[[quoteright:363:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/321_9.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:363:"And kids, don't miss Santa at Apache Plaza!"]]

Film watched: ''Film/SantaClausConquersTheMartians''

This was the first ChristmasEpisode and it became a holiday staple on the Creator/ComedyCentral cable channel in the years following its 1991 premiere, helping it become one of the series' most popular episodes and introduced the film to a new generation in the form of younger [=MSTies=].

Some of the original cast would later form ''WebVideo/CinematicTitanic'' and took a second go at the film seventeen years later, this time [[http://www.cinematictitanic.com/showguide.php?showname=Santa_Claus_Conquers_the_Martians the full length version]]. Mike Nelson's Podcast/RiffTrax would later riff it in a 2013 live show.

The episode is available in the Gizmoplex [[https://www.gizmoplex.com/mst3k/season:3/videos/mst3k-068-santaclausconquersthemartians here]].

!!The Segments:
[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder: Prologue ]]

* Crow and Servo are looking over Christmas catalogs for presents they want. Servo wants a inflatable bathtub pillow, Gypsy wants a pony, and Crow wants to decide who lives and who dies.

[[/folder]]

[[folder: Segment 1 ]]

* The Mads present the "Wish Squisher", a machine that turns cool gifts into boring gifts. Joel and the Bots present their own line of [[WesternAnimation/RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer Misfit Toys]]; a pair of buttery-sweet toaster dolls, "''Film/RoadHouse1989'' the Board Game", an Easy Bake Foundry, and Mr. Mashed Potato Head.

[[/folder]]

[[folder: Segment 2 ]]

* Crow writes a soon-to-be classic Christmas carol he calls "Let's Have a Creator/PatrickSwayze Christmas", and ropes Servo and Joel into singing it.

[[/folder]]

[[folder: Segment 3 ]]

* Crow and Servo freak out after discussing how mediocre this week's film is. Joel cheers them up by bringing them a bunch of other Christmas specials and films on tape, though some of them are a little lousy.

[[/folder]]

[[folder: Segment 4 ]]

* Joel and the Bots present their essays on Christmas. Crow's essay is about the economics of {{Santa|Claus}} and his elves. Servo's essay is about Santa visiting the Satellite, which quickly turns into a gory description of what would actually happen to Santa and the reindeer if they flew into space without a spaceship. Joel's essay is about '70s office Christmas parties, full of alcohol and sexism. The crew wonders if they're all being too jaded and cynical, but Gypsy provides a Nativity scene inside her mouth to cheer them up.

[[/folder]]

[[folder: Segment 5 ]]

* Joel and the Bots sing their own version of "Angels We Have Heard on High" and receive their stocking gifts. Joel receives a letter from a Coast Guard officer sending season's greetings. The Mads exchange gifts; Dr. Forrester gets a watch band, and Frank gets a copy of ''Final Exit''.

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!!The Mystery Science Theater 3000 presentation of ''Film/SantaClausConquersTheMartians'' contains examples of:
* TheSeventies: Joel's essay on the Christmas office party of that decade.
-->'''Joel:''' Back when a fully stocked bar was considered standard office furniture, and office parties were like something out of a Magazine/{{Playboy}} cartoon. The desks would be overflowing with every kind of hard liquor, why there were gallons of scotch, bourbon, vodka, gin, not to mention Galliano, Amaretto, Midori, rye, German crockpot gin, you name it, and sexism was blatant. Boy oh boy, you'd find salesmen groping secretaries in the mailroom, keys would be exchanged, and although this was Christmas, [[SantaClausmas Jesus was nowhere to be seen.]]\\
'''Servo:''' ...Jeez, Joel, and you thought I was bad!
* AdoptionDiss:
-->''(Torg grabs the kids)''
-->'''Voldar:''' Now, destroy them! Crush them!
-->'''Crow:''' ''(as Torg)'' [[/folder]]

[[folder: You were adopted. ]]

