Cliff comes over to Mars Investigations, and Veronica asks him to arrange a meeting between her and Abel Koontz. Cliff tells her Koontz has fired him, so he doesn't think that's an option, nor is he convinced by [[Recap/VeronicaMarsS01E06ReturnOfTheKane the evidence Veronica has concerning Lily's sneakers]], but he promises to pass along any letter Veronica wants to write.

That same day, after gym class, Veronica comes out of the shower to discover all of her clothes are gone. They have been left in the bowl of a toilet. An 09er, Meg (Alona Tal), takes sympathy on Veronica, and offers her something to wear. Later, they walk into the school eating area, and Veronica is wearing Meg's old cheerleading outfit. Veronica makes a joke about the whole thing, but thanks Meg as she heads to her car so she can go home and change.

At the 09er lunch table, Meg joins her boyfriend Cole (Daniel Bess), Dick, Duncan, Pam (Shanna Collins), Kimmy (Annie Abrams) and a few others. Dick is looking at a laptop which has a "purity test" that's been going around the school. Pam snarks about Meg lending Veronica her cheerleader outfit. Meg comes to Veronica's defense, but Dick points out some of the things Veronica has done to other 09ers. Meg then learns about the purity test, and that almost everyone at school has taken it since it's been e-mailed around. Cole scored a 91 ([[DoubleStandard which, of course, is good if you're a girl, but bad if you're a guy]]), and Meg says she thinks it's nice they decided to wait. She kisses him and leaves, and Duncan teases Cole about that.

At Wallace's house after school, Veronica and Wallace are watching fights on TV. Wallace mentions the purity test, and asks if Veronica took it. Off her DeathGlare, he tries to pretend he didn't, but Veronica coaxes out of him that he scored a 70, which is considered uncool. To raise his "coolness" factor, Veronica takes off her shirt and shows him her bra... which is when Wallace's mother Alicia (Erica Gimpel) comes in, and asks to speak with Wallace. In the hall, Alicia tells Wallace she doesn't want him to hang out with Veronica, and the Mars family is a bad influence. Wallace comes back in the room, and tells Veronica it's no big deal. Veronica, on Wallace's laptop, discovers that you can buy the results of someone else's purity tests for $10 each. She realizes that school tomorrow is going to be a madhouse.

Sure enough, the next morning, students are screaming, taunting and making passes at each other. Not exempt from the process is Meg, who is trying to rub off the number "48" that's been painted on her locker, and Cole, who is chastising her about a tour guide in Spain she allegedly slept with the previous summer. Meg denies it, and that she took the test at all, but Cole is done with her. Veronica comes up to Meg with a tissue, tells her she believes her, and offers to get revenge on whoever set her up.

After the credits, Veronica heads into a computer class and asks the teacher how someone could have accessed other students' passwords, but the teacher tells her he's really a gym teacher, and the person she should be talking to is "[[OnlyKnownByTheirNickname Mac]]", a girl with blue hair.

In the parking lot, Veronica finds Mac (Tina Majorino), whose real name is Cindy [=MacKenzie=], trying to get into her locked, crummy-looking car. Veronica pulls out a grip and uses it to break into the car. Mac thanks her, and they introduce themselves. Veronica asks if she's good with computers. Veronica asks who can access the passwords, and Mac says only the IT guy can - Renny [=DeMouey=] (Rudy Dobrev), who's there Tuesday and Friday mornings. Mac offers to help sneak into the system if Renny can't help. Veronica thanks her and leaves.

That night, Wallace is taking pictures of Veronica as she's posing, pretending she's displaying something. They get interrupted by a phone call, and as Wallace goes to answer it, Veronica looks out and sees Alicia outside arguing with Jeremy (Joel Bissonnette), the Fennels' tenant, who is blowing off Alicia's requests that he pay his overdue rent.

The next day, Meg is doing the broadcast for the school TV section. She mentions the drama department is holding auditions for the school production of {{Cabaret}}. Her co-anchor makes a joke about Meg being an actress, but when she looks flustered, he clarifies that she's appeared in previous school plays, and she laughs. After the broadcast, Pam comes up to her, concerned, but Meg says she's fine, and that Kimmy (who is also there) should have gotten the anchor position instead of her.

In the hallways, Meg tells Veronica about all of the e-mails she's been getting and the [[CoughSnarkCough slut sneezes]] as well, the latter of which she demonstrates. Veronica asks Meg if anyone knows her password, and Meg says the only one who could possibly know it is Lizzie, her sister, but they're very close.

[[GilliganCut In the girls' bathroom]], we hear Lizzie (Anastasia Baranova) tell Veronica she wish she had posted Meg's results. Meg is considered the perfect Simmons daughter, and Lizzie isn't. Veronica asks Lizzie if she posted Meg's score, and Lizzie says she didn't, but since she gets blame for everything else, Veronica might as well blame her for that as well.

Veronica then goes to the IT office and meets Renny. After being thrown for a second by [[{{Bishonen}} how good-looking she thinks he is]], Veronica recovers and, pretending to be [[TheDitz a ditz]], asks Renny to give Veronica her friend's password so she can change her screen saver for her birthday, but Renny tells her he can't do it. Veronica gives up and leaves.

