!! Four-Sided Triangle

[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/four_sided_triangle_0.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:350:That's the literal last straw.]]

->'''Crypt Keeper:''' (''dressed as a farmer, plucking petals off a flower'') She loves me, she loves me not. She loves me, she loves me not. (''notices he's out of petals'') Blagh! What do flowers know about love anyway?! Well, hello there, ''boils and ghouls''. Just getting in the mood for tonight's tawdry tale. A story of love and lurid lust in the dust (''cackles''), sure to arouse the sickies amongst you to some ''heavy breathing''. A tale I call: '''Four-Sided Triangle.'''

Elderly farmers George and Luisa Yates (Chelcie Ross and Susan Blommaert) have taken in Mary Jo (Creator/PatriciaArquette), a shoplifter on the run, as a live-in farmhand in exchange for giving her protection from the cops. While Luisa regularly beats Mary Jo, George lusts after her, to the point where he tries to force himself on her when she's sent to get eggs. The pair struggle, and George breaks a bottle over her head when Luisa comes looking for him, knocking her out cold. He hastily covers her with straw and tries to delay Luisa, but by the time she pushes past him and storms into the barn, Mary Jo is gone. They find her lying in a cornfield, where she crawled into to hide, and hallucinated the scarecrow within reaching down to caress her.

Later that day, Mary Jo starts talking about having a "man", and constantly fantasizes about said man making love to her, leading George and Luisa to realize that she's gone crazy. Luisa also realizes that this means they can keep her as a farmhand forever. The "man" turns out to be the scarecrow, and Mary Jo starts slipping out of the farmhouse to meet it at night. Luisa figures out that George has the hots for Mary Jo, and warns him not to break his wedding vows if he wants to stay intact from the waist down.