* AnAssKickingChristmas: Crow's new yuletide standard "Let's Have a Creator/PatrickSwayze Christmas":
-->'''Servo:''' Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year!\\
'''Crow:''' Or we'll tear your throat out and kick you in the ear...\\
[...]\\
'''Servo:''' It's my way or the highway, this Christmas at my bar\\
'''Crow:''' I'll have to smash your kneecaps if you bastards touch my car!\\
'''Joel:''' I got the word that Santa has been stealing from the till\\
'''All:''' I think that that right jolly old elf had better make out his will!
** Joel lets Crow finish, but has his doubts about whether this is suitable content for the season, or a 'Bot Crow's age.
-->'''Crow:''' How long before it becomes a standard?\\
'''Joel:''' ''({{beat}})'' I think you gotta [[TimeOut come with me]]. ''(drags Crow off to punish him)''
** As a side note, someone played this song for Patrick Swayze during a radio show a few years after the episode aired. He loved it.
* BadassSanta: Throughout the episode, Joel and the 'Bots imply that Santa is carrying a gun, and that he would eventually fight in UsefulNotes/TheVietnamWar.
* BreadEggsMilkSquick:
** Tom Servo's "A Child's Christmas in Space" essay, which begins innocently but quickly becomes a rant about how Santa Claus and his reindeer would suffer from ExplosiveDecompression. [[http://www.whysanity.net/monos/mst3k2.html Full monologue here.]]
** While riffing the "climactic" battle:
--->'''Tom:''' [[SarcasmMode Hilarity, guys.]] Not since the {{pie|InTheFace}} [[FoodFight fight scene]] in ''Film/TheGreatRace''!\\
'''Crow:''' Not since the mudslide scene in ''Film/McLintock''!\\
'''Joel:''' Not since the wagon race scene in ''Film/TheHallelujahTrail''!\\
'''Crow:''' Not since the chess-playing scene in ''Film/TheSeventhSeal''!\\
'''Tom:''' Not since the orgy scene in ''[[Film/{{Caligula}} Calig...u...la]]''...
* CallBack: When Torg the robot is first mentioned, Crow immediately thinks of Tor Johnson and quips "Time for go to bed!" from ''[[Recap/MysteryScienceTheater3000S03E20TheUnearthly The Unearthly]]''.
* CelebrityResemblance: Newsreader Andy Anderson.
-->'''Crow:''' No you’re not, you’re Creator/RipTaylor.
* ClothesForChristmasCringe: The Mads' invention for the week is the Wish Squisher, a nefarious machine that takes cool toys that kids actually want to receive for Christmas, and transforms them into boring, practical gifts. They demonstrate the Wish Squisher's power by transforming a slot car racetrack into a pair of socks, and a box of video game cartridges into "underoos that won't fit for two years".
* DudeNotFunny:
** During a shot of the Martian ship in space, Servo riffs, "You know, if they cancel ''Series/{{Battlestar Galactica|1978}}'', I'm gonna kill myself." Joel quickly puts up a hand to shut him up.[[note]]A 15-year-old fan, [[http://lpmuds.net/galactica_suicide.html Eddie Seidel Jr.]], actually did commit suicide after ''[=BSG=]'' was canceled in 1979.[[/note]]
** Joel later scolds Servo when his lyrics to "Hooray for Santy Claus" gets a little too dark for Joel's tastes.
--->'''Servo:''' ''They'll die in the vacuum / They'll burn on re-entry...''\\
'''Joel:''' Tom, stop! You ''can't'' do that.
** Then, there's some strangeness involving a [[LeatherMan Leather]] [[WhereEverybodyKnowsYourFlame bar]] and some cocktail sauce.
* FridgeLogic: InUniverse, Crow wonders why Lady Momar made Santa a fake beard as part of his spare costume (besides Dropo putting it on to assume the role).
* GiftOfTheMagiPlot: Parodied. Dr. Forrester and Frank, being evil, invert this horribly. Frank gets a watch band for Dr. Forrester, at the expense of stealing and selling the watch it's for. Forrester, in turn, has been secretly drawing blood from Frank and used money from the plasma to buy Frank ''[[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Final_Exit Final Exit]]'', a controversial book about assisted suicide.
-->'''Frank:''' [[StealthPun Oh,]] [[LampshadeHanging Henry!]]
* AGodAmI: Crow's Christmas wish is to decide who lives and who dies.
* HaHaHaNo: How Servo imagines Kimar's reaction to one of Dropo's jokes:
-->'''Servo:''' Ha ha. Kill him.
* HollywoodGiftwrap: Dr Forrester's invention exchange, the Wish Squisher, wraps gifts this way, in service of the prop's gimmick (flipping over the box and opening the opposite lid).
* ItWasWithYouAllAlong: When the Martians realize that there are hundreds of Santa lookalikes in just one Earth city, Crow responds:
