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->''"No, I am not thinking with my dick. I am actually thinking with my balls. Clever balls."''
-->-- '''Don Danbury'''

''How Not to Live Your Life'' is a British comedy programme written by and starring Dan Clark, following 29-year old Don Danbury (Clark), a dysfunctional {{Jerkass}} dickhead orphan who can barely look after himself and is very close to losing his job. As luck would have it, Don inherits his grandmother's house by default with instructions to 'sort out your life and stop being such a dickhead'. Initially believing it is free, Don is informed that the inheritance is conditional; he must pay his grandmother's mortgage if he wishes to keep the house. Soon after moving in, Don meets his grandmother's old carer, Eddie Singh, who, even after learning that she is dead, continues to look after the house (and Don), expecting nothing in return.

In order to help pay the mortgage, Don must take in a lodger; in a twist of fate the first (normal) person to answer the ad is his high school crush, Abby. Unfortunately for him, Abby also has a boyfriend, Karl (who Don immediately calls [[TheNicknamer Kockface]]), who spends much of his time round the Danbury household antagonising Don. Much of the first series revolves around this love triangle, which ends in the two splitting up but Abby going travelling to "get her head together", leaving Don alone.

In light of this, Don must take on another lodger in Series 2 and settles for mature student Samantha, who joins the main cast. Also included in this is former recurring character, the next-door neighbour Mrs. Treacher, who is upgraded as Eddie becomes her full-time carer.

