!! Dig That Cat... He's Real Gone

[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/dig_that_cat.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:350: It's a living. Nine to be exact.]]

->'''Crypt Keeper:''' (''lighting a candle'') Good evening, fiend fans, and welcome to my crawly crypt. This little drama is about one of life's unexpected pleasures: '''dying''', that is. Most of us only get to do it once, and it's all over before you can ''really'' enjoy it. But one man ''did'' get to die again. And he liked it so much, he started doing it for a ''living''. This is the story of Ulric the Undying, a sideshow performer who found death not only fun, but ''profitable.'' In fact, he's ''dying'' to put on a show for you... '''right now!'''

At a carnival sideshow, the barker/owner (Creator/RobertWuhl) presents "Ulric the Undying" (Creator/JoePantoliano), a performer who will be BuriedAlive for 12 hours. After he is buried, Ulric speaks to the viewers, noting that he'll die, but won't stay dead.

Ulric then flashes back to when his career first started, back when he was a homeless bum sleeping in a cardboard box. A MadScientist, Dr. Emil Manfred (Gustav Vintas), approaches the slumbering Ulric and pays him a large sum of money to take part in an experimental surgery. Dr. Manfred explains how he discovered that cats possess a unique gland in their brains which gives them [[CatsHaveNineLives their infamous nine lives]], and intends to surgically graft one of these glands into a human subject's brain to give them limited immortality. Ulric awakens from the operation to find it was a complete success, albeit at the expense of a cat's life. As a final test, Manfred shoots and kills Ulric, who revives almost instantly and becomes convinced that he's been given the opportunity to cheat death.

Needing more funds for his research, Manfred persuades Ulric to join the local sideshow and turn over a portion of his earnings to him. During his first show, he is submerged in a [[DrowningPit tank of water]] for a full hour, reviving after initially sitting motionless for a few minutes once the tank is drained. The spectacle draws the attention of a showgirl named Coralee (Creator/KathleenYork), and the two begin a relationship, with Coralee assisting Ulric in his next show - death by hanging.

Deciding that he no longer wants to split the take with the doctor, Ulric crashes his car while driving Manfred across town, killing both of them. Ulric comes back to life and avoids suspicion, but his next show (an electrocution) is a close call, as he revives only as coroners are about to embalm him. In the show after this, Ulric sets himself up as a target for customers to shoot in the heart with a crossbow at $1,000 per shot. He gets an arrow through the heart and dies, but arranges for Coralee to bribe the police so she can keep his body long enough for him to revive.

Sometime later, Coralee stabs Ulric to death and flees with all his money, and once he revives, the incensed Ulric blackmails the barker into letting him have all the profits from his last show, the live burial shown at the start of the episode. Once in the coffin, Ulric reflects on his career as "the Undying", thinking that this show will set him up for life and wishing that Manfred's cat didn't have to die in order to make it possible.

Then, in a harrowing realization, [[ExplainExplainOhCrap he remembers that the cat's death used up one of its nine lives - leaving him with only EIGHT after the gland transplant.]] Having died a combined seven times (shooting, drowning, hanging, car crash, electrocution, crossbow, stabbing), he is down to his last life and will not revive this time. He frantically pounds on the coffin's lid and screams to be let out, but no one can hear him. A pair of workers claim to hear something, but they write it off as a stray cat as Ulric suffocates to death. After his death, a stray cat is shown sitting on Ulric's makeshift grave.