-->'''Crow:''' Santa is in all of us!
* JapanTakesOverTheWorld: Crow concludes his essay with this, alongside TechnologyMarchesOn[[invoked]] and FridgeLogic.
* LampshadedDoubleEntendre:
-->'''Servo:''' And now, for your enjoyment, some suggestive scenes of jets refueling.
* LaughingMad: Joel and the bots assume this must be going on when Santa meets Bomar and Girmar for the first time, and everyone starts laughing with no provocation.
-->'''Servo:''' You know, it's the little things that can clue you in to drug abuse.
* LongList: Joel tricks Frank into sending up a whole bag of VHS tapes of Christmas specials and movies, and lists off several choice titles.
* LosingHorns: When Rignar finds Dropo hiding in the spaceship's radar box, Joel and the 'Bots make a "wah-wah-wah!" sound.
* MondegreenGag: Joel and the Bots' rendition of "Angels We Have Heard On High" consists of this.
-->"Angels we have heard are high... softly sipping old Champagne... OH-OOOOOH-OOOOOH-OOOH-O-REOS... inexpensive daaannish!"[[note]]REAL LYRICS: "Angels we have heard on high... sweetly singing o'er the plains [the rest of this verse gets skipped] ... GLOOOOOOORRRR-RIA... in excelsis Deooo..." ('Gloria in excelsis Deo' means 'Glory to God in the Highest')[[/note]].
* MyNewGiftIsLame:
** "Weaponized" by the Mads in their invention, the Wish Squisher, which turns gifts any kid would love, like cash and video games, into socks, [[GoofyPrintUnderwear Underoos they'll need a few years to grow into]] and "your four-year-old sister's raisin collection".
** And in the movie:
--->'''Crow:''' Laundry baskets! Kids will go nuts for them!
* NationalStereotypes: Santa tells a joke and wonders why the kids aren't laughing. Joel quips, "We're Norwegian."
* NowYouTellMe: When Chochem explains the reasons for the malaise of the Martian children:
-->'''Chochem:''' I have seen this coming for centuries.\\
'''Crow:''' Why didn't you tell us, pops?
* OffTheShelfFX: Servo notes that one of the US military's radar dishes more resembles a patio table with cardboard paper towel tubes glued to it.
* PacManFever: TV's Frank demonstrates the Wish Squisher with a box full of "video cassette cartridge games".
* PoliceBrutality: Santa makes a bunch of baseball bats at his toy factory. Joel quips, "Oh, those must be for the L.A.P.D."
* ARareSentence: When Voldar ominously remarks that "No one on Earth will ever know that Santa Claus was kidnapped...by Martians." Joel is...incredulous to say the least.
-->'''Joel:''' Do you realize what you just said?
* RetroactiveLegacy: During the opening credits, they shout that it's adapted from a novel by Eudora Welty.
* RhetoricalQuestionBlunder:
-->'''Wernher von Green:''' Who wouldn't give everything to bring Santa back to our children?
-->'''Servo:''' Oh, me!
-->'''Joel:''' (''raises hand'') Uh, me.
-->'''Crow:''' Over here! (''whistles'')
* RunningGag:
** Creator/PiaZadora and her UsefulNotes/{{Golden Globe|Award}} (for ''Butterfly''), beginning with "[[ScrewTheRulesIHaveMoney Will you buy me a Golden Globe?]]"
*** In the ''WebVideo/CinematicTitanic'' version, Joel quips that they thought Pia Zadora being in this was pretty funny, but now he can't remember why.
** Every time the Martians fire one of their rockets, causing a rushing sound and the whole ship tilting, Joel or the bots blame it on "Lentils".
** Whenever Kimar addresses his team by name, when searching for Santa, Joel & The Bots come up with other names that sound just as strange as the Martian ones.
** "What's Vietnam?"
* TheScrappy: [[invoked]] Everyone hates would-be PluckyComicRelief Dropo. Tom Servo openly wishes for him to get run over by a train.
* ShapedLikeItself: Tom Servo's reaction to Dropo dressing up like Santa:
-->'''Servo:''' You know, he's simple. Simple, but stupid.
* ShoutOut:
** Crow is on a Creator/PatrickSwayze kick, inventing a ''Film/RoadHouse1989'' board game and composing a Patrick Swayze Christmas carol.
** When Mrs. Claus gets excited about being on television, Tom sings "[[Theatre/ByeByeBirdie Ed Sullivaaaaaaan!]]". He then follows it up with "When she thinks of the mass media, [[Music/{{Divinyls}} she touches herself]]."
** After Joel and the bots note how the Martian spaceship is apparently "a lot bigger on the inside", it's immediately followed up with "Oh, like the [[Series/DoctorWho TARDIS]]!"
** One of the show's [[RunningGag stock riffs]]: when Kimar and his men confront the two kids, Joel and the bots harmonize as Film/TheThreeStooges: "Hellooo... Hellooo... Hellooo... Hello!"
