->'''Quark''': They're chasing us? Ficus, who are they?\\
'''Ficus''': Well, commander, there are three possibilities. Either they are the dreaded Gorgons, in which we'll probably all be killed, or they're the allies of the dreaded Gorgons-\\
'''Quark''': Ficus, I don't have time for long lists!\\
'''Ficus''': -in which case we'll probably also be killed.\\
'''Quark''': Ficus, what you're saying is that all possibilities end in our death.
-->-- "All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms, Part 1"

Not a [[Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine Ferengi bartender]], nor a [[UsefulNotes/QuantumPhysics subatomic particle]], nor a [[Franchise/RatchetAndClank galactic president]], but a 1970s sci-fi [[ParodyTropes parody]] of ''Franchise/StarTrek'' from ''Series/GetSmart'' co-creator Buck Henry. It was basically the US-version of ''Series/RedDwarf'', but with only eight episodes.

The show was set on the ''United Galaxies Sanitation Patrol Cruiser'', a garbage scow working for the United Galaxies Space Station Perma 1. It regularly satirized ''Franchise/StarTrek'', ''Franchise/StarWars'', ''Film/TwoThousandOneASpaceOdyssey'', and ''ComicStrip/FlashGordon''. The characters were:

* '''Adam Quark''': TheCaptain, who longs for glamorous assignments, but ends up picking up garbage bags. Often gets into adventures without meaning to.
* '''The Bettys''': The BridgeBunnies, jointly second-in-command, navigators, and pilots of the ship. One of them is a clone of the other, but both insist it's the other. Both of them lust after Quark. Notably played by a pair of Doublemint gum twins.
* '''Gene/Jean''': Chief engineer, with the twist that he's a "transmute," with both male and female chromosomes and both sets of hormones . Thus, as Gene, he's a {{Jerkass}}, but as Jean complete with a [[CrossDressingVoices female voice]] , she's a TechnicalPacifist.
* '''Ficus Pandorata''': TheSpock taken to the extremes, he's a "Vegeton," a member of [[PlantAliens sentient plant race]]. He always speaks with SpockSpeak, has no emotions at all, cares about no one, and breeds by pollinating.
* '''Andy''': A CowardlySidekick RobotBuddy, he was basically a stupid [[Franchise/TheHitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy Marvin]].
* '''Otto Palindrome''': The ObstructiveBureaucrat who is in charge of Perma 1. He loves making Quark miserable.
* '''Dink''': The NonHumanSidekick for Otto, he was basically Cousin It from ''Series/TheAddamsFamily'' [[RecycledINSPACE IN SPACE]].
* '''The Head''': The BadBoss crossed with a giant [[RubberForeheadAliens Rubber Forehead Alien]], Otto answered to him, and he frequently assigned Quark to bizarre jobs.
!!''Quark'' has examples of:

