Bart tries to save his new cow from the slaughterhouse and ends up nearly married to a hillbilly girl named Mary.

!! Tropes:
* BaitAndSwitch: During the montage of Bart and Lou bonding, Bart is handling a branding iron, making it look like he's about to brand Lou...but he's actually making a collar sign for him.
* ABoyAndHisX: A Boy and His Cow in this case; Bart tries to save his new cow from the slaughterhouse.
* MeaningfulName: Mary got her name because she's the one her parents expected to get married. Yes, the Spucklers were that crazy.
-->'''Cletus:''' Isn't that right, Stabbedinjail?
-->'''Stabbedinjail:''' ''(wielding a whittled spear)'' We'll see who stabs who.
* SpitTake: Upon hearing about Bart getting married, Homer's ''[[RuleOfFunny sock puppet]]'' does this.
* TakeThat: When Bart is bundling manure, the bundles come out as ''[[Film/PiratesOfTheCaribbeanAtWorldsEnd Pirates of the Caribbean 3]]''.
** Similarly, the opening gag is a dig at Merchandise-driven franchises such as Transformers, and product placement in general.
** The way cows are farmed takes a pretty hard hit.
-->'''Bart:''' Wow, Lou, what happened to you? You got fat.
-->'''Lisa:''' Of course he got fat. The food he ate was laced with growth hormones.
-->''(Lou licks Bart's arm, which then grows hairy)''