'''Airdate:''' December 17, 2006

After Mayor Adam West deploys the entire Quahog police department to Cartagena, Colombia to search for a character from Romancing the Stone, Joe becomes bogged down at work, being the only officer not sent to Colombia (he was not sent because South America “isn't wheelchair accessible”). Because of this, Peter and the guys decide to become police officers in order to help Joe.

Meanwhile, Meg comes home from school, threatening to kill herseld by using a sharp, scary knife because she does not have a date for her Junior Prom (the last boy she asked killed his brother to use his funeral as an excuse). As a last resort, Brian agrees to take her.

During the dance, Brian hides his unhappiness in attending by getting drunk, but near the end of the night in the course of defending Meg, he manages to bring Connie D’Amico to tears by telling her she developed early and put out [or gave handjobs, if you watched the AdultSwim and/or the DVD cut] at age 12, and now pushes around girls like Meg to cover up the fact that she'll be a worthless, sexually-depleted shell of herself at age 19 and not even worthy of her stepfather's sick sexual advances. Almost immediately following this, Brian and Meg make out with each other. After their kiss, Brian then vomits and claims that it’s from the booze, not Meg.

After the dance, Meg begins to consider Brian her boyfriend, but Brian tells her he has no interest in her. Because of this, Meg becomes obsessed with Brian and begins to make erratic advances at him [[{{Squick}} (such as making an apple pie with her hair baked inside)]]. Feeling that he’s losing control of the situation, Brian tells Lois about Meg and how she loves him because he made out with her at the prom. As expected, Lois is furious and orders Brian to set things right. Even after Brian tells Meg that he will never be attracted to her, she knocks him out with a bag of Dog Chow, ties him up and then brings him to a hotel in an attempt to have sex with him, but is stopped by Peter and his friends.

Quagmire offers his services to straighten Meg out. Meg comes over to his house and, instead of sleeping with her as expected, he has a heart-to-heart talk with her, explaining that she doesn’t need to have a boyfriend to have fun as a teenager and gives her a book, Shel Silverstein’s The Missing Piece, to guide her.

Quagmire then goes into his bedroom to have sex with two hookers, but is put off by how one of them pronounces the word “whip”.
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!!"Barely Legal." contains examples of ([[YMMV/FamilyGuyS5E8BarelyLegal YMMV goes here]]):
* AlphaBitch: Connie D'Amico. Brian even chews her out by stating that she's a bitch because she developed sexually at an early age, got low self-esteem from it, and picks on innocent girls like Meg to make herself feel better.
* {{Bowdlerization}}: A lot of lines had to be changed between the FOX version and the cable and DVD version:
** Brian's line about Connie giving handjobs to guys when she was 12 was changed to "putting out" in the FOX version
** Peter's line about Woody Allen taking a Chinaman home from the circus was changed to "Oriental guy"[[note]]which actually is worse, as "Oriental" is considered offensive, but it's not as outdated as "Chinaman" so it ''kinda'' evens out?[[/note]].
** Stewie's line about Meg's "carpet" matching her "curtains" wasn't "in color and length" in the cable and DVD version. It was "in color and quantity" and had an additional line, "Ever see a blacksmith's apron?"
** Brian's line that gets him punched in the FOX version was, "[Meg] made me eat the hair in her pie" while on cable and DVD, it was "She made me eat her hair pie."
* BrickJoke: "Brian, I'm ready! Front or back!"
* DrivenToSuicide: Meg, when she is upset that nobody wants to go to the dance with her.
* FurryReminder: Meg attracts Brian by shaking a bag of Dog Chow, then whacks him over the head with it.
* GettingCrapPastTheRadar: "She made me eat her hair pie!"[[note]]changed to "the hair in her pie" on FOX"[[/note]]
* GrammarNazi: Brian when it comes to the "whip" pronunciation.
* IJustShotMarvinInTheFace: Comes into play with one of the jocks Meg attempts to ask to the dance and he clearly did not want to even be associated with her. While at the door of Jimmy's house, he excuses himself, after which two shots ring out. He then sprints back to the door in tears, claiming that he has to go to his little brother's funeral the night of the dance.
* KarmaHoudini: Ironically, one of the few times Meg deserved punishment, she didn't get it for trying to rape Brian.
* PetTheDog: Quagmire to Meg.
* TheReasonYouSuckSpeech: Brian delivers an ''[[CrowningMomentOfAwesome awesome]]'' one to [[AlphaBitch Connie D'Amico]].
--> '''Brian:''' You know, Connie, I think I have a theory about why you're such a bitch.
--> '''Connie D'Amico:''' Excuse me?
--> '''Meg:''' Brian let's just go.
--> '''Brian:''' No, no, no hang on, hang on. You see Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started giving handjobs[[note]]"putting out" in the FOX version[[/note]] when you were twelve and now you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body is used up by age 19 you're going to be a worn out, chalky skinned burlap sack that even your step dad won't want. How's that? Am I in the ballpark?
--> '''Connie D'Amico:''' *[[BreakTheHaughty runs off in tears]]*
* ShoutOut: [[FatalAttraction "I will not be ignored, Brian Griffin."]]
* StalkerWithACrush[=/=]{{Yandere}}: Meg to Brian.
* TakeThat: One of the items found in Quagmire during his cavity search is a DVD copy of the movie ''Good Burger''. Also a StealthPun on how "crappy" the movie was.
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