In 2011, there was a GrandFinale ChristmasEpisode, which wrapped up the whole series and its characters.
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!!This show provides examples of:
* AbortedArc The end of series 1 saw Karl moving in, which appeared to be a set-up for the next series until the departure of Sinead Moynihan necessitated a rethink.
* BackForTheFinale: After being PutOnABus between the first and second series, Abby returns in the Christmas special that ends the series.
* BrilliantButLazy: Don is shown to be very good at selling things (e.g. property in series 1 episode 5), but is content to remain at his cushy job in the art gallery.
* BritishBrevity: Three series and one special, with only 20 episodes between them, roughly the length of a single season of a typical US sitcom.
* CampGay: Jamie.
* CampStraight: Don.
* TheCaretaker: Eddie needs an idiot to take care of.
* CoolOldLady: The retired actress who plays the role of Don's dead grandma on the feigned funeral.
* CondescendingCompassion: Don's probable motivation for dating a homeless girl.
* DevotedToYou: Don to Abby.
* DomesticAbuse: Jenny, though nobody believes Don until she starts beating him up in the pub to [[SoundtrackDissonance "When A Man Loves A Woman"]].
* {{Dominatrix}}: Felicity, who adores how subservient and common Don is.
* EarlyInstallmentWeirdness: Don is a much nastier person in the first series than later on - in some episodes he's a borderline sociopath. He's rude, insensitive, selfish and lacks empathy (note particularly the way he talks about his deceased grandmother). In the second and third series his more unpleasant traits are toned down, and he's portrayed as lazy and clueless but basically well-meaning.
* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin: If you do even a quarter of what Don does in RealLife, expect to be beaten up. A lot.
* FluffyTheTerrible: Don's posh girlfriend Felicity apparently had a pet lion named Puss-Puss. She also uses this as a nickname for her father, who is just as scary.
* FunWithAlphabetSoup: Eddie uses Alphabetti Spaghetti to spell out "Sexy Pants" (his nickname for Don) on Don's plate. Don amuses himself by removing the P and wondering whether ants find each other sexually attractive.
* GirlOfTheWeek: Despite whoever is Don's flatmate being the prime love interest, he makes his way through a fair amount of women in the series - more than someone like him should.
* HeterosexualLifePartners: Don and Eddie.
* HiddenDepths: Eddie has an inhuman amount of talents and skills which are gradually revealed as the series goes on.
* IdiosyncraticEpisodeNaming: From series 2 onwards most of the episode titles are "Don (verbs) a (noun)" or some variation. (Though the names of the episodes do not appear on-screen, and are not given on the [=DVDs=]).
* ImagineSpot: Usually a list of bad things that could happen in a given situation. Sometimes subverted when the last thing mentioned is repeated for real.
* {{Jerkass}}: Besides Don, appropriately nicknamed 'Dickhead' by most of his friends, the show is actually full of them: [[SpellMyNameWithAnS Karl]], Mr. Bitchman, Puss Puss. None of these can hold a candle to Dave Fintsman who, amongst other things, randomly punches Don in the face, treats women with the same respect as a banana peel, cheated on his wife and made Don drink his piss.
* JerkWithAHeartOfGold: Admittedly they are few, but on a few occasions Don does show a more compassionate side. It is revealed on more than one occasion that he values Eddie as a friend and he [[spoiler:stops Samantha's student friend from taking advantage while she's drunk at the risk of her finding out he's been hiding in her cupboard.]]. That latter one may be more EvenEvilHasStandards, depending on your view of Don.
* LoveTriangle: A type 4 with Abby. It can often switch between a type 4 and 7 when it comes to Don and Sam.
* ManlyGay: The ScaryBlackMan in the gay bar.
* MermaidProblem: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aOwsPyD3sE I'm dating a mermaid...]]
* MistakenForGay: Don mistakes ''himself'' for gay.
* MsFanservice:
** Abby, while she was a series regular. Her actress was a model, and it showed.
** Don's [[GirlOfTheWeek Girls of the Week]] tend to be very lovely and dress in very flattering outfits, but special mention goes to Felicity (Creator/PhoebeWallerBridge), who ends up DressedLikeADominatrix in black lingerie.
* NakedPeopleAreFunny: Done pretty much every episode with Don, though [[MrFanservice that's probably not the only reason...]]
* TheNicknamer: Don, again.
* NoodleIncident: Apparently, Don's parents died during childbirth. Both of them.
* OnlySaneMan:
** Dickish as he may be, Karl in the first series certainly qualifies. Although Abby is easily sane as well, her fondness for Don seems odd at times given his behaviour, and Karl makes his confusion about it very clear.
** In the second and third series this role is usually taken by Samantha.
* PutOnABus: Abby after series 1. It was implied she would be brought back for series 3 at the end of series 2 but she remained on the bus. However, TheBusCameBack in the hour-long special that concluded the series.
* RevealingContinuityLapse: When Jason accompanies Don to the fancy dress party, he acts as though he's never met Sam or Brian before - but two episodes earlier, he attended the party Sam threw for Don when she thought he was dying, and met both of them.
* RomanticFalseLead: Brian for Samantha.
* RunningGag:
** "And ''shit?!?''"
** "Aaaand *click* Sleep!"
* SheIsNotMyGirlfriend: Eddie and Don. Lampshaded by many of the characters. Don vehemently denies they are a couple on multiple occasions, but he's not helped by Eddie calling Don 'sexy pants'.
* SpellMyNameWithAnS: Karl. It is pointed out a lot that it's with a K, not a C.
* TeacherStudentRomance: Sam and Brian.
* TopTenList: A good chunk of the show's humour revolves around hypothetical responses to problems that Don faces at the time.
* UnusualEuphemism: One episode has Don date a woman who turns out to be a dominatrix. When he goes to visit her parents, her father is ironically suspicious of Don being the one into kinky stuff, so of course Don ends up in a sub outfit (complete with a gag ball, leading to his dialogue being subtitled) being caught by the father, leading Don to exclaim the quite inventive (per the subtitles) "[[Music/BonJovi Jon Bon]] ''Jesus!''"
* WhereEverybodyKnowsYourFlame: The gay bar, where even the bartender is shirtless.
* WillTheyOrWontThey:
** Don and Abby; they probably won't.
** Don and Sam; they probably will.
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