* ActorAllusion The episode "Goodbye Polumbus" was a reference to ''Literature/GoodbyeColumbus'' which actor Richard Benjamin [Quark] played the lead
* AffectionateParody
* AIIsACrapshoot In the last episode, their ship gets a new computer called Vanessa, while proceeds to turn crazy and try to kill them in a parody of ''2001: A Space Odyssey'' and the ''Series/{{Star Trek|the Original Series}}'' episode "The Ultimate Computer"
* AllHailTheGreatGodMickey: "My ancestors were from a tribe called 'the Americans'. Archeological digs in California indicate they worshipped, and were ruled by, a fully clothed, giant mouse."
* CaptainsLog As a parody of ''Franchise/StarTrek'', Quark had one every few minutes, often LampshadeHanging whatever was happening
* CloningBlues The Bettys are both in love with Quark and don't know (or won’t say) which of them is the original .
* CoolStarship Subverted: they travel on a ''garbage scow''
* DeathTrap Zorgon ''loves'' these and Ficus ends one episode in one
* EvilOverlord Zorgon the Malevolent, Most Vicious Gorgon Space Pirate and Half-Brother to the High Gorgon Himself
* EvilTwin The whole cast except for Ficus got them when they passed through a black hole, in a parody of the ''Series/{{Star Trek|the Original Series}}'' episodes "The Enemy Within" and "Mirror, Mirror"
* FantasticRacism: Clones and Transmutes are discriminated against. There's a social stigma against sleeping with clones, and Transmutes can be treated with outright contempt to their faces.
* {{Fanservice}} The Bettys
* TheForce Parodied, along with ''StarWars'', in "May the Source Be With You."
* FridayNightDeathSlot
* GenderBlenderName Gene/Jean both ''sound'' the same
* LotusEaterMachine In "Goodbye Polumbus," the Gorgons' machine designed to drain the minds of brilliant scientists traps the crew in their own fantasies, in a parody of the ''Series/{{Star Trek|The Original Series}}'' episode "Shore Leave"
* MacGuffin In "All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms," Zorgon demands Quark tell him where "it" is. Quark, having no idea what "it" is, lies. We never find out exactly what "it" is, but Quark ends up with a worthless rock necklace.
* MadScientistsBeautifulDaughter Princess Libido, daughter of Zorgon, who wants to marry Ficus.
* MeaningfulName Parodied - Ficus is a plant, Palindrome's first name is one, Gene/Jean has male and female chromosomes in their genes, Andy is an android, etc.
* MultiArmedAndDangerous In the pilot there was Interface, a four-armed alien woman who controlled communications between ships.
* NegativeSpaceWedgie Couldn't avoid 'em as it parodied ''Franchise/StarTrek''.
* OvernightAgeUp In a parody of the ''Series/{{Star Trek|The Original Series}}'' episode "The Deadly Years," Quark due to some AppliedPhlebotinum starts aging two years for every hour
* [[OwMyBodyPart Oh My Aching Head]]: Dealing with Quark gave “the Head” migraines “the size of a super-nova!”
* PerpetualPoverty When Palindrome and the Head have to send a [[ScienceMarchesOn telegram]] to Quark in the pilot, they end up spending the entire episode arguing about the cost of sending it and trying to reduce the number of words.
* PhotoprotoneutronTorpedo: Episode 2 reveals that the crew's sidearms are called "gamma guns".
* PlanetOfHats The Gorgons are all sort of a [[ProudWarriorRaceGuy proud warrior race]] that's evil, too. For example:
-->"People of Spartan, this is the High Gorgon. I command your unconditional surrender. You shall be treated with compassion, honor and patience. You have twenty seconds before I blow you out of the galaxy."
* {{Technobabble}} Satirizes it.
* ToTheBatpole: In addition to elevators and stairs, the ship has special sliding tubes that allow crew members to descend to the deck immediately below quickly.
* TwinThreesomeFantasy Both Bettys love Captain Quark, but there's a stigma against sleeping with a clone, so since he never knew which one was a clone, he couldn't sleep with either.
* ScienceMarchesOn Sending a telegram. In the 23rd century.
** Despite the fact that "telegram" is an archaic term, the general principle of keeping messages short to save on costs is one that will probably be with us for many centuries to come. Today, in the early 21st century, users of cell phones typically keep text messages as short as possible so as to fall under their calling plan's texting limit, to the point of using standard abbreviations. The cost per bit of sending a transmission across ''interstellar distances'' would have to be enormous.
* SingleMindedTwins The Bettys often said the same thing at the same time.
* SmallAnnoyingCreature Ergo, Quark's pet, a one-eyed blob.
* SpaceX: All over the place.
* SplitPersonality Gene/Jean.
* SuspiciouslySimilarSubstitute: Ficus Wasn't in the pilot - a Dr. O.B. Mudd, a crotchety one-eyed man, was. He was never seen or mentioned afterwards, though.
** I doubt that it was, but if it ''was'' intentional, it could be seen as a reference to the fact that Kirk wasn't in the first ''StarTrek'' pilot, nor Bones in the second.
* ThatsNoMoon:
-->'''High Gorgon''': I suggest you take a closer look at my space ship.\\
'''Leader of the Spartans''': A ship? We see no ship. All I see is a large maroon planet.\\
'''High Gorgon''': That is my space ship!\\
'''Leader of the Spartans''': '' pause '' Just give us a few minutes to move our things out of the palace.
* TheUnintelligible Dink spoke only with xylophone beeps.
* TinCanRobot Andy.
* YouMeanXMas: Christmas has become "Holiday Number 11".