** When the Martians see Santa's workshop, from a distance, through a telescope lens: [[Film/CitizenKane "Rosebud."]]
** When Kimar and his men barge into Santa's workshop, Tom riffs [[Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus "NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!"]]
** [[Series/FarOutSpaceNuts "I said LUNCH, not LAUNCH!"]]
** When Voldar and his two sidekicks are sneaking into the factory in the most bumbling way imaginable, Servo turns them into Democratic Senators of that time...
--->'''Servo:''' "...it's [[UsefulNotes/JoeBiden Joseph]] [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Biden Biden]], [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Howard_Metzenbaum Howard Metzembaum]] and [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Kennedy Ted Kennedy]] like you've never seen them, before!"
** "A Child's Christmas in Space" is named for Creator/DylanThomas' story "A Child's Christmas in Wales", and its opening lines draw on Thomas' radio drama ''Theatre/UnderMilkWood.''
* SmallNameBigEgo: Dr. Forrester introduces himself as “New Santa”.
-->'''Frank:''' Then what does that make me?
-->'''Dr. F:''' [[ChewingTheScenery Sleep! In heavenly peace!]]
* SpecialEffectFailure: Lampshaded:[[invoked]]
** Joel and the bots crack up upon seeing the "polar bear".
--->'''Tom''': ...Oh, you have got to be kidding me!\\
'''Joel:''' ''(as Billy)'' Hey, check it out! There's a stupid guy out here in a [[PantomimeAnimal crummy bear costume]]!
** And then they agree that Torg's costume is ''even worse''.
--->'''Joel:''' It's a guy in a cardboard box with a coffee urn on his head!
* StepfordSmiler: After Crow wonders if the Mads’ wish squished would work in reverse if a really crummy gift was put through it, Joel responds with “Hush Crow, you’ll anger the overlords”.
* StockFootageFailure: Invoked. After a copious amount of stock footage of Earth "attacking", a character walks onto the bridge of the spaceship...
-->'''Crow:''' Wow! There's a ton of stock footage out there!
* TheStoner: When Santa [[DasherDancerPrancerAndNixon can't remember the names of his own reindeer]], Tom Servo wonders, "Yes, what's in the pipe, Santa?"
* TakeThat:
** At several points, Joel and the bots claim Creator/PiaZadora's Golden Globe was ''bought'', not earned.
** When the Soviet Union denies launching any new satellites, Servo quips, "Like they could afford it."
** As the Martian kids are listening to Mars' propagandist "[[InstructionalFilm educational tapes]]", Tom [[SarcasmMode chimes in]]:
--->'''Servo:''' Creator/TonyDanza is a fine actor. Creator/{{Sinbad}} is funny. Creator/BlakeEdwards makes a really good film.
* TemptingFate: After Betty says that Martians coming up to her would make her scream, the Martians appear.
-->'''Crow:''' Oh hey, I’m a victim of circumstances.
* WhereAreTheyNowEpilogue: During the end credits:
-->'''Crow:''' Santa Claus -- killed in [[UsefulNotes/TheVietnamWar Vietnam]].
* YankTheDogsChain:
** Everything in Tom's stocking consists of items that, since his arms don't work (something addressed at multiple times), he can't possibly use.
** The SOL crew initially gets excited about a couple of the films Frank sent up, but the wind gets pulled out of their sails. First, Joel finds ''Film/ItsAWonderfulLife'', but it turns out to be "the Creator/MarloThomas version" (a made-for-TV production from 1977 known as ''It Happened One Christmas''), and then he finds ''Film/MiracleOnThirtyFourthStreet'', but that's "the David Hartman one" (another TV production, from 1973).
* YetAnotherChristmasCarol: Among the VHS tapes TV's Frank has sent up to Joel are, respectively, a curmudgeonly old man, a [[InsistentTerminology curmudgeonly]] old woman, and [[RuleOfThree a curmudgeonly old man]] ''and'' [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs a curmudgeonly old woman]] discovering the TrueMeaningOfChristmas.
* YouAnsweredYourOwnQuestion: Kimar does this during Dropo's introductory scene.
-->'''Kimar:''' Dropo, you are the laziest man on Mars. Why are you sleeping during working hours?\\
'''Joel:''' ''(as Dropo)'' 'Cause I'm the laziest man on Mars!
* YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe: Said verbatim by Tom when the "polar bear" shows up. Crow and Joel can only laugh.
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->''[[TheStinger (Voldar laughs)]]''
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