Major Monogram is home sick, so Carl decides to visit and tell him the story of ''Excaliferb'' from a book.

The result? A tale of how Phineas and Ferbalot go on a quest to defeat the evil wizard Malifishmertz.

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!! Tropes:
* AbsentMindedProfessor: Baljeetolas may have devised the concept of logic, but he constantly forgets where he put his bow (by the booth) and arrows (bathroom).
* AllForNothing: The quest for the sword Excaliferb is ultimately pointless, as [[NegatedMomentOfAwesome it ends up breaking before it can be used]] and contributes nothing to resolve the conflict.
* AllThereInTheScript: Linda's counterpart in this story is named "Linderella", which is only mentioned in the closing credits.
* AnachronismStew: Coffee, taco salad and canned meat are present in the story, which is supposedly set in Medieval Times. Justified as it's a story.
* AndYouWereThere: Several characters appear in the story.
** Phineas and Ferb as Phineas and Ferbalot
** Candace as Candavere
** Mom as Linderella
** Dad as Lawrence the Humble Antique Dealer
** Isabella as Isabelle, the Water Sprite
** Buford as Bufarvalus the Wind-lord
** Baljeet as Baljeetolas of the Nerdling Realm
** Doofenshmirtz as Malifishmertz
** Perry as Parable the Dragonpus/Sir P
** Major Monogram as Monopunzel
** Vanessa as the Lady of the Puddle
** Charlene as the Lady of the Lake
** Poofenplotz as the Keeper of the Bridge of Comprehension
** Norm as the Lawn Gnorme
** Jeremy as Jeremiad
** The Fireside Girls as Isabelle's sister water sprites
** Of course, Carl attempts to insert himself into the story as Carl the Red-Headed Paladin from the Land of Internius
** Also, Candavere writes to Stachelda (Stacy)
* AntiClimax: The final battle with Malifishmertz ends very suddenly with the two sides abruptly drafting a peace accord out of nowhere. Monogram is in disbelief that [[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer it actually happens that way]].
* ButHeSoundsHandsome: Monogram takes a real liking to his counterpart in the story and asks if we get to see more of him. Carl informs him that he only appears in that one scene and Monogram grumbles in disappointment.
* TheCavalry: {{Subverted|Trope}}. Carl tries to [[HerCodeNameWasMarySue insert himself in the story to save everybody]], but Monogram forces him to tell the tale as it's written.
* ChangeTheUncomfortableSubject: At the beginning of the second act, Carl returns to Monogram's bedside saying his wife made two sandwiches, and Carl ate both of them. Monogram wants to know if she made one for him. But Carl instead resumes the story.
-->'''Monogram''': Carl, did you eat my sandwich?\\
'''Carl''': (reading) "As our heroes fell, doubt swept through the—"\\
'''Monogram''': Carl, you ate my sandwich!\\
'''Carl''': Do you wanna hear this or not, sir?\\
'''Monogram''': Okay.
* ChekhovsGun: The transformation potions that Phineas and Ferbalot were making at the beginning of the story.
* {{Cliffhanger}}: The first act ends with the kids falling off an actual cliff, with Carl telling Major Monogram that they need to take a break.
--> '''Monogram:''' Bad time for that. You totally left me hanging in that cliff scene.\\
'''Carl:''' [[LampshadeHanging That's kind of the point, sir.]]\\
'''Monogram:''' Oh, I see. Very clever.
* ContinuityNod: On Monogram's wall is hanging a diploma from "The Academy", which Monogram had first mentioned in "Get That Bigfoot Outta My Face!". Yes, that appears to be its actual name.
* CuttingTheKnot: Instead of answering the Bridge Troll's riddle to earn the right to cross her bridge, Phineas and Ferb's gang just walk through the shallow river that the bridge runs over.
* DidntThinkThisThrough: Malifishmertz tries to use a wicker cage to imprison ple the Dragonpus. Obviously, Parable just burns his way out.
* {{Dissimile}}: When Baljeetolas tells Bufavulous about a new concept he theorized called "logic", Bufavulous asks if it is anything like hysterical hearsay. Baljeetolas says yes... "In that it is the exact opposite of that".
* ElvesVersusDwarves: Subverted. Not only are Baljeetolas and Bufavulous, an elf and dwarf respectively, on the same side, but their relationship appears to be less vitriolic than that of their human counterparts.