Later, in the school auditorium, they're auditioning people for {{Cabaret}}. Kimmy sings, "Don't Tell Mama", and the audience and teacher applaud. It's Meg's turn next, but as she sings, the audience yells out to her and starts [[CoughSnarkCough slut sneezing]] again. Meg valiantly tries to keep singing, but soon can't take it anymore, and, tear-stricken, flees the scene. Veronica runs after her, trying to comfort her, and, in passing, notices that her own locker has "14" painted on it. Veronica resignedly wonders why it took so long for people to come after her.

That night, Veronica writes a letter to Koontz, [[BriefAccentImitation narrating the letter in a Virginia accent]], about how she's a student from Koontz's hometown and would love to visit him. She also photo-shops the picture Wallace took of her over the entrance to San Diego State University. She then admits she paid to find out the results of her own purity test, which primarily involved having sex with a lot of strangers.

The next day, Veronica asks Renny to help change her password. He gives her a somewhat condescending lecture about making sure it contains punctuation and numbers this time, though he's a bit taken aback when she points out that it already did.

Later that day, Alicia, Wallace and his younger brother are coming home when they discover Jeremy in their kitchen, cooking. Alicia tries to throw him out, but Jeremy again blows her off. Wallace tries to attack him, but Alicia intercedes, and they leave.

Later that day, Wallace comes over to the Mars apartment, and Veronica asks if he's ready for algebra. Wallace tells her about Jeremy, and Veronica offers to have Keith talk to him. Keith comes in at this point, and Veronica tells him about Jeremy. While Wallace tries to act like it isn't a big deal, Keith says it's no trouble and he'll help.

In English class the next day, Veronica tells Meg the test came from ''Grind'' magazine. Meg notes her sister is the only she knows who subscribes to it. Veronica is interrupted by the teacher, who asks her a class-related question. Dick snarks on Veronica, and she decides to take revenge on him in the future.

Later that day, Keith drops by Wallace's house, offering to help, but Alicia tells him not to bother and to mind his own business. Keith turns to leave, but notes Jeremy's full name.

Veronica gets a phone call setting up her appointment to see Abel Koontz.

The next day, during lunch, Duncan and Cole are trash-talking Meg when Lizzie shows up and starts telling Cole off, even embarrassing him by talking about the love poems he wrote Meg. Veronica, who also had overheard this, asks Lizzie where Meg is, and Lizzie says she didn't show up for school at all.

Meg is sitting in her bed at home, having been crying for a while. She asks Veronica how she deals with what people say about her, and Veronica tells her that it doesn't bother her, because she learned to get tough and then get even. She suggests that Meg should do the same.

Later that day, Alicia brings Wallace and his brother Darrell inside their house when she smells gas. Wallace braves the fumes to turn off the stove. They call for law enforcement, but Deputy Sachs but tells her there's nothing he can do, and Alicia will have to get a lawyer to file an eviction notice, which takes 60 days to process. Alicia sarcastically thanks Sachs for his help.

That night, Wallace comes over to the Mars Apartment to spend the night, claiming his house is being exterminated. Veronica asks Keith if he ever talked to Alicia; he mentions she didn't want him involved, but makes an excuse and leaves. Wallace tells Veronica he told Veronica he was staying with a friend named "Norman" so she wouldn't think he was at Veronica's. He mentions Alicia works at Kane software, and they've been the ones telling her bad stories about Keith and Veronica. Veronica offers to makes Wallace popcorn, and as she goes to get it, she mentions in a voiceover that it does sometimes get to her what people say about her and her dad, depending on who's listening.

Later that night, Jeremy enters the Fennel home, only to find Keith there, warning him he has until 6 the next morning to clear out. Jeremy defiantly says he's not going anywhere, but at 6 the next morning, Keith wakes Jeremy up and starts acting crazy, which finally gets him to pack up and leave.

Later that morning, Veronica and Wallace are looking for Wallace's keys when Keith comes in with breakfast. After making a joke about it, Keith "happens" to find Wallace's keys in his jacket pocket.

At school, Mac tells Veronica she's heard some people have bought dozens of copies of the purity test. Veronica asks if she can e-mail Veronica the information on the dummy corporation in charge of the test, but pauses when she realizes she can't access her e-mail account. Mac realizes someone is logged into Veronica's account in the journalism room. When the school bell rings, they rush over to the room, only to find it unoccupied. Veronica assures Mac there's nothing secure on her school e-mail account but stops short when she sees an e-mail written to Duncan in her outbox. The e-mail claims Veronica is still hung up on Duncan, and has VD. As Veronica reacts to this, she gets an IM from someone whose screen name is "Froggy". Veronica figures out "Froggy" isn't at school, and asks him for a password; "Froggy" replies, "Another one?" Veronica says she's figured it all out, and leaves.

