[[caption-width-right:250:"You Choo-Choo Choose Me?"]]
Episode - 9F13\\
First Aired - 2/11/1993

It's Valentine's Day at Springfield Elementary, and in Ms. Hoover's classroom, all the second-graders are getting tons of cards from each other...everyone, that is, except Ralph Wiggum, who's left empty-handed. Lisa, taking pity on him, gives Ralph one of her Valentines, a card with a train on it saying "I 'Choo-Choo-Choose' You!". Overcome with joy, Ralph gets a crush on Lisa. Meanwhile, Krusty the Clown is holding a 29th Anniversary Show, and Bart and Lisa would do anything to get tickets for it.

!!This episode contains examples of:
* AchievementsInIgnorance: [[ShowWithinAShow Itchy rips Scratchy's heart off]] but the latter remains alive until he reads a newspaper headline saying he needs a heart to live.
* TheAhnold: Bart, playing a Franchise/{{Terminator}}-esque John Wilkes Booth. Who then tries to go after UsefulNotes/ChesterAArthur before Mrs. Hoover restrains him.
-->'''Bart''': ''[As John Wilkes Booth]'' Hasta la vista, Abie!
* AngryBlackMan: Sideshow Raheem.
-->'''Krusty:''' Angry, angry young man.
* BetterAsFriends: After Lisa gives Ralph the Valentine's Day card she made, and he begins expressing a romantic interest in her, she goes to Homer and Marge for advice, and Marge ultimately tells Lisa to tell Ralph, "I'm flattered that you like me, but I'm just not ready for that sort of thing."
** After the play at the end of the episode, Lisa gives Ralph a bumblebee-themed card that says "Let's ''[[IncrediblyLamePun Bee]]'' Friends," which he likes, and they stay JustFriends.
* BigNo: Lisa, right after Ralph confesses his love for her at the Krusty anniversary show.
* {{Blackmail}}: How Chief Wiggum ensures that Ralph is chosen to play George Washington in the school play.
* {{Bowdlerization}}: In-universe -- Flanders' love song to Maude is a cleaned-up version of Music/RodStewart's ''If You Think I'm Sexy''.
* BrickJoke and BookEnds: The episode begins and ends with Bill and Marty from KBBL accidentally playing ''Monster Mash'' on both Valentine's Day and President's Day.
-->'''Bill:''' You got the wrong record, didn't you?\\
'''Marty:''' Why are you doing this to me, Bill?
* CharacterizationMarchesOn: In this episode, instead of being portrayed as a non-sequitur spewing idiot, Ralph is just shown to be a very awkward and naïve kid
* ClassicallyTrainedExtra: Rex, the thespian second-grader, is outraged when Ralph is picked as George Washington. He ends up in a bit part as Washington's servant.
* CollectorOfTheStrange: PlayedForLaughs. Bart is ''such'' a big fan of Krusty that he even bought the Krusty Brand Home Pregnancy Test, [[AwesomeButImpractical even though he can't use it]].
* ComicallyMissingThePoint
-->'''Homer:''' You know, one day honest citizens are going to stand up to you crooked cops.\\
'''Wiggum:''' ''(worried)'' They are!? Oh no! Ha-have they set a date?
* DisproportionateRetribution: Groundskeeper Willie comments that his father was hung for stealing a pig.
* DontExplainTheJoke: "It says 'Choo-Choo-Choose you', and there's a picture of a train!" Ralph does it again when Lisa gives him a "Let's [=BEE=] friends" card.
* EarlyInstallmentWeirdness: Ralph Wiggum is shown to be just a little dim-witted and awkward, but not unrealistically so, especially for an 8-year old. He is shown to have decent emotional awareness and rather impressive acting talent (see HiddenDepths below). In later episodes, however, Ralph is portrayed as oblivious and mentally handicapped to the point where he has no survival instincts or emotional depth, and is just there to be a walking punchline. While some later episodes like [[Recap/TheSimpsonsS9E18ThisLittleWiggy This Little Wiggy]] portray Ralph as more relatable and intelligent, almost all modern viewers today see him only as a source of extremely quotable lines that are stupid for the sake of being stupid.
* FreezeFrameBonus: In-universe:
--> '''Bart''': Watch this, Lis: You can actually pinpoint the ''second'' when his heart rips in half. ''(demonstrates)'' And.... now!
* GettingCrapPastTheRadar: Chief Wiggum tells the kids that he met Krusty (and got tickets to his anniversary special) while eating popcorn in a porno theater (in a reference to what happened to Creator/PaulReubens after ''Series/PeeWeesPlayhouse'' ended in the early 1990s):
-->Lisa: [[LampshadeHanging That story isn't suitable for children]]!
-->Chief Wiggum: Really? [[NoodleIncident I keep my pants on in this version]].
* HiddenDepths: Ralph is revealed to be a very good actor.
* InnocuouslyImportantEpisode: This episode reveals Ralph is Wiggum's son. This was a case of ThrowItIn, as, prior to writing this episode, the writers didn't think to have the town's incompetent cop and the dim, chubby kid in Lisa's class be father and son and the fact that they had the last name "Wiggum" was a coincidence.
* InVinoVeritas: When, in an old Krusty show clip, Sideshow Mel gets "whacked out on wowie sauce":
-->'''Sideshow Mel:''' Everyone's always kissing your ass. Well, I'm not afraid to tell you you're a [[SoundEffectBleep [BLEEEEEEEEP]]]!