* FlatEarthAtheist: Malifishmertz, in an OrphanedPunchline, relates to Parable the Dragonpus as to why he believes the Earth is flat.
* FloweryElizabethanEnglish:
** Candavere is introduced speaking this way, but she drops it when she takes too long to get to her point.
--->'''Candavere''': This is a most inopportune time for your infernal hijinks, and for once our sad sweet mother will be heralded to your inpropri- Argh, I can't talk like this anymore! You guys are so busted! Mom!
** Isabelle the Water Sprite also asks Phineas and Ferbalot, "What art thou doing?"
* FoodAsBribe: Baljeetolas gets Bufavulous to cross the swamp by telling him Phineas has pie, after his attempt to use logic fails.
* FramingDevice: The story of "Excaliferb", the main meat of the episode, is being told by Carl to a sick Major Monogram. The episode occasionally cuts back to the two for some jokes and commentary.
* GeniusBonus: The Keeper of the Bridge of Comprehension gives various rules about her riddles, including that they must be answered in haiku form. Before crossing the shallow water under the bridge, Baljeetolas says to her, "Just for the record / The answer to your riddle / Is an egg. Bye, now!" The bridgekeeper is angry, but then she counts the syllables on her fingers, "Just-for-the-re-cord-the-an-swer-to-your-rid-dle-is-an-egg-bye-now" to confirm it ''was'' a haiku.
* HerCodeNameWasMarySue: Carl tries to insert himself into the story he's narrating so he can be the hero and save everyone. Major Monogram quickly puts a stop to it.
-->'''Monogram''': Carl!
-->'''Carl''': Sir, you're crushing my spirit!
-->'''Monogram''': Yes. Yes, I am.
* HeroOfAnotherStory: While Phineas and Ferb are talking to the Lady of the Puddle, King Arthur is receiving Excalibur from the Lady of the Lake.
* {{Irony}}: Malifishmertz seems to be the inventor of the lawn gnomes, one of the things that present day Doofenshmirtz hates most. (Although this is just a story, so it's probably not real.)
* ItsTheBestWhateverEver: "And everyone in the village agreed it was the best Midsummer-Woad-Gathering-Harvest-Bonfire's Eve ever. Certainly the first one to have ten thousand monsters."
* JumpOffABridgeRebuttal: This exchange between Bufavulous and Baljeetolas:
-->'''Bufavulous:''' Mother always said if all the other kids were jumping off a cliff, I should do it too.\\
'''Baljeetolas:''' Your mother said that?\\
'''Bufavulous:''' She was not a nurturer.
* JustSoStory: Turns out that Stonehenge was actually petrified meatlings that toppled over.
* {{Ladyella}}: Linda's counterpart in the story is "Linderella".
* LettingTheAirOutOfTheBand: Happens twice: once when Carl tries to insert himself into the story, and again when Carl tells Major Monogram how the story actually ends.
* MedievalPrehistory: Parodied. Phineas rides on an ''Ornimegalonyx'' (giant stilt-legged owl), and a ''Pteranodon'' is seen alongside the ten thousand monsters.
* NoodleImplements: Malifishmertz's story on how he's taking over the Tri-Kingdom Area isn't heard in its entirety because he's [[ItMakesSenseInContext walking down a spiral staircase that mostly surrounded by walls]], but apparently it involves the biggest raspberry that he'd ever seen and an incident where he had a gag over his mouth.
* OurManticoresAreSpinier: At one point Phineas turns himself into a manticore, one with a lion head instead of a human one.
* OverlyLongGag: The Evil Jingle: "Malifishmertz Evil Incorporated butnotreallyacorporationbecausecorporationshaventbeeninventedyetsoitsmorelikeaguildoratradesmanassociatioooooooooooon...."
* PlanBResolution: With Excaliferb having fallen apart, the heroes must rely on Phineas and Ferbalot's shapeshifting potions and the 10,000 monsters they found in the cave.
* {{Pun}}: Bufarvolous informs the merry band that the pub is filled with spies, pointing out to one that looks like a shepherd. He explains that he is a "shepherd spy, the worst kind", an obvious play on "shepherd's pie".
* RainOfSomethingUnusual: Phineas and Ferbalot notice that there's something fishy about the rain - it's raining actual fish.