!! Tropes:
* AbusiveParents: A father at the carnival tries to goad his son into shooting Ulric when he clearly doesn't want to. When he fumbles the shot, the dad accuses the son of missing on purpose and rebukes him for being a softie.
* AdaptationalNiceGuy: In the show, Dr. Manfred is shocked and terrified as Ulric kills him in the car crash. In the comic, the doc had a strange smile on his face before he died, implying he knew about Ulric actually having eight lives instead of nine and knows Ulric just screwed himself over at least a bit, which Ulric noted in his dying words.
* AlasPoorYorick: The Crypt Keeper does this during his closing scene, reflecting on Ulric's fate.
* AmusementParkOfDoom: Downplayed. The carnival Ulric works in appears to be relatively decent, all things considered, being staffed with a variety of entertainers, having no shortage of merchandise to sell, and the barker is very good at his job. But one has to question the ethical value of killing a man for peoples' entertainment, regardless of him coming back to life.
* AssholeVictim: Even if he did feel a little bad for killing Manfred, Ulric definitely got what he deserved for his greed.
* AttackOnTheHeart: Ulric's sixth death involves standing behind a moving cutout of a bear with a hole cut out right above his ticker, where guests can pay a whole grand for one crossbow bolt to shoot him with. The guest who finally nails him is stated to be an archery champion at a state fair.
* BigNo: Ulric, when Dr. Manfred tests to see if his surgery worked by shooting him. When Ulric revives, he wakes up screaming it again.
* {{Blackmail}}: Ulric threatens the barker with dropping out of his final performance unless he's given all the profits.
* BreakingTheFourthWall: Ulric does this through the episode.
* BuriedAlive: Ulric's last death involves him being buried alive for twelve hours. Only after he finishes [[BreakingTheFourthWall narrating his life story to the audience]] does he realize that he has made a fatal miscalculation, and he only had ''eight'' lives (the death of the cat that gave him his gland counting as the first one) instead of nine. He starts pounding on the coffin, but by then, he's too deep underground for anyone to hear him.
* CatsHaveNineLives: Indeed they do, as a result of a specific gland in their brains. With Ulric's "assistance", Dr. Manfred figures out how to graft the gland into a person's brain and give them the ability of temporary immortality. All goes smoothly, except that the cat loses one life in the process.
* ChekhovsGun: After Ulric's surgery, we see Manfred's dead cat under a blanket as the doc talks about Ulric's new lives. It's a subtle clue to viewers that the cat died in order for the transplant to occur, meaning Ulric only has eight lives instead of nine.
* CreatorCameo: Creator/RichardDonner, director of the episode, is the man with glasses in the front row chanting Ulric's name during the live burial. Incidentally, his wife Lauren Shuler Donner is sitting right next to him.
* CreepyCircusMusic: A given, since the setting is a carnival.
* CutLexLuthorACheck: We get that Manfred may have needed more funds for his research, yet it's never stated why he couldn't just think of a better way to make cash off of Ulric than displaying him as a sideshow attraction.
* DenserAndWackier: With the carnival music, over-the-top characters, zany sound effects, and goofy transitions, this episode proves itself to be one of the wackiest in the series.
* DidntThinkThisThrough: Ulric realizes too late that he forgot about the death of the cat that gave him his gland, which means he's already used up all his extra lives.
* DiesDifferentlyInTheAdaptation: Well, died differently the first few times. Both the comic and TV Ulrics deliberately crash their car to bump off Dr. Manfred and died for good by suffocating in the coffin, but Comic!Ulric's other deaths were in some different stunts, such as swimming off Niagara Falls, jumping out of an airplane, or being tied up in a sack and thrown into a river for hours. Also, Comic!Ulric is murdered by someone he hired to attend his body after killing Dr. Manfred, while in the TV version, it's Coralee that does him in.
* DramaticIrony: Ulric's pleas to be let out of his coffin are intercut with two carnival workers discussing the stunt, with one absolutely certain this is all fake and that no one is in any danger of dying.
* DrowningPit: Ulric's first show/second death, where he's chained up Houdini-style inside a tank that fills with water.
* DumbBlonde: Averted with Coralee, the carnival showgirl Ulric falls in love with. While she ''does'' have the mannerisms and personality of said trope, she's a natural redhead whose blonde hair is a wig.
* DyingCandle: As Ulric suffocates, the candle in his coffin goes out.
* EvilOldFolks: That old lady was '''way''' too eager to fry Ulric in his fifth death...
