[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/torchwood-tv-08_7954.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:350:[[ActorAllusion Cue the]] "[[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer Spike]] [[CrossoverShip x]] [[ExtremeOmnisexual Jack]]" [[CrackPairing fanfics]].]]

->'''Jack''': [about John] [[RuleOfThree Three rules]]. One, don't believe anything he says. Two, always keep him in front of you. And three, under no circumstances let him kiss you.
->'''Gwen''': As if I would!
->'''John''': Has he got to the "no kissing" rule yet? He only invented that one because he wants me all to himself.
-->-- '''Jack''' introduces '''Gwen''' to "'''[[ChaoticNeutral Captain John Hart]]'''"

Jack's been gone for a while to spend some time with [[Series/DoctorWho the Doctor]], and Torchwood has got quite a bit more effective as a result. For one, they've redecorated the base, Gwen has taken charge of missions and Ianto gets to ride in the car now.

The Torchwood team are chasing a blowfish-headed alien driving a sports car. Said blowfish proceeds to break into a house and take hostages. After sizing up the team and daring them to attack first, he is unexpectedly shot by Jack, fresh from his [[Recap/DoctorWhoS29E11Utopia trip]] [[Recap/DoctorWhoS29E12TheSoundOfDrums with]] [[Recap/DoctorWhoS29E13LastOfTheTimeLords the Doctor.]]

Once they return to the Hub, the team demands to know where Jack disappeared to. He mentions that he's [[Series/DoctorWho "found his Doctor"]] but that he came back to be with the team. Gwen is now engaged to Rhys. She fumbles awkwardly around Jack for a bit when she tells him, and he promptly stops flirting with her.

Meanwhile, a guy who calls himself [[Creator/JamesMarsters "Captain John Hart"]] arrives from the future. He loves standing on top of buildings just as much as Jack does. Unlike Jack, however, he also likes throwing people off of them. Also, he's a Time Agent and dated Jack for five years.

John makes a [[IncomingHam dramatic entrance]] and calls Jack. They make out, punch each other and reminisce about the past. Turns out they were partners (in every sense) before both left the [[TimePolice Time Agency]]. John needs Torchwood to help him gather a series of PlotCoupon canisters. While searching for the things, Jack asks Ianto out on a date -- dinner and a movie. Ianto happily agrees.

Torchwood finds the canisters, but John knocks out Gwen by kissing her with poisoned lipstick, takes out Owen by shooting him, headbutts Tosh and throws Jack off of a building.

With Jack sprawled over a bench with a ''very'' painful-looking broken back, John tries to use his new gadgets for his own gain. However, all of Torchwood make it back to the Hub in time to point their guns at him. Also, the previous owner of the canisters has set up a trap, and a bomb latches onto John's DNA. Ianto merrily times the bomb with his trusty stopwatch.

John handcuffs himself to Gwen and threatens to blow her up along with him. Gwen decides to drag him into the rift in order to save the city. However, the team manages to inject John with their own DNA just in time, confusing the bomb and resetting time to the start of the day.

John asks to join Torchwood, but Jack just bids him farewell with a sweet kiss. John has one final message: [[{{Foreshadowing}} "I found Gray."]]

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!!Tropes:

* AffectionateNickname: John deems Ianto as "Eye Candy" when he learns Ianto has become Jack's new lover.
* BarBrawl: Capt. Jack Harkness and Capt. John Hart get into a fight in a pub. Incidentally, it was combined with KissKissSlap, and thus was preceded by a snogfest between the two of them.
* DruggedLipstick: [[GenderInvertedTrope A rare male example]]. John forcibly plants a kiss on Gwen that paralyzes her, and would eventually have shut down her internal organs if she hadn't gotten the antidote.
* ExactWords: Hart was right when he said that his search for the diamond came from a "dying woman's wish". The woman was dying by his hand.
* ExtendedDisarming: When Captain John Hart is first brought into Torchwood.
-->''[Capt. John Hart hands over two guns and a [[KatanasAreJustBetter katana]]]''\\
'''Captain Jack Harkness:''' ''[holds a hand out, makes "gimme" motion]'' The rest.\\
'''Captain John Hart:''' Oh, you know me. I'm a two-weapon man.\\
'''Gwen Cooper:''' ''[scanning]'' One pistol strapped to each leg, laser knife beneath the left elbow, 17 explosive charges in the lining of his coat.\\
'''Captain John Hart:''' Slipped my mind.
* ExtremeOmnisexual: John Hart is this in spades.
-->'''John Hart:''' ''[looking out the window of the Torchwood van]'' I think I'm starting to see what he likes about this place: she's beautiful, he's stunning...\\
'''Gwen Cooper:''' Do you ever stop?\\
'''John Hart:''' What? Five minutes to live, and you want me to behave?-- Oh, that's gorgeous.\\
'''Gwen Cooper:''' ''[disgusted]'' [[BestialityIsDepraved That's a poodle.]]\\
'''John Hart:''' ''[savagely]'' That's nice.
* {{Foil}}: John is essentially a mirror for what Jack was like before he met the Doctor and Rose, except more violent and with even fewer scruples about showing sexual interest in people... and animals. John even says that he got the paralyzing poison lipstick trick from Jack.
* GroundhogDayLoop: Mention is made of how Jack and Hart first fell in love in a time loop which lasted for five years from their perspective.
* HeelFaceRevolvingDoor: John flips from approachable to murderous on a dime. One second, he's schmoozing up Jack, the next, he's chucking him off a multi-story building!
* HeroicSacrifice: Gwen prepares to give up her life to save the city by entering the still open rift whilst handcuffed to John Hart. She thankfully doesn't go through with it, thanks to Jack and Owen figuring out an alternative solution.
* HumanShield: Jack Harkness makes his re-introduction by shooting a "blowfish"-like alien who was using a shield as a human.
* KissKissSlap: When Jack and John come face to face for the first time, they kiss, and then proceed to merrily brawl.
* MexicanStandoff: Jack's fight with John Hart ends with mutually aimed pistols.
* NoNameGiven: "John Hart" is using an alias like Jack Harkness, mainly because he was inspired by him to do so.
* OhCrap: John gives a spectacular one when he realizes that not only did Jack survive the fall, but he's also immortal.
* OohMeAccentsSlipping: Honestly, what is John's meant to be?
* PlotCoupons: The Torchwood team are forced to find three canisters for John Hart, as he claims them to be deadly radiation bombs that could wipe out the planet. In truth, they're actually three pieces of a device that would lead John to the location of an Arcadian Diamond. Or so John thinks - the pieces actually form a bomb that latches on to him.
* PopTheTires: In pursuit of a car being driven by a Blowfish, Owen uses the opportunity to shoot out the wheels, forcing the Blowfish to abandon the car.
* ARareSentence: “Have you seen a blowfish driving a sports car?” The old lady being asked acts as if this were an UnusuallyUninterestingSight (“Ruddy Torchwood”).
* SeeYouInHell: The hologram projection of the owner of the Arcadian Diamond ends her message with "See you in Hell" after latching a bomb onto John, the man who killed her real life counterpart.
* SequelHook: Hart leaves Cardiff, but not before telling Jack that he's found someone called Grey, who ends up becoming important in later episodes.
* ShoutOut: John in holographic message for Jack. [[Film/StarWarsANewHope "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!"]]
* SwallowTheKey: Hart handcuffs himself to Gwen and swallows the necessary key for it to force the others into saving him. When all is said and done, he reveals that he kept the key in the lining of his throat and promptly swallows it back up.
* WhyAmITicking: Hart is forcefully placed with a bomb which latches on to his DNA, giving him 10 minutes before he dies.
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