The next night, unable to control himself any longer, George sneaks out to the cornfield as Mary Jo leaves for her nightly rendezvous. She is surprised to see the scarecrow actually move, and the two begin to make love. They are interrupted by the arrival of Luisa, who is carrying a pitchfork and has had enough of Mary Jo's fantasies. She stabs the scarecrow through the chest to prove that it's made of straw... and is shocked to see blood dribbling from the punctures. The scarecrow drops from the post to reveal that it was George, having disguised himself in order to take advantage of Mary Jo. As Luisa kneels and mourns her husband, Mary Jo, revealing her lunacy was an act, grabs the pitchfork and impales her through the back. She swipes the keys to the Yates' truck and cheerfully leaves the farm, singing that she's free at last.
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!! Tropes:
* AbhorrentAdmirer: The elderly and married George lusts after young farmhand Mary Jo, routinely trying to have sex with her.
* AdaptationalIntelligence: Mary Jo was truly simple-minded in the original comic and genuinely believed the scarecrow was alive. The episode, on the other hand, reveals that she was faking her loopiness the whole time to kill George and Luisa and make her escape.
* AmericanGothicCouple: George and Luisa on the comic cover, although [[{{Foreshadowing}} Luisa is the one holding the pitchfork]].
* AnimateInanimateObject: Played with. After getting hit over the head by George, Mary Jo sees the Yates' scarecrow moving and reaching out to her early in the episode, and she starts flirting with it in the following nights. The episode plays with the audience's expectations when the scarecrow apparently comes to life, surprising Mary Jo, until TheReveal that it was actually George in disguise, making the earlier scene of the scarecrow moving a mere hallucination that inspired Mary Jo to come up with the whole plan.
* AntiHero: Protagonist Mary Jo is revealed to have been on the run from the cops for robbing a local store, and has been kept as a borderline slave on the Yates' farm when George found her on the road as a means of protecting her from the police.
* AssholeVictim: Luisa and George certainly do their best to earn those pitchforkings, don't they?
* AwfulWeddedLife: George has it pretty rough having the domineering Luisa for a wife. His plans to rape Mary Jo could be seen as a result of his wife's attitude and denial of sex.
* AttemptedRape: George tries to force himself on Mary Jo when she's gathering eggs in the barn, causing her to scream.
* AwLookTheyReallyDoLoveEachOther: Despite her constant henpecking, Luisa is devastated when she realizes that she accidentally killed George while he was disguised as the scarecrow.
* BedTrick: George disguises himself as the scarecrow in the hopes that Mary Jo will finally make love to him.
* BlackAndGrayMorality: Despite Mary Jo's employers being physically and sexually abusive to her, she's not completely innocent herself. George reminds her (and the audience) that she was on the run for robbing a store when he found her, and she's been sentenced into borderline slavery on the farm so she can escape the cops.
* CargoEnvy: George grows aroused when he watches Mary Jo fondle the scarecrow. It leads him to get a stupid, ''stupid'' little idea.
* CatapultNightmare: George has two, where his erotic dreams with Mary Jo have her face turning into that of his wife.
* DirtyOldMan: George, who lusts after Mary Jo.
* DoubleStandardAbuseFemaleOnMale: When George physically assaults Mary Jo, it's portrayed as dangerous and crossing a line. When ''Luisa'' abuses George both verbally and physically, it's portrayed as comedic.
* EarnYourHappyEnding: Mary Jo gets to kill her abusive employers and take their truck to freedom.
* EroticDream: George has two about Mary Jo, the first being her sweaty in the barn, the second being him and Mary Jo making love, ending with her face morphing into Luisa's.
* EvilCripple: Luisa has a brace on her leg and walks with a cane, which she uses to beat Mary Jo.
* EvilOldFolks: Luisa regularly insults and beats Mary Jo, while George tries to force himself on the young woman and attacks her to keep her quiet.
* FanDisservice: George's erotic dream of him making love with Mary Jo. The dream ends with Mary Jo's face morphing into Luisa's.
* {{Fanservice}}: Mary Jo sweating in the chicken coop, wearing a tank top with a CleavageWindow and the camera lingering on her backside.
* GardeningVarietyWeapon: Luisa stabs the scarecrow with a pitchfork to prove that it's not alive, only to discover she's just stabbed George, who was inside the suit. When she drops the pitchfork, Mary Jo uses it to stab her.
* GrievousBottleyHarm: After his attempted rape fails, George smashes a bottle over Mary Jo's head to shut her up.
* GroinAttack: After seeing him eye Mary Jo, Luisa warns George before bed that, should he become unfaithful to her, she'll castrate him.
* HateSink: Luisa and George, who abuse Mary Jo at every opportunity, the former beating her and the latter attempting to rape her.
* HellYesMoment: Mary Jo over killing her abusive employers and finally gaining her freedom.
* HenpeckedHusband: George, who is overruled by Luisa every chance she gets, especially over his lust for Mary Jo (which is implied to be caused by his wife's abusive and domineering attitude).
* ImpaledWithExtremePrejudice: George by Luisa, and Luisa by Mary Jo soon after.
* InTheBack: Mary Jo kills Luisa by stabbing her in the back with her pitchfork.
* InterruptedIntimacy: Mary Jo and the scarecrow, when the Yates find the former passed out in front of it.
* KarmaHoudini: As far as we know, Mary Jo got away with robbing that store, and she ends the episode adding her killing of Luisa and stealing the Yates' truck to her rap sheet.
* LoveTriangle: Two of them are featured here:
** One between Luisa/George/Mary Jo.
** The second being George/Mary Jo/The Scarecrow.
* MadeASlave: George and Luisa have been forcing Mary Jo to work on their farm in exchange for protection from the cops.
* MsFanservice: Mary Jo, who George blatantly lusts after.
* ObfuscatingStupidity: Mary Jo is revealed to have been faking her insanity all along, plotting to kill the Yates and escape their farm.
* OldPeopleAreNonsexual: Averted with George, who wants ''very'' much to sleep with Mary Jo. Played straight with Luisa, who denies George of any sexual activity.
* PragmaticVillainy: Luisa is relieved that Mary Jo's head injury didn't because she believes that her crazed state renders her to stay on their farm for life.
* ProperlyParanoid: Luisa quickly picks up on George's interest in Mary Jo, though given what a lousy liar he is, it wasn't exactly that hard to do.
* ScaryScarecrows: The one on the Yates' farm is the exact size and shape of a man, and it wears a [[MonsterClown creepy clown mask]]. Even if it was truly alive, it would be a deconstruction of evil scarecrows, since it moves in to caress Mary Jo in stark contrast with her abusive employers.
* SexlessMarriage: George and Luisa are pretty much non-existent in the bedroom, and this is one of the reasons why he pursues Mary Jo.
* StrippingTheScarecrow: George dresses himself as the scarecrow in an attempt to [[BedTrick trick Mary Jo into having sex with him]].
* UnwittingInstigatorOfDoom: George and Luisa set up their own deaths; George by hitting Mary Jo with the bottle and making her hallucinate the scarecrow coming to life, and Luisa by sending Mary Jo out to get eggs, exposing herself to George in the first place.
* VaporWear: Mary Jo spends a good amount of the episode in a white tank top with no bra.
* WhamShot: After realizing she's killed George, Luisa puts the pitchfork aside and bends over to check his body. As she stands back up, though, we see Mary Jo now holding the pitchfork and ready to strike.
* YouFool: Luisa mutters this in shock after realizing she accidentally killed George.
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->'''Crypt Keeper:''' (''wearing the scarecrow's mask'') That young lady certainly knew how to make her ''point!'' But what a shame for poor George and Luisa. They thought they had their labor problems all ''sewed'' up. But Mary Jo formed her own union with the scarecrow! (''removes the mask and cackles'') And just when George was going to reward Mary Jo for all her hard work with a big ''bow-nus!'' (''shows that he's holding Luisa's bloody pitchfork'') Mm! Now, that is definitely ''not'' what you call safe sex! Tune in next week, kiddies, for another terribly traumatic tale. (''cackles'')