoutOut: To ''Peanuts'', obviously.
* ShutUpHannibal: [[spoiler: Matt does ''not'' take C.B and Beethoven's relationship well. So when he accuses Beethoven "messing" with his friend's feelings and threatens him to stay away from C.B, Beethoven's brief replies are nothing short of this.]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Beethoven:''' No.]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Matt:''' What? What did you just say?]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Beethoven:''' I said no. [[BerserkButton Pigpen]].]]
* SiblingTriangle
* StraightGay: CB
* TheirFirstTime: [[spoiler: CB admits to Van's sister that he and Beethoven had sex after leaving the party. Although it's implied by their dialogue that she and CB have had sex before, while they were dating.]]
* VitriolicBestBuds: CB and Van's sister.
* WildTeenParty: Marcie throws one of these while her parents are away. [[spoiler: While sex-crazed teen antics are expected, it's CB's kissing of Beethoven that truly shocks the other party-goers.]]
* WhyDidItHaveToBeSnakes: Matt's compulsive cleanliness.
* WritingAroundTrademarks
* {{Yandere}}: [[spoiler:Matt]] is implied to be a closet one for [[spoiler:CB.]]
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