* ExplainExplainOhCrap: The episode ends with Ulric (having been BuriedAlive for his final stunt) bemusing on how when he's dug up, he's going to be set for life. He also sadly remarks on the fate of the cat that originally owned his gland. Said fate being that it died, meaning it '''lost a life'''. Ulric realizes all too late that he only had ''eight'' lives, and that he's going to die ''permanently'' in this last stunt.
* FlashbackMontageRealization: Ulric expressing regret over how Manfred's cat causes him to think back to its body after the operation, and realizing the horrible truth.
* GoldDigger: Really, why else would Coralee want to be with Ulric? Certainly not for his "charming" personality.
* HighVoltageDeath: Ulric's fifth death is an electrocution, where a little old lady in the audience wins a raffle to throw the switch. It takes him quite a bit longer to revive from this death compared to the others, popping back up as he's on a slab in the morgue and frightening the hell out of the coroners.
* HopeSpot: As Ulric panics over his impending fate, one of the carnival workers thinks that he heard something. He and his buddy agree that it was just a cat and walk off.
* HowWeGotHere: Ulric's narration reflects on how he ultimately ended up buried alive.
* ICallHimMisterHappy: Coralee calls Ulric's dick "Mr. Friendly" as they have sex.
* InTheBack: Coralee jabs Ulric in the back with her nail file in order to steal his money.
* ItRunsOnNonsensoleum: Ulric gets his new lives by having the gland that allows said lives removed from a cat and grafted into his brain.
* KarmaHoudini: Coralee stabs Ulric to death, and before he revives, she swipes all the money Ulric made up to that point, getting off scot-free.
* LargeHam: The carnival barker ''revels'' in ham when introducing Ulric's stunts to the audience. He's far more subdued in private, though.
* LeaningOnTheFourthWall: When giving Ulric his cut for the crossbow stunt, the barker mentions one of the checks is from Creator/{{HBO}} (the show's network).
* MadScientist: Dr. Manfred, who manages to discover the secret of (limited) immortality through cats.
* MundaneUtility: Once he finds out that he has the ability to temporarily return from the dead, Ulric and Manfred quickly sell the former out as a carnival attraction.
* NightmareFetishist: A huge number of people come to the carnival to watch Ulric be killed multiple times.
* NothingPersonal: Coralee says this while pocketing all of Ulric's money and stabbing him to death. Ulric, of course, doesn't feel the same.
* OhCrap: Ulric, by the episode's end, when he does the math and realizes he doesn't have any more lives left.
* PetTheDog: While reflecting on the episode's events, Ulric wishes that Manfred's cat didn't have to die in order to make his career as "The Undying" possible.
* ReedRichardsIsUseless: Obviously, the nine lives treatment is best put to use in show business. It's not like there are any aging billionaires out there who would pay through the nose for a guarantee that they'd survive their next eight heart attacks. And of course, the military would have no interest in soldiers that the enemy would have to kill eight times before they died. [[SarcasmMode Nope -- sideshows, that's where it's at.]]
* ResurrectiveImmortality: Cats actually can return to life nine times, thanks to a unique gland in their brains. Ulric has one of these glands grafted into his own brain, giving him the temporary ability to return from the dead.
* ShootingGallery: Ulric's sixth death has him hide behind a cardboard cut out of a bear, where contestants are challenged to shoot him in the heart with a crossbow.
* ShoutOut:
** The sailor who doesn't have enough cash to shoot Ulric in the heart is called "ComicStrip/{{Popeye}}" as he's ushered away.
** The barker calls Manfred [[Film/DrStrangelove "Strangelove"]] as the latter explains Ulric's abilities to him.
* TheStinger: After the candle goes out on Ulric's frantic banging, we get a brief shot of a cat standing over his grave.
* TooDumbToLive: If Ulric wasn't so blinded by greed, he could've at least kept Dr. Manfred alive. That way, once the remaining lives run out, he could just get the doc to experiment on another cat to gain more lives.
* VillainProtagonist: Ulric is ''not'' the kind of character to root for, given how he's willing to kill for the sake of making a profit.
* WholeEpisodeFlashback: The whole episode has Ulric flashing back to the day he first got his new lives.
* YouHaveOutlivedYourUsefulness: Ulric decides that he doesn't want to split his earnings from the sideshow with Dr. Manfred anymore, so he kills them both in a car crash. Of course, while Ulric gets better, Manfred does not.
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->'''Crypt Keeper:''' (''petting the cat that sat on Ulric's grave'') There, there. Nice kitty. GET! (''the cat leaves; he cackles'') Hope you enjoyed our little bedtime story, kids. (''picks up a skull'') Alas, poor Ulric, missed a bet. Though '''''Dying''''' ''for Dollars'' could have been a popular game show. They could have put it in between ''Wheel of'' '''''Misfortune''''' and the ''Newly-'''''''Dead''''' ''Game''. Unless they ''buried it'' in the wrong time slot! (''cackles'')