* RousingSpeech: Ferbalot attempts to give one to Malifishmertz upon producing the sword. It is the second longest speech that Ferb has given, after the one in "[[Recap/PhineasAndFerbTheLizardWhisperer The Lizard Whisperer]]". Also serves as FailedAttemptAtDrama.
-->'''Ferbalot''': Behold, Evil Wizard Malifishmertz, I hold the sword Excaliferb. This mystical vorpal blade was given to me by the Lady of the Puddle. Get a good look at it, for it's the instrument of your demise! ''(The blade of the sword falls off.)'' Well, uh, okay. So big deal. The end's come off.
* RunningGag: Oh, wait! He's up aGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!!!
* SadlyMythtaken: Phineas warns Candavere not to look at Ferbalot as a gorgon or else she'll turn to stone, but he should have said the same thing when Ferbalot turned into a cockatrice.
* SequelHook: During the bonfire, Malifishmertz mangages to break the [[StockPunishment pillory]] holding him in and escape while no one's looking, "[[LampshadeHanging bent on laying the groundwork for a sequel]]".
* ShoutOut:
** Malifishmertz is somewhat modeled after Maleficent from ''WesternAnimation/SleepingBeauty''. Besides the similar names, Malifishmertz also has Maleficent's horns.
** Baljeetolas is based on Legolas from ''Literature/LordOfTheRings''.
** When Ferbalot approaches the sword Excaliferb, a sign reads "One yanketh per customer", a parody of the Sword in the Stone at Fantasyland in Disneyland.
** The ending -- which involves Major Monogram asking Carl to come back the next day and read the story again -- is a parody of the ending of ''Film/ThePrincessBride''.
* SomethingWeForgot: When Ferbalot pulls Excaliferb out of the stone, Phineas asks if there was something they should have done first. Cue several eyes glaring at the group from the darkness.
-->'''Phineas''': Oh, right. The Cave of Ten Thousand Monsters.
* SoundtrackDissonance: When the kids begin their quest, banjo music starts playing in the background. The scene then cuts to reveal that [[LeftTheBackgroundMusicOn Carl was the one playing the banjo]]. Monogram calls him out on it, saying, "Where are they traveling to, Alabama?"[[note]]A reference to creator Dan Povenmire being raised in Mobile, Alabama[[/note]]; he then says that a proper questing song should have lots of minor chords and, to make it sound more medieval, throw in a major chord at the end. [[note]] Or use a Picardy Third at the end, to put it into proper music theory terminology.[[/note]]
* TerrorDactyl: One of the ten thousand monsters appears to be a ''Pteranodon''.
* {{Tuckerization}}: At one point, the travelers approach the Swamp of Spit-Poor Attitudes, and Isabelle even says they have to cross the [[Creator/JeffSwampyMarsh swampy marsh]].
* VerbalBackspace: In what could be a nod to "the Spanish Inquisition" sketch from ''Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus'', Malifishmertz declares he is not afraid of anything.
-->'''Malifishmertz''': Except, well, you know, unicorns. But other than that, nothing! Just unicorns... a-and whales, that's... that's a given. Everyone's afraid of whales. And squid. Uh, unicorns, whale, and squid. And... And... And pegasuses, that's it! (counts on fingers) Pegasuses, whales, unicorns, squid, scorpions, barnacles, a— Y'know what? I should really [[LongList make a list]]. A-And girls. I used to be terrified of girls, but I'm sure I've gotten over that. Now it's just... Y'know, it's just a mild anxiety. So, to recap: girls, whales, squid, and... Hey, [[RightBehindMe what's everyone looking at?]]\\
'''Candavere''': (as a giant chimera) '''''PHINEAS AND FERBALOT, YOU ARE SO BUSTED!!!'''''\\
({{Beat}})\\
'''Malifishmertz''': Oh, whadayaknow? It's a... [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs uni-whale-scorpio-pega-squid-acorn-girl]]. What are the odds? Y'know, taken all together, it's more ridiculous than scary. I-I-I guess it doesn't have a cumulative effect.
* WholePlotReference: The episode, especially the FramingDevice of telling a story to a sick person reluctant to hear it, is a parody of the [[Film/ThePrincessBride film adaptation]] of ''Literature/ThePrincessBride''.
* WitchHunt: When Candavere rants to herself about the orders Linderella gives her, one of them is to "accuse the neighbors of witchcraft".
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