At night, Veronica is at the Neptune MakeOutPoint, and she mentions she follows the person she suspects is Froggy to Lover's Lane. She finds his car, and from the outside, stars snapping pictures. The next day, as Veronica walks through the hall, she lists the suspects in her head; Cole, Pam, Lizzie... and Kimmy, whom Veronica calls over to her locker. When Kimmy walks over, Veronica shows her the pictures she took of Kimmy and Renny having sex, and Kimmy blanches. She then accuses Kimmy of taking the test under her name, but Kimmy tells her it was actually Pam who did it, because she's got a crush on Duncan and is upset Duncan is still hung up on Veronica. Kimmy does admit taking the test under Meg's name because she's upset about Meg always getting whatever Kimmy wants. Veronica opens her locker to reveal she's been video-taping Kimmy's confession the whole time. She then accuses Renny of running the purity test website, but Kimmy says he only gave her the passwords. Veronica walks away.

In the journalism room, Meg and her co-anchor tape the newscast for the school TV station. Meg announces the results of the Neptune lacrosse match, and cuts to what she thinks is the story on it; instead, it's Kimmy's confession to Veronica. To Veronica's chagrin, it shows Kimmy confessing first about Pam, which Duncan is there to see. Eventually, it gets to Kimmy confessing about what she did to Meg, before actually getting to the lacrosse story which Veronica coered for journalism class. Pam gets up and yells at Kimmy for confessing, and Kimmy runs out, crying. Everyone stares at Pam, who yells, "[[FlatWhat What]]?!?"

In the parking lot, Veronica walks by Dick, who's trying to fix his car after Veronica messed with it. Veronica finger-guns him and continues to walk by. She sees Mac driving a brand-new Volkswagen Bug convertible, and deduces that Mac was the one who set up the test; since she gypped 09ers out of their money, Veronica isn't too upset. Veronica then greets Meg, who thanks her, and tells her people are now coming up to her claiming they never believed it, including Cole. Veronica sarcastically notes no one is doing that for her, and Meg says it's because people are scared of her. Veronica says that's the point. Meg tells her getting tough was good advice, but she might want to rethink the getting even part; "You do have friends, Veronica." Veronica looks thoughtful as Meg leaves. She then runs up to Duncan and disavows the e-mail to him about being hung up on him and having VD. Duncan says he's not hung up on her either, but makes a joke about the VD; Veronica laughs and leaves.

Alicia stops by Mars Investigations and when she sees Keith, she thanks him for driving Jeremy out, despite her earlier hostility to him. Keith says it was no big deal, and offers her coffee.

Later that day, Veronica goes to the prison to meet Koontz (Christian Clemonsen), still pretending to be "Ellen White" from Virginia. After some small talk, Veronica asks about the photos and Lily's sneakers, but Koontz soon realizes who Veronica really is, and acts tough about killing Lily. He also mentions having seen Lianne around Kane Software, and insinuates Jake is really Veronica's father.

Veronica walks out to her car, opens the door, gets inside, [[HeroicBSOD and starts to sob]].

This episode contains examples of:

* AxCrazy: Keith acts like this to get Jeremy to move out. It works.
* {{Bishonen}}: Both Kimmy and Mac feel this way about Renny. Even Veronica is DistractedByTheSexy, albeit momentarily.
* BitchInSheepsClothing: Kimmy.
* CallBack: Veronica tells Cliff and Koontz about the photos and Lily's shoes.
* EngineeredPublicConfession: Kimmy's confession.
* {{Foreshadowing}}: Mac and Meg both become important characters later.
** Keith and Alicia reconciling at the end sets up their future relationship.
* GoneSwimmingClothesStolen: A variation; Veronica is in the shower when her clothes are stolen.
* GoodIsNotNice: Veronica, and Meg gently calls her on it near the end:
-->'''Meg:''' Getting tough? Yeah, that was good advice, and I needed that. The getting even part? You might want to rethink that one. You do have friends, Veronica.
* GreenEyedMonster: The motivation for both Kimmy and Pam.
* HeyItsThatGuy: [[Film/{{Fame}} Coco]] (from the TV show) is Wallace's mom.
* LiteraryAllusionTitle: The title, of course, is taken from the {{Madonna}} song.
* MachiavelliWasWrong: Veronica doesn't think so, having (true to his words) settled for being feared since she can't be loved. Meg puts the first dent in that armor.
* ThePasswordIsAlwaysSwordfish: Subverted; when Veronica tells Renny her account's been hacked, he lectures her about not having easy passwords. Veronica responds that her password is "[=GJ7B!X=]".
* ShoutOut: Veronica refers to Kimmy as "''SingleWhiteFemale''".
** When Veronica breaks into Mac's car, she asks Mac if she's seen ''RepoMan''.
* SpoiledSweet: Meg.
* ThatCameOutWrong: An interesting example; when Veronica sets up Kimmy's taped confession to cut into the school newscast, she accidentally leaves it at the part where Kimmy confesses about Pam taking the purity test for Veronica.
-->'''Veronica:''' (''voiceover'') [[NoteToSelf Note to self]] : [[CrowningMomentOfFunny cue tape for client.]]
* WhamLine: "I meant your real father."
* WithFriendsLikeThese: Alicia feels this way about Keith and Veronica... at first.