* IThinkYouBrokeHim: Bart's reaction to Skinner's traumatic Valentine's Day flashback from 'Nam.
-->'''Bart''': Cool, I broke his brain!
* JawDrop: The ''entire audience'' except for Homer has this reaction during the reenactment of Lincoln's assassination, as Bart's take on John Wilkes Booth becomes [[Film/Terminator2JudgmentDay Terminator-style]].
* JugglingLoadedGuns: Chief Wiggum using his gun to crack a nut open.
* KickTheDog: Bart takes a lot of enjoyment out of Ralph's heart being broken, and replays it to Lisa, despite her already feeling guilty about it.
* MyGodWhatHaveIDone: Lisa feels guilty for publicly humiliating Ralph and breaking his heart, by angrily declaring that she is not Ralph's girlfriend and only gave him a card because she pitied him during Krusty's anniversary show.
* NoodleIncident: Zigzagged. We see the flashback of how Chief Wiggum got tickets from Krusty the Clown (Krusty was at a porno theater, Chief Wiggum walks in to enjoy it as well, and Krusty thinks he's under arrest, even though he's not indecently exposed, with a prostitute, or with anyone under 18 [[note]]this was a reference to what happened to Paul "Pee-Wee Herman" Reubens back in the early 1990s[[/note]]) before Lisa cuts off with, "That story isn't suitable for children." However, Chief Wiggum implies that the version he told was where he kept his pants on. We don't see the version where he doesn't keep his pants on, nor do we get any further info as to why he would have his pants off in the first place. And Lisa doesn't want to know.
* PapaWolf: Chief Wiggum doesn't take kindly to Lisa breaking Ralph's heart.
* ProperlyParanoid: Rex, a more talented classmate who auditioned for the role of George Washington, suspected correctly that Miss Hoover was being blackmailed.
* [[TheDitz [=Ralph Wiggum=]]]: This is the first episode to really showcase Ralph being himself (though, as mentioned above, he shows HiddenDepths of being a very good dramatic actor and he wasn't as dumb as he would be in the later episodes. In the early episodes, Ralph was just a little dim and socially awkward).
* RevengeByProxy: Because Lisa humiliated Ralph on TV, Chief Wiggum stops Homer by saying that "[his] taillight's out", and starts smashing it.
* RootingForTheEmpire: In Universe. Homer cheers on Bart during his re-enacting of the assassination of Abraham Lincoln (though this could just have been because Lincoln was played by Milhouse).
-->'''Homer''': Come on, boy! Finish him off!
* SayMyName: Skinner yelling, "JOHNNY!" after having a 'Nam flashback.
* SheIsNotMyGirlfriend: {{Inverted}} by Lisa to Ralph. On a date. On live television. Preceded by a BigNo.
-->'''Bart''': You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half!
* ShoutOut:
** ''[[Series/TheTonightShow The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson]]'': Krusty shows clips of "classic" episodes, including an incarnation of the show suggesting that he once hosted a ''Tonight Show'' knockoff. The clip shown – a urine monkey relieving itself on Krusty's head, while a Joan Embry-type zoologist is a guest – is Springfield's version of a classic incident involving Carson and Embry's marmoset. The clip of Sideshow Mel "whacked out on wowie sauce" is a reference to a clip of Ed [=McMahon=] sitting and talking with Carson at the desk and being obviously drunk- although [=McMahon=]'s drunkenness was more subtle and not at all hostile, the way Mel's is.
** In one clip Krusty sings "Break on Through (To the Other Side)" by Music/TheDoors.
** The title is a reference to ''Series/ILoveLucy.''
* SideEffectsInclude: Bart's Krusty collection includes the Krusty Home Pregnancy Test, which "May Cause Birth Defects!"
* SocietyMarchesOn: In the "Mediocre Presidents" song it is remarked that they "won't find their pictures on dollars or on cents", with the supposition being that only above average Presidents would ever be given such an honor. Fast forward 20 years the [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Presidental_dollar Presidential Dollar Coin]] series put '''every''' US President on a dollar coin.[[note]]Even UsefulNotes/WilliamHenryHarrison, who died in 30 days![[/note]]
* SpecialGuest: Michael Carrington (a writer for ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' and ''Martin'' and host of the Nickelodeon game show ''Think Fast'') as Sideshow Raheem
* SureLetsGoWithThat: Chief Wiggum's encounter with Krusty in a porno theater.
-->'''Krusty''': Is this a bust?
-->'''Wiggum''': Uh... yeah! That's just what it is, a bust!
* TitleDrop: "I love Lisa Simpson!"
* ValentinesDayEpisode: The episode focuses on a crush Ralph Wiggum has on Lisa.
* WeatherDissonance: Despite taking place in February, there are no signs of winter anywhere (no snow, no bare trees, etc.) and appears to already be spring. In fact, Lisa lampshades this when introducing a scene from this episode as a flashback in Season 6's "[[Recap/TheSimpsonsS6E3AnotherSimpsonsClipShow Another Simpsons Clip Show]]."
* YouDontWantToKnow: Variation, in regards to Bart's plan to make sure Lisa doesn't have to go to the Krusty show with Ralph:
-->'''Bart:''' I'll go, [[DisguisedInDrag disguised as you]].
-->'''Lisa:''' What if he wants to hold hands?
-->'''Bart:''' I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
-->'''Lisa:''' What if he wants a kiss?
-->'''Bart:''' I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
-->'''Lisa:''' What if he—
-->'''Bart:''' [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar You don't want to know how far I'll go]].