'''Airdate:''' March 12, 2006
Peter wins a maid after appearing on ''Wheel of Fortune'', and Quagmire falls for her, which changes his sexually-depraved personality. Meanwhile, Stewie tries to live without breast milk from Lois.
!!''I Take Thee, Quagmire'' contains examples of:
* AbsenteeActor: Chris is not in this episode at all (while Meg only appears in the exploding watermelon scene). There is a deleted cutaway on the volume four DVD where Chris worries he may be pregnant and refuses to eat fish (since fish -- especially raw fish, like sushi -- has mercury in it and pregnant women are advised not to eat fish during that time). Had that been used in the actual episode, it would have been his only appearance.
* FakingTheDead: Quagmire's plan so that Joan will leave.
* FauxdianSlip: When Quagmire discovers Joan is suicidal/homicidal:
--> '''Joan''': (angrily) I love you, Glen.\\
'''Quagmire''': I love you too, insane woman I'm having second thoughts about.\\
'''Quagmire''': [[CatchPhrase Allllll right.]]
* PottyFailure: To make doubly sure that Joan believes Quagmire when he fakes a heart attack, Peter says, "When people die, they void their bowels." Nothing happens, so Peter reiterates: "I ''said'', when people die, they void their bowels!" Cut to outside the house, where Joe, Peter, and Cleveland are heard groaning in disgust when Quagmire finally goes through with it.
--> '''Peter''': What a jackass.
* ShoutOut: When Peter shows the videotape of Quagmire being "killed" by a dinosaur, Peter hums the ''Film/JurassicPark'' theme.
* SubvertedCatchphrase: After a newly-married Quagmire watches Lois's boobs jiggle: "Giggity giggity ''GOD''! I've made a terrible mistake!"
* TouchOfDeath: Joan dies when she touches Death. Moments later, a random guy from the crowd high-fives Death and instantly drops dead too.