''Original air date'': May 8, 2005

Chris' teacher quits his job after winning the lottery during Parents' Night. Brian is initially hired to teach Chris' class, but ends up teaching a class of troubled, streetwise students. Meanwhile, Chris' infatuation with the new, blonde teacher turns into a plot to help her murder her husband.
!!This episode provides examples of:
* BaitAndSwitch: When Chris tells Lois he has a crush on his teacher, Peter responds in a manner suggesting that he can't believe what he's hearing ("Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa."), but it turns out he's gearing up to say, "Lois, this is not my ''Batman'' glass."
** Lois worries that Chris won't survive prison because of [[PrisonRape what they do to the inmates in the showers]] as seen on ''Oz''. The cutaway shows the inmates singing a song from ''The Wizard of Oz'', not getting raped as seen in the HBO prison drama that aired in the late 1990s.
* FreudianSlip / FreudianSlipperySlope: When Peter's talking to Mrs. Lockhart about Chris's infatuation with her:
--> '''Peter''': Sorry. Our son can sometimes be a boob. I mean a melon. I mean, a sopping-wet pair of breasts barely covered by a racing T-shirt.
* InterspeciesRomance: Between Mrs. Lockhart and the bear, though the bear gets annoyed that Mrs. Lockhart is so pushy about going out for dinner right away:
--> '''Bear''': Lana, this is gonna be a ''real'' long trip if you don't knock off the ''crap''. ({{Beat}}; nudges her with his foot) Love you.
* NoodleIncident: "Hey, if you see Arnie, tell him, "Oogity boogity boo!" He'll know what it means."
* RousingSpeech: Brian tries to give one but the class gets sidetracked by being impressed with his examples of what you ''don't'' want to be:
--> '''Brian''': Without a decent education, you could spend the rest of your life as a ditch digger or a motel maid or a hooker.\\
'''Student''': I could be a ditch digger?\\
'''Student''': A motel maid?\\
'''Student''': I could be a hooker?\\
'''Brian''': Well, no. You don't ''want'' to be a hooker.\\
'''Student''': Wow, Mr. Griffin, you're the first teacher that ever told us we could do anything!\\
'''Student''': O captain, my captain!\\
'''Brian''': No, you're actually misunderstanding.\\
'''Student''': O captain, my captain!\\
'''Brian''': Well, if it works for you, I guess.\\
'''Student''': O captain, my captain!\\
'''Brian''': What the hell. Be the best damn hooker you can be.\\
'''Student''': O captain, my captain!\\
'''Brian''': In ''your'' case, I'd get the money up front.
* RuleOfThree: "Oh I love dodgeball! Heads up!" (throws it and knocks out a guy) "Oh I love bundt cake! Heads up!" (throws it and knocks out the same guy) "Oh I love trombone! Heads up!" (the guy braces for impact, but instead [[SubvertedTrope Peter plays it nicely]])
--> '''Lois''': I know, isn't he wonderfuI? He took lessons in junior college.\\
'''Peter''': Heads up! (throws it at the guy again)
* SongParody: When Lois says she's seen ''Series/{{Oz}}'': [[Film/TheWizardOfOz "Scrub scrub here, scrub scrub there, whether you're white or bronze, a man can wash another man, in the merry old land of Oz!"]]
* VictoriasSecretCompartment: Mrs. Lockhart is able to hide a ''giant sword'' between her breasts.
* VisualPun: When Mrs. Lockhart returns Chris's bad test score and leans over to display her cleavage:
--> '''Mrs. Lockhart''': What do you see here, Chris?\\
'''Chris''': ...Two D's and an F?
* YouKeepTellingYourselfThat: Lois is doing laundry and reads a note in Chris's pocket; she justifies herself to Stewie because, "Mommy doesn't usually read things out of Chris's pocket. She's more respectful than that." Stewie responds, "Yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch."